Scanner : hollywood

Rolling Stone Somehow Convinces Sasha Grey to-- Gasp-- Pose Nude

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 05 May 2009 20:42:00 GMT

Rolling Stone jumped on the Sasha Grey-mainstream-breakout bandwagon this week when it featured the porn star-turned-legit-actress in its most recent issue.

Although Grey is a highly intelligent individual, capable of captivating a reader with her hard-earned wisdom, it's obvious no one's buying this magazine, as they say, "for the articles..."

In her featured profile, the 21-year-old scream queen (of the other kind) discussed the thing she hates most about her day job:

Sasha Grey is the adult industry’s reigning princess of porn, a rock & roll 21-year-old with an actual mission statement — “Most of the XXX I see is boring, and does not arouse me physically or visually. I am determined and ready to be a commodity that fulfills everyone’s fantasies” — and few taboos.
“I don’t need to see genitalia up close; I don’t need to see a dirty yellow couch against a white wall. I want to see something different, like this is not exciting to me."
"If you look at me and you think 'Here’s a woman who’s intelligent, cognizant and making her own choices, and you still tell me that what I’m doing is wrong, screw you, because that should end the debate.'"

The article goes on to mention Grey's ten years of acting lessons and her interest in breaking into Hollywood-- but not by doing Michael Bay-type Blockbusters. She wants to be an indie darling along the lines of a Parker Posey or Lili Taylor. What do you think? Is it too late to save Sasha or are porn stars the next superstars?

We've been reading Rolling Stone for years and this is the first time we've seen a (celebrity) nipple. Click on the photos for larger images.

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Media Fawning All Over Sasha Grey Now That They're Allowed To

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Sasha Grey Completely Naked in New American Apparel Ad

Nerve Interview: Sasha Grey

Girls, Girls, Girls: World's Greatest Strip Club Reopens, Is Hiring Hundreds of Broads

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 18:15:00 GMT

The Body Shop in West Hollywood, California, is the world's top strip club, hands down. It's not about class or style or even decent drink prices. It's about history.

All those historic touchstones were burned away thanks to an electrical fire in 2008, but that hasn't ended owner Salah Almudarris' dream of dominating the entire state's strip club market...

Almudarris reopened his club on Thursday with a reduced staff-- and he claims to be seeking up to 500 strippers (!) to add to his roster. My God, where does he fit them all? With approximately 50 girls dancing a night, each making between several hundred and $1,000, the Body Shop is small but important part of the local economy-- after all, the club doesn't have a liquor license, so customers are encouraged to frequent area bars before stepping inside.

Two key facts before we get to the historic photos: 1) The club was immortalized in that "classic" Motley Crue song Girls, Girls, Girls and 2) Megan Fox fell in love with a stripper here, as reported by every major media outlet last year, including Scanner.

What the...? Dirty old gnome, get your own partially-nude woman...

Via SFGate (right-click to open in new tab/window.)

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: Stripper Fight

Stripper Now Dances for the Lord

Sloppy Seconds: Another Woman We've Never Heard of is FHM's Sexiest Woman in the World

Woman Pulls Off Most Awesome Prank Ever: Sends Stripper To Impersonate Her At High School Reunion

Mel Gibson's Mistress Begins the Obligatory Photo Leak Phase of Her Stardom

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 21:33:00 GMT

Who is Oksana Pochepa and why is she, of all the women in Mel Gibson's life since his 28-year-long marriage began, the one to break up his happy union?

According to ShowBizSpy:

Oksana Pochepa claims that she had a romantic relationship with the 53-year-old actor and has now fallen in love.
“This is serious and I hope that our union will be real and strong and long-lasting,” she told British tabloid The Sun.
Pochepa also confirmed that she is the mystery brunette photographed kissing Gibson on a Costa Rican beach in March.
And according to Us Weekly, Gibson met Oksana last August when she was hired to compose a song for the actor’s upcoming thriller Edge of Darkness.

Wait, she's so big that American film producers asked her, a young Russian pinup, to compose a song for their major Hollywood blockbuster? Something's fishy about her story, and we won't know until either a) Mel Gibson breaks his silence or b) the men with butterfly nets take her off to a secret KGB warehouse for brainwashing. No?

By the way, based on these photos alone, would she be able to break up your marriage?

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Top 10 Feminist Icons... From A Male (Part One)

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 20:10:00 GMT

This is Scanner Brian-- and Scanner Brian alone-- with a list that needed to be done. Males have something against admitting they are feminists, perhaps because they mistakenly believe the term applies only to women.

Today, I decided to set out to right that wrong-- much as these women (and one man) did over the course of their very interesting lives. The result is pure history-filled entertainment and not meant to be definitive by any means. For one thing, Gloria Steinem, Virginia Woolf, and Sylvia Plath should be on a list of the great feminists, to be sure, but I found that so much has been written about them already and decided it was best to spare you my half-assed attempts to say something original about them. (By the way, we excluded Susan B. Anthony from this list because of her staunch anti-abortion stance-- these ten, in no particular order, were the ones we personally appreciate the most...)

