Scanner : hookers

On Getting Mistaken for a Prostitute

Colleen Kane — Fri, 01 May 2009 20:33:00 GMT

You know you are not rocking a good fashion look if you get propositioned by a potential john, when you were not out looking for that kind of freelance work.

But in the case of one superstar, it isn't all that surprising. She didn't really even seem to mind as she recounted the tale to David Letterman this week, although at the time, she did threaten to shoot the john when he was too persistent.

And that little lady was...

It was 1968, and Dolly Parton and a friend were staying at a cheap hotel in Times Square, which back then was the old seedy Times Square.

"That's where all the prostitutes run and they ran in pairs for safety and we looked like we might be them. I still had the big hair, looking trashy like I do," she told Letterman.

But her admirer refused to believe she was not a lady of the night.

"We were just country girls and our daddies had given us both a gun when we left home ... I said, 'Look, if you touch me one more time, I'm gonna shoot you,'" she said.

And to add insult to injury, when they got back to their hotel, they'd been locked out because management thought they were turning tricks.

"I didn't come back here for years and years," she said.

Related:

Hey Fellas, You Might Have A Shot With Dolly Parton

Dolly Parton for Vice President!

Girl Crush of the Day: Dolly Parton

ShamWow-SlapChop Guy Will RapChop That Ass [VIDEO]

Emily Farris — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 21:07:00 GMT

We've never really understood why Vince Shlomi, the ShamWow/SlapChop guy needs that little headset—until now. He wears it so he can rap while he slaps (prostitutes) and wows.

If only all infomercials were this hilarious and culturally relevant... we'd probably have a lot more shit we don't need.

Related:

Mr. ShamWow and Hooker Exchange Slap Chops

5 Disturbing Products from Harriet Carter

3 Things We Wish We'd Gotten For Christmas, Or: Scanner Verena Is A Sucker For Infomercials

Scanner Highs and Lows: That Was Then and This is Now

While You Were Sleeping: Another American Cheater Unveiled

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 14:08:00 GMT

Bill Gates wants rich people to feel the pain, so he unleashed mosquitoes on them. Really.

"The Impaler," a self-described "Vampyre" who ran for Governor of Minnesota in '06 as the Vampyres, Witches and Pagans party (wha?) candidate, has been arrested for harassing his 16-year-old "vampyre hunter" ex-girlfriend.

Female bloggers in Sweden are fending off a company that's trying to bribe them with "beauty treatments." We'll take some!

Fuck Ticketmaster. Nobody can get Springsteen tickets, and now they want to form a monopoly?

Apparently, New York magazine has great success with linking its readers with its own hooker ads.

There's a new President, the world is constantly moving forward, but as usual, Georgia wants to crawl back into America's Puritan womb.

Kids are hanging themselves in school.

Michael Phelps may end up getting charged with drug possession or some other bong-incident-related offense.

And we always knew Barry Bonds was a cheater, but now we can prove it.

Related:

Tommy Lee's Drunk Pilot Is A Boob

Kanye Porn Update

While You Were Sleeping: Zooey Deschanel's Next Record

While You Were Sleeping: The NY Senate Seat Saga Ends?

While You Were Sleeping: The 3-D Porn Movie

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 14:08:00 GMT

Ever wonder what repairing a sex doll is like? Wait, you already knew this job existed?

We're hoping Kanye West is kidding when he says he wants to change his name. We are not amused.

Shockingly, your wife may become upset if you turn out to have a secret Playboy subscription.

Try not to panic-- 71,000 jobs were lost yesterday alone.

The hookers are flocking to Florida for the Super Bowl.

Good God! Molly Ringwald is 40 years old. Oh, and she's expecting twins...

The world's first-ever 3D porno flick (or so the producers claim, probably without having done any research) is all set to shoot. We'll, of course, provide a look behind the scenes, assuming this doesn't go way over budget, as an experiment of this magnitude is bound to do.

And forgive Paris Hilton, for she knows not what the hell she's saying.

From Porn Stars To Prostitutes... The Latest Ads

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 19:45:00 GMT

Remember how, just the other day, we were speculating on the next form of desperate advertising? We predicted that, what with all the full frontal nudity in American Apparel ads, the only thing left for marketing people to try was blatant hardcore sex.

While we were only half-serious, we couldn't have realized how close we were to the truth. For the very next day, a story broke about an ad agency using actual prostitutes in a campaign...

It appears to be a legitimate activist attempt to start a discussion about legalizing prostitution, right? Actually, it's yet another not-so-guerilla stunt by a ratings-starved radio station without anything else to offer. (You can see the logo for Toronto's CFRB 1010 in the bottom right corner of the signs.)

