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Sloppy Seconds: Gwyneth Paltrow Has a Cure for Joaquin Phoenix

Emily Farris — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 23:01:00 GMT

A round-up of those who are about to die. On TV, of course. [EW]

Is South by Southwest is a pointlless party? [Gawker]

Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson apparently came this close to joining the mile high club on a recent Virgin Atlantic flight. [Mile High Club Book]

Researchers say a compound often found in cosmetics and foods like ice cream could help prevent the spread of HIV when used in lube. [CollegeNews]

When we find out a guy we think is cute can't spell, we get really disappointed. Same goes for Joanna Angel. But hey, she Twitters some pretty great stuff. [Twitter]

Gwyneth Paltrow thinks her buddy Joaquin Phoenix needs some street cred if he's doing to keep rapping. She thinks he should take a trip to the projects. [People]

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5 Women Who Look Better With Age

Colleen Kane — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 17:36:00 GMT

This the women's version of a list posted earlier this week, 5 Men Who Look Better With Age. As noted in that one, we aimed to choose women who had not just aged well, but who have managed to look better than their younger selves.

Here they are, from youngest to oldest.

Aimee Mann is almost not of this earth. It's hard to believe she's 48, as she looks so much prettier than in her mid-80s pop-singer days in 'Til Tuesday.

Image: mtv.com, AimeeMann.com

Frances McDormand She was certainly beautiful in youth, though somewhat generic. At 51, age has given her expressive face far more character, and the choice roles have followed.

Images

Meryl Streep Some might argue that 60-year-old Meryl has simply aged well, just an older version of how she looked in her early roles like 1977's The Deer Hunter. She was lovely as a young woman, but she's outstanding as a mature woman. She now radiates that certain Meryl Streep something, and so, she has improved with age.

Images: imdb.com

Blythe Danner Age becomes this 66-year-old actress and activist. She's a grandmother who looks both older and youthful at once.

Images: StarletShowcase,WhosDatedWho

Vanessa Redgrave At 72, she must be taking some pulls from Paul Newman's bottle of magical looks-retention serum. Sure, she was smoking in 1966's Blowup, but who wouldn't be, all skinny and topless in the 60s with the heavy eye makeup? In older age, she's rocking a less intense, more softened look, and she wears it well.

Images: imdb.com

Well done, ladies.

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Anna Friel Has Been Getting Naked Since Before She Was Born

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 23:11:00 GMT

Forgive the silly headline here, but we must address the recent "shock" that resonated throughout the blogosphere about Pushing Daisies star Anna Friel's controversial nude scenes in her upcoming movie.

People: a simple Google search will tell you whether anyone has ever appeared naked anywhere at any time, including in the shower...

The Sun and other useless newspapers are desperate to stay afloat, so it's no surprise they're pretending the few well-known actresses getting naked in recently-released movies are first-time affairs and that their photographs/screenshots are excerpts. Gwyneth Paltrow was the first to be incorrectly (and widely) labeled a "new nude," followed by Anna Friel.

Here is her nude canon, followed by a badly-edited clip from Bathory, her latest naked-fest, and a photo from the same. Bathory, by the way, tells the exceptionally disturbing story of Elizabeth Bathory, a Hungarian countess in the late 16th/early 17th centuries and the world's most accomplished female serial killer, with hundreds of victims to her credit.

Rogue Trader

The Tribe

Me Without You

Bathory

...and the promised Bathory screenshot. Cree-py...

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Gwyneth Paltrow Saves Joaquin Phoenix's Career With Her Boobs

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 00:01:00 GMT

Joaquin Phoenix's "final" acting performance has been getting rapturous reviews, especially from critics who actually believe his recent publicity stunts are real. One writer, however, noted that it would be impossible to watch Phoenix's Letterman appearance back-to-back with the new film Two Lovers and not think he's faking the rap career.

However, the largely negative reactions to Phoenix's new music and public persona have turned people off of Two Lovers, and so producers are hoping Gwyneth Paltrow can sell the movie, in which she co-stars. To do so, they've leaked a phone sex scene in which Paltrow flashes a boob at Phoenix from a window.

It's only about thirty seconds long, but this is the hottest Paltrow has been since Shakespeare in Love. (By the way, numerous idiotic websites claim this is her first topless scene-- they aren't even close. See below.)

Here are some highlights from her past work... that food travel show not included... har har.

Flesh and Bone

Shakespeare in Love

Mrs. Parker and the Vicious Circle

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Sloppy Seconds: More Sex and the City?

Emily Farris — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 23:53:00 GMT

Ada Calhoun, from our not so slutty sister site Babble, weighs in on Facebook's nipple ban. [TIME]

We're usually all about Kelly Clarkson's girl power lyrics, but not so much with her new single "My Life Would Suck Without You." [FadedYouth]

Speaking of girl power, did you know it's Women's Self-Empowerment Week? And do we really need a Women's Self-Empowerment Week? [Jezebel]

Jennifer Love Hewitt is back on the market, in case you're interested. (We're guessing you're not). [People]

Steve Jobs is not dying. He will continue to over-charge us for upgrades, monitors not covered under warranty and warranties. [Yahoo!]

Rich, happy, healthy Gwyneth Paltrow shares her secrets for shedding those pesky holiday pounds: just cut out meat, dairy, fat, potatoes, tomatoes, sugar, alcohol and caffeine. Easy! [Us]

Crazy lady and and Sex and the City stylist Patricia Field is starting a rumor: that there will be a Sex and the City: The Movie sequel. Are you excited? We are. Shut up. [MTV]

This Week in Gayness: Ellen vs. the Bigots

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 16:21:00 GMT

Nutjob of the Century anti-gay activist Janet Porter actually believes Barack Obama will name Bill Ayers to the Department of Homeland Security and that his wife Michelle will read about the Weather Underground to schoolchildren. Do you think these people actually believe these complete exaggerations and lies or are they just trying to win at any cost?

