Scanner : japan

Masturbate-A-Thon 2009 Champion One Horny Dude

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 12 May 2009 20:14:00 GMT

Did any of our Bay Area readers attend the 2009 Masturbate-A-Thon last week? We would've been there, but we were too busy getting laid-- ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha.

Seriously, some guy named Masanobu Sato shattered his previous record for longest solo jerk at the annual event, with a cringe-inducing total of...

9 hours and 58 minutes. Dude, what, nine hours was fine, but you couldn't handle moving into the double digits? Sato spoke with San Francisco Weekly to explain just how the hell someone has a ten hour boner without 100mg's of Viagra...

The Snitch: What was the secret to you going for nearly 10 hours?

Sato: "My abundant imagination was a key to my triumph firstly. Secondly, I trained a lot in Japan from the time I won the 1st prize last year. I swam twice a week, and gained about 5 kgs in muscle.That helped me a lot, too in terms of stamina. Thirdly, the variety of sensations each TENGA gave me was ideal for long masturbation. Without those variety sensations, my dick would feel the same sensation for a long time, which would paralyze my dick in the end. I use as many as 10 different TENGAs so that my dick avoids being paralyzed."

There you have it gents-- the reason you're only able to last 30 seconds, even when picturing members of The View in your head, is because you're not working out enough.

Was there any point you felt you couldn't go on? How did you get through those moments?

"Yes. Twice I felt I couldn't go on. I took great advantage of Japanese pornos as I prepared. Also I imagined many supporters in Japan including my girlfriend, family, co-workers etc...that I can't let them down."

Were you exhausted afterward?

"Definitely. I was so exhausted that I couldn't get up on time next day when I was supposed to go to airport to go back to Japan. Luckily, I didn't miss the flight though."

Did you ever have an orgasm?"Yes. I've come once in a halfway round. I continued masturbating without taking any rest or becoming flaccid then."

By the way, TENGAs are a sex toy shop that's being promoted by the champion wanksta... in case you can't read his shirt.

Sato goes on to mention a World Championship this month in Copenhagen (road trip!) and ends with these unforgettable words:

I'm very happy that my family understands me well. Ordinary families in Japan don't do so. I wonder how US families are like....

Are you kidding me? Every Mom and Dad in America thinks their unmarried children are all virgins who don't even know what masturbation means...

Read the rest of the interview and see photos from the event here.

Celebrate National Masturbation Month with the Masturbate-a-Thon

Protests Against Rape Simulation Game Bewilder Its Japanese Manufacturer

Colleen Kane — Tue, 12 May 2009 13:33:00 GMT

The uproar over the Japanese rape simulation game RapeLay, which we covered in February, has made its way to the manufacturer Illusion, and spokesman Makoto Nakaoka is rather baffled by the reaction. This week the New York- based Equality Now launched a campaign against the game and "the normalization of sexual violence in Japan," citing Japan's obligation to the 1985 Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination against Women.

To recap, RapeLay awards extra points for stalking women, raping virgins and their mothers, impregnating rape victims, and forcing them to get abortions.

What's not to love about that, right Makoto?

Here's what he had to say in response to the protests.

"We are simply bewildered by the move...We make the games for the domestic market and abide by laws here," he said. "We cannot possibly comment on (the campaign) because we don't sell them overseas."

That may be true now, but it wasn't last February, when the game was being sold internationally on Amazon.com. (It has since been pulled.)

Japan has previously been under fire for not banning the posession of child pornography, although the production and sale of such was banned in 1999.

There is a gender equality bureau which recognizes a problem is there. "The office is currently studying what can be done," a spokeswoman said.

They might want to get on that a little faster.

Related:

Rape Simulation Game: Wheee!

Today in WTF: Crying Japanese Sumo Baby Contest

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 08 May 2009 21:32:00 GMT

We'd heard about this from friends of ours that had lived in Japan, but we couldn't imagine it was an annual event... or that it took place in multiple cities, with throngs of onlookers actually enjoying babies crying at deafening volumes.

