Scanner : hillary clinton

Sloppy Seconds: The Hipster Grifter Speaks (And She Wants Money)

Emily Farris — Fri, 01 May 2009 23:16:00 GMT

We've heard all about Obama's first 100 days, but what about Hillary Clinton's? Turns out she hasn't had time to read a single book or even see a movie. [NYT]

Watch William Shatner watch the trailer for the Star Trek movie he's not in. [Vulture]

Miley Cyrus would like you to know she's totally not having sex with her 20-year-old boyfriend, telling the Daily Mail, “I want to keep my virginity until I marry. I was brought up in a Christian family.” Yeah, Miley, so were were. [FadedYouth]

Heroes star and Scanner Brian crush Hayden Panettiere is the latest young star to audition for the Footloose remake. [Us]

Kari Farrell, that f-ing nude, f-ing hipster grifter finally showed her face long enough to let the world know that Vice still owes her $200. [Gawker]

Meet the Hipster Grifter from ANIMALmagazine on Vimeo.

Look at This F-ing Nude Hipster Grifter

Look at This F-ing Email From This F-ing Nude Hipster Grifter

I Hate Myself for Loving You: Hayden Paniettiere

While You Were Sleeping: The Fate of Project Runway

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 13:16:00 GMT

Mona Lisa from burger grease! The great smirking later has never been sexier. (Luckily, this isn't one of those "it's a turd shaped like my aunt Josefa, let's sell it on eBay" things, but art.)

A strip club takes on the McDonald's logo, McDonald's takes them to court.

You think Snoop Dogg's remixes of Johnny Cash songs will be any good?

Two typos, two accidental calls to two different phone sex lines. The first, which Emily mentioned yesterday, involves cereal, the second... Hillary Clinton.

Jonathan Coulton has a new DVD out called Best. Concert. Ever. We predict it will be a live recording.

NBC affiliates should learn never to underestimate Jay Leno's ability to draw viewers.

Meanwhile, the television company will air a documentary focused on Farrah Fawcett's battle with breast cancer.

The Project Runway lawsuit was settled-- the show will air again this summer, this time on the Lifetime Network.

And instead of beating up the fan who exposed himself to her, Lady Gaga signed the man's naughty bits.

Sloppy Seconds: Chris Brown's Mystery Woman Revealed

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 21:58:00 GMT

Hillary Clinton told everyone about falling in love with Bill Clinton. Of course, they only want to hear about how she fell out of love with Bill Clinton.

By the way, where did Rielle Hunter get the name Frances Bean from?

Young women mistakenly think men want potential female partners to drink them under the table. Got that?

Is the future of the conservative movement this woman? Whatever it is, we're getting tired of hearing that its next round of leaders are all women. After all, every one of them turns out to be a porn star (Stormy Daniels, Sarah Palin, and this Russian woman-- just check out that tiny photo near the top.)

Sienna Miller and Keira Knightley will battle for the love of Dylan Thomas in a new film. Winner, no matter what the historical evidence: Knightley.

A guy claims he successfully shipped himself from NYC to Vegas. We'd almost care except... he's a magician.

It always surprises us to see people driving along without a care in the world when their cars are wobbling violently from a flat tire. Turns out, they're probably wasted.

Why has it taken Congress so long to do anything to protect whistleblowers? What year did the Pentagon Papers come out again?

And the other woman in the Chris Brown-Rihanna story is revealed to be... his manager. (He may have had an affair with her at 16, Rihanna may have hit first, and a million other drops of bullshit that don't change the fact that he needs prison time.)

Woman Leads Cops Right to Her Liaison with Previous Victim

The UK Babies Having Babies Plot Thickens

Keira Knightley's Latest Nude Scene Kinda Puts Us To Sleep

Germany's Biggest Sex Scandal Comes To A Stunning Conclusion

While You Were Sleeping: The Fox News Child Porn Bust

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 14:08:00 GMT

If the grading system had been abandoned at our high schools, we might have gotten into some better universities.

PJ Harvey is coming to America! Who's buying us a ticket?

Who is Hollywood's most bankable star? Will Smith, followed by a host of males: Johnny Depp, Leonardo DiCaprio, Brad Pitt, and-- well-- Brad Pitt's significant other.

Male police officers were punished for taking pictures of themselves at a sizeable party-- each cop was naked and holding a firearm.

Hillary Clinton is bored, wants you to e-mail her. Send her some Scanner links, see what happens.

Have you guys been following the Duff-Dunaway feud? Us neither.

And the Fox News producer arrested for possession of child porn was actually arrested ten years ago for the same crime, and subsequently dropped out of college in Michigan because of it.