Karen Silkwood. In her lifetime, nuclear plant whistleblower Karen Silkwood was not known as a feminist, but that doesn't matter to us. She stood up to those (men) who tried to put her in her place, who told her she couldn't have a romantic relationship with another woman. They told her she should keep quiet about being contaminated by plutonium at the plant where she worked, even though incompetent management had caused the exposures. But she didn't listen, even when there were numerous threats on her life. As you may already know, Silkwood was killed in one of the great unsolved murder cases in American history. Of course, everyone knows she was run off the road by agents of Kerr-McGee and/or the US Government-- although she crashed into a guardrail en route to deliver documents to a New York Times reporter, documents that were missing from the wreckage, damage was also found to her rear bumper, suggesting she was actually hit from behind. Nora Ephron scripted and Mike Nichols film of Silkwood, which was nominated for several Academy Awards in 1984.

Louise Brooks. Brooks was a dancer and movie actress who told the studios to stuff it when they wanted to force her to perform in lame "sound pictures." She ignored the "You'll never work in this town again" threats and decided she didn't need those control freak men in Hollywood. Instead, she moved to Germany and starred in the first film to ever feature a lesbian character, Pandora's Box, now regarded as a classic. Her sexually-charged performances in German cinema were all censored or remained unreleased for years. "By her own admission, she was a sexually liberated woman, not afraid to experiment, even posing fully nude for "art" photography, and her liaisons with many film people were legendary, although much of it is speculation."

Crystal Lee Sutton. A sadly overlooked feminist icon if there ever was one, Sutton is known as "the real Norma Rae." In the early 1970s, Sutton worked at a textile plant in South Carolina, making $2.65 folding towels. She soon got union fever and stood up to harassment and sexism to become the spiritual leader of the entire labor movement in this country. Of course, a few years later, Sally Field starred as a character based on Sutton's early work with the ACTWU.

Kate Chopin. Missouri native Chopin wrote the Awakening at the turn of the 20th century, and it couldn't have been better timed-- from the perspective of history. In 1899, it couldn't have been met with more of an out-of-touch backlash. Chopin's novel about a woman's struggle with societal standards, motherhood vs. self, and "the woman as property" norm took America by storm, with the outcry so great that her publisher delete the book before most members of the public were able to purchase it. Nonetheless, its "unwholesome" attitude toward sex was one of the key factors in sparking the century's feminist movement.

Shirley Chisholm. What didn't this feminist superhero accomplish in her life? (We didn't want you to actually answer that, but if you're looking for a torch-bearer, see Bella Abzug, below.) Chisholm, who would be my Congresswoman were she still alive to represent my district, was the first African-American woman of Congress, the first on a major-party ballot for President and the first woman on the Democratic ticket. Chisholm went on to receive more than 150 votes for President at the 1972 DNC. (The best anecdote about her is one unrelated to her feminism. When racist Governor George Wallace was shot and very nearly assassinated during that same Presidential campaign, Chisholm caused a huge uproar for visiting him in the hospital.)

Continue reading in Part Two.

Christina Ricci Was Born To Be A Porn Star

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 16:10:00 GMT

Don't take this the wrong way-- we didn't mean that title as some sort of insult to the wonderful and wildly popular crush object Christina Ricci.

Ricci is set to star in a new movie called "Born to Be A Star," which is about a guy who discovers his parents were major porn stars in the 1970s...

According to the Hollywood Reporter (thanks to The Screengrab for the heads up), Adam Sandler co-wrote the movie and Tom Brady is directing. We're assuming it's a different Tom Brady than the quarterback who married Giselle Bundchen (again) in Costa Rica over the weekend. Here's the rundown:

The story centers on a small-town nerd who stumbles upon a family secret: His quiet and demure parents were famous porn stars in the 1970s. This motivates him to leave Northern Iowa for Hollywood, hoping to follow in their footsteps and fulfill his destiny as the biggest adult-film star in the world.

Ricci, the female lead, is the guy's innocent girlfriend.

There's no word on nude scenes or, more specifically, Christina Ricci nude scenes, but we're guessing this might be a raunchy PG-13 that pushes the rating as far as it can go-- in other words, no sex scenes in a movie about... porn.

One more tidbit:

Despite Sandler and Giarraputo's involvement, the movie is not a Happy Madison production but rather by porn title-friendly entity Miles Deep Prods.

Via the Hollywood Reporter.

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"I Broke My Nose On Your Stripper Pole"

Summer Blockbusters Made for Women Inspired by Blockbusters Made for Men

Colleen Kane — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 13:44:00 GMT

Every summer, Hollywood rolls out more movies based on toys my brother played with when we were little: Transformers, GI Joe, Star Wars. Others are based on the comics he read: Iron Man, X-Men, The Hulk, etc. These films are taken seriously by adults. And they are huge. It got me thinking:

What if Hollywood made movies for women that weren't brainless rom-coms?

But that question was too large to tackle.

What if Hollywood made movies based on characters and toys women liked as children?

And so, here are some ideas I present to Hollywood (with the understanding that if used I will be compensated richly), titles followed by their potential trailers, trailers of course being read in the voice of trailer voiceover guy.

Outrageous: Holograms vs. Misfits

Jerrica Benton was an ordinary woman who owned a record company. But in her secret double life as Jem, with help from Cynergi, she is outragous. Truly, truly, truly outrageous. [Sequence of Jem and the Holograms rocking out on stage.] But not everyone is a fan. [Sequence of Pizzazz from the Misfits singing: "We are the Misfits/ Our songs are better/ We hate Jem and / We're gonna get her."]

This summer... Jem and the Holograms face off... in the battle of their lives... against their arch-enemy rockers, the Misfits. Only one band will win. The other band will lose their identity: either the Holograms will be stripped of Jem's special Cynergi earrings, or the Misfits will have to change their name, because it was already taken by the Misfits 30 years ago. Excitement. Adventure. Fashion. Fame. This summer...be a Jem girl. JEM. Jem is her name.