Thankfully, LiveLeak has video to go with our story...

The festival translates as "Baby Cry-sumo" and participants are sat facing each other on tiny wrestling mats, then given some a reason to cry about it. The baby that cries the loudest is declared the winner and is considered blessed with health and happiness. Or something.

What weirded us out the most is all the laughing, smiling locals and tourists standing around the screamfest. How the hell can they stand all that? When we're in a restaurant with these monsters, we ask to move to another table, preferably by the kitchen, where the chef's screaming usually drowns out all others and bring us the health and happiness we were seeking.

Is this child abuse or the next Fox reality show, starring fat white Americans? Unfortunately, we'd guess both.

Related:

We Missed Out on National Penis Day 2009

Sexy Tattoos From The Pre-Badass Era

Japan Destroys America Again in Cuteness Department

We Missed Out on National Penis Day 2009

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 05 May 2009 18:22:00 GMT

Damn it, tipsters, you're supposed to keep an eye out for all the bizarre news coming out of Japan. It's no easy task, we'll admit, since the rate of crazy news to "Beavers Build Dam in Creek"-type boring news is probably 50,000-to-1. But those of you pervs who scour the pages of various websites looking for words like "peen" and "wangs" to amuse yourselves should have caught this one...

Culled from various reports:

National Penis Day. Also called Hounen Matsuri.

When I asked a Japanese friend of mine why we don't deserve one here in the United States, he told me, in America, they call them Politicians instead of a Penis. It figures.

Every year a new wooden phallus is carved from a cypress tree that has been purified. The newly carved phallus will then be the main focus of the procession that at its end will be placed into a shrine.

Thought to be benefical by by many Japanese and obscene by many Westerners, Hounen Matsuri is held on March 15th every year in the small town of Komaki, which is just outside of Nagoya.

This Hounen festival and ceremony, which has been going on for around 1500 years, celebrate the blessings of a bountiful harvest and all manner of prosperity and fertility and the all are welcome.

Here's a link to some of the more bizarre photos... or check out our favorites below:

On top of that, we also missed the more-recent National Penis Day in New Zealand, which is much less "National" and more like "radio station gimmick." It turns out a DJ tried to raise awareness/money for charity by having naked people strip in public and form phallic symbols.

More Crap From Japan That We're Losing Our Sh*t Over: The Kung Fu Bear

A New Book About Sex, Geared For Toddlers And Up

Sloppy Seconds: Hand Jobs Involving the Mouth

While You Were Sleeping: The Endless Power of Bras

Schweaty Balls? No Problem!

Emily Farris — Mon, 04 May 2009 21:05:00 GMT

Copalife—the English company that sells stuff for people who are allergic to everything—has taken a cue from the Japanese and created "anti-odour" underwear for men.

According to the Copalife website, "Independent laboratory research shows Copalife technology stops 99.9% of bacteria, fungus and microbes that cause odours and product deterioration."

Hm. Maybe it's the only underwear you'll ever need? And for only £9.99 (which is, what like, $18) it's a pretty good deal.

Sounds kind-of great in theory—and correct us if we're wrong—but don't men generally remember to change their underwear when it starts to smell?

Also: we know a guy or two we bet could make even this underwear smell bad.

[Copalife via Random Good Stuff]

Related:

Japanese Underwear That's Fun to Wear...For Five Days?

Thousands Run Amok In Their Underwear

At Least Amy Winehouse Has Good Taste in Underwear

And You Thought That "Mow the Lawn" Commercial was Bad...

Colleen Kane — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 19:30:00 GMT

The cutesy Schick "Mow the Lawn" ad got a lot of attention last week, but now let's consider the Japanese contribution to the commercials-about- unmentionables...

Japanese Underwear That's Fun to Wear...For Five Days?

Colleen Kane — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 16:13:00 GMT

It's always handy for one's underwears to be flame-resistant and anti-static, but now the Japanese have invented underwear that does all that and takes it a few steps further: it's anti-bacterial, anti-odor, and can be worn for more than a week straight.

