Scanner : iphone

While You Were Sleeping: Lara Flynn Boyle Still Getting Naked

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:14:00 GMT

Phil Spector was finally convicted of second-degree murder. Bye bye, psycho.

Al Franken has been declared the winner of the Minnesota Senate race... again. And it's not over yet... although it's been over for months, of course.

A study shows that Facebook users have lower GPA's than non-Facebookers.

We're a bit out of this morning: did we tell you about the eight-year-old who couldn't get her marriage to a middle-aged man annulled in the great nation of Saudi Arabia? If not, you really need to read this.

Lara Flynn Boyle's still getting naked, but this time it's for a TV show.

The Neverland sale is going ahead as planned-- we hope they burn that whole sickening place to the ground on the way out.

After the Tweenbots thing yesterday, we were thinking New Yorkers were getting better at being aware and helpful. Not so much.

Want to get an iPhone but don't want to deal with AT&T's shitty plans?

Our Weekend Gift to You: Blood Alcohol Calculator

While You Were Sleeping: Foxy Brown Joins The Nipple Slip Parade

Twitter Goes to the Next Level: Flutter (Video)

Our Weekend Gift to You: Blood Alcohol Calculator

Colleen Kane — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 19:32:00 GMT

Apparently some long-lost relative of mine who goes by the handle Celtic Kane created an online blood alcohol calculator that's become quite popular in the past few days.

The calculator is linked here via Digg's annoying new toolbar thingie that also rose to prominence in the past week, or if you are boycotting that, here at CelticKane.com.

I see one problem: you have to be on a computer to use it. If you're not sure whether you're too drunk to drive, you probably shouldn't be online either. That could result in an unfortunate email getting sent out or a Facebook status getting changed that will prove embarassing tomorrow.

However, as an iPhone app? Genius.

(Sorry for the generic photo above, but if you really want to stop yourself from driving drunk, do a Google image search for "drinking and driving." The only lighthearted photo that came up was also creepy, it was a little boy drinking while on a toy motorcycle, but it was from a website of some 8-year-old kid whose parents chronicle his life online including a long list of high-resolution photos.)

Related:

Consecutive DUIs: Three Times a Lady

Today in the Apocalypse: A 14-Year-Old Girl Did... What?!

Drunk Teenagers Have No Respect For the Dead, Other Drunk People

While You Were Sleeping: Foxy Brown Joins The Nipple Slip Parade

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 13:12:00 GMT

Charley Pride: country music legend and our Hero of the Day, no question.

This man's stripper addiction costs him pretty much his entire salary. Dude, you can rent a harem in most countries, including the US, every night of the week, for what you're throwing away in English pounds.

Spencer Tunick won't be showing naked Irish people to Ireland after all.

This is a tragic(ally hilarious?) tale of Mile High Club action gone wrong.

Don't text while driving-- it can cost you years of prison time.

Google Voice is coming to the iPhone. In other news, Scanner Brian may be coming to the iPhone today...

We told you about how meddling Puritan Republicans basically banned porn at Maryland State schools. Thankfully, the students aren't giving up
so easily...

Did Sam and Lindsay really break up this time? And does this mean this is the last time we'll ever have to mention their names in writing?

And Foxy Brown slipped a nip in concert. That is all you need to know.

Website Stockpiles Your Worst In-Flight Experiences

Skinny Blonde Beer As Misogynist As It Is Gimmicky

While You Were Sleeping: Britain's Next Topless Model

Ryanair Stewardess Wants You to Join Her Mile High Club

Sloppy Seconds: Gwyneth Paltrow Has a Cure for Joaquin Phoenix

The Rest of the Week Can't Possibly Top This Mr. T Infomercial

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 13:44:00 GMT

This video is so gigantic in its awesomeness, the Scanner homepage cannot contain it. But trust us, it's well worth clicking the Read more... for the video goodness.

We were taken aback by the sight of Mr. T without his chains and gold-plated iPhones, but one YouTuber points out that T gave these up when he decided to become a Serious Christian, which made him somehow crazier.

Speaking of "somehow crazier," how is it possible that the man is, indeed, more insane looking without the chains? Kind of like when Prince became "The Artist," T is only drawing attention to his egomania by suddenly being "too good" for only one of many ridiculous aspects of his personality. In other words, he ain't exactly calling himself Laurence Tureaud in his press releases...

Related:

The Mile High Club Takes On A Whole New Meaning...

Young Guy Waits In Tree For His Girlfriend...

This is Where Prostitution Might Move Once Kicked Off Craigslist

While You Were Sleeping: Ashton Kutcher Needs To Shaddup

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 13:08:00 GMT

London is never going to get rid of MJ-- the King of Pop That Was Almost Good Twenty Years Ago added 17 new shows.

