Scanner : jessica biel

Video of Jessica Biel Nude Scenes in Powder Blue, Compiled!

Drew Grant — Wed, 13 May 2009 21:33:00 GMT

Jessica Biel may be too busy crunching her abs or making sweet, sweet love to Justin Timberlake to comment on the apparently excessive nudity featured in her new film, Powder Blue, but that didn't stop some genius from putting together a montage of all Biel's best "acting," moments in the Christma-hooker drama. Watch her strip to Cat Power (no seriously, Biel got duped into starring in my freshman year boyfriend's Cinema 101 project), after the jump.

Men Have Been Waiting For These Jessica Biel Topless Photos Since 1997

Top 5 Sex Scenes Involving Lingerie

Top 5 Frantic Sex Scenes

Men Have Been Waiting For These Jessica Biel Topless Photos Since 1997

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 14:39:00 GMT

Ever since the maturity of Jessica Biel, readers of Maxim and other perpetual droolers have been wondering "when is Jessica Biel gettin naked aready ??!?" Surprisingly, she wasn't holding out for a period piece or an Oscar-worthy performance as a nun-cum-prostitute in a Ron Howard movie.

The lucky winners are the producers of Powder Blue, which apparently boasts nothing else noteworthy, since no one even seems to know what the plot of this film is. Here's what we've retained from reading various blogs, press notes, and reviews: Powder Blue has its theatrical release in two weeks, and four weeks after that, the movie has its DVD release. This movie must be so atrocious that the filmmakers don't even hold out hope it's going to have a substantial box office take after a month.

Click on any of the following set of photos to get a new window, then you'll be able to blow these up to their full glory.

And even though these delightful pictures are easier on the eyes than, say, severely washed-out photos taken in a darkroom, that's exactly what the final cut looks like:

Members of the Perv Club... this is definitely our rental for the June meeting...

PapSmeared: Justin Timberlake is Bringing The Sexy Professor Look Back

Emily Farris — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 16:11:00 GMT

[Image]

Sloppy Seconds: The Most Amazing 9-1-1 Call Ever (AUDIO)

Emily Farris — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 00:50:00 GMT

Hey, geeks (or people like us?): it's National Grammar Day. [National Grammar Day]

We were totally pissed we missed this last year and we're actually considering entering this time. It's the third annual Peeps Diorama Contest! [Washington Post]

Barbie got a tramp stamp! [Jossip]

Justin Timberlake and his lady love Jessica Biel will celebrate her birthday with... George Bush? [Us]

Mariska Hargitay has been hospitalized—again!—for a collapsed lung. [Yahoo!]

Evan Rachel Wood topped VenusZine's list of 25 Under 25. Also on the list: Adele, Zoe Kravitz. [VenusZine]

We know Scanner Brian mentioned this in While You Were Sleeping, but it's so good we wanted to make sure you heard it (plus, we have the audio): a woman in Florida called 9-1-1 after a McDonald's employee told her the chain had run out of chicken McNuggets. Apparently, she had already paid and wanted her money back instead of some other food. Is it bad that this woman is sort-of our hero and that we also really want chicken McNuggets right now? [The Inquisitr]

AskMen's Top 99 Women

Colleen Kane — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 22:32:00 GMT

Today is special not just because it's the day after the Inauguration. No: today also marks the debut of AskMen's Top 99 Women, as voted by more than ten million site visitors.

You can see all 99 over there, but here are my reactions:

--Tina Fey, number 97? Not sure if that's an "Ouch" or a sign of the gradual acceptance of nerdly woman hotness.

--I was picturing AskMen to look like About.com for some reason. Or maybe Ask Jeeves. Instead it's a site that took all the flame-filled black backgrounds from fallen lad magazines like FHM. Dark red + black = MANLY WEBSITE DESIGN.

--Britney Spears, number 90: "Is she on this list because of guilt? Nope, she's on this list because all of a sudden, she's desirable again."

--Who's the lady in this photo? Stella Ebanks, Miss Number 17. No idea who she is, but I was distracted by her shiny curly outfit.

--Jessica Biel and Jessica Alba, who I kind of get mixed up, are ranked in a row 16 and 15 respectively. Does that men everyone else mixes them up, too?

--Wait whaaaat? I was shocked by number one:

Related:

When Tina Fey Was "Fat"

When Tina Fey Was "Fat," Her Cups Runnethed Over

Tina Fey for Oscars Host 2009!!!

Images: AskMen.com

Sloppy Seconds: Jessica Biel Finally Goes Topless

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 22:51:00 GMT

Check out this weird Exorcist bobblehead doll.

Rush Limbaugh is engaged to an Ann Coulter impersonator.

The Governor of Illinois is free on $4,500 bail, which he could raise by selling one minute of his time to somebody in his waiting room.

