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Top 10 Worst Celebrity Plastic Surgeries

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 19:29:00 GMT

For no particular reason (well, other than that there's nothing much out there today except political news), we decided to start Halloween early: a series of the worst celebrity plastic surgeries.

And remember, kids, unless you've been in a motorcycle accident (like suave mofo Gary Busey!)-- or some equally scarring experience-- it's better to stick with what you were born with, flaws and all...

10. Janice Dickinson: Is that her or Penelope Cruz put through a brutal Photoshopping?

9. Lil' Kim: "Sorry, but we already cast Catherine Zeta-Jones as Cleopatra."

8. Tara Reid tries to reenact that Seinfeld episode with her belly button: "Helloooooooooo..."

7. Kenny Rogers -- Looks like The Gambler gambled and lost to Beverly Hills. There's nothing wrong with looking 80, Kenny, when you've always looked 79 anyway.

6. Farrah Fawcett (see top of this page.) Holy God, is that Melanie Griffith, aged by computer to the year 3028? Nope, that's the woman who we thought was going to age like Sophia Loren. Come on, now, get some help, please...

5. Mickey Rourke. Some say this was due to a post-Hollywood boxing career gone Jake La Motta, but even Jake himself couldn't have caused this much damage to this dude.

4. (tie) Jenna Jameson and Pamela Anderson. Why would the world's #1 porn star need even more attention? Why would Pamela Anderson need bigger boobs? You know when even Howard Stern thinks you're perfect, there's no one left to please...

3. Joan Rivers. Yeah, this one you know... you've seen her on E!, everyone's been ragging on her for years about it, we'll move on.

2. Melanie Griffith -- too scary to post here. Click on this link at your own peril.

1. Michael Jackson, a manchild who needs no introduction... well, only this:

Related:

Top 10 Celebrity Moms Who Could Be Hookers

While You Were Sleeping: David Duchovny Can't Keep It Together

Top 10 Celebrity Moms Who Could Be Hookers

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 17:24:00 GMT

Not to insult Moms (or even celebrities), but TMZ has a list today that we must improve upon...

Most of these Celebrity Moms are actually pretty cool (well, except for Britney, of course), but sometimes with all their plastic surgery, fake boobs, and reality TV antics, they make fools of themselves. Today, we run down those who have slipped up and caused the biggest fashion faux pas of late...

10. Janice Dickinson (see above.) The world's first supermodel or Scary Aunt Spice?

9. Katie Holmes. Not because she ever dresses like a prostitute, rather her inclusion here is thanks to those "rumors" that she took $3 million from the Church of Scientology to be Tom's wife.

8. Judy Landers

7. Christina Aguilera, who normally looks much classier these days, was caught in Spitzer's-second-hooker mode by the pap's:

6. Linda Hogan

5. Lisa Gastineau

4. Tori Spelling

3. Britney Spears

2. Elizabeth Hurley. Among the classiest women in the world most of the time and arguably Britain's sexiest MILF, Hurley does, from time to time, unfortunately get mistaken for a hooker Hugh Grant might've picked up:

Photo via Babble

1. Denise Richards. This photo really says it all. Why did Charlie Sheen need to hire out again? (Seriously, who needs hookers when you have the star of "Wild Things," who happens to dress way better than this most of the time? Even a jackass like Sheen shouldn't need to outsource...)

Via TMZ.

Kitty's Got Claws: Janice Dickinson Calls Tyra Fat, Takes It Back

Emily Farris — Tue, 11 Dec 2007 18:57:00 GMT

Yesterday, Janice I-Love-Anorexic-Models Dickinson said Jennifer Love Hewitt is healthy, but called Tyra Banks "fat" on the Today show. After Al Roker defended Tyra (awww...remember when he was fat?), she said she was kidding, but we think she meant what she said about Tyra's badunkadunk. See for yourself.

Dickinson: ‘Hewitt is a healthy girl’

And at the end of this painfully long clip from the Star Jones Live show [via PerezHilton], she takes it back.

Personally, and I guess we have to leave the "we" if we're going to get personal here, I think Janice could use a sandwich. Or five.