In an interview with local media, the Bad Date Coalition of Toronto, which advocates for sex workers, attacked the ad and its producers:

“It’s to give that radio station attention. It has nothing to do with helping out the sex worker … It’s using them,” she said. “If we wanted to have an actual discussion … have the sex workers come in and have it in a place where it’s safe and where people can call in and respectfully ask questions.”
She said having the women display a sign on the street “sets them up” to be targeted by police and predators.

While we don't disagree with her on the radio station bit, it's a bit silly to say the signs set them up to be targeted by police-- after all, they were already standing there, working as prostitutes, being targets for police, when the ad agency waltzed by and asked if they wanted to earn an hour's wage without doing anything illegal, which can't be a bad thing.

Via Toronto's National Post.

Related:

Nude American Apparel Ads Aren't Going Away

All Aboard the Atheism Bus

Hey, Cheap Rent! Oh, Wait... The Fine Print Is Pretty Insane...

Sasha Grey Completely Naked in New American Apparel Ad

Our Favorite Leftover Photos of 2008

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 16:41:00 GMT

While hunting stories on the internet, we often stumble across a photograph that doesn't work as a story in itself. Case in point, this shot of a naked man fleeing the police in Japan, which we included in an utterly irrelevant post about the vicar with the potato stuck in his butthole.

Then there are photos which never get used for any story, yet we can't bear to delete them, so they sit all yearlong in the Nerve Photos folder on our desktop. Because, even this late in the game, we can't bear to dispose of them in the proper computer trash bin, here they are for your insatiable amusement:

Related:

No, Wait, the Lithuanian Playboy Calendar Is What We Really Wanted

Lingerie Football Linebacker Sues Ex For Leaking Her Nude Photos

Sasha Grey Completely Naked in New American Apparel Ad

A History of MIT Pranks, In Glorious Pictures...

High Class College Hooker: No One Understands Me

Scanner Matt — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 17:23:00 GMT

A Pennsylvania college student has recently written a very detailed account of what she calls her "mutually beneficial arrangement," but we call blatant prostitution.

The Daily Beast ran an essay last week written by a young woman who sees turning "classy" tricks as the best way to deal with college debt and making connections to benefit her non-hookerish career.

From the outside, a mutually beneficial, or sugar daddy, relationship seems immoral. Maybe even the distant cousin of—dare I say it?—prostitution. But truth be told, women have used their wiles and charms to get ahead for years.

We assume she's watched Pretty Woman one too many times (we still can't believe people like that fucked-up movie).

After she published her piece many readers commented, criticizing her as a two-bit call girl. So now she's back again defending her whorish ways in response to her judgemental public.

We know college is ridiculously expensive and some miserable marriages may arguably fall under the unintentional arrangement of prostitution, we've also read Madame Bovary, but in this case the line does not look as blurry as this young coed would like, especially when she talks about her, "new killer wardrobe."

Related:

"Step Right Up! Enter Our Prostitution Raffle..."

This Week in Gayness: Call In Gay Tomorrow

UCLA'S Undie Run Begs the Question: Why Not NYU?

Sloppy Seconds: The Craigslist Crackdown on Hookers

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 21:53:00 GMT

The awesome sounding Ghostbusters game, featuring the original cast and creators, will be out in 2009, thanks to Atari, who rescued the franchise.

A heartbreaking post from a lesbian mom in California is here. Madonna, meanwhile, attacked Prop 8 in an LA concert and had Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake perform live with her, albeit at separate times.

A male major in the Japanese air force was busted for shopping for women's underwear... while naked.

Kanye West broke his media silence to give an interview in Singapore about what the Beatles mean to him.

Race was not a factor in the election in West Virginia. Take that, Bill Clinton!

Samantha Who star Christina Applegate will undergo reconstructive surgery following her double mastectomy.

Michelle Monaghan gave birth to a wee lil' gal.

And Craigslist will no charge $10 per erotic service ad, in an apparent attempt to crush the human trafficking that's been going on there.

The Giant Penis Is Watching Over You

Sloppy Seconds: The Grey's Anatomy Lesbian Controversy

While You Were Sleeping: The Naked Mannequin Orgy

And You Thought Bill Clinton Was A Sex-Crazed Politician...

RNC Delegate, Robbed By Hooker, Speaks Out In Favor Of More War

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 20:29:00 GMT

Have you guys heard about this smarmy, sniveling Republican toolbox who got robbed of "$120,000 worth" of crappy personal effects during the Republican National Convention? Yeah, he deserved it...

Check out this video that's been floating around, thanks to LinkTV, of Colorado schyster Gabriel Nathan Schwartz discussing the foreign policy he'd love to see John McCain enact:

For the sake of sanity, we're hoping he's being satirical. Something, anything.