Note to Salon: we don't need any more stories about women who are celibate because they are afraid of dating.

Hugh Hefner's daughter resigned as head of Playboy. Even she hates that shit reality show.

The housing crisis prepares to claim an Extreme Makeover: Home Edition home.

And Jessica Biel is reportedly topless in a new movie... meaning, more topless than she is in these screenshots from the trailer for her new movie. Justin's gonna be so piiiiissed.

Related:

Take Us To Detroit: Site of this Weekend's Biggest Orgy

Hot or Not: Marisa Tomei in The Wrestler

The English Are Still Too Prudish To Appreciate Nudity

While You Were Sleeping: Imagine Porky's... But Starring Kate Winslet

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 14:08:00 GMT

Lil' Wayne won the popularity contest known as the Grammy nominations process. However, it wasn't a total loss: M.I.A., Coldplay, Taylor Swift, and Alison Krauss at least received more than their share.

Sarah Palin's latest ethics violation is being blamed on an "administrative error." Yeah, right-- then why has it been two months since the media had a field day with this "oversight" and only now you're fixing it?

Hey fatasses in Louisiana... Vermont can squeeze you in.

The official overseeing the police department in York County, PA was arrested on rape charges following a two-hour standoff with the police.

No one told us Andrew W.K. was hosting Ted Leo karaoke last night with Ted Leo/Pharmacists playing a full set, plus one where the audience does live karaoke with the band. Awesomeness.

Defamer asks "Is The Reader the new Porky's?" Apparently, The Reader was directed by Judd Aptow and features Jessica Biel's boobs.

We never understand when people talk smack about Brad Pitt. He's a charming old bastard...

"Vote in the Box" Not Nearly as Funny as "D*ck in a Box" But Still Warms Our Hearts

Emily Farris — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 15:17:00 GMT

Until Tina Fey played Sarah Palin, no SNL skit made us shoot ~~milk~~ whiskey out of our noses like Andy Samberg and Justin Timberlake's "Dick in a Box." While we wish Timberlake would re-appear on the show, perhaps putting his dick in a box all over Tina Fey's Sarah Palin in a bikini, this little rendition of "Vote in a Box" with Scanner Nicole's girl crush Jessica Biel dancing alongside JTimb will have to do.

Rumor Mongering: Did Justin Timberlake Impregnate Kate Hudson?

Justin Timberlake Makes Us Kinda Like Sports

Why the Hell Isn't This Our Hand on Jessica Biel's Ass?

This Week in “Sexy Stuff Jessica Biel Is Up To”

Sloppy Seconds: Is Jessica Biel Trying to Steal Our Job?

The Only Way We'd Love Cheetos This Much Is If They Had Jessica Biel's Ass

Justin Timberlake: Bringing Matrimony Back? (File Under: Jessica Biel May Be Off the Market)

Emily Farris — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 14:28:00 GMT

Justin Timberlake whisked his lady love, Jessica Biel, away to Rome for the weekend to ask one very important question.

Before a romantic lunch date overlooking a lake, Justin visited a jewelry store in Rome. The small hole-in-the-wall store named Nicla Boncompagni at Via Vittorio 4, famous for vintage pieces, sold JT a multi carat diamond engagement ring and a diamond encrusted bracelet. Both items according to staff inside the store are intended for Jessica.

Believe it or not, we actually have a lot of respect for JTimb. He transformed himself from a geeked-out, bleached-out boy band member to someone we'd happily make out with at a cocktail party. We wish them the best, and hope his ex, Cameron Diaz, helps herself to a nice, strong drink today.

[Faded Youth: BREAKING NEWS: JUSTIN PROPOSED TO JESSICA!!!]

Related:

Rumor Mongering: Did Justin Timberlake Impregnate Kate Hudson?

Let The Superbowl Commercials Begin, And Watch Justin Timberlake Get His Junk Crushed

Justin Timberlake Makes Us Kinda Like Sports

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Sloppy Seconds: Is Jessica Biel Trying to Steal Our Job?

Emily Farris — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 22:13:00 GMT

Chris Kattan (who we always thought was gay, but apparently that was just Mango?), married a model named Sunshine Tutt. [Yahoo!]

What's worse? The fact that Matt Lauer almost accidentally said "Obama bin Laden" or the fact that we got an email about it? [Red Lasso]

Is either worse than Fox News showing footage of a dead model's body? [Huffington Post]

Call Pete Wentz (and his eyeliner) a homo if you want. He can take it. [Jossip]

We used to be sad about the fact that we were a little young to relate to the Brat Pack way back when. But now that Molly Ringwald's new TV role is playing the mother of two teenagers, we feel a little better about the whole thing. [GabbyBabble]

Now that Jessica Biel is blogging, what do we have on her? [People]

Who The Hell? FHM's Sexiest Woman in The World

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 16:00:00 GMT

Maybe we are falling behind, but we had only barely heard of FHM's #1 Sexiest Woman In The World before today's announcement. Does that make us bad bloggers... or heroic ones, since we did not have to subject you to our musings on her until now?