But, um, why would anyone want to? What's the practical purpose for this?

Astronauts-- and, on a more applicable level for non-astronauts, travel. Koichii Wakata, who has been testing these drawers out, is the first Japanese astronaut living on the International Space Station, which has no laundry facilities. And taking baggage into space is expensive, so you can see how extended-wear underwear would be useful.

Still, we're not quite sold. Maybe the underwear wouldn't smell, ~~butt~~ but...

Man Steals Underwear from Victoria's Secret, We Share Our Victoria's Secret

Agent Provocateur Wants You to Eat Kate Moss and Buy Crotchless Underwear

Boob Claw Machine Makes Those Damn Grabby Games a Little More Satisfying, Maybe

Emily Farris — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 20:41:00 GMT

If you played the claw grab game at the grocery store or Chuck-E Cheese when you were a kid, you probably ended up about as happy as this little boy and out 50 cents. We never got anything, ever. But maybe we just didn't want the styrofoam-filled teddy bears bad enough. What if we were grabbing for something good, something really good?

[Via Gizmodo]

[Image]

Rape Simulation Game: Wheee!

Colleen Kane — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 17:30:00 GMT

This is the most disturbing game I've ever seen. RapeLay is a Japanese rape simulation game which was for sale until recently on Amazon (view the cache image here).

Amazon's description: "Rapelay is an offshoot of the Illusion series, Interact Play. You, like in previous installments, play as a public nuisance that gets away from captivity and starts scouting for new targets. This time around you find a family of a single mother and her two daughters. You quickly begin your hunt and capture each woman one by one. The gameplay involves an amusing training/disposition system with which to break each respective target to your liking. Watch where you blow your load, or you might get them pregnant!"

But a user review quoted in the Belfast Telegraph describes it further, and it gets even sicker. "If she does become pregnant you're supposed to force her to get an abortion, otherwise she gets more and more visibly pregnant each time you have sex. If you allow the child to be born then the woman will throw you in front of a train!"

Amazon removed the game after the Telegraph brought it to their attention. But a search on Amazon currently for the game brings up a passage in the book Japanamerica: How Japanese Culture Has Invaded the U.S., arguing that anyone taking offense to this game just doesn't understand Japanese culture: "of course, it does not make fantasy a reality, any more than tenticle porn subjects real Japanese women to rapists who look like octopi or attack with tree limbs."

Tentacle porn?!

Here's a screen shot from the game, where you'll see the graphic artists had as good of a grasp of female anatomy as that evidenced when my friend and I found her younger brother's drawings of naked ladies back in high school. In the video beneath that photo, you'll see these super-extendo breasts are apparently made of Jello, because they don't stop moving.

UPDATE: This video has since been removed from YouTube. The following video shows characters from RapeLay in a different game.

Related:

We Need to Come Up with a New Word for "Rape Fantasy"

Do Rape, Don't Tell: Women in U.S. Army More Likely To Get Raped Than Killed

Today in WTF? Flirting Women Blamed for Rape

Via I Am Bored

Japan Destroys America Again in Cuteness Department

Colleen Kane — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 22:30:00 GMT

In an act that could be described as Cute Overload's Pearl Harbor, a calf with a heart-shaped marking on its head was born in Fujisawa, Japan just before Valentine's season.

Whether you find this calf delicious, adorable, or both, please enjoy this video where young Hearty-san was given the chance to comment on mic.

Here's Why We Want to Eat Cute Things Alive

Japanese TV Steals Americas Funniest Videos, Sells it Cheaper (Video)

Colleen Kane — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 23:10:00 GMT

I'ts just like the auto industry all over again. Japan took the parts of "AFV" that get the most LOLs, aka the kicks to the balls, and then exploited it for their own gain.

At least, that's what appears to be happening in this video. Who the hell knows what's really going on.