All this iPhone app silliness shows that Apple is just as lame as any other company when it comes to letting their customers have freedom of speech.

Iron Man 2 will either be the best or the worst sequel in film history-- there can no longer be any in between. Yesterday, sources confirmed that Mickey Rourke and now Scarlett Johansson have signed on.

It's too bad we don't have Fidel Castro around to seize this bastard's assets.

Bad news, New York City. You might be getting a weiner for mayor.

This moron-- or is it genius?-- thinks a ringtone may psychologically cause a woman's breasts to grow... or something.

It's just part of Scientology's plan to use Katie Holmes in their brainwashing schemes: Mrs. Tom Cruise is launching her own clothing line for impressionable girls.

Ashton Kutcher said "fag," "gay," and the "N-word" in a single Twitter post and, obviously, came off like a complete moron.

Related:

While You Were Sleeping: The Spitzer Scandal Never Dies

Fun With Wikipedia: Mammary Intercourse

While You Were Sleeping: Blake Fielder-Civil's 16-Year-Old Girlfriend?

Michael Jackson Announces "Final Curtain Call" Before His Face Implodes

iPhone's No. 1 Selling Application Sort-of Makes Us Want an iPhone

Emily Farris — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 16:57:00 GMT

Not that we didn't want one before, but when we went to buy an iPhone, and didn't have our ID on us the friendly people at the Apple Store turned us away. But you see, there's this application—and we swear we'd only use it when we were really drunk, or trying to get out of a bad date—and the mere fact that it even exists makes us want an iPhone even more.

Yeah, we know what this says about us, and we're okay with that...maaaaybe? Also, whoever created this shit probably made more money last year than we will in our entire lives. ::Sigh::

[iFartMobile.com]

Related:

To Buy or Not to Buy: The iPhone

While You Were Sleeping: The iPhone Crisis

Today in WTF: Virtual Boob Groping

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 16:21:00 GMT

Now that boob groping is available for the iPhone, can sex with our cell phones be too far off?

Seriously, yesterday we joked that since our Nokia phones tear hair off our heads when we're speaking on them, it makes sense that they could be equal if not better vibrator/shaver devices than the new vibrator combo. We didn't seriously think that cell phones could be sexual devices... until we saw this:

Well, you knew this was coming (that's what she said)... a Japanese blogger calling himself Technohippy has just introduced the third generation of an iPhone app he likes to call paiTouch (click here to see it in action). The "pai" is short for "oppai", Japanese for "breasts". I bet Steve Jobs never thought it would come to this; then again, he's the uber-geek, so who knows?

No, Inventor Spot, we did not see the iGrope or iBoobs "coming," as you so un-humorously put it. But we're not knocking you-- thank you for alerting us to this free device, which allows for groping while surfing boob pics on your iPhone's Safari browser. The question is, who would ever do this and why?

Of course, that shouldn't stop any of you from trying this out and reporting back immediately...

Via Inventor Spot.

Related:

Motorcycle Party Features Screaming Orgasm Contest, Rampant Nudity

A Sex Blogger That Doesn't Actually Like Your Sex Parts... At Least Not if You Work With Her

The Naked Lady Rides Again In Oregon

To Buy or Not to Buy: The iPhone

Look Out: More Hackers Targeting Macs & iPhones

To Buy or Not to Buy: The iPhone

Emily Farris — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 19:20:00 GMT

Scanner readers, I need your help.

I'm considering purchasing an iPhone.

I recently switched to AT&T after a seven-year abusive relationship with Sprint. I purchased a Samsung BlackJack which is fine, or was fine until it had a major malfunction. The company replaced it for free but, yet again, my email isn't working so well. I've been considering getting an iPhone, but I don't think they're as sexy as everyone else does (and I'm completely devoted to Mac products). I really like my little raised keyboard and appreciate the fact that I can drop my phone three times a day and it still, somehow, miraculously works. However, I lost my iPod at camp, so think it's rather silly to buy a new iPod when I could just get an iPhone for $50 more....right?

For those of you who have them, what do you think? How's the battery life? Is the email feature really as great as everyone says it is? Will it get me laid? (Just joking. I sadly know it won't.)

Now, before you go blaming me for asking such a ridiculous question on Scanner, one advantage would be that I could blog from anywhere. So next time I see a topless lady on the street, not only could I snap a picture, I could post it right away. So there.

Help? Please and thank you.

Related:

Look Out: More Hackers Targeting Macs & iPhones

While You Were Sleeping: The iPhone Crisis

Sloppy Seconds: Pregnancy Pact Girl Speaks Out, "There Was No Pact"

Teenagers Can't Even Go Swimming Without Facebook Anymore

Scanner Emily on the New MacBook Air: Enh

Smell Yo D*ck: The Official Video

My Life Just Flashed Before My Eyes: The Evolution of the Cell Phone

Hey Everyone: Let's Totally Punk Our Friends By Text Message!