And the winner is...

Megan Fox!

Megan who? Apparently, she was in Transformers, which we still cannot believe was actually a theatrical motion picture and, even funnier, that thinking people actually paid up to $11 to see. We wouldn't be surprised if the new Indiana Jones movie bombs because it's too intelligent and doesn't have enough robotic explosions for people to shit their pants over.

But that's beside the point.

The point is: who the Christ is Megan Fox? We understand almost all the other entries on the list (#4 Elisha Cuthbert, #11 Hayden Panettiere, #20 Beyonce, etc.), although we're not sure why other guys continue to drool over boring chicks like Jessica Alba [#3} and Jessica Biel [#2], or anyone named Jessica, for that matter, without the last name of Lange. However, we would put in the earplugs and do Simpson in a heartbeat.)

Anyway, check out FHM's list, if the damn page ever loads...

Top Photo: FHM; Bottom Photo: GQ

Top 10 Celebrity Pets

Nicole Pasulka — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 20:51:00 GMT

On April 12, Martha Stewart announced the heart-breaking news that her beloved dog Kublai Khan Paw Paw Chow Chow Chow had passed away (Check the perfectly tied ribbon on the doggie body bag). Paw Paw, may you rest in peace and receive a slightly less humiliating name in the afterlife. Martha’s news brought to mind some of the other pets who share the limelight with their celebrity owners. And so, a list was born: the Top 10 Celebrity Pets.

You can tell a lot about a person by his or her pet, be it garishly groomed, pathetically spoiled and puppy-farmed (Ahem—Tinkerbell), or unique and adorable. Since we’ve already covered number 10-- Kublai Khan Paw Paw Chow Chow Chow, we’ll move on to the rest of the list.

9. Foxxy Cleopatra, Nicole Richie’s Pomeranian. Named after Beyonce’s character in Austin Powers, Foxxy Cleopatra and the also unfortunately named HoneyChild are often paraded around town wearing weaves and hairbows. Here’s hoping they haven’t felt displaced since Nicole squeezed the bun out of her oven.

8. Millie, Barbara and George H.W. Bush’s Spaniel. Barb used to take this bitch everywhere. Plus she’s the only First Pet who has written a book. Pet lovers that we are, we’d much rather have Bush dog as Prez than Bush son.

7. Atticus and Boo Radley, Jake Gyllenhaal’s dogs. Not only are this German Shepard and puggle cute, they prove that their owner has read a book! Or at least heard of one.

6. Bit Bit, Britney Spears’ Chihuahua. Dude, its name is Bit Bit and it lives with Brit Brit. This is a pity ranking.

5. Tinkerbell, Paris Hilton’s Chihuahua. Paris’ designer dogs may come and go from the public eye, but Tinkerbell will always be the one who had the good sense to try and escape.

4. Norman, Jennifer Aniston’s dog. After her breakup with Brad Pitt Aniston was rarely seen without Norman by her side. So Jen got her dog and Brad walked away with his.

3. Snoop Dogg’s Doggs. Obviously there are many Doggs at Tha Pound. This video introduces us to a few of them. If we had to choose a favorite it would probably be Cindy, the brightest dog in the house who, in Snoop’s words, “actually goes outside to shit.”

2. Max, George Clooney's pig. This 300-pound pot belly pig who died in 2006 (may he rest in peace) used to sleep in the bed with his owner George Clooney and was once run over by George's friends in the dark.

1. Tina, Jessica Biel’s pitbull. Number one solely because we want to be this animal. Oh god, what if it gets to sleep in the bed with THE BIEL???!! Amazing!

Starpulse's Celebs Who Should Go Nude: Who's Missing?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 18:15:00 GMT

Eva Longoria's obvious. For those of you into that kind of thing, apparently Milo Ventimigla is on their list as well. But what about who was left to languish in the slums of decency?

The list, so far:

Jessica Alba

James Marsden

Eva Longoria

Jensen Ackles

Jessica Biel

Taye Diggs

Tricia Helfer

Milo Ventimiglia

Sharon Leal

Brad Pitt

...and who are they missing? We vote for Amy Adams, Scarlett Johansson, Thandie Newton, and Daniel Craig.

It's the First Day of Spring! Let's Celebrate By Looking at Some Skin

Emily Farris — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 18:13:00 GMT

Random legs via hmimg.com

It's the first day of spring! Even though it's in the high 40's here in New York, the sun is shining, the birds are singing and the wind is blowing our curtains just enough to make us feel like we're living in a Downy commercial. In honor of this day that makes Scanner Emily the happiest she's been all year, we thought we'd take a look at the good, the bad and the ugly of spring skin. Let the angry comments begin...