73-Year-Old Porn Star a Japanese Sensation, American Media Obsession

Video of the Day: Japanese Develop "Vibrator In Your Ass" Alarm Clock

Via DoubleViking.com

Extreme Cat Lady Breastfeeding a Cat

Colleen Kane — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 19:37:00 GMT

Oh, the things we do for you, like watching this gross video we cannot unsee: a Japanese woman breastfeeding a cat. (It's an oldie but a goodie, removed from the cleansed YouTube, but resurfaced on Spike.com.)

Breastfeeding The Cat

Questions for discussion:

Why?

How?

But...Why?

What was the announcer yelling so enthusiastically?

Related:

Do You Care if It's Really Angelina Jolie Breastfeeding in This Picture?

Breastfeeding: If You Can Ask For It, You Don't Get To Do It

While You Were Sleeping: Angelina Jolie's Breastfeeding Cover

China and Japan At War Again, This Time Over Who Has the Best Sex Tape Scandal

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 20:19:00 GMT

This may be one of the most impressive sex tapes around. For not only does it feature a very lucky man getting it on with a very attractive lady, it goes on to involve three more women in the course of one recording.

Japan's ultimate fighter Hayato “Mach” Sakurai, who fought a widely-publicized event on New Year's Eve, is seen here in a sex tape that has been making the rounds on his country's most risque blogs. Sakurai isn't talking about it-- not just because it was a distraction from his training, but because his wife may not be too happy to have seen him banging four different women.

Meanwhile, China is still dealing with its first major sex tape story-- the latest chapter involves internet sensation (and, thanks to her online nudity, current prison inmate) Kappa Girl being offered a movie deal by Harmony Films in the UK. It may help her transition to fame, since most of her blog entries are in Mandarian or another language English-only pervs obviously can't appreciate. (More about her case here, via Fleshbot.)

Of course, if anything interesting should surface in a language we can roughly fathom, we'll post it here.

Today in Studies that Freak Us Out: Breakfast and Sex

Emily Farris — Fri, 26 Dec 2008 17:01:00 GMT

We read quite a few news stories about studies here at Scanner. Generally, we pass them over, sometimes rolling our eyes, other times not even caring enough about the subject matter to waste the energy of actually moving our eyes. Today, however, we were intrigued by a headline and after reading the first paragraph—"that those who skipped breakfast in their early teens first had sexual intercourse at an average age of 17.5"— thought, "Holy Shit! That's us!" (Us, being me, Scanner Emily, natch).

Of course, the study was conducted in Japan, where apparently the average age for first sexual intercourse is 19. But still, holy creepy correlation, Batman!

The poll was conducted in September by asking people aged 16-49 to fill in questionnaires about the age at which they first had sex and their lifestyles when they were in grades seven to nine.

Kunio Kitamura, the researcher in charge of the poll for the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare, said the study showed some interesting correlations.

"While it is important to delay sexual activities in order to reduce unwanted pregnancies among young people, the result suggests that the family plays a major role for that (delay) to happen," he said.

"An appropriately regulated lifestyle may be making some people prudent about sexual activities."

Those who said they did not have happy memories of family life or those who expressed feelings of hatred toward their mothers also had a tendency to have sexual intercourse early, the poll suggested.

Those who said they disliked their mothers first had intercourse at an average age of 16, compared with 18.6 for those who said they hated their fathers.

Oh, Jeebus....

[ABC: Skipping breakfast linked with early first sex: study]

Related:

When '2 Become 1' Becomes 25 Cents, or How I Didn't Lose My Virginity to the Music of the Spice Girls

Is "Tech Sex" Somewhere Between Cyber Sex and Technical Sex?

ABC Calls Drunken Teenage Anal Sex "Love Making," Interviews Jezzies and Ultimately Tries to be Helpful

Your Frenemy's Christmas Gift: The Artifical Virginity Hymen

How Long Were You a "Technical Virgin?"

[Image]

Scanner's Rules for Polar Bear Impregnation

Nicole Pasulka — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 19:39:00 GMT

A Japanese zoo has been having some trouble getting two adult polar bears to mate. We thought we'd take a second and rattle off some well-known preconditions for polar bear loving.