The Care Bears Wake-Up Call

The Care Bears have been hibernating since 1990 when the grunge era began and eventually destroyed happiness and optimism. In the summer of 2010, the Care Bears wake up in a world that is a much faster...and much meaner. In order to survive, they have to adapt.
Meet the Don't- Care Bears: Blogger Bear, Pollution Bear, Conservative Bear, Nihilist Bear. But in their struggle to survive, have the Care Bears forgotten the most important lesson of all? Will a world without caring self-destruct? In a word...Yes. [Montage of apocalyptic destruction set to operatic choral musical climax, then: silence. Black screen.]
Care Bears Wake-Up Call
Summer 2010

Easy Bake

In a world... one little girl finds herself in the cookoff of her life. But she's not allowed to use her mommy's grownup oven. The only cooking device she can use is...an Easy-Bake Oven. That's right: everything must be cooked to perfection using only a light bulb. Or something. In a world.

Other ideas which could be fleshed out if the price is right:

Strawberry Shortcake: The Pieman Cometh

MLP (My Little Pony)

Rainbow Brite and the Deadly Quest for Sparkles

Related:

Striking While The "Iron" Is Hot, Marvel Studios Paves Way For "Avengers" Movies

"Star Wars" Retold by Someone Who Hasn't Seen it Sounds About Right to Us

Star Wars Tattoos... and Shame

Top 5 Frantic Sex Scenes

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 21:44:00 GMT

These scenes for your frantic Friday are not of the S&M or Basic Instinct or even Secretary variety (that's a whole 'nother list.) Sometimes, you've had a really epic and soul-crushing workweek and you don't have time to warm up.

As those recent and soon-to-be-disproved surveys say, there's no need for foreplay anymore...

5. The Life of David Gale. Was it just us or was this Kevin Spacey-Kate Winslet movie a triumph of wasting our complete fucking time? Nope, we weren't the only ones-- the movie hovers around a 20% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes-- oh, and Richard Roeper gave it thumbs up, so that's all the evidence we need. And, frankly, we don't even remember this sex scene being in the film, which has to stand for something.

4. True Blood. Hey, we didn't claim these were all from the movies anymore. Besides, this show is more softcore porn flick than any turgid rated-R crapburger we've sat through this year... so, once again... that's gotta count for something. And bonafide Academy Award-winning actress Anna Paquin is featured-- so... there's that.

3. The Postman Always Rings Twice (1981) - We include this scene because, in a rare move for misogynist Hollywood, a woman is seen to be "leading" and "directing" the sex. Note that Jessica Lange demands that Jack Nicholson wait until she clears the table, then orders him to get down to business. Furthermore, she doesn't enjoy being on the bottom, so Jack will just have to make do with her on top. That's more like it, Tinseltown.

2. Crash (1996) - You've probably seen the Rosanna Arquette-James Spader scene... and the Deborah Unger-Elias Koteas-while-James-Spader watches sex scenes. But unless you've seen Crash, the 1996 David Cronenberg film and not to be mistaken for that flaming piece of tripe from a few years ago, you probably didn't even know about the Holly Hunter-James Spader scene. My God, how was this NC-17 release not banned from theaters and burned by the conservative movement?

1. A History of Violence - We were hoping to find a frantic Hollywood sex scene that doesn't involve a man doing something violent to initiate sex, but gave up after several hours. (Just kidding-- you think we have that kind of time?) Seriously, please recommend a few movies where we can see women being portrayed as normal, sexual beings who can initiate sex without repercussions. In other words, no slasher films.

Honorable Mention: Love in the 21st Century

Sex Scene From The Show Love In The 21st Century

Also, we deliberately left out the Basic Instinct scene with Jeanne Tripplehorn because it's a borderline rape scene. So, for all of you who were about to write in to chide us for the oversight... "Ha! And you thought the ice pick death scene that opens the film would be here. This is somehow rougher... and Jeanne Tripplehorn is so much hotter than Sharon Stone, don't ya think? She has those incredible lips and an innocent Marilyn Monroe pout. We kind of wish she gets to do a movie where she leads the roughhousing and isn't sexually exploited like she is here. Okay?"

Related:

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Gwyneth Paltrow Saves Joaquin Phoenix's Career With Her Boobs

Anna Friel Has Been Getting Naked Since Before She Was Born

While You Were Sleeping: Paula Deen Moons Her Audience

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 14:08:00 GMT

Memo to Citibank employees: if you receive a letter requesting $27 million for the Bank of Ethiopia, check to make sure it wasn't posted in Nigeria.

The GOP attacked Obama on the stimulus... but this guy couldn't name a single piece of "pork," not even a general category.

You have to wait till the end of this Walker: Texas Ranger clip for the payoff-- and it's laugh-out-loud, knee-slappin' good times...

Ah, young love: these days, it entails sex with your teacher dozens of times in several locations, including the parking lot of a K-Mart.

A man accidentally shot himself during a robbery attempt. He proceeded to lose the loot... and his pants.

Prince dedicated his secret Hollywood concert after the Oscars to Penelope Cruz.

Authorities busted 500 people and freed 48 child prostitutes in a major raid yesterday.

And, in perhaps one of the greatest YouTube moments so far, Paula Deen mooned her fans at the Miami Food and Wine Festival...

