Scanner : jobs

Give a Steamy Goodbye to CraigsList's Erotic Services

Emily Farris — Wed, 13 May 2009 20:39:00 GMT

We didn't think it was really going to happen, but the Powers that Be at CraigsList have folded under pressure to remove "erotic services" from the site.

In place of "erotic services" will be a new category called “adult services," which the site's employees will vet for activity that violates CraigsList's terms of service. Each posting will cost $10, with a $5 reposting fee. While this may satiate some state's officials, who have been urging the site to close the section since the CraigsList Murder last month, New York's attorney general is calling the concession "half baked."

“Rather than work with this office to prevent further abuses, in the middle of the night, Craigslist took unilateral action which we suspect will prove to be half-baked," Mr. Cuomo said in a statement.

But according to Jim Buckingham, chief executive of Craigslist, legal pressure had nothing to do with the change.

“In striking this new balance we have sought to incorporate important feedback from all the groups that have expressed strongly held views on this subject, including some of the state A.G.s, free speech advocates and legal businesses who are accustomed to being entitled to advertise,” Mr. Buckmaster said.

Perhaps a few good things will come of this, including the fact that San Francisco-based CraigsList is going to have to hire new staff to peruse the ads. Hmm...

[NYT: Craigslist Makes Changes to Sex Ads]

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Bristol Palin Has a Job and You Don't

Emily Farris — Tue, 05 May 2009 21:16:00 GMT

How is it that we have a ton of smart, talented, over-educated friends who can't find jobs while unwed teenage mother Bristol Palin just scored a great one?

B-Pal has just been appointed as one of the Candies Foundation's Teen Ambassadors, working on the Foundation's national campaign to prevent teen pregnancy.

“I feel that I could be a living example of the consequences of teen pregnancy. If I can prevent even one girl from getting pregnant, I will feel a sense of accomplishment.”

Well, that's something.

No word on if she'll be taking home a fat paycheck, or if she'll be taking home a paycheck at all, but if so we recommend she invest in some condoms and birth control pills. (And she could send some our way if she'd like. Our monthly pack of Yasmin was one of our recession sacrifices and now our face is totes broken out).

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Sloppy Seconds: Bristol Palin's New Gig

[Source]

Sloppy Seconds: Because Breast Milk is Cheaper Than Cow's Milk?

Emily Farris — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 22:33:00 GMT

HBO is developing a new show called "Women's Studies." And we all know what that means. [AfterEllen]

Author JG Ballard, perhaps best known for his book "Empire of the Sun" is dead at 78. [Yahoo!]

If Pulitzer Prize winners are being laid off, is there any hope for us? [Portfolio]

Tennis star Andy Roddick married his girlfriend Brooklyn Decker on Friday. [People]

Though we never had the fear ourselves, we've always understood why certain kids were afraid of the toilet. Now kids everywhere have even more reason to steer clear of the porcelain sucking machine after a three-year-old got her foot stuck in the handle of one (how that happens we don't know) and firefighters had to rescue her. [Telegraph]

Grey's Anatomy star Ellen Pompeo is preggers. [Us]

Food made with breast milk is all the rage these days. Maybe it has to do with the price of cow's milk going up? Anyway, the newest breast milk product is cheese. A recent art exhibit in London featured the product. [APP]

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[Image]

While You Were Sleeping: Gay Marriage in New York State?

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 13:15:00 GMT

This adorable cat is a master clothing thief.

Lindsay Lohan says she's humiliated by her breakup with Samantha Ronson. If we were a hot movie star and Sam Ronson dumped us, we'd be pretty upset, too. Oh, and Ronson denies she took out a restraining order, but anyway...

Our favorite political story of the year so far: "Dead Mayor reelected"

OctoCrazy's inheritance and some overtime funded the in vitro. So now you know how she made all that rent money she burned.

Mounties grow mustaches to support charity-- can't wait for the "After" photos.

Obama congratulated the Tar Heels coach with a phone call from Air Force One.

Are you a habitual job hopper?

This Zac Efron-Vanessa Hudgens Funny or Die video featuring a star-studded cast is well worth your time. Just be careful where you watch it-- there are a few LOL moments.

Gay porn star Jack Wrangler died. He had been married to a woman for many years. The interesting details are here.

Embattled New York State Governor David Paterson said he will introduce a bill to legalize gay marriage. Fingers crossed...

Zac Efron's Sexual Awakening

Zac Efron Mud Wrestles A Nude Model

Hey, At Least the Sex Industry Is Still Hiring

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 18:54:00 GMT

Laid-off bankers, waiters, bloggers, and other local degenerates are scouring Craig's List in search of Rent Money-- that down and dirty gig that will let them coast through this Great Depression in style.