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 20:49:00 GMT

Wonkette had the brilliant idea today to use an online texting service to fake out all the Obama supporters and other political junkies who signed up to get a message announcing the campaign's official Vice Presidential selection.

Let's try it out on everyone we know... and see if we can get one of them to spread the news around, causing utter chaos and maybe even some hilarious press coverage...

First, go here if you're texting a Verizon customer. (If not, skip to the next bolded text.)

https://text.vzw.com/customer_site/jsp/messaging_lo.jsp

In the "Send To:" box, enter the number of the Verizon customer friend of yours. Don't know anybody political that has Verizon? (Yeah, most of our friends have iPhones or are voting Bob Barr.) Just enter a random number, maybe it'll go through. We tried someone who doesn't have Verizon; as far as we know, they haven't gotten it. (Either that, or they're currently alerting the media that Obama chose Michael Phelps.)

If you don't know a Verizon customer, you can try this, although we can't vouch for it. (Sprint/Nextel may work here.)

Make sure to enter 62262 as the From and Reply To, although you can probably put a fake phone number in the Call Back field.

Let us know if you come up with anything funny to say. Otherwise, we'll keep waiting by our phones for the real announcement to come our way...

Related:

Oracle: Lieberman To Become 1st Two-Time Loser VP Candidate

If The Election Were Today... Round Two

Rumor: Obama About To Announce VP Choice

While You Were Sleeping: Better To Be Fat And Fit?

Look Out: More Hackers Targeting Macs & iPhones

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 16:34:00 GMT

Wild PC-Mac foursomes with vibrating iPhones may lead to an overdue comeuppance for all of us.

For years Mac users have remained smug and secure in the knowledge that Windows users were suckers.

To date Mac users have been largely immune from such attacks. But are Macs safer from computer viruses because of better design or simply because, until recently, so few people actually owned them that hackers didn’t bother?

With over 90% of global market share, Windows has long been the target of choice for would-be hackers looking to wreak havoc or profit with viruses and spyware. Now, with Apple sales taking off, hackers are starting to target Apple products, software, and that most ubiquitous of all hipster shoulder bag stuffers, the iPhone.

"There are more eyes looking over Apple products for vulnerabilities," Hotchkies told AFP at a notorious annual DefCon gathering of hackers in Las Vegas.

"It has slowly been growing as a target people are more and more interested in."

"There are a lot more people getting into it and really getting their hands dirty," said Hotchkies, who noted an obvious spike this year in the number of DefCon attendees toting Macintosh laptops.

"I've been seeing a lot of reverse engineering on the Apple platform."

Ironically enough, part of this new fangled infection risk began when Apple started whoring itself out to run Windows.

"Windows developers take their code and make it work on Apple," Hotchkies said. "They could take potential vulnerabilities with them or possibly create new ones because they are working on an entirely different platform."

Something to think about the next time you download that a season of The Wire from Piratebay.

Via Breitbart.

-written by our fill-in blogger, Byron Dafoe

Sloppy Seconds: Who Else is Making Out With Drew Barrymore's Boyfriend?

While You Were Sleeping: The iPhone Crisis

Sloppy Seconds: What's Wrong With This Picture Of Brad Pitt?

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 21:30:00 GMT

Google is rumored to be negotiating its purchase of Digg... oh, for around 200 million freakin' dollars.

Vanity Fair mocks the New Yorker cover's failed satire with actual satire, kinda.

Hey, wanna be buried in an iPhone? Only if a nude Lauren Amborse jumps in there with us.

Maybe there's something to keeping your kids locked inside, home schooled for life, and unavailable to interact with other children: Amy Winehouse is planning to have five children, count 'em, five children. Of course, it'll be hard to procreate that often when conjugal visits are every six months.

"Compassionate conservative" columnist Robert Novak plowed into a pedestrian and would've driven until infinity and beyond had a bicyclist not chased him down and blocked his path until the police arrived. Novak: "I didn't realize I hit anyone, even though he rolled around on my windshield for ten minutes." (Okay, not an actual quote.)

Is CBS a member of the liberal media, like McCain says? Well, they're certainly trying to help him, it seems: his interview with Katie Couric appears to have been doctored to remove his once-a-day foreign policy gaffe.

Who is Katie Price and why is anyone reading her books, which she doesn't even write? Okay, sorry for that, but we're not sure why a model can't write has a book deal of any kind.

Brad Pitt drove around in a golf cart with two-year-old Shiloh. At the wheel. (Well, at least the kid was only reaching for the steering wheel.) Next time, perhaps his own seat and/or a fucking door might help, eh, Brad?

Is it me, or is Brad Pitt not as hot as he used to be?

