Scanner : heather mills

PapSmeared: Heather Mills Will Cut You

Emily Farris — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 16:07:00 GMT

Sloppy Seconds: More Fun With Sarah Palin Affair Rumors

Emily Farris — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 21:36:00 GMT

~~Hootie~~ Darius Rucker, front man of Hootie and the Blowfish, has bumped Jessica Simpson from the top of Billboard's country chart. Um, is Hank Williams rolling over in his grave? [Us]

Heather Mills gave hamburgers to poor kids in the Bronx last weekend. Except she didn't exactly tell the kids the burgers were vegan. [Gourmet]

We imagine 13-year-old Christian girls (and their mothers) with no taste in music and boys are about the only ones not happy about Clay Aiken coming out. [People]

Yes, we were right. [Radar]

Will you buy Blair and Chuck's albums? We will not. Though we also said we would not watch "Gossip Girl".. sigh. [MTV]

Just as you should not go to George Clooney with a medical emergency (save something stuck in your vagina), you probably shouldn't go to Michael Douglas in times of financial crisis. But hell, nobody else is doing a good job of fixing it, so maybe the "Wall Street" star can offer some hope? [Yahoo!]

If what The Enquirer says is true (hey, they were right about John Edwards) then Sarah Palin used to fuck a snowmobile dealer named Brad Hanson, yet another business parter of poor Todd Palin. [Wonkette]

Sloppy Seconds: The Truth About The "Abusive" Paul McCartney

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 20:51:00 GMT

An earthquake this morning registered 5.4 on the Andy Richter scale and was felt from LA to Vegas and down to Mexico. There were no reported injuries as of post time.

Although he's charged with a DUI, Shia LaBeouf was not at fault for the car crash that flipped his truck. The other driver has been ticketed for running a red light...

PageSix claims Marc Jacobs has wed in Paris... and if you didn't know, he married...

his Brazilian boyfriend in a civil ceremony... which is not legally binding.

Other sources speculate that this is just a decoy move while Jacobs gets married elsewhere, away from the prying press...

Jennifer Aniston, Scarlett Johansson and Charlize Theron are to appear on a breast cancer telethon the night of September 5th.

We couldn't imagine Paul McCartney ever hitting anyone-- shit, could you imagine the guy who wrote "Yesterday" and "Maybe I'm Amazed" getting medieval on anyone? Now, Heather Mills' ex-publicist is speaking out and basically confirming what we suspected all along: the evidence of McCartney abusing his ex-wife was completely fabricated to help the wife's case.

We're pretty sure it's a fake of... something... but WTF is this photo Gawker posted?

You can download the Walkmen's excellent new album for $5, with all of the proceeds going to the cause of one hospitalized baby. The music revolution, indeed.

Related:

While You Were Sleeping: Madonna's Breakdown?

Sloppy Seconds: Brad and Angelina and the French Brawl

We Do Not Want to Meet Carlizina Jolectron in a Dark Alley

Hot or Not? Scarlett Johansson's Fuzzy Nipple

The Results Are In: Who Would You Rather, Scarlett Johansson or Natalie Portman?

Sloppy Seconds: Identical Twins Marry

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 21:30:00 GMT

If you've been waiting for Janet Jackson to finally dump "longtime love" Jermaine Dupri... well, keep waiting.

Donald Trump sure knows how to pick him. At least when it comes to models. As for co-hosts on his reality show, we have to question the choice of Heather Mills, for any reason.

Boy George can't get a visa. Maybe that's why he wants Obama to be President.

Remember the undiscovered Amazon tribe some annoying photographers in a helicopter discovered? Who was the the reader who called bullshit on it?

When we saw this headline, we were really worried that it was to each other: Identical Twins Wedding. Yeah, uh, the grooms must have been thrilled with each other-- wait, is this my wife your dancing with? I'm not sure, they're both in white wedding dresses. Oh well, you have this one for life, I'll run off with the other one... etc. etc.

The worst story of the week, for sure. But we hadn't heard about the 50-100 adults who were watching the alleged sex shows performed by five-year-old's in Texas. We're hoping, based on some sort of bizarre hope for "sanity" that it was just a few creepy "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" type giggling crazies who were behind this. Scary.

Sloppy Seconds: Heather Mills, Liv Tyler, and... Roseanne Barr?!

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 09 May 2008 21:33:00 GMT

Facebook is causing all sort of problems in England: first, a bunch of crazy water-fight participants destroyed a famous garden; more importantly, an ex-girlfriend broke into her guy's account and wrote all about his douchebaggery.

Liv Tyler is getting divorced. Liv, you can message us through Facebook anytime.

The McGreevey's finally settled their custody battle. We'll resist the temptation to make any jokes about their multiple fathers, orgies, sex with staff members, and any other crimes we've already covered exhaustively.

Heather Mills is going to pursue a spot on "Celebrity: Apprentice." We've never so badly wanted that show to be canceled...

Hugh Hefner wants Miley Cyrus or whatever her name is to appear in Playboy. When she's legal, of course. Sorry, Hugh, but we've already seen more of her, the Olsen twins, and Suri Cruise than we'd ever want to see. You dirty old perv.

Possibly the most repulsive pickup line imaginable, not just because of the source: Roseanne (Barr/Arnold/n/a) came on strong to George Clooney when Clooney debuted on her rad 80s TV show: "You're really good looking, why don't you take me out behind the stage and make me stink." [Starpulse]

And, finally, why not end your week with a laugh, as this video does:

Arianna Huffington: Iraq is McCain's Viagra...
Stephen Colbert: I suppose the warning on that should be: "If your erection lasts more than a hundred years, pull out!"

