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The Latest Kool Kid Kraze: Vodka Tampons

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 15:14:00 GMT

Back in the pre-Roman era known as the 1990s, dumb kids all over the world inserted vodka-soaked tampons in their vaginas for a serious "contact high" and to avoid being caught with booze on the breath.

The following should disprove any notions you might have about the recent resurgence of the practice among alcohol-crazed teens...

1) Just because you put booze in your vagina, doesn't mean mom can't smell it on your breath. That odor has to go somewhere... and it's not going out your ass. Science tells us that the lungs help expunge the putrid stench of the devil's brew-- assuming, of course, that you haven't resorted to drinking to dull the pain of your marijuana-clogged lungs.

2) Having alcohol inside your vagina is worse for your poon than Ron Jeremy. It can cause the wrong kind of bleeding into the tampon.

3) Indeed, you won't have a woozy stomach, but hopefully that doesn't make you say, "Forget the rest of these red flags, I'll do it!"

4) No one is quite sure if this practice, which is still popular in crazy, backwards countries like Columbia, Brazil, and-- Sarah Palin's favorite-- "Africa," is actually real. Videogum disputes it, saying:

Possibly one person ever did [that], but now like 50,000 stay-at-home moms are going to have "The Vodka-Soaked Tampon Talk" with their kids tonight.

5) As a sociological experiment, you should do that tonight. Seriously, have a talk with your 12-year-old (hell, your four-year-old) about vodka-soaked tampons and report back to us on the conversation....

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We're Still Getting It Together This Morning...

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 14:34:00 GMT

Our heads feel like they've been run over by this chimp's runaway Segway. Last night, we indluged in the Hendrick's Gin party you may have read about on nerve.com.

We can only manage this video post at this time-- be thankful it's not just an LOL Cats post.

We'll be up and running again momentarily... until then, enjoy the video, after the jump...

A Few of My Favorite Things: Quilted Coffee Cuff

Emily Farris — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 14:41:00 GMT

I like things. I have a bit of a shopping problem; in my 26 years I've acquired a lot of useless crap. But every once in a while I find a gem that I will hold on to for a long, long time. And I want to share these things with you. So here you have it, a new Friday feature: A Few of My Favorite Things.

It's raining in New York. Hard. Soon I'm going to force myself out of my cozy memory foam bed with 600-thread-count sheets (more of my favorite things... and two of the few home goods I didn't drag in from the street), pull on my rain boots and head down the street for some social interaction and a piping hot cup of Portland coffee.

When I arrive, I'm going to pull my beautifully quilted, one-of-a-kind coffee cuff out of my pocket and slip it over the cardboard cup. While it's not as environmentally sound as just taking my own cup, I'm saving paper by not using cardboard cuffs and I feel like I'm adding a little country glamour to my morning. And let me tell you, with banjo blisters, bed head, a hangover and last night's make-up smeared across my face, I could use a little glamour this morning.

If you'd like a coffee cuff of your own, you can buy one here.

Related:

Scanner : hangover

The Latest Kool Kid Kraze: Vodka Tampons

Dita Von Teese in German Playboy - the Sequel

Guitar Hero. Then Guitar Hero: World Tour. And Now: Vagina Hero!

Before Aunt Flow Knew Where to Go: A History of Menstrual Products

We're Still Getting It Together This Morning...

A Few of My Favorite Things: Quilted Coffee Cuff

Coffee And Nuts Will Give You Manboobs

Sloppy Seconds: What Did Tina Fey Lose at the Emmys?

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