In order to achieve polar bear impregnation you will need the following:

1. Two polar bears.

2. Soft lighting.

3. Mood music.

4. Wine--but not too much.

and, most importantly

5. One vagina and one penis.

That's right. You heard it here first: No matter how much they love each other, two female polar bears cannot make a polar bear baby. They have to adopt. Or go to the sperm bank and use a turkey baster.

Condolences to those at the Kushiro zoo who were expecting that Tsuyoshi and Kurumi would become the proud parents of a baby bear. It's not going to happen for these two no matter how much friction they generate.

Thousands of Naked Japanese Men Reach For the Big Stick

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 21:12:00 GMT

In Saidaiji, Japan, the local men are forming groups consisting of loincloth-wearing friends and practicing chants in their garages. No, they aren't starting an Old School-style adult fraternity. They are gearing up for the annual Naked Man Festival, which is both better and more disappointing than its name applies.

After the jump: "Hadaka ni narimashou!" Which roughly translates to, "Let's get naked!"

According to one travel website, the festival reaches its climax at 11:59 on a cold February eve:

As midnight nears, the outside lights are cut off leaving just a yellow glow inside the temple showing hundreds of men in their white fundoshi, stretching their arms up to the Gods, waiting for the shingi to be dropped. [Via]

What is the shingi? It's a piece of wood that is supposed to bring the catcher, as well as his teammates, good luck for one year. In other words, thousands of naked men, crammed together in near darkness, wait breathlessly for a giant boner to be thrown their way. Hmmm...

There is a reason why it is called the naked man festival.

The man designated the “Spirit Man” is actually completely naked. There is a ritual performed prior to the start of the actual festival when he is stripped naked and completely shaven of ALL bodily hair. His task is to then walk from one end of the street to the shrine at the opposite end.

Of course to get there, he has to make his way through all that mass of other men in fundoshi (loin cloth) who are tossing water, possibly drunk from all that sake, and all struggling to touch the Spirit Man for good luck. So somewhere in that mass is one lone naked man being grabbed by a bunch of other men.

So yes, OMG, this is soooo gay is right. LOL. [Via]

Whatever. Just send us the hilarious video from this year's event, guys.

Related:

Kim Cattrall: The Magically Naked 52-Year-Old Woman

64-Year-Old Woman's Nude Picture Sells For 10,000 Euros

While You Were Sleeping: Paris Hilton Wants To Be Used... For Her Brain

24 Things Guys Do That Keep Them From Getting Laid

Sloppy Seconds: The Craigslist Crackdown on Hookers

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 21:53:00 GMT

The awesome sounding Ghostbusters game, featuring the original cast and creators, will be out in 2009, thanks to Atari, who rescued the franchise.

A heartbreaking post from a lesbian mom in California is here. Madonna, meanwhile, attacked Prop 8 in an LA concert and had Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake perform live with her, albeit at separate times.

A male major in the Japanese air force was busted for shopping for women's underwear... while naked.

Kanye West broke his media silence to give an interview in Singapore about what the Beatles mean to him.

Race was not a factor in the election in West Virginia. Take that, Bill Clinton!

Samantha Who star Christina Applegate will undergo reconstructive surgery following her double mastectomy.

Michelle Monaghan gave birth to a wee lil' gal.

And Craigslist will no charge $10 per erotic service ad, in an apparent attempt to crush the human trafficking that's been going on there.

The Giant Penis Is Watching Over You

Sloppy Seconds: The Grey's Anatomy Lesbian Controversy

While You Were Sleeping: The Naked Mannequin Orgy

And You Thought Bill Clinton Was A Sex-Crazed Politician...

While You Were Sleeping: The Jennifer Hudson Horror Story Continues

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 13:08:00 GMT

Just before we wrapped up for the day on Friday, we heard about a man accusing the NYPD of sexually assaulting him by sticking a walkie-talkie up his ass. We're not sure we buy the guy's story, but he did end up in the hospital after being arrested, so that may mean something's up.

Democratic Congressman Tim Mahoney is so scared for his political future, he backed out of a debate with his Republican opponent with barely any notice. Meanwhile, we applaud his wife for sticking up for herself by filing for divorce from this pig.