CBS News Correspondent Embroiled In Career-Defining Sex Scandal

Controversial New Yorker Cover Even Dumber Than We First Thought

The Amy Winehouse Comeback Begins...

Accused Killer's Crazy Google Searches All The Evidence We Need

By The Way, We Just Got Banned From Digg (Digg This Post For Us!)

What Do We Think About Vanity Fair's Fake Celebrities?

Sloppy Seconds: It's Friday And Salma Hayek Is Single

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 21:50:00 GMT

A woman paid $1,000 for someone else's baby after having a miscarriage. Painful Excerpt: "...she didn’t want to disappoint her mother." Yikes.

Did you guys and gals attend the mass nude photo shoot today in Ann Arbor, Michigan?

The Best Article Every Day today featured "7 Reasons Why The New iPhone Sucks."

Lockup your children, drugs, bowler hats, and microphones: Pete Doherty is on the loose.

John McCain actually doesn't hide from gay Republicans. He just conveniently leaves them off his public schedule.

Today in Weight Gain or Pregnancy? rumors is Uma Thurman.

Wonkette reports that our favorite cheating, divorcing family values Republican seriously injured a man at a Congressional baseball game and did nothing while the man bled all over the place. Oh, then he hit a home run and celebrated. Classy.

Another disgusting Obama shirt or just a poor choice of words: "Obama Is My Slave." (we're betting it's the former-- can you picture them making and somehow selling a John McCain version?)

Salma Hayek is not getting married to some billionaire after all. While the lesbian rumors start up again, we'll make our move...

Related:

Republican Quits Congress For His Family, Cheats On His Wife, Files For Divorce

"Breasts Drive Women Wild" Article Even Better Than Promised

Racist Fake Obama T-Shirt Has Internet In Uproar

Crazy White Supremacists-- Gasp!-- Hate Obama

Gisele Bundchen's Latest Nude Shoot May Be Her Finest Work Yet

Corrupt Congresswoman Does Topless Shoot From Prison

Photo via AskMen.

While You Were Sleeping: The iPhone Crisis

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 13:42:00 GMT

Nude and stoned protesters rolled through a small Maine town in a pimped-out truck, complete with a jacuzzi and topless men and women and a man wearing fairy wings and shouting through a megaphone: "We smoke pot. We like it a lot." Predictably, the name of the town is Norway.

Israel's Prime Minister believes he's close to entering into a peace agreement with Palestine. He added that it's a lot easier when you tell them it's a contract for The Amazing Race.

Joss Whedon and Neil Patrick Harris are returning to the small screen. The really small screen.

One of the Golden Girls weighed in on the Presidential race. You can only stop holding your breaths now.

The Who were honored by a bunch of bands that sometimes actually rock hard, including Pearl Jam and the Flaming Lips. We'd still kill to see The Who, while at least two of them are still alive, just once...

We're really proud of Usher. And Nas, too.

Is it wrong to shrug off the death of a middle-aged man from cancer, just because he aided and abetted war criminals? Former Bush press secretary Tony Snow died over the weekend at the age of 53.

According to MTV, Friday's launch of the new iPhone was "plagued by long waits, phone shortages, and activation problems." This is what you get, people, for signing up with AT&T.

Anyone have an iPhone story to share?

Sloppy Seconds: Pregnancy Pact Girl Speaks Out, "There Was No Pact"

Emily Farris — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 21:01:00 GMT

God was arrested for dealing cocaine outside of a church in Florida. For real. [YBNBY]

Holy Steve Holt! A big-screen version of Arrested Development is being planned for next year. [Times Online]

Women with long nails are really annoyed at the designers of the iPhone, and their misogynist touch pad. [Yahoo! Tech]

Is Kobe Bryant to blame for Shaquille O'Neal's failing marriage? Or is it Shaq's bad rapping? [TMZ]

Is anyone surprised that Amy Winehouse is still smoking even after she's been diagnosed with pre-emphysema? [Us]

Good thing Anne Hathaway got away from her billionaire BF when she did. He's been arrested on charges of fraud, money laundering and conspiracy to commit wire fraud. Wonder what it would cost to bail a billionaire out of jail? [People]

Wow, watch one of the super happy "pregnancy pact" girls with her boyfriend (who looks just like Adrian Brody!) talk to Good Morning America. There was no pact! [MollyGood]

Related:

My Life Just Flashed Before My Eyes: The Evolution of the Cell Phone

Emily Farris — Fri, 23 May 2008 19:49:00 GMT

From Zack Morris to the iPhone.

Smell Yo D*ck: The Official Video

Emily Farris — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 13:13:00 GMT

You've heard the, uh, cult classic "Smell Yo Dick" by Riskay. Now watch the "official" video, complete with a cameo by the iPhone.