The only thing they're finding are these ads from the sex industry, which itself is keeping Craig's List's sales department profitable...

Look good in latex? Join an extraordinary profession…

Reply to: job-tms4n-1099293875@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-03-30, 2:29PM EDT

We are seeking attractive, creative, college-aged females to join our team on NYCs most exclusive fetish and BDSM websites as webcam performance artists. This is a great opportunity for people who want to learn more about fetish and BDSM lifestyles. We do our best create a collaborative and educational environment where expressive and creative people can flourish. As a web cam dominatrix you will have potential to earn up to $90 an hour in a safe, clean and inspiring environment. Under some conditions we can offer a base pay to make sure you make money even if you don’t land any web cam sessions. If you think you have what it takes to be an online dominatrix and want to explore your wild side please contact us to set up an interview....

No sex or contact (everything is done online) and nudity not required but you should have an interest in S&M and be comfortable with your body. ...you can work from home or we can provide you space. No experience necessary -- we will handle training. Please reply via email with a brief introduction regarding your interests phone number and a photo....

Yes, we see these all the time-- but they're not usually the majority of the ads on Craig's List. (That would be sneaky posts by the Air National Guard.)

Male female models for Indian boutique - (Midtown West)
NBC/Casting-Looking 4 FUN NY,NJ, families w/kids-FREE TRIP/HUGE PRIZE - (Greater NY,NJ,Conn, Philly Area)
Bikini Babe Wanted to be Next Online Viral Star!! -
ADULT RETAIL STORE - (CONNECTICUT)
Wallpaper Magazine - Editorial/Art Project Seeks Interesting Subjects -
Looking for creative confident women - (Manhattan)
Make $5,000/mo ANONYMOUSLY in adult industry sales - (Midtown)

And that's just New York.

DANCERS / WAITRESSES -
Sell adult ent. on the Net! ---- 8 000/month -
DANCERS WANTED- ADULT ENT INDUSTRY -

Phone Girls Wanted-Adult Ent. -
Freelance Blogger - (Las Vegas)

If you land one of these jobs, we want our 10%-- Vegas Mafia-style. Hey, we need the money as much as the rest of ya's...

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While You Were Sleeping: If Even Apple Is In Trouble..

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 14:08:00 GMT

On this radio show discussing Obama having a beer at an NBA game, does it mean anything that some of these callers are against it?

Oh no... what we've always feared... High School Musical 4.

The last thing you want to do when you're running for public office is get yourself accused of sex crimes.

The cop who saved a bunch of lives in a Utah school shooting has pleaded no contest for having sex with a teenage girl while responding to a 9-1-1 call at her house.

Cook County Commissioner Mike Quigley will likely be the next Congressman from Illinois. Yep, another member of the Illinois government is heading to Washington...

Britney Spears launched her tour last night.

A woman called 9-1-1 three times in a row because her McDonald's didn't have any McNuggets.

Speaking of 9-1-1-- if you have a LG 830 Spyder, you seriously need to drop everything and read this.

Rupert Murdoch had his revenge on his biographer, who may be involved in a sex scandal.

And does it mean anything for the country at large if Apple laid off fifty workers yesterday?

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The Best Job in the World? Carnival Body Painters

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 20:33:00 GMT

Since our coverage of Brazil's carnival celebrations began on Monday, curious readers have been musing on the lucky bastards who get to paint fake pasties, images of Obama, and "pieces of tape" on the queens of the parade.

Luckily, MSNBC took a break from goofing on Bobby "Hale-Bop Eyes" Jindal to bring us a profile of one of those lucky bastards...

Among the highlights from the extended profile (geez, you would think the reporter actually desired to stick around all those completely naked women getting done up in exotic colors) of Betto Almeida, the most hated man in South America today, are these choice moments:

...he spends hours painting the bodies of gorgeous women — and earning as much as $2,000 a day...
"You wouldn't believe how many applications I get for an assistant," Almeida deadpanned, never taking his eyes from his work as he brushed bright orange paint on the stomach of a model in his glass-enclosed studio under the grandstands at the Sambadrome...
...models who earn about $250 a night to mingle, clad only in paint, with high-rollers in the luxury boxes...

Michele Peres, a 28-year-old model wearing tiny black shorts, snakeskin stilettos and a watch... "...his work draws more attention to me. It is good for him, it is good for me."
Both women said some men — mostly foreigners — get a little frisky in the box seats...
...he dipped his brush into one of a dozen plastic water bottles cut in half to hold his paint, carefully painting jaguar spots on the back of the model's thighs...