Related:

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Conan and Cannolis Brought Out the Dirty Talk in Paula Deen

While You Were Sleeping: Westboro Stoops To New Low, Falls On Its Face

The Very Best Thing About This Inauguration...

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 15:18:00 GMT

When the inaugural ceremonies kicked off on Sunday, HBO was there to document the whole thing, live. We saw Bruce and Pete Seeger, Beyonce and Bono, a bunch of Hollywood celebrities and even Joe Biden's million-dollar smile.

We saw everything, that is, except the one thing we really, really wanted to see...

This speech by the Right Reverend Gene V. Robinson. The Right Rev. of New Hampshire, according to his Wikipedia page, "is best-known for being the first openly gay, non-celibate priest to be ordained a bishop in a major Christian denomination believing in the historic episcopate." He is a member of the Episcopal Church of the United States and Obama's choosing him to lead Sunday's opening invocation was overshadowed by his pick of Rick Warren, the anti-gay crusader, to kick off the inauguration itself.

Here is the speech that HBO cut off, for reasons that are still unclear. It's really worth an entire post by itself.

Welcome to Washington! The fun is about to begin, but first, please
join me in pausing for a moment, to ask God's blessing upon our nation
and our next president.

O God of our many understandings, we pray that you will…

Bless us with tears – for a world in which over a billion people exist
on less than a dollar a day, where young women from many lands are
beaten and raped for wanting an education, and thousands die daily
from malnutrition, malaria, and AIDS.

Bless us with anger – at discrimination, at home and abroad, against
refugees and immigrants, women, people of color, gay, lesbian,
bisexual and transgender people.

Bless us with discomfort – at the easy, simplistic "answers" we've
preferred to hear from our politicians, instead of the truth, about
ourselves and the world, which we need to face if we are going to rise
to the challenges of the future.

Bless us with patience – and the knowledge that none of what ails us
will be "fixed" anytime soon, and the understanding that our new
president is a human being, not a messiah.

Bless us with humility – open to understanding that our own needs must
always be balanced with those of the world.

Bless us with freedom from mere tolerance – replacing it with a
genuine respect and warm embrace of our differences, and an
understanding that in our diversity, we are stronger.

Bless us with compassion and generosity – remembering that every
religion's God judges us by the way we care for the most vulnerable in
the human community, whether across town or across the world.

And God, we give you thanks for your child Barack, as he assumes the
office of President of the United States.

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Did Obama Sell Out The Gays?

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Sloppy Seconds: "I Don't Need Your Sex, I'll Masturbate"

Emily Farris — Fri, 26 Dec 2008 18:21:00 GMT

It's the end of the year as we know it...

Self-proclaimed "sex kitten," singer ("Santa Baby"), actress and all-around cool chick, Eartha Kitt, is dead at 81. [AP]

Our old friend Scanner Sarah, now Salon Sarah (Hepola) explores the death of the celebrity scandal in 2008—a year chock full of, well, celebrity scandal. [Salon]

Jezebel rounds up their top eight Lezebels (girls who like girls who are liked by the ladies at Jezebel) of 2008. We have a hard time believing they couldn't have made it a top 10, though. Hello? Wanda Sykes? Maaaaybe Queen Latifah? [Jezebel]

Hollywood.com rounds up The Good, The Bad and The Ugly of 2008—mostly a bunch of people we've never heard of, or at least pretend not to know. [Hollywood.com]

The Village Voice rounds up the worst lyrics of 2008. While we're sort of partial to T-Pain's "I don't need your sex/I'll masturbate" from Therapy we have to agree with the choice of Nickelback's "You look so much cuter with something in your mouth" from the aptly titled Something in Your Mouth, and even Usher's "You order Chinese food right before you do me" from Trading Places. [Village Voice]

Stay tuned for Scanner's round ups when the year is actually over...

[Image]

Sexist Sex and the City Ripoff... With A Terrible Twist

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 17:32:00 GMT

Robert Altman's The Player opens with a send-up of Hollywood pitch meetings, including one where Buck Henry pitches a sequel to The Graduate, almost a quarter century later. The joke pitches are cringe-inducing in a humorous way, but you had to say to yourself, "This is probably nothing compared to how bad the real movie and TV ideas are that people are trying to sell."

Case in point: this bizarre new TV series being developed, according to the Hollywood Reporter, by who else but the Fox Network...

Check out the Reporter's description of the show:

Talk about a hairy "Sex and the City."

The Fox network is developing "Bitches," a dramedy about a quartet of female friends in New York who are werewolves. [Oh, so not only does it, in a way, rip off Buffy The Vampire Slayer, it also demeans and insults women! And, of course, it's a Fox production...]
The project, which has received a script plus penalty commitment from the network, hails from feature writer Michael Dougherty and Warner Bros. TV. [T]he project... [is] described as a quirky urban fairy tale...

"Bitches" continues the werewolf theme from Dougherty's recent horror flick "Trick 'r Treat." [And we all remember how sensationally entertaining and intelligent that feature was, right? If we remember it at all, that is...]
2009 is shaping up to be a big year for werewolves with the release of the Benicio del Toro-starring remake of "The Wolfman" and the "Twilight" sequel "New Moon." [Wonderful-- now they've sucked Benicio into their remake machine of doom?!]
WMA-repped Dougherty's writing credits also include "Superman Returns" and "X2: X-Men United." [No comment.]

Image via.