So Lap Dances Aren't Acceptable at High School Basketball Games?

Museum Erotica Might Be the Economy's Next Victim

While You Were Sleeping: Bad Choice by SNL

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 14:33:00 GMT

Ellen Barkin may do an HBO series that will serve as her revenge plot against her asshole ex-husband.

A boy opened a large birthday present and discovered his Dad, home from Iraq, inside.

Morrissey, Amy Winehouse, My Bloody Valentine, Leonard Cohen, the Cure, and Paul McCartney are the headliners for Coachella. (David Bowie said no.)

You can thank Joe Biden for pushing Hillary Clinton for Secretary of State.

Blago got "fucking impeached."

Alaska is about to be wiped out by a giant volcano. Or something.

We can't imagine she's a strong comedian: Caroline Kennedy may be heading to SNL.

And Mike White, writer/co-star of the School of Rock and other films, will join his very interesting Dad on The Amazing Race. This might actually be worth watching now...

While You Were Sleeping: Lily Allen Sends Topless Pic To Wrong Guy

Scanner Highs and Lows: Friday Night Lit

How Low Can You Go, Wino (and Us)?

Blake Fielder-Civil Sends Amy Winehouse A Pic Of His Dick

While You Were Sleeping: Zooey Deschanel's Next Record

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 14:16:00 GMT

Lily Allen's bizarre, Amy Winehouse-style rampage continues.

The stars react to their surprise Oscar nominations.

Who do you think said this: "I know people will find that as another thing to hate me on, but fuck it. I'm open to doing porn. Hell, I'll even do bisexual scenes - myself, another man and a woman, or just me and two women. I know people will find that as some weird shit, but I am who I am." The answer? Kanye West.

It's definitely over between Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling, friends. Macadams is now dating Josh Lucas.

Good for Young Jeezy for standing up to Bill O'Reilly: "I felt it was necessary."

Right-wing Democrat Kirsten Gillibrand is likely to be named as Hillary Clinton's replacement in the Senate about the time you read this.

And Zooey Deschanel is working with M. Ward on their followup to She & Him: Volume One. Hopefully, her fiancee, Ben Gibbard, will refrain from droning on in his lyric writing during their rumored collaboration.

What Do Christian Bale And Kermit The Frog Have In Common?

Today's Topless PETA Roundup

While You Were Sleeping: Lily Allen Sends Topless Pic To Wrong Guy

In Which We Finally Put The Lid on 2008: The Top Ten Scanner Posts of Last Year

Emily Farris — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 22:22:00 GMT

Ed note: Yes, we're running it every day this week.

Now that we're settling comfortably into 2009, we have a little time to reflect on 2008. And what kind of seemingly professional blog would we be if we didn't compile our top ten posts of last year? With boobs, Mormons, abortion and booze we hope the list is everything you hoped it would be and more.

Read more...

Scanner's Greatest Hits: The Top 10 Posts of 2008

Emily Farris — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 20:18:00 GMT

Ed note: Yes, we're running it every day this week.

Read more...

In Case You Missed It Yesterday: The Top Ten Scanner Posts of 2008

Emily Farris — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 19:02:00 GMT

Read more...

Caption This: Bill and Hillary Ring in the New Year

Emily Farris — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 15:51:00 GMT

[Image]

Governor of Illinois Arrested Over Obama Senate Appointment... And That's Not Even the Weirdest Story

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 15:44:00 GMT

If this is a story about the very corrupt (allegedly, of course) Governor of Illinois, why are you looking at a picture of Fran Drescher?

First, the very strange breaking political story of the morning:

An official says Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich (bluh-GOY'-uh-vich) has been arrested in Chicago on corruption charges stemming from the selection of the successor to President-elect Barack Obama's U.S. Senate seat.
U.S. Attorney's office spokesman Randall Samborn says both Blagojevich and his chief of staff John Harris were arrested Tuesday. Authorities aren't yet releasing details about those charges. However, a federal law enforcement official tells The Associated Press the governor is accused of corruption charges. The official says the charges stem from the selection process of a successor to Obama.
Federal prosecutors have investigated Blagojevich's administration for at least three years. They've been looking at everything from how he hired people for state jobs to the actions of friends and contributors. [NYTimes]

(The Huffington Post adds that he was "conspiring to financially benefit" from the appointment and for threatening to illegally withhold state assistance in the matter of the sale of Wrigley Field to the Tribune Company.)

He was already under investigation for corruption in an unrelated case, so what does he do? Apparently, it's not realize that he may have a stoolie in the house or a tap on his phone and take some more bribes, this time from... wait, how is this corruption? Did Jesse Jackson, Jr. offer him a bribe? We find it hard to believe Tammy Duckworth, the Iraq War vet serving in the state of Illinois would've entered into a corrupt bargain, but maybe. And maybe it's not even involving an actual candidate-- just someone who wanted to influence the decision.