In troubled times, the homeless suffer the most. In George Bush's America, the gay homeless suffer the most.

The internets wish there was more to this story of Gwyneth Paltrow agreeing to "help" Madonna get over Guy Ritchie...

A decade ago this headline would have been a lot hotter: Gwyneth Paltrow says she's "helping" Madonna get over Guy Ritchie. [Fark]

The New York Times thinks the Connecticut gay marriage fight will come down a fight at the constitutional level.

And you just knew Ellen Degeneres and Portia De Rossi would make a video to fight Proposition 8.

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Who Tops People's Best Dressed List?

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 15:35:00 GMT

While we were completely surprised by People Magazine's pick as the Best-Dressed Star of 2008, we completely agree with their choice.

As for the rest, well...

10. Charlize Theron

9. Eva Mendes

8. Michelle Obama

7. Sarah Jessica Parker Broderick Bradshaw

6. Heidi Klum

5. Kate Hudson

4. Anne Hathaway

3. Fergie

2. Gwyneth Paltrow

1. Rihanna

...what do you think?

Via People.

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Gwyneth Paltrow and Mario Batali Are Costars in Randomness

Nicole Pasulka — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 16:20:00 GMT

This is a promo for the television show Spain... On The Road Again starring Gwyneth Paltrow, Mario Batali, Mark Bittman, and Claudia Bassols. Yes, that's correct, it stars Food Network celebrity chef Mario Batali, NY Times celebrity food writer Mark Bittman, and who else but the lily white angel of music Gwyneth Paltrow.

God, what a weird rat pack piled into a Mercedes convertible. We imagine eating with Batali pretty awesome despite having to look at his bright orange Crocs and we're suprised that Gwyneth can speak Spanish, but how the hell is this a show?

We have an idea for a show: Nicole and her dog take walks around Brooklyn and eat sandwiches and he barks at strangers while Nicole sometimes forgets to brush her hair. What do you think? Great! Now give Nicole a Mercedes, she'll be sure the hood ornament features prominently in all driving sequences.

Sloppy Seconds: Jolie And Aniston Face Off

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 21:33:00 GMT

Perez Hilton claims to have a nonexistent sex life. Perhaps he needs to change his name to something catchier, like a symbol or The Blogger or P. Hilty. Seriously, anything's better than naming yourself after Paris Hilton.

Howard Stern and his girlfriend, possibly the least jealous woman in the world, have set a date. Amazingly, his first marriage spanned decades.

Fark reports on the recent dismissal of a bathroom stall case that should have Larry Craig shuffling for joy... the case has been partially dismissed.

A recent episode of UK's Big Brother sparked hundreds of viewer complaints. Unfortunately, none of them are because the show sucks.

Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie are "pitted" against each other for the first time when their movies premiere this October. Not to be outdone, Gwyneth Paltrow plans to make an asinine remark in an interview that day.

And why are we just finding out about the Jenna Fischer nude "Wire" cover, months after the fact? We have an e-mail tipline, people!

Sloppy Seconds: Ben Affleck's "Big Regret" Involves JLo's Big Booty

Emily Farris — Mon, 12 May 2008 21:46:00 GMT

A biologist who discovered a new arachnid named the new species of trapdoor spider after his favorite musician. Ladies and gentlemen, meet Myrmekiaphila neilyoungi. [Yahoo!]

The View's Joy Behar wants to feel the knob, but draws the line at licking the knob. [Jezebel]

Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer are apparently "really into each other." [Us]

Little Matilda Rose Ledger looks more and more like her daddy everyday. We don't know if this will be a good thing when she's all grown up, but for now she's so freaking cute. [FameCrawler]

Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson are either engaged or they're not. [Hello!]

Tila Tequila is on the cover of "Blender" probably because her single "Stripper Friends" is a big hit with the kids these days? Oh wait, we've never heard it. [Hollywood Tuna]

Apparently Gwyneth Paltrow is "boring," but she looks hot on the cover of GQ, even if it is Photoshopped. [E!]

When talking about his past relationship with Jennifer Lopez, Ben Affleck said his "one big regret" was that he appeared the video for her single "Jenny From the Block" in which he rubbed suntan lotion on her booty. Funny, we imagine that would be most men's big goal. [GabbyBabble]

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Hot Or Not: Skinny Actresses

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:30:00 GMT

Is a major fox like Jennifer Connelly still hot even if she drops down to 83 pounds?

A picture of her in the good ol' days provides unquestionable evidence of her basic and amazing hotness:

Film School Rejects argues that Jennifer Connelly is too skinny to be hot these days, and cites "Requiem For A Dream" as the last appearance of her sex appeal. (We, on the other hand, wonder how anyone can remember any of "Requiem," which we've blocked out like the time we saw our friend's ancient mother swimming topless.)

Thandie Newton, on the other hand, hasn't gotten the Rejects excited since "M:I 2," one of the unintentionally funniest movies ever made. (Forgive us for having blocked out her presence there, as well.) We did manage to arouse a little interest in her during "Crash" in 2005, although admittedly she was only a few pizza burgers beyond an exoskeleton.

What do we think? Are these chicks still hot, even without some curves to keep things interesting?

Check out the full list, which includes Angelina Jolie, Kate Bosworth, and Victoria Beckham, at Ten Skinny-Ass Ladies Who Used To Be Hot and report your observations in the comments.