In a bizarre turn of events, Amy Poehler didn't show up for her Saturday Night Live scenes this weekened, although she gave a fairly reasonably explanation:

[H]er former co-stars were celebrating when the show was aired on Saturday night, telling a cheering crowd: "Amy Poehler is not here tonight because she is having a baby."
Poehler won't return to SNL after her maternity leave - she is planning a spin-off series to the hit U.S. version of The Office.

Aw, man... it's a case of "poof and she's gone." The show won't be the same without you, Amy.

Meet us in St. Louis: "Sex, Politics, and You," an art exhibit, has set up shop in Missouri.

A sixteen-year-old boy asked the Times if they thought it was "unhealthy" that he wants to try on his Mom's lyrca leggings.

What not to do if you are afraid to get married: set a hotel on fire so you can ruin the ceremony. (By the way, his reason for not getting married? He already is married... to somebody else.)

"I thought if I set a fire I wouldn't have to go through with the wedding," the Yomiuri quoted him as telling police.

Guests at the hotel were evacuated and no one was injured when he set the fire in the early hours of Sunday morning at the resort hotel... west of Tokyo.
Tatsuhiko Kawata and his fiancee had been set to get married before 80 guests. He was arrested after suddenly cancelling the event and behaving suspiciously, the Yomiuri said.

And Jennifer Hudson's sister has pleaded for the safety of her son after Jennifer's mother and brother were murdered in their Illinois home. Jennifer, meanwhile, has offered $100,000 as a reward for the boy's safe return.

Related:

Jennifer Hudson Looking Hot on Her New Album Cover

Today in WTF: Ex-Candidate For Kentucky Gov. Arrested For Sex Offenses After Obvious Joke

British Airways Invites You To Join The Mile High Club

That Sex Toy Is... Pooooisssoooon

Exposed: Joe the Plumber (Don't Worry, No Butt Crack Shots)

World's Greatest Mom Defends Daughter's Honor... Shotgun Style

PETA Gets Women's Clothes Off Faster Than a $50 Bill at the Bunny Ranch

Nicole Pasulka — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 16:07:00 GMT

PETA's got your 15 guilt-free minutes naked in the spotlight right here.

Next up to the stage, Japanese actress Aya Sugimoto. We've gone ahead and posted her new naked PETA ad after the jump.

Oh. Wow. Looks exactly like a self-congratulatory ad for PETA. Who would have thunk?

Says Sugimoto about the ad.

"I stopped wearing fur two years ago after I learned how fur products are being produced," said the actress, who is also a dancer and erotic novelist.

"I want to play a role in the 'No Fur' movement and let more people know of the cruel and grim reality for animals," Sugimoto said. "I don't mind at all -- even if my naked photos are posted all over."

What bravery in the face of shameless exposure and exploitation! Here's hoping those soft, cuddly animals worship you like the goddess you are.

Turn Your Poodle Into a Prima Ballerina

Nicole Pasulka — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 17:20:00 GMT

Because, you know, there's nothing really pressing going on in the world today, Reuters has taken the time to tell us all about a new Japanese trend--Dance classes for dogs and their owners.

Sorry dudes, we just had to watch this segment 13 times in the waiting room at the doctor's office. We don't even know if it's funny anymore, but it's burning a hole in our brains begging to come out. Feast on the video below

Going Too Far? Japan's Poop Museum

Emily Farris — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 19:48:00 GMT

Anyone who knows us knows there's really no such thing as going too far. We're always the ones to "go there" or divulge just a little bit too much information. We're probably far too comfortable talking about our own poop, and we just bought a fresh copy of "Everyone Poops" to read to the girls in our bunk at camp next week. So we're just as surprised as you are that we're totally grossed out by Japan's poop museum.