In an unrelated story, Fran Drescher has expresed interest in being appointed to Hillary Clinton's Senate seat. We're dead serious. Here's the report from CNN, which is so insane, even they can't keep a straight face:

No, seriously.

"Fran Drescher, actress, women's health advocate and public diplomacy envoy for the U.S. State Department, announced that she is throwing her hat into the ring of contenders for the senate seat being vacated by Secretary of State-designate Hillary Rodham Clinton," Drescher spokesman Jordan Brown told CNN in a written statement late Monday.
Drescher, 51, is best known for her starring role in the 1990s television comedy "The Nanny" and an adenoidal voice that could strip the rust off an engine block — a talent that might come in handy during a Senate filibuster.

But since a bout with uterine cancer, she has become an activist for better health care for women and was named a State Department public envoy on the issue in September. Drescher recently toured Eastern European countries to raise awareness of the issue on behalf of the State Department. [CNN]

She has no chance whatsoever of being appointed by the Governor of New York, but that won't stop Chuck Schumer from breathing a sigh of relief when another person is named. After all, he's probably looking forward to having easier competition for press competition than Hillary Clinton...

Related:

Bush: "People Voted For Barack Obama Because of Me" No sh*t!

Not To Be Outdone, Sunday School Teacher Gets In On The Jailbait Action

Today in WTF: Planned Parenthood Gift Certificates

How The World Watches Porn Now

House Party 2! Is Bill Headed Back to the Future II (Too)?

Scanner Matt — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 18:49:00 GMT

I apologize for the lame sequel references, but these movies did come about just around the time Bill Clinton started strategizing for the presidency.

In a recent interview Bill Clinton hinted at a position for himself in Barack Obama's cabinet. We highly doubt Obama would let this happen, but sometimes there is no resisting Slick Willy's hypnotic charm.

As we all know Hillary Clinton is in, and has accepted the position of Secretary of State in the Obama White House, but what's Bill doing these days? He claims, "I'll just try to be a helpful sounding board to her, but I don't think I'll do any more than that," as he told CNN on a trip to Hong Kong.

He spoke about what a tough decision it was for Hillary to leave the Senate (or more likely her original strategy for running in 2012) and the challenges she will face as the new SOS.

But this man works in mysterious ways. He did say he would just hang back unless (UNLESS... UNLESSS... ) Obama "asks me to do something specific, which I'm neither looking for nor closed to."

He's open. All you have to do is say the word, Obama, and the Wonder Twins will activate.

As Doc says to Marty in Back to the Future II, "Be careful around that Griff character. He's got a few short circuits in his bionic implants."

Related:

Presidents Who Smoke: A Photo History

**Bush: "People Voted For Barack Obama Because of Me" No sh*t!**

Is this guy the Barack Obama of the GOP? Um, no.

Photo/Weblogs

While You Were Sleeping: Who's #1 on Yahoo?

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 15:07:00 GMT

Our server had some issues this morning, but we're up and running now...

A woman showed her daughter's friend how to have sex. You know, liberal-sex-ed style.

Did you miss Hillary Clinton's historic moment?

Darwin couldn't be happier: two guys stole a car, got into a shootout with the po-po, and ended up in a high-speed chase on the wrong side of the highway, where they rammed another car head on. The other car? Stolen.

Ray Winstone approves of his daughter Jaime's nude scenes (see above photo.) In fact, he can't wait to-- yuck-- watch them.

A Colorado man is being sued by his ex-girlfriend and her attorney for libelous comments he made in the Rants and Raves section of Craigslist.

A woman was arrested in Nigeria for burning her servant's penis after the 18-year-old took off with some of her money.

It's a sad state of affairs when someone as boring and unattractive as Britney Spears tops Yahoo's most-searched list for the fourth year in a row. Guys, it's time to find someone more interesting to fantasize about.

The 50 Sexiest Movies of All-Time: 10-6

Dad Nobly Defends Son Against Rape Charges... Oh, Wait...

Mom Films Her Boyfriend Having Sex with Her 13-Year-Old Daughter

The English Are Still Too Prudish To Appreciate Nudity

Sloppy Seconds: Pete Wentz and His Penis (and His Wife!) Win the Weird Baby Name Game

Emily Farris — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 22:04:00 GMT

It was. Then it wasn't. Now the Arrested Development movie might actually be happening. Maybe. Hopefully. [Vulture]

One thing we do know for sure is that Hillary Clinton will be Secretary of State. If the New York Times says it's true, it must be. Right? [NYT]

Good news or bad news? Doctors go into your head to remove a brain tumor and find a worm. [SNAFU-ed]

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz (and his penis!) named their baby Bronx Mowgli. What? The? Fuck? Is that supposed to be punk rock or something? Also, this begs the question: what do they call his penis? [Yahoo!]