"...How could I say no?" he asked, diving into a cheeseburger after finishing up with Peres. "A lot of guys are jealous of my job."

The full story is here.

Related:

Brazilian Carnival Outdoing Itself Almost Daily With Risque Nudity

Obama Crashes Carnival Party, Thanks to Naked Carnival Queen

Sports Illustrated Fails At Bikinis, Tries Bodypainting

While You Were Sleeping: Westboro Stoops To New Low, Falls On Its Face

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 14:08:00 GMT

Dolly Parton has come to rescue Jessica Simpson, although we think it's a bit late for that now.

Mike Myers and Paris Hilton won several insulting awards over the weekend.

Ladies, don't despair: your best sex comes in your forties.

Thanks to this kid, the porn thief has been captured.

Is it better to be unemployed than to have a job in your 20s as an obit writer? In Florida?

Three Westboro Wackos were routed from protesting the Flight 3407 disaster-- and they didn't even need to use violence.

Nicole Richie is pregnant again.

Here's your idiot Republican of the day: a Senator who offhandedly predicted Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg will be dead within the year.

Although it was snubbed for Best Song (why? why? there were only three song nominees this year!) and, ultimately, a Best Actor statue, The Wrestler won Best Feature at the Independent Spirit Awards. More about the event here.

One of the worst-ever Academy Awards ended last night with Slumdog Millionaire moseying up the podium with its main cast in tow. The big upset was Sean Penn's win for Best Actor, which some are already calling an apology for their Prop 8 votes. (If they wanted to do that, why didn't they vote for Milk for Best Picture? That would have been a much better judgment call, plus Mickey Rourke has never won an Oscar and was almost equally deserving.) To read the complete list of winners, click here.

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Woman Gets Breast Cancer, So Workplace Finds An Excuse To Fire Her

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 14:47:00 GMT

It's like Philadelphia, only somehow more depressing.

A woman in Toronto was diagnosed with breast cancer a few weeks ago. She told her boss, who expressed sympathy. She was asked to put all of the information about her necessary time off in writing. She did so, stating that she would work right up until the heavy part of the procedures began, scheduled for last week. When her ex-husband suggested she get a second opinion on her diagnosis, she wrote a second note stating that she would stay on indefinitely.

That's what she found out that her company had considered her first note a letter of resignation and told her, "Sorry, nah nah, you can't take it back."

You think we're kidding?

Torrejon couldn't believe what she was reading. Nowhere in her letter or her conversations with the McDonalds had she ever suggested quitting her job. As an ill single mom [with two kids-- and don't forget the "ill" is "with breast cancer"], resigning is the last thing she could afford to do right now.
At their management office, a flustered Geri McDonald repeated their contention that Torrejon had submitted a letter of resignation. When told that we had seen a copy of the letter and it appeared to be nothing of the kind, McDonald pursed her lips and said, "I have nothing else to say."

The company may have suspected that Miss Torrejon is an illegal immigrant or some other type that might not fight back, but they were wrong. This was an extensive and widely-distributed story in yesterday's Toronto Sun. What can she do now? Possibly sue. Possibly get the government involved-- since, according to one local human rights league, McDonald and friends violated a law barring discrimination against the disabled, a category which Torrejon may fall under.

Via the Toronto Sun/Canoe.

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Teacher Shows Girls His Dick... In Class

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 20:43:00 GMT

Unlike Sting, this young teacher was not the subject of schoolgirl fantasy.

Crazy Cat Dude Jason Beaudry, a math teacher at Chicopee Comprehensive High School in Massachusetts, has been arrested after a January incident in which he showed three teenage girls, all of them underage, a picture of his pet.

What's wrong with that? Oh, we get it now... his other pet was in there...

According to the local news in the Holyoke area:

The case started in January when he allegedly invited three teenage girls back to his math class at Chicopee Comprehensive High School. There he showed the girls a picture of his cat on his cell phone, but as they scrolled through the pictures, the content changed.
"The second picture she scrolled through was the defendant, as well as an exposed penis," says Assistant District Attorney James Channing.

Boy Genius went on to ask the girls if they'd come to the "good pictures" yet, thereby eliminating the defense's argument that he never meant for them to see the peen pic. Next thing you know, as his attorney put it, the photo incident "went like wildfire through the school," leading to his arrest and his being placed on administrative leave. Keep collecting those checks, big boy, it's a long waiting list for a fast food job these days...

