Scanner : jim carrey

Sloppy Seconds: Oral Sex is Bad, Mmmmkay?

Emily Farris — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 22:33:00 GMT

Apparently, we're one step closer to having eternal sunshine in our spotless minds. Except, instead of forgetting about Jim Carrey doctors might be able to make us forget how much we love hamburgers. And pulled pork. And cheesecake. And those little biscuits at the seafood place. And that would be so, so awesome. [NYT]

We sort of wish we would have waited to break our wrist at the Down & Derby that Cosmo Baker is spinning at instead of the one (about this time last year) that featured some DJ we'd never even heard of. Anyway, if you're in New York and a better roller skater than we are, you should check this out. We will be in town for it, but we will not be seeing you there. [TheKeyRoom]

An iPod you can control with your facial expressions? No thanks. One day we're walking down the street trying to skip from the Katy Perry version of "I Kissed a Girl" to the Jill Sobule version. Next thing you know the guy is telling the cops he could have sworn we were begging him to put his penis in our mouth. [Reuters]

That bisexual reality star we're no longer allowed to talk about thinks that she and Meghan McCain are very similar because they're both Scorpios and they both...wait for it... "have strong opinions about things." [Us]

While Farrah Fawcett fights an uphill battle against cancer her son Redmond can't help but get into a little bit of trouble. [RadarOnline]

Patrick Swayze seems to be faring a little better in the cancer department, though it's all still so sad. [People]

Here's yet another reminder that oral sex will give you mouth AIDS or cancer or something like that. [Jossip]

Speaking of oral... we have to admit that though we've heard her name, we have no idea who Aubrey O'Day is, but apparently Kathy Griffin likes the taste of her mouth. [FadedYouth]

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J McC is a Freak

Colleen Kane — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 20:08:00 GMT

So according to Jenny McCarthy's ex-husband, John Asher, woman is a freak in the sack "and beyond." *

Fortunately, from what he said, it wasn't that she made any of those goofy cross-eyed faces like she did on Singled Out...

Asher reminisced about his ex's fondness for threesomes and the time she invited three additional "naughty young girls" into their bedroom.

"She'd be the subject of most of the attention, but always kept me in the mix. There are some things that she's done where I've thought, 'No other woman will ever do that.' It's a helluva show."

Just days ago, Starpulse quoted Jenny on her beau Jim Carrey: "We are madly in love with each other, and the sex is still awesome... He's a wonderful man." Now there's a freaky pairing we don't really want to imagine.

* We have a friend (Scanner Brian) who sent us this story to try to get us to share our own "freak in the sack" tales. Nice try, but thanks for the lead.

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Male Fantasy: Who's Your Santa

While You Were Sleeping: Joining the Mile High Club

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 13:08:00 GMT

Forty million people tuned in to watch Obama's press conference. Yes, but what does it mean?

We're not sure what to say about the bank robber who rammed his getaway car into another car, fled, took a bus, taxi, and a ride from his sister, and was finally apprehened at home with a paltry four grand when he was forced to call 9-1-1. It turns out that he'd arrived home to find his roommate dead of an apparent suicide.

Oh no! A Three Stooges movie now?! Make it stop... and tell these actors we now officially hate them: Sean Penn, Jim Carrey, and Benicio del Toro.

These defense lawyers for Phil Spector would crack us up if they weren't helping psycho get away with second-degree murder.

Would you eat a 4,800 calorie burger? Would anyone?

Remember the guy who was busted in the act of having sex with a car wash vaccuum cleaner? Yeah, a mere 90 days for scarring those witnesses for life.

Skype is #1 in the world-- take that, AT&T.

A GOP whip chose the whip Britney Spears used onstage.

Chicago's St. Patrick's Day Parade is no more.

It's week 915 of the tabloids pretending Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are breaking up. But, for the first time ever, people are starting to believe it might be true.

And singer Elvis Crespo joined the Mile High Club... or so says this woman, who complained about it.