While You Were Sleeping: The Latest On Hillary Clinton's Career Move

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 14:48:00 GMT

With the new Guns 'N Roses CD due at Best Buy stores on Sunday, Dr. Pepper wants to remind you of its promise for free sodas marking the album's release date.

Letterman and Couric trashed Keith Olbermann.

Does this mean there is going to be another Bourne movie?

Universal Pictures has made an overall deal with the estate of "The Bourne Identity" author Robert Ludlum that gives the studio exclusive rights to the Jason Bourne character and first look at other Ludlum novels. [Variety]

Barack Obama will name Hillary Clinton Secretary of State sometime after Thanksgiving, including to some leaking aides.

Cheerleader initiation rituals in Texas? Even scarier than you'd think: a gang of hooligan girls have been charged with binding and gagging junior varsity newbies and tosses them into a pool. What the hell was that supposed to prove? That they could drown for the cause? How could they not
prove that?

The Guy Ritchie-Madonna divorce heads to the courts today in London.

And as of 1:45 this morning, it seems that the latest news on current Attorney General Michael Mukasey is that he's "alert" and "conversant" following what, in our best guess with what little information we have, sounds like a possible stroke. Mukasey was giving a speech, during which he speech became slurred. Midway, he collapsed and was rushed to the hospital.

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Megan Fox Is So Hot Right Now, GQ Can Just Recycle Her Photos Every Month

But Of Course: Madonna's British Accent Explained

Sloppy Seconds: The Craigslist Crackdown on Hookers

Report: Obama Picks The First-Ever Black Attorney General

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 20:33:00 GMT

Newsweek's blog claims that the Barack Obama transition team has made a choice for Attorney General that, if true, is not only a big surprise but an historical choice similar voters made in picking their President...

The man's name is Eric Holder, and he is an African-American lawyer-- who has learned the ropes of-- yup-- Washington, DC.

President-elect Obama has decided to tap Eric Holder as his attorney general, putting the veteran Washington lawyer in place to become the first African-American to head the Justice Department, according to two legal sources close to the presidential transition.
Holder, who served as deputy attorney general during the Clinton administration, still has to undergo a formal “vetting” review by the Obama transition team before the selection is final and is publicly announced, said one of the sources, who asked not to be identified talking about the transition process. But in the discussions over the past few days, Obama offered Holder the job and he accepted, the source said. The announcement is not likely until after Obama announces his choices to lead the Treasury and State departments.

By the way, the reason you aren't hearing about this anywhere else yet is because the decision is not final. Holder has yet to formally accept a full vetting, which he will likely agree to. But there are reasons to believe this is true: Holder was, again, Deputy Attorney General, served on Obama's VP-selection team, and ironically, Holder has actually been Attorney General of the United States, albeit an acting one: in 2001, while the Senate debated the disastrous appointment of John Ashcroft, Holder continued to serve President George W. Bush.

Meanwhile, members of the Obama transition team are still mulling the possible appointment of Hillary Clinton to be Secretary of State. They have to ask themselves whether Bill Cinton's financial dealings with foreign governments and hands-on approach to his wife's career could steal the future President's thunder. All signs point to Obama overruling these objections and nominating the Senator.

Who Will Be Time's Person of the Year?

While You Were Sleeping: Sarah Palin Likes Short Shorts

Who is GQ's Man of the Year? (File Under: Duh)

While You Were Sleeping: Barack Obama's Big Move

While You Were Sleeping: Sarah Palin Likes Short Shorts

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 14:08:00 GMT

Academy Awards season started up with the shortlisting of 15 feature documentaries, which includes "Man on a Wire" and films by Werner Herzog and Errol Morris. We're rooting for Encounters At the End of the World.

The lead singer of the Vines is battling the effects of his autism and the band has canceled all their upcoming shows.

There will be a female Secretary of State after all: According to the Guardian, Hillary Clinton was offered and has accepted the Secretary of State cabinet post, which opens up a whole new can of worms, not to mention a Senate seat in our current state of residence.

Hillary Clinton plans to accept the job of secretary of state offered by Barack Obama, who is reaching out to former rivals to build a broad coalition administration, the Guardian has learned.
Obama's advisers have begun looking into Bill Clinton's foundation, which distributes millions of dollars to Africa to help with development, to ensure that there is no conflict of interest. But Democrats do not believe that the vetting is likely to be a problem.
Clinton would be well placed to become the country's dominant voice in foreign affairs, replacing Condoleezza Rice. Since being elected senator for New York, she has specialised in foreign affairs and defence. Although she supported the war in Iraq, she and Obama basically agree on a withdrawal of American troops.

