Scanner : iron man

Summer Blockbusters Made for Women Inspired by Blockbusters Made for Men

Colleen Kane — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 13:44:00 GMT

Every summer, Hollywood rolls out more movies based on toys my brother played with when we were little: Transformers, GI Joe, Star Wars. Others are based on the comics he read: Iron Man, X-Men, The Hulk, etc. These films are taken seriously by adults. And they are huge. It got me thinking:

What if Hollywood made movies for women that weren't brainless rom-coms?

But that question was too large to tackle.

What if Hollywood made movies based on characters and toys women liked as children?

And so, here are some ideas I present to Hollywood (with the understanding that if used I will be compensated richly), titles followed by their potential trailers, trailers of course being read in the voice of trailer voiceover guy.

Outrageous: Holograms vs. Misfits

Jerrica Benton was an ordinary woman who owned a record company. But in her secret double life as Jem, with help from Cynergi, she is outragous. Truly, truly, truly outrageous. [Sequence of Jem and the Holograms rocking out on stage.] But not everyone is a fan. [Sequence of Pizzazz from the Misfits singing: "We are the Misfits/ Our songs are better/ We hate Jem and / We're gonna get her."]

This summer... Jem and the Holograms face off... in the battle of their lives... against their arch-enemy rockers, the Misfits. Only one band will win. The other band will lose their identity: either the Holograms will be stripped of Jem's special Cynergi earrings, or the Misfits will have to change their name, because it was already taken by the Misfits 30 years ago. Excitement. Adventure. Fashion. Fame. This summer...be a Jem girl. JEM. Jem is her name.

The Care Bears Wake-Up Call

The Care Bears have been hibernating since 1990 when the grunge era began and eventually destroyed happiness and optimism. In the summer of 2010, the Care Bears wake up in a world that is a much faster...and much meaner. In order to survive, they have to adapt.
Meet the Don't- Care Bears: Blogger Bear, Pollution Bear, Conservative Bear, Nihilist Bear. But in their struggle to survive, have the Care Bears forgotten the most important lesson of all? Will a world without caring self-destruct? In a word...Yes. [Montage of apocalyptic destruction set to operatic choral musical climax, then: silence. Black screen.]
Care Bears Wake-Up Call
Summer 2010

Easy Bake

In a world... one little girl finds herself in the cookoff of her life. But she's not allowed to use her mommy's grownup oven. The only cooking device she can use is...an Easy-Bake Oven. That's right: everything must be cooked to perfection using only a light bulb. Or something. In a world.

Other ideas which could be fleshed out if the price is right:

Strawberry Shortcake: The Pieman Cometh

MLP (My Little Pony)

Rainbow Brite and the Deadly Quest for Sparkles

Related:

Striking While The "Iron" Is Hot, Marvel Studios Paves Way For "Avengers" Movies

"Star Wars" Retold by Someone Who Hasn't Seen it Sounds About Right to Us

Star Wars Tattoos... and Shame

AFI's Lame Top Ten 2008 Movie List

Scanner Matt — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 23:28:00 GMT

Maybe The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is telling us something. Americans grow up to be children (who think superhero flicks and fancy cartoons deserve critical acclaim). Yet another list of the "best" movies of 2008. This time from the American Film Institue.

Is it us or were last year's picks (with the exception of Ratatouille) far more interesting? And no Slumdog Millionaire? No Doubt? This list is only 40% right in our opinion.

AFI AWARDS 2008

AFI MOVIES OF THE YEAR-OFFICIAL SELECTIONS

THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON

THE DARK KNIGHT

FROST/NIXON

FROZEN RIVER

GRAN TORINO

IRON MAN

MILK

WALL•E

WENDY AND LUCY

THE WRESTLER

We'll throw in the TV list too:

AFI TV PROGRAMS OF THE YEAR-OFFICIAL SELECTIONS

BREAKING BAD

IN TREATMENT

JOHN ADAMS

LIFE

LOST

MAD MEN

THE OFFICE

RECOUNT

THE SHIELD

THE WIRE

Related:

Golden Globe Nominations Even Worse Than We Expected

And the Role of Oscar Host Goes to...

Top 5 Chase Scenes

Top 5 Drunk Scenes of American Cinema

Top 3 Reasons "Twilight" Isn't Cool…or Sexy... or Worth Your $10

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While You Were Sleeping: The Third Iron Man

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 13:08:00 GMT

A while back, we told you about the man in Duncanville, Texas facing trial for operating a swingers club out of his home. He was convicted yesterday of misdemeanor charges that had accused him of operating a sex "business."