Anyway, if you haven't heard about this guy's story, here's the rundown: Schwartz, an RNC delegate, met a woman at a bar during the convention in Minneapolis and took her back to his hotel. Red flag #1: she made the drinks. Red flag #2: she told him to get undressed. In case you don't know, these are clear indications she was attempting to subdue, rather than seduce, the dashing young buck.

He's not sure what happened next, since the prostitute (see Red flag #2: she "ordered" him to get dressed, according to his report to the police... sounds like pro talk to us) had slipped some sort of pill in his drink. When he awoke, he was out of the following:

$30,000 watch, a $20,000 ring, a necklace valued at $5,000, earrings priced at $4,000 and a Prada belt valued at $1,000

Um, yeah. He had a thousand dollar belt and he's worried about his taxes under Barack Obama?! Dude, you better worry about your shopping insanity, first...

Via Minnesota Independent.

RNC Day Three: Sarah Palin Makes Dick Cheney Look Like Al Gore

Our Crazy RNC Photo Essay

"We Support George McCain For President"

Trojan Girls Try To Get Republicans To Wear, Learn Uses Of Condoms

Armed Robber In Wheelchair Going To Have A Blast Tonight

DC Madam Dictates Memoir From Beyond The Grave!

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 14:52:00 GMT

A new, epic blog post on 10 Zen Monkeys may restart those rumors that said Deborah Jeane Palfrey committed suicide... or, as "Palfrey" herself says, quash them for good...

Yes, we understand this makes no sense... how is a victim of suicide or murder going to come back from the grave and solve their own case? Via metaphysical psychics, of course!

The 55-year-old astrologer lived 10 miles from Tarpon Springs, Florida where Palfrey had committed suicide in May. (Her body was discovered hanging from a noose in a storage shed behind her mother's mobile home.) [T]wo weeks later, "I was at home in my living room when I became aware that another person, a spirit entity, had suddenly entered my consciousness and my body..."

Daniel says he now has the answers to the questions surrounding the infamous brothel-keeper's death. (Was Palfrey's suicide faked by government conspirators? Would she reveal the names of her famous clients?) Within 10 seconds, he'd identified the visiting spirit as Deborah Jeane Palfrey. (And to make sure, he'd verified it — with another psychic.) In July, Daniel was ready to contact the sex-worker advocate to say the madam was now available for questions.

At this point, we were laughing so hard we almost stopped reading. Almost. We gotta admit, we wanted to hear what the ghost of whoredom past had to say about herself:

This is absolutely false! I am solely responsible for the manner in which my life ended. There was no conspiracy that I became aware of to kill me. And even if there was, it was not successful. I took my own life; it was my decision, end of story. Or is it...?

The Government was my own dark shadow. The Government is very often our own personal dark shadow. Once we begin to recognize this we can move past the guilt, punishment, blame games and victimization. Until such time as the Human Race gets really, totally and completely fed up with limiting beliefs and values, our Government will stand as a reminder, a grim reminder that we are anything but a free people living in a world of real freedom and personal fulfillment.

Zen Monkeys question whether this is the real voice of Palfrey (for some reason, she sounds to us like a lame middle-aged "psychic" who has a bone to pick with the Federales), but we think it most definitely is: who wouldn't kill themselves if they found themselves living in their mother's mobile home in Tarpon Springs...

More nonsense here.

Thanks to El Destiny for the link!

Sloppy Seconds: Elizabeth Hasselbeck Not Sure What A Vibrator Is For

"D.C. Madam" Believed to be Dead

David Vitter: "Thank Christ You Forgot About Me"

Move Over Lazy Young People, Persephone Lewin's Day Puts Yours To Shame

Who Would You Rather (Bring Down With A Political Sex Scandal)?

Rumor: Governor Running A Brothel Out of His Office

While You Were Sleeping: The Pregnant Prostitute Raid

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 13:37:00 GMT

Amy Winehouse was hospitalized last night for an allergic reation to some sort of medication. Yep, this was front page, above the fold, in the Metro paper today. Wow.

Barack Obama still fails to move many voters on the ready-to-lead issue.

Ashley Alexandra Dupre may be the next Dr. Phil, according to a steady stream of sources that say she's ready to sign a $2 million deal that would also include a primetime interview about her past. Meanwhile...

...married New Jersey businessman Thomas "TJ" Earle admitted to a fling with Dupre on Friday, saying he's "ashamed" of the month-long affair. [Fox]

A couple of po-po had to go out of their way to convince a group of party animals that, in fact, they were not the cop-costumed strippers the revelers had hired.