Heather Mills is Too Good For Your Sex Shop

Emily Farris — Mon, 05 May 2008 17:07:00 GMT

Heather Mills is ~~too good~~ too rich to endorse sex shops. She recently turned down £100,000 to become the face of Britain’s biggest chain of sex stores.

Private Shops hoped the 40-year-old former porn star would lead their advertising campaign.

The 100-outlet chain wanted her to model fantasy wear and promote a range of adult material.

But Mills — who won a £24.3million divorce pay-out from SIR PAUL MCCARTNEY — declined.

A Private Shops spokesman said: “Heather is beautiful, outspoken, has charisma and is a wonderful mother.

“She would have appealed to all our customers. Men would have loved her looks and figure while our female clientele could associate with her ambition and strength of character.”

A spokesman for Mucca said it was not the right “direction” for her career.

Uh, yeah, ambition.

[The Sun: £100k sex store snub]

[Image]

Sloppy Seconds: Father-Daughter Love Child

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 21:28:00 GMT

And you thought dry humping Jennifer Garner at the Oscars was the craziest thing Gary Busey's ever done?

Check out this interview with Busey from a recent issue of Maxim, which pokes lots of fun at the weirdo actor's drug history, including the time he did coke off his dog's ass. This Sloppy Seconds gonna write itself, wethinks.

Jay and Beyonce got married on Friday. Or was it Saturday? Are they even an item? No one knows for sure. We gotta say, more power to the both of them for not letting the slimeballs at Us Weekly get anything out of this.

Freakiest story of the day: "A man who received a heart transplant 12 years ago and later married the donor's widow died the same way the donor did, authorities said: of a self-inflicted gunshot wound." (MSNBC)

Would someone please confirm that Tom Waits is, in fact, going on tour this summer? This iVoice Chat with a very drunk "Tom Waits," while hilarious, doesn't actually come from reputable sources.

It's official: Mexico has re-conquered the Southwest US. Maybe they'll burn down the Absolut distribution center on their march North, just for this insultingly stupid ad.

And an incestuous relationship between a father and daughter in Australia has produced, gag, a child. (Isn't Mom a little worried that her convicted armed-robber lover/father is perhaps already after the nine-month-old for his next conquest?) Normally, we'd make a joke about this being a great reality show for E!'s midseason replacement lineup, but we don't want to give them any ideas.

Dad/Husband: "Of course I knew it was illegal but, you know, so what."

Mrs. Deaves said the physical relationship with her father was like "a sexual relationship with any other man". For Mr. Deaves the sexual relationship was "absolutely fantastic".

There are so many things we could say here, but instead: JTUASIMM, which means "just threw up a SHITLOAD in my mouth."

Via News.au.com.

The Ew! True Heatherwood Story: Sex, Sex, Sex!

Emily Farris — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:11:00 GMT

"Researchers" have been digging into Heather Mills' past and have collected a bunch of her ex-boyfriends/lovers/etc for a documentary that one producer is calling "the program Sir Paul should have seen before he decided to get married."

"[They] have found some things she'll probably not be too happy to see again. She's tough and she's bounced back before. But she's worried this could lead to further problems for her in Britain."

While we're sure there's plenty of dirt on Ms. Mills, we'll have a hard time taking this documentary seriously. That doesn't mean we're not going to invite friends over and make popcorn and yell things like "nasty Bitch!," "dirty ho!" and "aw, snap!" at the television screen.

[Gabby Babble: Heather Mills Sex Life to Be Exposed on TV]

Video of the Day: Can't Buy Her Love

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 18:20:00 GMT

Heather Mills, nee McCartney, is the ultimate gold digger. We can officially call her that now that she's robbed Paul McCartney of 25 million pounds sterling.

Although she is in big with charities all over the world, including Adopt A Landmine, is there anyone out there who seriously believes this woman, obviously suffering from euphoria (as well as bitterness that her settlement wasn't 200 million) is going to give the majority of her windfall to charity? Or really much of it at all?

Sloppy Seconds: Little Frances Bean is All Grown Up, Brad Pitt's Little Penis, McCartney-Mills Divorce Drama, Gorilla Sex, Britney's Civil Rights and Lindsay Lohan's Boobs

Emily Farris — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 18:17:00 GMT

Little Frances Bean Cobain is all grown up, and doing fashion spreads for Bazaar. She looks great even though we can totally tell that's not her real hair color.

Our big little sister FameCrawler is reporting that Juilette Lewis said Brad Pitt wasn't much of a big deal down there.

The Paul McCartney and Heather Mills divorce drama is almost over. We think.

Gorillas do it face-to-face, too.

Britney's new lawyer feels her civil rights are being violated.

Lindsay Lohan as a nekkid, tattooed Marilyn Monroe in New York Magazine.

"Crash" and the Other "Crash"

Emily Farris — Tue, 11 Dec 2007 17:49:00 GMT

A couple years ago, we were flipping channels with then-boyfriend and came upon "Crash." Thinking it was the film that had recently won all of the awards, we watched and watched and watched waiting for something really compelling and deep to happen. Also we were waiting for Matt Dillon to appear on screen. About halfway through, we realized we were watching soft porn and we were not going to see Matt Dillon that night. We might have realized this sooner had we not smoked so much pot. After a quick IMDB search we learned we were watching the nineties "Crash," in which Rosanna Arquette plays a disabled woman who gets hot over car accidents. We didn't watch the entire thing, but Heather Mills (who lost a leg in a motorcycle accident) did and she is "disgusted" by it.

In case you didn't know why any of this matters, Rosanna Arquette and Paul McCartney are an item, and these are the kinds of things you have to say 10 years after the fact when you're going through a messy public divorce. But you already knew that.

[Via PR-Inside.com]