Now Playboy is selling off its art collection to help stay afloat.

An anonymous blogger for The Frisky talked about her labiaplasty:

My unruly butterfly wings—otherwise known as my labia—interfered with my sexual activities. Riding a bike for more than 15 minutes? Painful. Camel toe? Obvious. Intercourse? Lube did little to relieve all that smooshing, pulling, stretching, especially when condoms were involved.
And then there were the unsolicited anatomical editorials that I’d received over the years, ranging from the respectfully observant, “You’re very floral,” to the horrifying, “Damn, girl. You got a fat p***y!,” to the complimentary, “Actually, I like it full and lippy ... That’s my thing.”

Obnoxious jerks that we are, we thought only dudes had problems with bike seats. Meanwhile...

This is a very interesting rundown of Senate and Congressional races in the A through H states.

Britney Spears will have her financial and business affairs permanently overseen by Papa Spears.

Michael Caine and Scarlett Johansson will host the Nobel concert on December 11th, featuring Diana Ross, Feist and others.

The Iron Man crew is doing The Avengers as well? Then we're suddenly excited for that one...

And Steven Page of Barenaked Ladies fame is not going to have to do hard time.

Related:

While You Were Sleeping: The Madonna Marriage Meltdown

Robert Downey Jr. Used to Love Himself, Compulsively.

The MTV Movie Awards: More Entertaining Than We Wanted Them To Be

Swingers Vs. Nudists In Florida (Of Course)

Deep in the Heart of Texas, Swingers Make Lousy Neighbors

Sloppy Seconds: The Million-Dollar Strip Club Buy

"Iron Man": The Kermode Dub

Bryan Christian — Fri, 16 May 2008 18:49:00 GMT

Maybe you're not as much of a fan of BBC Five Live film critic Mark Kermode as we are? Well, maybe you're also an idiot! Ha, we kid. But seriously, if you're not listening to this guy, you're basically not enjoying movies to their fullest. In a world where Roger Ebert can't talk and non-Pulitzer winning film critics are getting fired left and right, it's maybe no surprise that we'd have to smuggle the musings of a smart, angry, contrarian critic like Kermode into the country over the webs. Oh, and also: he's full of really ridiculous impressions. Share and enjoy.

Striking While The "Iron" Is Hot, Marvel Studios Paves Way For "Avengers" Movies

Bryan Christian — Tue, 06 May 2008 18:13:00 GMT

If you've seen the new Iron Man movie, and know anything about the Avengers, the superhero supergroup that's been Marvel's answer to the Justice League for about 50 years, well then the newly released roster of forthcoming Marvel adaptations should make a fair amount of sense, particularly if you take into account this year's other Marvel movie: The Incredible Hulk.

While Marvel Studios will not release a self produced feature film in 2009, it will have a busy run from 2010 to 2011. They plan to launch their 2010 film slate with the release of the sequel, Iron Man 2, on April 30, 2010, followed by the launch of Thor on June 4, 2010. Additionally, Marvel is planting its feature film stakes for summer 2011 with an Avengers-themed summer – a two-picture project which will debut on May 6, 2011 with The First Avenger: Captain America (working title), followed by The Avengers in July 2011.

There's even a possibly non-canonical Ant-Man (aka Giant Man) movie due from Edgar (Shaun of the Dead) Wright in 2010, which means that short of The Wasp, pretty much everyone in the classic Avengers lineup will have their own movie within a few years, establishing a foundation for Marvel to spin franchises basically into infinity. Guess now that Marvel's got their own studio, and doesn't have to go renting their properties to other people, they're feeling comfy enough to let their most prized possessions out in the wild. To which we say: soft-core She-Hulk movie NOW!

Does This Full-Body Iron Costume Match My Black Lace Bra?

sarahhepola — Tue, 09 Oct 2007 15:55:00 GMT

Rolling Stone has launched their annual Hot Issue. Noticeably missing? Rolling Stone. Instead, we are treated to their zeitgeisty thoughts on hot Mormons (you read it here first!) and the hotness of kids coming out on YouTube. Also hot, apparently, is dressing up in an Iron Man costume and surrounding yourself with more fake fog than a high school production of Hamlet. Look, we heart Robert Downey Jr. as much as the next lady, but if you want to pay tribute, knock back a few Jamesons, dangle a Parliament from your lips, and leave the armor at home. That shit is for the bedroom, yo.