Zhang Ziyi, like many Chinese people, is either completely oblivious to China's human rights record or thinks the Olympics shouldn't be protested anyway.

Howard Stern sidekick Robin Quivers is single again. Poor Robin, will she ever find love amongst the sexual chaos?

And police busted up a pregnant hooker prostitution ring that operated over the internet. It's too early for us to think about, let alone deal, with this one.

It's Rough Enough Being A Hooker in Chattanooga...

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 16:46:00 GMT

...but then you gotta deal with some dude's website outing you.

We wouldn't be surprised if Trick The Johns, a website intended to clean up Main Street in downtown Chattanooga, TN, is actually a front for some ex-boyfriend's sneaky plan to defame all his ex-girlfriends.

Jay Craven and "about 20 of his neighbors" started the site using candid photos of local pros in action-- walking the streets, that is.

So far the site features only photos of women the Web site’s users believe are prostitutes. However, the site solicits photos of the women’s male customers... and... “pimps” who may arrange the illegal trysts.

The site also attaches a disclaimer to itself, one that we don't think will stop anyone pictured here who is found innocent from suing or at least raising a big stink:

All persons or vehicle drivers/owners shown above are innocent until proven guilty. This site does NOT guarantee that all photographs are of sex workers or clients!

If you believe you have been displayed unfairly, please contact the site and we will post your explanation or remove your photo.

According to the Electronic Frontier Foundation, describing a woman as a call girl (for example) may be libelous, IF THE CLAIM IS FALSE...

Please consider this if you are photographed with a known prostitute entering your car.

For more on this, including photos of the prostitutes, obviously underfunded women who are not at all excited to be there and probably shouldn't be further humiliated on some nasty website, at said website.

Via the Times Free Press.

Scanner Highs And Lows: Hookers, Hot Moms, and Hoedowns

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 21:20:00 GMT

If that title doesn't bring back memories, then maybe you missed out on some of this week's highlights:

Low: There were celebrity hooker moms.

High: There were jello wrestling students pimping themselves for a mere 250 pounds in prize money.

High: We got down with the hoedown on Dancing With the Star Wars.

High: The hooker who charged a Senator's husband $150 was found guilty of trespassing. We still aren't sure why.

Low: The teen pregnancy craze claimed 17 promiscuous high schoolers, all in the name of unity.

High: A topless member of an upcoming parade is a tart for the cause of toplessness.

High: Rich pimps make us laugh. Or maybe they're just flashy dressing rich people.

Uncertain: Scanner Emily hates herself for loving... the coochie lamp.

Low: The Bunny Ranch faced off with the Bush economy.

Low: Please tell us you didn't snatch up the last Teen Hooker Outfit for your daughter.

Uncertain: Hookers in Ghana rioted at an 11 year old boy's funeral. Apparently, this kid watched "Goodfellas" too many times and wanted to be in with the crooks.

Low: Fox News spreads the (true) rumor that child prostitution will increase during the (surprise?) Democratic convention.

High: And Mary-Louise Parker is so hot and so kickass, we almost faint at this picture of the world's #1 MILF.

Senator's Husband's Hooker Gets Convicted... Of Trespassing?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 16:22:00 GMT

Democratic Senator Debbie Stabenow won her first election in 2000, defeating a Republican incumbent by .2% of the vote. Now, she faces the biggest threat to her career: her ne'er-do-well husband of five years.

21-year-old prostitute Alycia Martin of Michigan was visited by Thomas Athans, i.e. the Senator's hubby, at a Residence Inn back on February 26 and paid her $150 for sex of some undisclosed variety. On Thursday, Martin

pled guilty... to a lesser charge of trespassing in the case.
Alycia Martin, 21, of Westland pled guilty under an agreement under which she will be considered for the Holmes Youthful Trainee Act. The act allows young offenders to clear their criminal record if they successfully complete their term of probation.

We hope she gets her life together and doesn't become a national joke or a self-parody, much as Ashley Alexandra Dupre has already become. Meanwhile, Senator Stabenow has so far managed to escape unscathed in this ongoing scandal... thank God.

Pic/story via The Detroit News.

Previously: Hey, Ash

Hookers Are Getting Tricky These Days

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 20:16:00 GMT

In Ghana, fifty or more prostitutes drank, cried, and danced at the funeral of an 11-year-old boy, causing considerable public confusion. Why were these poor (and by poor we mean, Ghana-poverty-stricken poor) women in such an uproar?

Some of them who were virtually drunk would occasionally take to the floor and dance for a while, and then move to a canopy where a picture of the deceased was, look at the image and talk to it as if they could be heard by the picture.

DAILY GUIDE learnt that the deceased used to run errands for the call girls as they lived close to his house.