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While You Were Sleeping: Kirsten Dunst Off the Deep End

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 15:49:00 GMT

A very lame-looking Jim Carrey movie based on a superior autobiography opened with a mere $18 million.

Teachers can't keep banging teenagers.

A registered sex offender volunteering at the post office is the reason the Letters to Santa operation was suspended last week. It will be up and running, in a modified version, with enough time for this week's mailings.

The brand of shoe thrown at Bush has since big numbers since the incident.

CNN killed the crawl.

Amy Winehouse is out of the hospital and back out on the streets.

Why is Saudi Arabia forcing an eight-year-old girl to remain married to a fifty-eight-year-old man?

And Kirsten Dunst is, according to the Superficial, trying "to fill the void left by Tara Reid," who recently checked into rehab.

[S]omeone has to become Hollywood's once-aspiring actress who can't keep her face out of the drink. Enter Kirsten Dunst. Here she is drunkenly leaving Bardot last night with her male companion The Cosby Sweater Bandit.

While You Were Sleeping: Scrubs & Friends

Eliza Dushku Set For Fame Thanks To This Sex Scene

While You Were Sleeping: Khloe Kardashian Looks Weird Naked

While You Were Sleeping: George W. Bush Under Attack

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 14:08:00 GMT

Apparently, bisexual men enjoy The Rock.

What are these parents going to tell their kids when they get beat up because they insist, even into their later years, that they clearly remember going to the North Pole, where they met Ronald McDonald and Santa Claus?

The producer of Don't Look Now's unforgettable sex scene clears up the "did they or didn't they" debate:

“My company had made it and it was the most beautiful lovemaking scene with Donald Sutherland [and Julie Christie.]

“[It was] beautiful visually and beautiful emotionally because it is in fact about a married couple who have gone through a terrible tragedy and they are trying to get themselves back together so it was a very strong, important part of the picture.”

However, Deeley insisted that contrary to popular belief Sutherland and Christie were merely acting.

As usual, Hollywood's shitty fare fell flat on its face at the box office this weekend.

At 33, Tara Reid finally checked into rehab.

A teenage girl had her party crashed by an obnoxious Facebook group. On the plus side, it might lead to a modeling contract for her.

And George Bush was nearly assaulted by two flying shoes at a press conference. They were thrown by an Iraqi journalist, who said something like "This is the end, you dog" and wanted to insult Junior.

Bush: "People Voted For Barack Obama Because of Me" No sh*t!

New York Mag News Flash: Women Drink Like Men, Except Not

Sloppy Seconds: The 69-Year-Old Pinup Dude

Top 5 Susan Sarandon Sex Scenes

How Do You Like Your Hair Down There?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 15:13:00 GMT

The Frisky and Divine Caroline posted a somewhat obnoxious story yesterday about the vagina. (It would've been much better without trying to be cutesy and likable.)

Never mind that-- although it did give us the idea to ask the ladies how they keep their hair down there... and if dudes on Scanner prefer it trimmed, hairy, or-- um-- waxed to the skin at all times. Ouch...

Here's a scenario for you to start with: We asked a ladyfriend if she wouldn't mind trimming a bit, mainly because of access and hair-in-mouth issues during oral sex. But considering we'd rather a woman had little hair there at all than a rain forest to rival the Amazon, we confess to having ulterior motives as well. It just looks hotter this way to us, sorry. (We're also strongly against hair on the legs and under the arms-- sorry again.) Are we totally out of line on this? On the asking and/or the secretly wanting almost no hair there at all?

Just so you know, we fully admit to this very airbrushed/Hollywood/male chauvinist mentality (or whatever you want to call it) about what we're turned on and off by when it comes to a woman's body hair. But try to find a woman that likes a hairy back and ass on a man...

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Dita Von Teese in German Playboy - the Sequel

Guitar Hero. Then Guitar Hero: World Tour. And Now: Vagina Hero!

While You Were Sleeping: 93% Prefer Real Boobs

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 14:01:00 GMT

A woman who selflessly built homes for Katrina victims is CNN's Hero of the Year, an award which is obviously way cooler than Time's Person of the Year.

However, you look at it, this company is in deep shit: a radio station is being sued after a Win A Date With A Great Guy contest ended in the unlucky winner being raped. One commenter: "Is the radio station [really] responsible for doing a through criminal background check? What's a 24 year old woman dating a 46 year old man anyway?" Answers: possibly and we have no clue whatsoever.

Here it is, the annual annoying survey of the Top 10 stars you'd like to invite over for Thanksgiving...

1. Jennifer Aniston
2. Tina Fey
3. Ellen DeGeneres + Portia De Rossi
4. Patrick Dempsey
5. Suri Cruise
6. Tyra Banks
7. Jonas Brothers
8. Keira Knightley
9. Beyonce Knowles
10. Robert Pattinson

Barack Obama joked he's going to throw his "weight around" regarding college football playoff rules. Isn't it great to have a President(-elect) whose kidding doesn't make you scream in horror?

Remember that big Hollywood wiretap scandal involving Tom Cruise and some other celebrities? The culprit was sentenced to three years in prison.

Biden does appear to be setting up his Senate seat for his son to take over in 2010.

93% of respondents to a Fark survey said they prefer real boobs to fake ones. Duh. It would've been more of a story if the question was, "Which do you prefer: small natural boobs or big enhanced boobs?"

And you could win a $500 gift card to Ikea and a date with one of the guys from Pavement.