The New York Times Arts and Leisure Weekend may be awesome enough for you to make a trip here: Keith Olbermann, Lewis Black, Patti Smith, Salman Rushdie, the cast of The Closer, and a rumored appearance by Tom Cruise caught our attention..

Here's why we're the biggest nerds: the first thing we notice about these photos, taken of Sarah Palin (allegedly) boozing it up at a Miami hotel, isn't those short shorts, but the copy of USA Today in her hand. Sarah! USA Today is not hard to remember-- how come you couldn't name that as a newspaper you actually read?

More photos here.

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Sloppy Seconds: Blake-Fielder Civil Escapes (More) Prison (Time)

While You Were Sleeping: Bailon To Do Playboy For 100G's?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 14:10:00 GMT

The newest star on Obama's shortlist for a cabinet post: Hillary Clinton, with Secretary of State the likely job. Meanwhile, Obama will resign his Senate seat early (this Sunday) instead of waiting for the Constitution to push him out.

Nebraska is in chaos, with all sorts of parents trying to drop off their rebellious teens under the Safe Haven Law.

Finally, a talk show host who might actually be funny:

John Mayer is in talks with network executives to take his singing talents to the small screen - as the host of a weekly variety show.

Rod Stewart and Ron Wood's original breakthrough group, the Faces, may be getting back together. We're trying not to get too excited because there's not even a hint of an American show.

A cleaner at a zoo in Singapore either lost his mind or was on some powerful narcotics when he wandered into the tiger exhibit. Oh boy... not pretty.

A nudist was cleared of all charges for riding his bike at night in his Oregon neighborhood.

Taylor Swift might quit country music at some point to become a surgeon.

And Adrienne Bailon's publicity stunt may have paid off: Playboy liked the ass shots, and now want to see more... with $100,000 as their offer.

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Sloppy Seconds: The Republicans Finally Find a Song

China Joins The Sex Hotel Trend

Dita Von Teese Graces Us With These Playboy Photos

Life with the Obamas... in the White House

The Election Is Over... And Now The Truth Comes Out

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 16:14:00 GMT

Sarah Palin doesn't know what countries are in North America. She can't name the countries that belong to NAFTA and she thinks Africa is a country, not a continent. Nor could she name most of the countries in North Africa. It's frightening to imagine how close this woman came to being second-in-command of the United States.

Here's a rundown of all the stories the McCain campaign is leaking about Sarah Palin in an effort to a) pin the blame on someone on b) to doom her 2012 chances, because God knows, even GOPers want nothing to do with this person...

1) Palin spent thousands of dollars more on her clothes-spending spree than was reported. She also charged some of the purchases to credit cards owned by staffers, who have not been reimbursed. One scorned aide quipped that it was "Wasilla hillbillies looting Neiman Marcus from coast to coast," while another claims the real horrors will emerge once the RNC runs an audit. McCain, meanwhile, was kept in the dark about the real details, staffers claim, since he would surely have been offended by Palin's greed.

2) Steve Schmidt, the man who proposed Palin for VP, was the one who turned down her request to give a concession speech on Election Night. It's amazing to us that this Governor and national figure had no idea Vice Presidential candidates never make concession speeches.

3) Palin refused to prep for the Katie Couric interview, did not know that Africa is a continent, could not name the countries of North America or the ones belonging to NAFTA, and on and on.

4) Palin decided to go after the William Ayers issue without approval from the campaign's top people. McCain reportedly wanted nothing to do with the Ayers, Wright, and other "smear" angles-- so good for him.

5) To top it all off, Palin greeted McCain advisers in only a towel, telling the visitors they should hang out with Todd, whom Newsweek calls "laconic," while she prepared herself.

Meanwhile, the truth about McCain's inner circle emerges as well:

1) McCain's advisers got together prior to the final debate and agreed the election was over but that they shouldn't tell their candidate that.

2) McCain still doesn't understand why one of his heroes, John Lewis, went after him publicly.

And other interesting tidbits, according to Newsweek, about Obama:

1) He considered the debate format a terrible environment in which to personally shine as a candidate, even taking a dig at Brian Williams for his "dumb" global warming question.

2) Obama's team shot down all of his arguments for considering Hillary as VP. Meanwhile, as we already knew, McCain and Clinton talked on the phone earlier in the campaign because they were so chummy, another reason to make the Obama campaign nervous.