Mr. Bob Atua, a farmer and an uncle to Moses, told DAILY GUIDE that he was grabbed by an unknown woman when he went out to urinate and when he enquired from her why she had held on to him, she responded by asking him what he was doing near her room when he had not come to solicit her services.

Meanwhile, as Scanner Nicole reported earlier, American hookers are going through a crisis of their own: the Bush economy.

The first 100 customers who show up with their tax rebate checks receive twice the "services" for the price of one. "We always give our customers the most bang for the buck," he says. "You bring your $600 check in, and we give you the $1,200 George Bush party--three girls and a bottle of champagne." That's one way to stimulate the, um, economy.

Gray's Papaya would argue their "recession special" is a better deal, but this one's way more entertaining.

Seriously, though, Newsweek is reporting huge decreases in income for Vegas-area prostitutes, mainly thanks to the spike in gas prices. The average cost of diesel in the West is now

$4.87 per gallon. That means truckers could easily spend $1,000 to fill up their tanks, leaving them with little extra cash and less likely to take a detour. Yet, even brothels located in the south, closer to tourist-populated places like Las Vegas, are not faring much better.
Casino gambling revenue fell from $614.9 million in December to $517.5 million in March... Many brothels consider gambling direct competition for a tourist's discretionary dollars...

You know when the desperate are too desperate to gamble, the country is really headed in the wrong direction. Bring back Ron Paul, we say! He'll legalize everything, including genocide and Special K without a prescription, and everything will be like it is on Star Trek! Sorry, we don't know where that little rant came from...

More on the latest hookergate that doesn't involve politicians. Yet. Via Newsweek.

Photo via.

Teen Hooker Outfit Perfect Gift For Your Daughter's Birthday!

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 16:05:00 GMT

Full, bizarre photo, after the jump...

Maybe your teenage daughter buys her Halloween presents early each year... maybe she has a graduation party... or, best of all, a costume birthday party. Well, Amazon.com is here to help...

Hurry, Dad, there's only one left!

(Via Amazon, of course. Although no need to visit and give them any more attention.)

It's Friday the 13th and Scanner Emily is About to Board a Plane to Vegas

Emily Farris — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 16:02:00 GMT

There are a few perks that come along with being a blogger. Health insurance is not one of them. Nor is having a reason to shower every day.

But every once in a while I am reminded that I am not a smelly hermit, but a lovely lady with some lovely lady humps. I was recently reminded of this fact when asked to represent Nerve on a promotional trip to Vegas that begins very shortly.

Hosted by Thrillist and JetBlue, the trip is celebrating the launch of Thrillist's Las Vegas edition.

Don't know what Thrillist is? Neither did we. Apparently it's a newsletter with lots of good stuff for men. (See? Promotional trip already working.)

Anyway, they wanted someone with a vajayjay to attend so I, Scanner Emily, am the chosen one — much to the disappointment of my bepenised co-workers. In just a few hours I'll be jetted off to a liquor-fueled "epic 36-hour party." It's possible the plane will actually be fueled by liquor, too.

I have never been to Vegas, nor would I ever spend a penny of my own money to go, so this should be interesting, to say the least. I'll probably let myself spend $20 on the slot machines, then sit around card games trying to look interested while downing the free booze.

Because I love my computer too much to subject it to such shenanigans, I'll not be blogging from Vegas. However, I do want to make my co-workers really jealous and have some record of the experience if I happen to drink too much and black out. My only options were to either tape a camera inside my very minimal cleavage or set up a twitter account. I have very reluctantly done the latter.

If the posts start to get a little slurred and then fade to nothing, keep your fingers crossed I'm sleeping with a hooker. Just kidding! Maybe!

[Twitter: Scanner Emily, Live From Las Vegas]

13 Year Olds Busted For Ordering Hookers With Dad's Credit Card

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 23 May 2008 20:49:00 GMT

Easily the most amusing article we've seen this week: the Money story on the thirteen-year-old boy convicted of fraud after her stole his Dad's credit card, went on a wild shopping spree, and capped off the day with some friends in a hotel room full of hookers gives us hope for the up-and-coming generation...

Ralph Hardy (name, for whatever reason, not withheld) is your average thirteen-year-old boy in Newark, TX. He likes World of Warcraft, video games, and ridiculously wild prostitute orgies. Ralph

1) Ordered a credit card in his father's name

2) Took his friends on a $30,000 shopping spree (in other words, he bought a hat from a New York vintage store.)

3) Back at their hideout (aka a trashy hotel some idiot rented to them without parental consent), they ordered cookies, potato chips, and cases of Dr. Pepper. When the delivery driver came to their door, the boys asked him if he could "score them some chicks and were willing to pay." The man, obviously the only sane person in Newark, Texas, called the cops.