Sloppy Seconds: Prostitution Is Now Rape in the U.K.?

Not To Be Outdone, Sunday School Teacher Gets In On The Jailbait Action

The Second Life Divorce Gets Funnier After The Split

Cheerleaders "Streak" High School Football Game

Sloppy Seconds: Courtney Love's Bizarre Death Rant

Emily Farris — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 22:19:00 GMT

After male superhero movie after male superhero movie after male superhero movie, Wonder Woman is finally going to the big screen—except not. It's going straight to DVD. And it's animated. [Jezebel]

Britney Spears equates her life to a jail sentence. [People]

Is Nicole Kidman going to be the next star to quit the biz? Yawn. [Yahoo!]

Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson Wentz are still waiting for that baby to pop out. [MTV]

Courtney Love would like you to know she's not suicidal after a crazy death rant on her MySpace blog. [Us]

Feet Magazine So Gross, Even Foot Fetishists Will Puke

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 20:32:00 GMT

(No) thanks to the reader who alerted us to the gross/amusing oddity that is Feet Magazine.

The blog, which features unseemly extreme close-ups of toes and cuts on the feet of Hollywood stars (including this one of Denise Richards.)

The pictures on Feet Magazine are about 20 times larger than this one, of Scarlett Johansson's toes, ankles, and a very blue carpet. If you want to see what we're talking about, just start browsing here.

Why do people even want to see extreme close ups of feet? An ex-girlfriend who worked in brain mapping in DC explained one general theory: that in the map of your brain, the feet are right next to your sex organs on your sensory map. Some people, if we remember the argument correctly, have the feet part overlapping the genitals part and so they are extra-excited by feet. (It doesn't, to our mind explain why someone else's feet would be so thrilling, versus having your own feet caressed.) Perhaps we'd better let an expert explain this phenomenon:

From a review of the book Phantoms in the Brain, about research conducted on people who could "feel" their lost limbs and even experienced iches in nonexistent nooks that drove them crazy.

[O]ne of the more memorable examples was the woman who developed sexual feelings in her phantom foot. It turns out the parts of the brain that process sensory information for the feet are adjacent to those for the sexual organs (according to the Penfield map). Assuming that the latter brain area expands thanks to the sensory vacuum created by the missing leg, it seems reasonable to think that the feeling in the phantom limb might be a mixture between the two. This may also account for foot fetishes. Interesting.

Spray Away Your Premature Ejaculation

Even Sex Fairs Are Weirder In China

New Lady Gel is Going to Make Your Mom Feel Funny "Down There"

Dumb Cops Make Mondays Bearable

Top 5 Celebrities Who May Or May Not Be Attractive: Part One

This Baptist Minister Thinks You Should Be Having More Sex

Some of the Hottest Women in the Country All Got Naked Together

And Your Little Dog, Too: Attack on Paris Hilton's Pups?

Emily Farris — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 14:26:00 GMT

Two of Paris Hilton's dogs were supposedly killed, and it wasn't even her fault.

Unless, of course, you consider trying (or not trying) to keep track of 17 little dogs while you're busy partying being "at fault."

According to one report, two of Paris' many, many, many cherished pups were killed by coyotes earlier this week. Some say this is an all-too-often occurrence in LA where wildlife wanders onto the properties of people with.... 17 tiny dogs running around?

Conflicting reports say that all 17 of Paris' pups are just fine.

[NYDN via Jossip]

[MollyGood: Paris' Puppies Mauled to Death by Mean Paparazzi Coyotes]

Paris Hilton Punks the Paparazzi

Mean Girls: Paris Hilton Calls Former BFF's Ass "Cottage Cheese Inside a Trash Bag"

Caption This: Paris Hilton Visits An Orphanage

"Paris Hilton's Vagina Bites Penguin" And Other Classic Celebrity Spam Headlines

Who Would You Rather, Paris Hilton or Elisha Cuthbert? Oh, Too Bad, They'd Rather Each Other

Colin Farrell Plays Fairy Godmother to Homeless Canadian

Nicole Pasulka — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 16:50:00 GMT

Remember a year ago when Colin Farrell, in Toronto for the Toronto International Film Festival, gave a homeless man $3,000 and implored him to get sober and get his life together? Yeah, neither did we.

But some Canadians haven't forgotten. They've actually gone as far as to track down the man Farrell gifted last year. So how's he doing?

According to this article, pretty damn well. The guy, named Stress, "was hopeless and ready to give up" when Farrell found him in a doorway and "gave him cash for lodgings, plus a shopping spree of three grand." Today, "Stress is clean and sober, has a comfy bachelor pad, goes to church and the Y and darts around town on a mountain bike."

Hot Damn! Who knew all that Hollywood money could actually help somebody. Call Angelina Jolie and let her know.

GQ: "James Franco Is A Douche"

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 13:13:00 GMT

This story was written by Sean Flanagan, who is guest blogging while Verena is at the Democratic National Convention...

Everyone loves James Franco, sorta.

Pineapple Express was hilarious. Franco was exciting and endearing-- and in a good movie. But, it turns out, if you haven't seen any of his films since 2001's James Dean, you probably wouldn't know that everyone in Hollywood thinks he's a douche.

GQ, as you will see, does nothing to shatter that image; in fact, they get right down to it in the opening lines:

He's sorry about the awful movies, sorry if he was a jerk on-set, sorry for trying to be the next James Dean. But now, with the chronically charming Pineapple Express and an Oscar-baiting drama coming this fall, Franco is making sure his future looks nothing like his past, even if it involves making out with Sean Penn...