3) During the period of unrest at Palin-McCain rallies, the Secret Service warned the Obamas about an uptick in death threats and other eerie warnings. "Why would they try to make people hate us?" Michelle asked. Welcome to Republican campaign tactics, Madame First Lady.

See more expanded versions of these at the Newsweek site.

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The Election Ain't Over Yet...

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Real or Fake? Nude Photos of Obama's Mother

The Sarah Palin Porno... Revealed

Gonzo Porn Director Slapped With 4 Years In Prison By Un-American Tampa Court

Playboy's Presidential Sex Quiz A Welcome Distraction From Boring Obama Stories

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 18:40:00 GMT

The first U.S. president known to have been caught cheating on his wife was James Garfield. After finding out about the smutty letters he had written to an 18 year-old New York woman named Calhoun, his wife accused him of:

A. “abusing the executive privilege”
B. “sloppy penmanship, atrocious grammar and poor syntax”
C. “lawless passion”
D. “getting jiggy with that tenement trash”

And so it begins, Playboy's excellent time-waster on sex and the Presidents of the United States... find out the answer to this and several other quiz questions, after the jump...

TMI, Gennifer, TMI! Oh wait, this is William J. Clinton we're talking about here... do continue...

“I’ve had more women by accident than he’s had on purpose.”

A. George W. Bush about his dad
B. George H.W. Bush about his son
C. Lyndon Johnson about JFK
D. Franklin D. Roosevelt about Hitler

“Are you prepared for the storm of lovemaking with which you will be assailed?”

A. Martin Van Buren to a stranger in the next toilet stall
B. John F. Kennedy to Marilyn Monroe
C. Woodrow Wilson to Ellen Wilson
D. George Washington to Martha Washington

Check out the rest here... and let us know how you did... and by the way, if you didn't know the identity of the President rumored to have a four-year gay relationship (Abraham Lincoln), we don't even know what to say...

Let's Take A Look-See At The Ol' Electoral Map...

While You Were Sleeping: Posing Nude For Fun Or Charity

Hey Rev. Jeremiah Wright: Your Sex Scandal Is Not Helping

Swedish Hockey Fans Bombard Player With Dildo Parade

The John Edwards Affair And Love Child Scandal: The Sequel

Video of the Day: La Pequeña Sarah Palin

Emily Farris — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 18:31:00 GMT

Sweet baby Jesus Lord in Heaven, our day has just been made. You've seen La Pequeña Amy Winehouse and La Pequeña Hillary Clinton. Now, the internets, and one very small man, have brought us La Pequeña Sarah Palin.

Related:

Video of the Day: The Only Thing Better than Pequeña Amy Winehouse...

Video of the Day: Pequeña Amy Winehouse

Sloppy Seconds: It's a Cold, Black Friday

Emily Farris — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 20:55:00 GMT

Last night's vice-presidential debate was the highest rated, televised VP debate ever. [Yahoo!]

Even Hillary Clinton had some nice things to say about Palin's performance. [Faded Youth]

And we kind-of hate Sam Ronson a little right now. [People]

“Nailin’ Paylin” is a “naughty adventure to the wild side of that sexy Alaska governor,” featuring “girl-on-girl lovin’,” “nailing the Russians, who come knocking on her back-door,” and a younger Palin getting seduced by her creationist college professor who “will explain a ‘big bang’ theory even she can’t deny!” [The Frisky]

Things are just as exciting, but less fun at Gawker Media where 19 people are about to lose their jobs. [Gawker]

Just in time for the bailout to be approved by Bush. [NYT]

An “expressionless” seven-year-old boy broke into a zoo, bludgeoned to death giant lizards and fed them – and other live animals - to a crocodile named Terry in Outback Australia this week. What the hell is going on in the world!? [MollyGood]

[Image]

Live from New York: Fey and Poehler do Palin and Clinton

Emily Farris — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 13:24:00 GMT

Think what you want about Saturday Night Live these days, but it's hard to deny the hilarity that is the combination of Tina Fey's Sarah Palin (in Tina Fey glasses, of course) and Amy Poehler's Hillary Clinton—especially when balls, barbed wire and dog sleds are involved. If only Hillary had wanted it more. *Sigh.*

Video after the jump.

Politics Is Makin' Everybody S' Crazy!

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 18:31:00 GMT

Perhaps set off by Sarah Palin's explosive speech last night, the country is bursting at the seems with political intrigue, scandal, violence, and leaked reports of a Republican party implosion...