4) Somehow, two call girls materialized. This passage has to be read in full:

Asked why he ordered two escorts, Ralph said he thought it was the thing to do when you win a "World of Warcraft" tournament. They told the suspicious working girls they were people of restricted growth working with a traveling circus, and as State law does not allow those with disabilities to be discriminated against they had no right to refuse them.

That may be offensive, but goddamn if it isn't hilarious. Oh, there's more:

The escort girls who were released without charge, told the arresting officers something was up when the kids said they would rather play Xbox than get down to business.

5) The article concludes with this little gem, which is why we have gotten such hope for the future from it: "Ralph's ambition is to one day become a politician."

Read the whole thing in full (you owe it to yourself on this beautiful day) at the UK Money site.

Charlie Sheen In Today's (Second?) Biggest Hooker Scandal

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 01 May 2008 19:30:00 GMT

You know that anytime a celebrity tries to get himself a bit of press using a prostitution scandal, soon enough Charlie Sheen will see his bet and double it...

Sheen, the star of one of the unfunniest sitcoms ever to (almost) top the Nielsen ratings, is spending some of those of those big fat checks on hookers so expensive, Ashley Alexandra Dupree is gonna look like a $5 Battery Tunnel streetwalker. Sheen, according to IMDB

reportedly answered a newspaper advertisement for Nici's Girls which charges customers $25,000 per night - and placed an order for four escorts. The 42-year-old - who was accused by ex-wife Denise Richards of having an unhealthy love for prostitutes and Internet porn - reportedly paid agency owner Nici $20,000 for their services.

This revelation, published this month in Rolling Stone, featured one hilarious David Lee Roth-style moment of celebrity self-indulgence:

"When Nici dropped four girls off at his penthouse, she found the actor in silk pajamas with 'C. MaSheen' embroidered over the pocket. Sheen gave her a $20,000 check for the girls, and she picked them up several hours later."

This story goes on and on and you should read the rest at IMDB News. However, we'll leave you with one comment, from Sheen's publicist to the dreaded Page Six:

"This is an old, old, old story. But, if you're looking for a really good story, I heard that Joe DiMaggio and Marilyn Monroe are getting a divorce."

Football Star's Hooker Scandal Hilariously Embarrassing

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 01 May 2008 17:30:00 GMT

The David Beckham of Brazil is caught in the Sex Scandal of the Week, featuring three hookers, drug allegations, the cops, and one humiliating revelation.

Ronaldo, the international football star, had a quarrel with 3 hookers he brought back to his hotel room in Brazil. He discovered too late that they were transvestites.

Poor Ronaldo... first, someone names him Ronaldo (ouch), then he becomes internationally famous and therefore has to hide his sexual proclivities, then those sexual proclivities come out in full force, splashed all across the large-print tabloids of South America.

To add insult to injury, after offering each individual $600 (to go away... or to stay?), one demanded 30 large or "she" would call her friends in the media. That unnamed transvestite, his/her feelings hurt, went to the police with the story that Ronaldo had asked her to pick up some drugs, although cops aren't buying her story at all.

All right, be honest now... do these look like men or women?

Via Stupid Celebrities.

David Vitter: "Thank Christ You Forgot About Me"

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 18:20:00 GMT

David Vitter wants y'all to forget he's a Republican Senator who hired hookers for more than a decade, while married to his equally conservative wife. But we haven't forgotten about one of the world's biggest hypocrites, who famously said Spitzer's sleeping with prostitutes while in office was a totally different story from his own sleeping with prostitutes while in office...

Well, then... allow us to reintroduce an old friend of ours, Louisiana Republican Senator David Vitter. Remember him? He's the second-rate Eliot Spitzer who was in a DC Madam's Little Black Book when the DC Madam accidentally let in a rowdy bunch of Feds, even though they didn't know the secret password.

Here in New Orleans, they haven't forgotten Vitter, who has been given an "F" rating from Middle Class Voter, and a local version of the Onion has a hilarious attack piece on him...

First, let's remind you that this self-proclaimed champion of Family Values is, according to Wikipedia

a staunch supporter of... pro-life to pro-gun rights while legislating against same-sex marriage, family planning funding for abortion providers, gambling, increases in the State Children's Health Insurance Program (SCHIP) program, the United Nations and amnesty for illegal immigrants.