After that, it only gets worse:

1) Judd Apatow call Franco ugly and stupid:

“What I remember about meeting James,” says [Judd] Apatow, “Was that he had this really big mouth, and he was very skinny, and very greasy... We had no sense that he was attractive— we just thought he was this, you know, wannabe cool guy, but it wasn’t quite working, a funny mess of a guy, the way he performed the scenes."

2) Franco discusses a gay cocaine threesome and "email vent" about how he was unhappy with the lack of time spent discussing art and poetry during his the days of being trailed for the cover article.

3) "To watch the complete works of James Franco, as I did, is for large stretches of time a dispiriting experience.... He seems more like a witness powerless to prevent the same crime being committed over and over again."

4) This one is too great of a quote to really make anyone look bad, though:

One time when he was deep into reading a particular text, Sean Penn told him, “You’re reading that book like you’re waiting for it to lie to you.”

Of course, since Scanner loves James Franco, we have to point out that we do not support GQ's position. There's something entirely lovable about a guy who has this to offer us about his first time kissing a man-- in this case, Sean Penn:

The ﬁrst kiss of the movie was out on Haight Street, with, like, 200 people watching, outside. It was a crane shot—I’m sure in the end it will be a really cool shot, but it starts close and then it takes maybe a minute. That’s a long time on film with everybody watching and, like, a fake mustache getting in your mouth. It was long enough that you couldn’t help thinking, ‘Oh, my God, I’m kissing Spicoli.’ ”

While You Were Sleeping: James Franco and Sean Penn Go At It

Video of the Day: "Pineapple Express" Trailer

"Acting With James Franco" Comes Pretty Close to Making Us Cry

While You Were Sleeping: The Heath Ledger Investigation

Sloppy Seconds: More Naughty Miley Cyrus Photos Leaked

This Week In Gayness: Sean Penn's Next Movie

The MTV Movie Awards: More Entertaining Than We Wanted Them To Be

While You Were Sleeping: Who Looks Best In A Bikini?

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 12:44:00 GMT

Whoever claims full responsibility for the fire at Westboro Baptist Church wants to assure you that they did their best.

Man, what the hell is with Verne Troyer and his ex? Either they're the two biggest liars ever, or they tried to reenact Sopranos episodes on each other every night while still together.

Are these the biggest nipples in Hollywood? Yeah, we didn't think so either, nor do we particularly care.

An alleged murderer on the run since Christmas was arrested playing Guitar Hero at Wal-Mart.

More rumors of a Tom Brady-Gisele Bundchen engagement.

Michael Moore and other Michigan cats serenaded Madonna ahead of the Material WhateverItIsNow's 50th birthday.

Is it any surprise that Ursula Andress tops a poll of British survey respondents? Especially for the Best On-Screen Bikini Performance, or however it was phrased? (2nd: Carrie Fisher in Return of the Jedi, 3rd Halle Berry in the Dr. No homage she was in.)

And some sad news: Christina Applegate is suffering from breast cancer. Thankfully, the disease is believed to be in the early stages and Applegate is expected to make it out okay.

Who Organized The Arkansas Gay Wrestling Match?

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 20:30:00 GMT

The internets thinks it has unmasked the jokester who promised $1 beer and brutal cage fighting in Arkansas, only to make the large crowd sit through grown men tearing each other's clothes off and furiously making out.

"We had a contract for cage fighting. We were deceived," said Dwight Duncan, president and CEO of Four States Fair Grounds in Texarkana...

The day after the cage fight in Texarkana, a similar gay-themed prank was pulled in nearby Fort Smith, featuring

a character named "Straight Dave" would goad a planted audience member into the ring for a fight.
The two men would then wrestle, rip away some of their clothes and share a brief kiss reminiscent of one between Baron Cohen and Will Ferrell in the film "Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby."

Producers said "it was kind of to essentially make fun, poke fun at wrestling— two guys rolling around on the floor, all sweaty."

An elaborate array of mounted and handheld video cameras caught the crowd of 1,600's reaction as the two men "went right up to the line" of the city's morality laws.... The two men stripped down to their underwear, kissed and rubbed on each other, the sergeant said.

As soon as the audience realized they'd been duped, they started lobbing beers at the participants... ha ha, suckers-- the pranksters saw this coming and only handed out plastic cups. The wrestlers, meanwhile, had been hastily removed from the building, unscathed.

Those in attendance were told by several signs on display that they'd be filmed, Holland said, and signed waivers before the event. Convention center sales director Karin Hobbs declined to name the event's sponsor Monday.

But the Associated Press is dead certain that Sacha Baron Cohen is behind it, possibly filming for "Bruno" or even a new, unknown production beyond that.

If the cage match visits came from Baron Cohen, it wouldn't be the first time Arkansas fell for a practical joke. In 2000, then-Gov. Mike Huckabee fell for a prank and congratulated Canada for preserving its icebound Parliament, calling it a "national igloo."

And that guy's being considered for the 2nd-in-Command of the United States?! Reason enough to vote for Bob Barr, for God's sake...

Via Starpulse/AP.

Someone Stop The Remakes!

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 14:05:00 GMT

So what if "Rain Man" is going to be a West End play and the Sherlock Holmes movie is based on the books? These two movies have casting choices that cry Hollywood desperation of the lowest order...