The Good: Jenny Lewis

Image via images.teamsugar.com

How fucking cute is Rilo Kiley front woman and sometimes solo artist Jenny Lewis in her plaid sundress? Ladies, this is how spring is sprung. She's showing just the right amount of her pale skin and cleavage.

The Bad: Jessica Biel

Image via celebrities.biteus.org

This is apparently Jessica Biel's ass. While it is a very nicely tanned and toned ass, let's talk for a minute about the shorts. They're short. Which wouldn't be so bad if she wasn't bending over in them. That, even, wouldn't be so bad if she weren't constantly followed around by paparazzi. Giving a guy in the grocery store parking lot something to smile about on his drive home is one thing, having your "pink" ass splashed across the pages of the gossip rags is another. Also, I'd just like to throw it out there that all pants, shorts, skirts, with words on the bottom should be burned. At least when it comes to outerwear. We're going to give Jess the benefit of the doubt and assume she just came from the gym. That wouldn't exactly explain the flip-flops, but still...

The Ugly: Britney Spears

Image via dirtyrottenwhore.com

Oh, Britney, Britney, Britney. Ladies, this is how not to dress when the weather gets warm, unless you want to land a spread in the upcoming "Girls Gone Wild," the magazine. Please take note of the fact that Brit's legs are 3 shades darker than her upper body and that if we looked really closely, we could probably see her vulva. It might be tempting to put on your shortest shorts when the thermometer hits 67º. If you're going to do it, make sure you don't show your girl parts to small children on the street.

Sloppy Seconds: Jessica Biel, Britney Spears, Donda West and That Guy You Hate

Emily Farris — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 16:19:00 GMT

Jessica Biel goes blonde. We're scared.

Britney Spears flees for Mexico—we mean goes on vacation—with her paparazzi "friend."

Kanye West's mom, Donda West, apparently died from "some preexisting coronary artery disease and multiple postoperative factors following surgery." Mmmkay.

Do you hate your friend's boyfriend? WebMD is here to help.

Jessica Alba Likes "Some Ass"

Emily Farris — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 15:01:00 GMT

Insanely sexy Jessica Alba thinks that Scarlett Johansson, Jessica Biel and Angelina Jolie are "insanely sexy." And she thinks women should have some curves (Jolie excluded, we have to assume):

“I prefer some ass,” she tells Britain’s OK! magazine. “I think women that have a body, that are feminine, with a little shake – that’s what a woman is about.”

What do you have to say about that, Scanner Bryan?

[ShowbizSpy.com: Jessica Alba "Angelina Jolie is insanely sexy"]

Phone Sex Article in "Co-Ed Magazine" Makes Us Weep For the Children

Bryan Christian — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 14:39:00 GMT

What is CO-ED Magazine exactly? It's been showing up on Digg and Reddit a bit recently. It used to be an actual college magazine, right? Any fans of it out there? 'Cause it kinda looks like Reader's Digest for douchebags to us. Exhibit A would be this article excerpted from Maxim about fellas trying to get their ladies to have phone sex with them over the holiday break.

“To begin, gently test the waters. “If you’re on the phone and the moment feels right, say, I’m imagining you are waring the sheerest undies,’ and wait for her response,” advises relationship expert Dr. Jackie Black. You can also express your desire explicitly when you’re together. “Educate her about making love by using erotic language. If she isn’t interested in exploring this, she might not be a good sexual match for you. “If she’s trying, have patience, as even pros need time to get the hang of it.”

That sounds fine, right? I mean, speaking for myself, I don't particularly like phone sex—saying you had good phone sex is, for me, like saying you had a tasty MRE—but some people find it a real turn-on, and school breaks can make you totally hard up.

Yeah, um, did anyone bother to see where that "might not be a good sexual match" link goes? Why, to an article pulled from AskMen.com about girls who either think that sex is dirty, or don't know much about sex in the first place. Really? If you don't like phone sex, you either don't like sex or you're slow on the sexual uptake?

Thumbs way down, CO-ED editors, for twisting the words of Dr. Jackie Black (whoever the heck she is) and for being jerks. Ain't no number of Jessica Biel retrospectives gonna make up for that.

Why the Hell Isn't This Our Hand on Jessica Biel's Ass?

Nicole Pasulka — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 14:30:00 GMT

What's going on here? What the hell are these two doing? Where are we in this picture? This is totally unacceptable. We've been consoling ourselves that the reason our hand wasn't on Jessica Biel's ass regularly (or at all) was that Biel was, for some crazy reason, not into that. Will you look at these pictures! She is clearly so into that. We are consoling ourselves right now with the notion that Jessica is easing her way into lady-loving times and when she's really comfortable with another girl's hand on her ass, she'll call that number we were skywriting over her house last summer.