The New Orleans Levee, an admittedly low-budget parody rag, has exposed the hardcore conservative as a money-grubbing meathead with an affinity for barely-legal Hustler Club girls, as this picture of the staff at his 500K fundraiser reveals:

This is one brazen mofo. And with many of the state's Democrats displaced due to that hurricane and the mismanagement thereof by the leader he so blindly supports, Louisiana is going to have to put up with these shenanigans until at least 2017, when North America will be buried under forty feet of water.

Read more about Vitter and his exploits at the New Orleans Levee.

Prostitution 101: Class Trip to the Chicken Ranch

Nicole Pasulka — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 19:02:00 GMT

What happens when you mix higher education with legalized prostitution? This American Culture class trip to the Chicken Ranch, a legal brothel in Nevada, that's what. After the tour there was the usual Q and A:

Alexis, 38, and Alicia, "over 30," sat on white folding chairs in front the young, earnest women in the brothel's Victorian-styled parlor, usually the setting for the "lineup." They would not give their last names. The group took close notes as a handful of television cameras and reporters looked on.

A blonde in jeans and platform boots, Alexis talked about the job's flexibility and the free time it has allowed her to write a book about her life. Alicia wore a black-and-white gingham nighty and a tattoo on her left breast that read "Famous."

"I enjoy giving back what some people don't get in their lives, as far as companionship, time, just the touch of a woman," she said. The job allows her to take care of her mother and grandmother. She's also in real estate.

This is college? Someone should have told us. We sure wasted a lot of reading Jane Austen and discussing "intertextuality." Would have gotten way better job training interviewing hookers.

Miss Hooker 2008 Beauty Pageant

Emily Farris — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 19:21:00 GMT

Girl Gone Wild: The Ashley Alexandra Dupree Video

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 16:11:00 GMT

Rarely has a story ever been so nauseating... or appropriate for Scanner: an eighteen-year-old girl, subjected to the whims of Girls Gone Wild douchebag and ex-con Joe Francis, is exploited, celebrated, then ditched when her usefulness gets stale. The teenage girl goes on to become a Julia Roberts/"Pretty Woman" prostitute-- well paid but nevertheless a streetwalking cheetah with a heart full of napalm. A runaway soul. And eventually the fatal flaw in the rise and fall of the former First Jewish President of the United States...

Now Girls Gone Wild is selling a nudie video or two of our favorite Republican plant in the State House. The New York Post has a censored overview of the material; really, what more do you need to see of this overexposed star? Can't we leave her alone to her music career?

Hold it-- you do want to see more? Well, if someone wants to waste $29 to become a GGW member, download the offending material, and somehow get it to us via an embed code... we will reluctantly post it.

In the meantime, here are some more pics from the video.

Previously: Sloppy Seconds...

Photos/links via the New York Post.

Ashley Alexandra Dupre: The Last Nude Hurrah

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 15:30:00 GMT

Did Ash sign a contract with the New York gossip rags to pose nude for them every day? It sure seemed that way over the last week. Well, the fun we've been having waking up in the morning to rampant nakedness at the newsstand appears to be over, with one final photo for the Post...

1) Over the weekend, smut peddler/First Amendment hero Larry Flynt offered the skanksta 1,000,000 American pounds if she would spread her legs... in his pages. Why doesn't he just pay her what he has in his wallet and get this whole thing over with? After all, the below photo is enough for us-- we don't need much more.

2) Ashley's friends are helping her lay low, which probably means no more jetting to Midtown to take nude photos like the one below.

3) She may be turning into a respectable recording artist. Even ig'nant record execs must be foaming at the mouth at the popularity, however kitsch, over her songs on the internet. As her vocal coach puts it in a MySpace comment:

"We wIll bE on yoUr side forever these events reinforce the poWer of mUsic to overcome obstacles in our lives."

Judging by the quality of said music, these events also reinforce the poWer of mUsic to BEcome obstacles in our lives. Barf.

4) Spitzer and his soon-to-be-estranged family are in hiding these days. Without their mopey mugs at more news conferences, the press is likely to go sniffing elsewhere for fresh blood, with their interest in Ash dissipating in the process. Perfect time for her to hit the nudie mags up for a million bucks, just as she senses the public's attention waning.

In any case, we can at least enjoy the below photo and speculate on why her boobs look so weird in every picture we've seen:

Previously: Client 9's Date Revealed... And She's Worth The $4,300, Sloppy Seconds: Eliot Spitzer's Lady Friend Can Rock Your World Too; and Ashley Alexandra Dupre To Get Naked?

[Photos: New York Daily News]

Client 9's Date Revealed... And She's Worth The $4,300

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 14:30:00 GMT

Ashley Alexandra Dupre, as already revealed this morning by Scanner Bryan, is an aspiring singer or something. Whatever. We just wanted to know whether she was worth the 4 g's, yo... and we found the answer in the pictures on her MySpace page.