Yesterday, Variety announced two potential casting choices for the Sherlock Holmes comedy Judd Aptow is working on. Despite the fact that we wish Hollywood would come up with original ideas instead of just recycling everything, this admittedly does have hysterical written all over it. An as-yet-untitled film that

will star Sacha Baron Cohen as master detective Sherlock Holmes and Will Ferrell as Watson, his crime-solving partner.

The comedy is inspired by Arthur Conan Doyle's Sherlock Holmes tales. Though the thrust is different, the Baron Cohen-Ferrell pairing is the second major studio project featuring the supersleuth, as Warner Bros. is prepping the Anthony Peckham-scripted drama "Sherlock Holmes" with director Guy Ritchie.

So a goofy Sherlock Holmes and a violent crime version of Sherlock Holmes on speed? It remains to be seen whether either of these ideas will work.

Meanwhile, Variety also reported

Josh Hartnett will make his West End debut toplining a new stage adaptation of "Rain Man" that begins perfs in London later this summer.
Hartnett plays the Tom Cruise character in the legit version of 1988 pic "Rain Man," with Brit thesp Adam Godley ("The Pillowman") co-starring as the autistic savant played onscreen by Dustin Hoffman.

Wait a minute... "Rain Man?" The one where two guys drive across the country, make pit stops in Vegas, have naked times with Valerie Golino, and featuring a climactic moment that involves a moving train? How the hell are they going to make that a play? What's next, "No Country For Old Men" is going to be a Broadway musical? And why is Josh Hartnett involved?!

Sorry, we're getting a little carried away. We'll live. But Hollywood, please make some movies that are funny and not from endlessly-adapted books and moves that are interesting and thought-provoking and not remakes of award-winning, near-perfect films from after we were born.

Thank you.

Via Variety and Variety.

Racism is Hilarious?

Steve McKay — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 20:29:00 GMT

The other day we started feeling a little weird while watching the trailers for certain coming attractions. It was an unsettled feeling, sort of like back in the high school locker room when the jocks would workshop their “hilarious” east-Indian accents… Oh wait… that’s exactly the same feeling we got.

Does Mike Myers actually think it’s forty years ago and he’s Peter Sellers? He’s lost his fucking mind. And that Adam Sandler movie! Is this really the legacy Sacha Baron Cohen has left for Hollywood? The Borat movie was intelligent, cultural satire designed to shine a light on and criticize racism, sexism, homophobia and anti-Semitism. You don’t come away from that and capitalize it! Did they just not get the joke? Gaaaaaah!

Okay, now that we’ve got that out of our system, we've got to ask…Why are we excited to see Robert Downey, Jr’s performance in Tropic Thunder?

I think the actor himself sums it up best:

If it’s done right, it could be the type of role you called Petter Sellers to do 35 years ago. If you don’t do it right, we’re going to hell….If I didn't feel it was morally sound, or that it would be easily misinterpreted (and) that I'm just C. Thomas Howell in 'Soul Man', I would've stayed home.

Some things just feel right. Sometimes they feel very very wrong.

Woody Allen Sues American Apparel For Exposing His Jewish Heritage

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 15:30:00 GMT

Woody Allen is suing American Apparel for a billboard that steals an image of him for their own nefarious purposes.

As other sources have pointed out, AA usually gets served for its founder's constant sexual harassment of staff members and models and for his hilariously bad taste. This time, it's for an ad above a Los Angeles K & K's Donuts, seen below.

Dov Charney, the company's founder, is caught up in a number of lawsuits, including one in which three female employees are named as plaintiffs.

The suits follow a bizarre article last year in the women's magazine Jane. Charney was described as engaging in oral sex with a female employee and masturbating in front of the reporter. Charney doesn't deny taking part in any of the activities described in the article. He says he befriended the writer over the course of the two months it took her to research the piece. "I've never done anything sexual that wasn't consensual," Charney says. The reporter, Claudine Ko, confirmed his take on events to BusinessWeek.

Clearly the dude knows nothing about interviews and PR: never steal a celebrity's image and call him "The Ultimate Rabbi" (or whatever you think the translation is for the text on the billboard), as it may ruin his career if he's connected to the Jewish Hollywood Elite, and never, ever get blown in front of a newspaper reporter.

Getting blown in front of a paparazzi? Well, now... that's just good business.

Photo via Curbed. Stolen photo of Woody Allen via "Annie Hall."

Video of the Day: Future Juno or Future Genius?

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 14:30:00 GMT

This girl would make an awesome screenwriter, way better than that Thesaurus-plagiarizer Cody El Diablo.

She can pitch better than most collaborators we've worked with. As a filmmaker, one needs a cut-to-the-chase style smooth talker to get through the thick skulls of people like Ron Howard and the rest of the execs. This girl is our hero of the day, and possibly of all time...

Abortion Rates are the Lowest They've Been in 30 Years and Nobody Knows Why?

Emily Farris — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 20:36:00 GMT

Abortion rates are lower than they've been in thirty years, according to a new report. And the study's author says she doesn't know why. We'd like to make a non-educated guess.

It couldn't have anything to do with the fact that there are more babies in Hollywood than chiuauas right now, could it?

Also, we seem to recall that GenerationXYWHAT is having far less random sex than those who came before us.

[Previously on Scanner: Hey Mom, Can I Borrow Your Lube? Mine's All Dried Up]

[Yahoo!: U.S. Abortion Rate Falls to Lowest Level in Decades]