Noonan and Murphy on Palin

In this leaked clip from a commercial break following yesterday's Chuck Todd report on MSNBC, Peggy Noonan and Mike Murphy appear to say the choice of Palin was "bullshit" and that "it's over" for McCain. However, both Noonan and Todd argue they were discussing the Republican Party's era of dominance, in a way, is finished. As Noonan put it in today's Wall Street Journal:

"I made the case that this is no longer true, that party leaders seem to me stuck in the assumptions of 1988 and 1994, the assumptions that reigned when they were young and coming up. 'The first lesson they learned is the one they remember,' I said to Todd -- and I'm pretty certain that is a direct quote. But, I argued, that's over, those assumptions are yesterday, the party can no longer assume that its base is utterly in line with the thinking of the American people. And when I said, 'It's over!' -- and I said it more than once -- that is what I was referring to. I am pretty certain that is exactly what Todd and Murphy understood I was referring to."

(If you can't understand what they're saying, you'll need this transcript.)

McCain Campaign Knocks Down Enquirer's Palin Rumor

The latest buzz about Sarah Palin's personal life has centered around a loudly-trumpeted National Enquirer story that supposedly claims the Governor cheated with her husband's business partner. Of course, right-wing bloggers, among the only factions picking up on the story, blame it on Obama:

Turns out upon examination that the story is based on an anonymous source which the paper itself describes as an “incredible charge” by a well-connected insider. The story apparently comes down to someone in the Obama campaign feeding the Enquirer a line. That sheepish disclaimer did not pacify Sarah Palin’s team who are going to make a political issue out of media bias and dirty tricks from the Obama campaign. [Right Celebrity]

It should be noted that in no mainstream news report on this story does anyone mention this alleged "disclaimer."

Sarandon Hits Out At "Whiner" Clinton

In a recent interview, Susan Sarandon told an unknown media outlet that she would never play Clinton in a movie:

"At this point, to say after what's happened to her campaign and how they squandered all that money and all the different reasons her campaign fell apart, to blame it on sexism, I find so destructive to every young girl who dreams about making a difference through government.
"Instead of saying, 'Look how far I've gotten and you can do it too,' and all the positive things she could have done, she's turned into such a blamer and whiner, as if that was the reason, when clearly she wouldn't have been in the position she was in if she hadn't been a woman." {emphasis added} Um, kinda like Sarah Palin, no?

FBI Wanted To Charge Obama Plotters, But Rove Appointee Said "No"

Easily the most outrageous story we've heard this week, it turns out the supposed assassins busted in Colorado last week were much more serious than a local prosecutor suggested. Check out the charges:

Adolf said "it would not matter if he killed Senator Obama because police would simply add a murder charge to his pending charges," according to the records. There were seven outstanding warrants for Adolf's arrest.

The underage woman told law enforcement that Adolf also talked about using "a high-powered rifle 22-250 from a high vantage point" to shoot Senator Obama during his acceptance speech at INVESCO Field at Mile High during the DNC.
When police searched the hotel rooms and cars the men were using, they confiscated meth, needles, laptops, cell phones, a black mask, books indicating check fraud and forgery, bags of new clothes, tactical pants and bar coupons.

Based on the evidence, FBI special agent Robert Sawyer believed there was probable cause to charge the men with conspiracy to kill Senator Obama. However, US Attorney Troy Eid last week said there is insufficient evidence to indicate a true threat, plot or conspiracy against the senator.

For God's sake, the man's name was Adolf!

Meanwhile, it turns out this is the same prosecutor who called a press conference and blasted an inmate who sent fake anthrax powder to McCain's office just two weeks ago. Hmmm...

Read more at Firedoglake.

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Caption This: Sarah Palin's Stilettos

Scanner Emily's Last Palin Post for the Day (If She Can Help It)

RNC Day Three: Sarah Palin Makes Dick Cheney Look Like Al Gore

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 16:52:00 GMT

Last night, we were sitting in the press section at the Excel Center in Minneapolis, wondering if the woman sleeping next to us had been flopped out in that chair since the night before. A woman with a large cup of coffee greeted us while jerking her head up and down. On stage, a droning religious figure mumbled through some sort of sermon. The general vibe on the floor was, "How soon will this be over?"

That all changed when Sarah Palin took the stage. All of a sudden, the arena was jam-packed: the concession area cleared out, the press stopped answering their cell phones, and the crowd was on its feet more often than not. To say Palin was well-received was like saying Hillary Clinton would've been only lightly toasted at the stake. Okay, that sounds harsh, but it was clear that there's a new #1 female American political figure on the scene and that, no matter what happens in this election, Sarah Palin will not soon be forgotten.

With her relentless attack on Barack Obama, Palin proved she has the anger and determination necessary to offset attacks on her ethics, family problems, inexperience, and radically conservative positions. The mood at the RNC went from fear that this was the beginning of the end to "how will Barack-Biden top this?!"