According to the blogger who happened upon this place, the above sign says:

Everybody come and play! Come and look! We have poop books!
Rabbit: It’s shit time!
Gorilla: Come and see my shit too!
Elephant: Animal shit is here yo!
See it. Touch it! Smell it! Explore!
Can you guess what animals made this shit? (3 pictures)
Himeji Museum Of Literature, Special Exhibit. April 1st-May 18th

Okay, so we're actually a little less grossed out knowing it's more about animal poop than human poop. Animal poop and baby poop we can handle, but human adult poop? Great that you do it, you can even tell us about it, but we don't want to see it.

See, zebra shit is not so bad:

[Babelhut: Japanese Poop Museum]

Related:

Quote of the Day: "The more you stomp in poop, the more it stinks."

Colonic Irrigation: Everybody's Doing It

Video of the Day: Never Pull Off The Road To Poop

This is Your Sewage On Drugs (And Maybe Your Drinking Water)

Crush of the Week: Veggie Pride Paraders

Somebody's Been Having a Bit Too Much Space Fiber

Sloppy Seconds: Fake Gynecologist

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 20:48:00 GMT

Tourists in Times Square decided the winner of the Toilet Paper Wedding Dress contest. [CNN]

Amy Winehouse does not have TB, is still in the hospital, and will make a disastrous toast to "my Blake, incarcerated" while performing live next week. [MTV]

We wish we'd thought of this first: ten memorable American political sex scandals. [Digg]

Leave it to the Japanese to go where no man has gone before: alien planet conquest. [Reuters]

Wouldn't it be nice to marry Angelina Jolie in France, then jet to Italy with Edward Norton to see Radiohead? Top that weekend, yo. [Starpulse]

A millionaire, married with a pregnant wife and five children, has been busting for illegally playing doctor with some Park Avenue women. [Strollerderby]

An Ohio Indiana Jones may have to serve up to five years in prison for moving... a rock. [reddit]

Please tell us this is a fake: Ali Lohan to launch movie career with the lead role in a new production. [Starpulse]

And the founder of the Erotic Review, which ranks experiences with prostitues on a scale of 1 to 10, may be going to jail. [NYT}

I'll Have the Sea Urchin Bukkake, Please

Emily Farris — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 17:14:00 GMT

So what exactly is sea urchin bukkakae? And where can you get some?

Unfortunately, or fortunately, it's not what you think. Apparently bukkake is a kind of cold udon. If you'd like to try it, head on over to Matsugen in New York.

Or, you can make it yourself:

Has anyone ever had bukkake?

Now, we don't know much about bukkake — the sea urchin kind, anyway — but one food writer we recently interviewed does think part of the sea urchin is the sexiet food. Click the picture to read Dating Advice (formerly known as Sex Advice) from Food Writers.

[Eater: Menus Gone Wild: Matsugen's Sea Urchin Bukkake]

What's Hiding in Her Boobs?

Nicole Pasulka — Thu, 08 May 2008 21:01:00 GMT

Here's a hint, it looks delicious.

Answer:Japanese boob pudding. Not made of boobs necessarily, but definitely shaped like them.

Still confused. Yeah, so are we.

Here it is on the shelf:

Apparently the pudding tastes sweet and milky, natch.

Japanese Government Worker Paid Nearly a Year's Salary to Click on Porn

Emily Farris — Fri, 02 May 2008 18:51:00 GMT

Could you even view 780,000 porn sites in nine months if you tried? Okay, you probably could. And it sounds like a dream job, right? One man had that job for a while, except he was supposed to be doing government work instead.

The 57-year-old man, who works for the city of Kinokawa in southern Japan, was punished—but not fired—after his superiors discovered his habit when his computer became infected with a virus. How he didn't get a virus after the first 3,000 hits is beyond us. How no one questioned what he was doing with his time is also beyond us.

If the BBC's math is correct, he hit about 20 porn sites for each minute he was on the computer, or about 10,000 per day. We would say that qualifies as a "shitton." To be fair, though, when you click on one porn site a bazillion more windows open up, but still, this man was nothing if not dedicated.

Too bad he wasn't fired; we really want his job.