Here's the full photo from St. Tropez:

You can see Ashley's MySpace profile here... and please don't leave offensive comments on her page or start your own Ashley Alexandra Dupre profiles (you can see those travesties by doing a Search in MySpace for her).

Spitzer Resigns; Nation To Have First Blind Black Ninja Gov.

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 14:51:00 GMT

Is David Paterson the Staten Island Ninja Burglar?

What does it say when this whole Gov-luv affair has gotten so out of hand that you might actually have believed the part about the ninja? Well, New York's Lt. Gov may not be a ninja, and is probably not frequenting too many prostitutes (we hope, for the sake of the state), but the emerging details on Eliot Spitzer's personal life have been unbelievably absurd...

The man spent 80,000 clams on hookers... eight thousand American dollars? What does one buy with 80,000 American dollars anymore? (Okay, okay, we hear your jokes about "that could only buy you a blowjob, at best, in today's economy." Hardy har har.)

He is going to be in the divorce trial of the century-- three teenage daughters, a pissed off wife, money hidden (possibly) all over the country (you don't really think he got that $80G out of his salary, do you?), mistresses to come forward, his whole history of convictions against prostitution rings and even Wall Street will be questioned, as his ethics are looked into, and the State of New York will continue its downward spiral until New York City (yay!) is forced to secede from the Union. Which would rock.

Spitzer is expected to resign at any moment, but we'll keep you posted...

UPDATE: The Luv Gov to resign at 11:30am (EST) news conference...

UPDATE: The Luv Gov is about to be live on CNN. David Paterson, the Lt. Governor, is the first blind Governor and only the third black Governor since Reconstruction (i.e. fucking ever.) CNN reports that signs of "money laundering led [the FBI] to a wiretap" in which they ensnared the Governor in a prostitution-related phone call. He could be charged with a crime by the US Attorney's office any day now, which is apparently the main reason he is going to resign. CNN also claims that the First Lady of New York wanted him to stay the course. Not sure she will stay the course. (11:40AM.)

UPDATE: Spitz resigned at 11:45-ish AM. Paterson will assume the helm on St. Patrick's Day, although he is not Irish.

UPDATE: The New York Post is reporting that Eliot Spitzer has used hookers at least since 2002.

[Photo: NY Daily News]

[Previously on Scanner: Deep "That's What SHE Said" Thoughts On... Spitzer]

Deep "That's What SHE Said" Thoughts On... Spitzer

Katie Halper — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 20:10:00 GMT

It's too bad that Eliot Spitzer didn't use his gubernatorial powers to legalize prostitution in New York. But, like all men, Spitzer was thinking with his "other head" when he joined the Emperors Club VIP list. Of course, now, since Scanner Bryan broke the story, it's too late. But it would have been a good idea. Another opportunity Spitz squandered would have been portraying his act of sin as an act of resistance, a protest against our punitive and puritanical society's punishment of prostitution.

In all seriousness, though, isn't it time we made prostitution legal? Does anyone honestly think there will ever be a deterrent strong enough to stop people from seeking out sex? I know this isn't an original idea, but if we acknowledge that prostitution isn't going away, why not legalize it? Scanners, what's your vote? Is it time to Nevada-ize New York? Or should we keep prosecuting prostituting?

Blogs That Ain't Sh*t But Hos and Tricks

Bryan Christian — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 19:00:00 GMT

Anyone out there who's curious about the world of prostitution -- but uninterested in actually standing on a street corner -- might want to have a look at Letters from Working Girls, an anonymous sounding board for current and former sex workers and a companion site to Letters from Johns, which we blogged about a few weeks back.

One problem I have is that I bruise REALLY easily, so after I meet someone for this, I end up with a purple ass for like a week. Which is annoying because it prevents me from having sex during that time, since there's only 2 people that know I do this, and there is no way I am explaining to someone I am about to have sex with that, oh, my ass is all bruised today because a man with several umlauts on his name gave me "the strap".

The site is fully brand new -- there's only one letter up yet -- so our favorite missive thus far is still from Letters from Johns: "I Have Come to the Conclusion That Hookers Are Not for Me," which we're pretty sure is also the name of the slow song on Chinese Democracy.

PREVIOUSLY: Why Do Men Pay for Sex?

[Letters from Working Girls; via BoingBoing]

Soccer Pro Sex Scandal Number Two: Now THAT'S More Like It!

Bryan Christian — Tue, 15 Jan 2008 18:56:00 GMT

God bless you, News of the World and soccer superstar Cristiano Ronaldo. There's no video, but nonetheless: you've done us all proud!

Previously: Soccer Pro in Most Boring Sextape Scandal Ever?