Jennifer Aniston Finally Speaks Out About Brad Pitt

Britney Spears Suffers From A Vagina Slip

"You'll Still Pay Money To Come See Me"

While You Were Sleeping: If Even Apple Is In Trouble

This Week In Gayness: Two Major Male Movie Stars Make Out

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 22:01:00 GMT

As we've already mentioned, Boy George was sentenced to 15 months in prison for having sex with a male escort.

Strangest headline of the week: 'No son, your school can't have that new computer because gay people eat soup'

Stan Lee supports the gays... once more.

Speaking of comic books, was Tintin gay?

The above photo is of Ewan McGregor and Jim Carrey about to kiss in-- believe it or not-- the true story of two men who fall in love in prison.

"I Love You, Phillip Morris" is not the only gay-themed movie sweeping Sundance. Next up is "Humpday," a movie about a "bromance" that turns into gay porn, and which has already been sold.

The Reverend Al Sharpton lambasted the Mormon church for supporting California's Proposition 8.

And Dan Savage is going after Rick Warren in the same manner he did with Rick Santorum. Anyone up for some saddleback tonight?

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First Gay Mayor in the U.S. Already Embroiled in Major Sex Scandal

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While You Were Sleeping: Kirsten Dunst Off the Deep End

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 15:49:00 GMT

A very lame-looking Jim Carrey movie based on a superior autobiography opened with a mere $18 million.

Teachers can't keep banging teenagers.

A registered sex offender volunteering at the post office is the reason the Letters to Santa operation was suspended last week. It will be up and running, in a modified version, with enough time for this week's mailings.

The brand of shoe thrown at Bush has since big numbers since the incident.

CNN killed the crawl.

Amy Winehouse is out of the hospital and back out on the streets.

Why is Saudi Arabia forcing an eight-year-old girl to remain married to a fifty-eight-year-old man?

And Kirsten Dunst is, according to the Superficial, trying "to fill the void left by Tara Reid," who recently checked into rehab.

[S]omeone has to become Hollywood's once-aspiring actress who can't keep her face out of the drink. Enter Kirsten Dunst. Here she is drunkenly leaving Bardot last night with her male companion The Cosby Sweater Bandit.

While You Were Sleeping: Scrubs & Friends

Eliza Dushku Set For Fame Thanks To This Sex Scene

While You Were Sleeping: Khloe Kardashian Looks Weird Naked

Sloppy Seconds: Dita Von Teese's Lesbian Porno

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 21:20:00 GMT

Helen Mirren was on Conan last night talking about the time she almost got to perform with one of rock's greatest stars, now long gone.

"I heard this incredible crashing and banging coming from the ally where the stage door is. [T]his completely drunken guy was climbing out of a trash can, covered in trash and with a pin-striped suit on. A complete madman. Then I heard the crashing and banging coming through the stage door, and up the stairs..."

"I opened the door and it was Keith Moon. He said, 'Hello darling, I hear you're wonderful in this play.' I said, 'It's nice to meet you, but I have to go onstage now.' He said, 'That's all right, I'll come with you. I'll come and play in your band.' I'm so idiotic. I said, 'No, you can't.'

"One of my biggest regrets is that I didn't play on stage with Keith Moon." [Starpulse; and why Keith Moon was the greatest rock star ever]

Rush Limbaugh thinks Hillary's fan base is mainly feminists, defined as women who have had "two or three abortions" and as many divorces.

Speaking of terrorists like Rush Limbaugh, did you remember to submit to "Ask Al Qaeda"?

Maybe someone should ask Zawarhi if he's as excited as we are by the Jim Carrey-Ewan McGregor prison romance film. Hopefully, it's, um, not going to be a remake of "Midnight Express."

Dita Von Teese's instantly legendary lesbian porno, which apparently may get her dropped as the new spokesperson for Wonderbra, is circulating on the 'net. Above is a censored screenshot, and below the NSFW reverse angle. Again, no embed-able vids have surfaced, but click here for an external site that features it.