We ran into Ron Paul outside. He said he doesn't know which candidate he'll back... but definitely not McCain.

Palin's triumph was not so much one of oratory or intelligence or originality, but rather of carefully-calculated political maneuverings masquerading as a speech. Kudos to Palin for her many devastating one-lingers. Kudos to her for realizing the soccer mom angle is going to play very well, and playing it up to the max.

McCain could clearly be seen to be glowing with vindication as he took the stage. (He had to come out a night early-- after all, Obama did the surprise appearance thing last week and McCain has never been one to allow a preemptive one-upping.) His advisers were downplaying our expectations for the speech tonight, although that's utter nonsense: John McCain can real knock a public appearance out of the park if he has a script.

And, after hearing Palin's fiery words, we're pretty sure McCain's is going to be packing a wallop...

All photos by the author.

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Caption This: Sarah Palin's Stilettos

Emily Farris — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 16:18:00 GMT

Our wordless caption after the jump.

Palin Image

Clinton image via New York Times.

Into The Wild: The Last of the Democratic Delegates

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 18:49:00 GMT

This post was written by Sean Flanagan, who is filling in this week...

Finally, after what feels like months of mud slinging back and forth, followed by weeks of uncertainty, Hillary Clinton last night released her diehard delegates into the wild...

Hillary Clinton, who once was the party's dream candidate, has lately been accused of being the kid on the playground that keeps trying a little too hard to be popular and then getting aggressive when they don't come out on top. But luckily, she triumphantly swept aside all that nasty pigeonholing and came out on top at the end of her '08 story.

"The story is that we are working as a team" - Berman

As promised, former President Clinton appeared Wednesday night, suddenly and strongly endorsing Obama as a man "ready for the job."

Though ever charming, Homeslice Bill could hardly get a word in edgewise over the constant cheers and cat calls. The delegates, Democratic wives and husbands, and platoons of Obama supporters fluttered around the convention like it was the last show of a great rock band.

Let's hope that's not the case... after all, there's always 2016. As for Obama/Biden '08, they leave unanswered questions in their wake:

1) Can Obama charge forward to deal with his own baggage?
2) Can Joe Biden make any more awkward references to Georgia? Hopefully, Obama won't hand him the microphone tonight.

Think of it this way - President Barack Obama is the living embodiment of the work, accomplishment and dreams of all of the great African-American men we still celebrate today: MLK, Malcom X, Frederick Douglas. If Barack Obama goes on to win, will he become our greatest black American?

Some great moments in time to consider:

MLK JR.'s Speech
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PbUtL_0vAJk

Sidney Poitier in Guess Whose Coming to Dinner
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opuEwG0jCPA

Tracy Morgan Out Crazies Britney Spears
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2whjt_C_bP

NOTE: Opinions of our guest bloggers do not necessarily reflect the opinions of other Scanner bloggers, Nerve, or the world at large.

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Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 16:18:00 GMT

Madame Secretary... I move that the Convention suspend the rules...

With these words, a collective chill went up through the nation, especially those one or two million of us who care enough about the country to have seen it live. Meanwhile, the yakking heads at NBC couldn't shut up for two seconds to allow us to hear all of Nancy Pelosi's speech-- thankfully, some of us knew to watch PBS, where Walter Mondale weighed in immediately afterward and reminded us why 1984 was so much like "1984." Or something.

Anyway, the Democrats, with the possible exception of Joe Biden, who lost us about halfway through and then jarred us awake again with his clumsy wrapup, gave us something to remember last night with Beau (Joe, Jr.) Biden's introductory speech, Obama's surprise appearance on stage (it will be his only time inside the convention hall), and even John Kerry's where-was-this-guy-four-year's-ago fiery attack.

We'd like to know what you thought about last night and what you expect to see tonight, based on the following schedule:

7:00PM EDT
Rep. John Lewis, GA introduces Martin Luther King Tribute Video and Martin Luther King III

8:00PM EDT
Musical Performance [is this when will.i.am goes on? - Ed.}

9:55PM EDT
Sen. Dick Durbin, IL introduces Obama’s Video

10:00PM EDT
Obama Video
Obama Acceptance Speech (35 -40 minutes)
Fireworks
Barack, Michelle, VP, Mrs. VP all at podium

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Playboy's Presidential Sex Quiz A Welcome Distraction From Boring Obama Stories

The first U.S. president known to have been caught cheating on his wife was James Garfield. After finding out about the smutty letters he had written to an 18 year-old New York woman named Calhoun, his wife accused him of:

“I’ve had more women by accident than he’s had on purpose.”

“Are you prepared for the storm of lovemaking with which you will be assailed?”

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