[BBC: Japan worker in 780,000 porn hits]

Japanese Film Crew Arrested For Shooting Porn In A McDonald's

Bryan Christian — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 14:01:00 GMT

No, this is not it.

An undisclosed number of filmmakers and actors were arrested last Wednesday in Japan for shooting a porn in a McDonald's earlier in the year.

Producer Kunikazu Ishii, 51, an actress, 21, an actor, 29, and staff were arrested for allegedly shooting a porn film at the McDonald’s outlet around 3 p.m. on Jan 24. A customer noticed them and called police. McDonald’s staff were apparently unaware of what was going on.
One of the suspects was quoted by police as saying, “We didn’t think it would be a problem as long as nobody noticed what we were doing.”

Yeah, we're not buying that one either. You know what would have been a way better excuse? "We didn't think it'd be a problem as long as everyone was lovin' it!" ZING!

Zing?

Whatevs. Hey, we'll make it up to you: click through for the supersexy female version of the above ad.

[via AVN]

While You Were Sleeping It Off Yesterday, the Japanese Penis Parade Was Passing You By

Nicole Pasulka — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 19:17:00 GMT

Japan's annual Kanamara Festival took place yesterday in Kawasaki. Oh, what's that, you're not familiar with the centuries old Festival of the Steel Phallus where penises are paraded down the street at the beginning of Spring to ask for protection against syphilis and other sexually transmitted diseases? Perhaps you'd like to see the video footage then...

This Dude is Going to Get You Laid

Emily Farris — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 19:49:00 GMT

The man pictured here has bad skin, beady eyes, and that hair is actually a wig to cover his bald head. But he's like the Hitch of Japan, except, you know, Japanese and not a character in a terrible movie. His Pickup School for Men Who Can't Get Any teaches men how to get laid, apparently very successfully, and he says it's all based "on a proprietary 'science' he discovered after a decade of careful research."

Fuck. We know he's kind-of right on, too.

Sadly, even women know the science to picking up women. How many of us have gone out with overweight, unemployed stoners who had the right shabby-chic sneakers and perfectly balanced mix of interest and disinterest? And how many of us have known that it's because they had that perfect balance of interest and disinterest that we were drawn to them? How many of us kept going back for more?

That may be the way things happen in America all too often, but it appears the science may be a little different in Japan:

[He] learned that a few simple tricks can go a long way: Women like laughter, compliments and magic tricks. Using these concepts, he devised a proprietary "science" for picking up women that takes into consideration things like reading signals and timing.

After 10 years and 10 new wigs, he'd become so successful with women, he says, that he decided to quit his job and make dating his profession.

Among other tricks, Fujita's method involves a deck of "psychoanalytic" cards that help him determine what kind of girl he has picked up.

He's also got a bag of tricks -- literally -- that includes flaming wallets, talking ferrets and animated algae balls. Fujita asked Wired.com not to disclose anything more detailed, for fear of giving away his closely guarded trade secrets.

"This may seem ridiculous, but if you follow a specific equation, it really works," he says.

We're not sure about the ferrets and algae balls (algae balls, really?), but dudes, here's a tip our Japanese friend might have left out that will help you on any continent: for the love of God, don't wear pleated pants.

[Wired: Inside the Bizarre World of Japanese Pickup Schools]

Video of the Day: Japan's Got Talent

Emily Farris — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 19:28:00 GMT

Why aren't American reality shows this entertaining? The FCC probably wouldn't let someone peel a banana with his mouth let alone his ass... While the feat itself isn't that impressive, the judges' reactions and the peeler's lack of modesty make the video.

via videosift.com

V-Day Wrapup: Come "Get Some"

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 21:15:00 GMT

Even we don't have the guts to admit to doing some of this stuff...

...like sending ourselves Valentine's Day gifts. To prove what to whom?

Japan firmly establishes itself as the weirdest country for lovers.

Girl with A One-Track Mind on the Hallmark Holiday.

V-Day: the Black Monday from Hell.

Did we mention Japan is weird as shit? But so's NYC, baby.

And, in a moment to warn all our hearts, Mitt Romney became engaged to John McCain today.