"The defendant would say, 'Wait until you're 18. If you came back after school I'd be in trouble...'" [CBS 3 - Springfield]

Too late, dumbass.

Doctor Sex is the New Teacher Sex

Today in Teacher Sex: Louisiana and New York Pervs Reach New Heights

Teacher Sex Craze Spreads to the U.K.

From the Archives: 10 Reasons the Recession Will Rock Your Love Life

Emily Farris — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 14:53:00 GMT

We ran this almost a year ago, but we're reposting it because this shit is getting depressing. We need some kind of silver lining.

Do recession woes have you down? Are you worried about losing your job and/or your yipster lifestyle? As terrifying as doing your own laundry and switching from Americanos to drip coffee may seem, the recession could do wonders for your love life. And as we learn from Caitlin MacRae, economist, sexologist and Nerve intern, life as a normal person affected by the recession is a lot like life as a blogger.

10. Fine wine will once again be for stuffy rich people.

These days, everyone’s expected to be able to select the correct boujolais from a leather-bound list of hundreds, adding anxiety to an otherwise pleasant date. When the economy tanks and you’re forced to go back to meeting up at the kinds of bars you don’t find in Zagats, the two of you can relax and do shots of Jim Beam while wistfully reminiscing about your vintage merlots – and your vintage careers.

9. Lack of disposable income will force you and your date to engage in exhilarating illegal activities.

Before you had a job, before you were old enough to get into bars, you lived a romantic existence free of any sense of social propriety or personal accountability. Instead of planning extravagant outings, you figured out how to skulk around verboten locales, pool-hopping late into the night and making out in the backseats of unlocked cars. Just because you’re all grown up doesn’t mean you can’t still indulge in such shenanigans, and shimmying up to top of that water tower together is free, unless you need to post bail.

8. Bars are filled with the unemployed by three p.m., drunken hookups will be in progress by five.

When everyone works till seven, happy hour doesn’t really get going until eight, which doesn’t leave much time to get tanked and slur pickup lines at strangers before a responsible working-person’s bedtime. With more free time, you can look forward to those midday drink specials and the afternoon bouts of poor judgment they produce.

7. You’ll find out if those coffee shops really are hotbeds of early-afternoon sexual tension.

Your freelancer friends have long regaled you with stories of giddy midday coffee-shop flirtations, making their wayward life sound like Prince’s Black Album incarnate. You’ll soon find out if this secret holy land of semi-employed sexual tension actually exists, since you’ll be parked in this alleged paradise of furtive glances all day while Craigslisting for gigs.

6. Breakfast will replace brunch.

Somewhere between the lemon-pepper-vodka Bloody Marys and the sea-salt-and-pesto poached eggs, we lost sight of the real magic of weekend mornings: sloth-like apartment lingering. Instead of showering, throwing on a jaunty scarf and skipping down to the chirpy, overpriced brunch nook, you and your significant other – or last night’s trick -- can shuffle around in ancient pajama pants, fry up half a pound of bacon, and have morning sex without waiting for an overworked server to bring you the check.

5. Museum dates will be unaffordable.

Like an Alzheimer’s patient, we return to the $20-per-ticket Museum of Modern Art again and again for an ill-conceived date with someone we don’t know very well and already feel awkward around. The museum date is a clumsy murder-suicide: the two of you shuffle from sculpture to painting while acting like pretentious eggheads as you try to discuss art that you don’t understand. Catch a discount matinee instead, and grope in the dark.

4. Library-sex will make a comeback.

Combine America’s declining interest in knowledge, free admission, and sultry, stuffy sex-maniac librarians, and suddenly you have an accessible, sparsely populated impromptu orgy club. The public library, with its many dim corners and unlocked “reading rooms,” is a recession-era Plato’s Retreat. Take it from a former librarian: the microfiche room is far from obsolete when reappropriated in the right fashion.

3. That romantic getaway to a Costa Rican eco-lodge will become a sordid roadtrip to a dingy Niagara Falls motel.

Never underestimate the beautiful sleaziness of vacationing on the cheap. After spending several hours in traffic, then bundling up in twelve layers to go stare at a plummeting body of water, you’ll be eager to trundle back to the seedy Fairway Motor Inn for an evening of basic cable, vending-machine dinner and the sickest, hottest sex you’ve had since your first three months of dating. Splurge for the room with the mirror on the ceiling – we can’t even begin to explain how worth the money this is.

2. Tinier apartments lead to accidental sex.

Since rents never seem to drop with the rest of the market, you’ll need to downgrade from that sturdy loft to a tiny railroad apartment whose walls seem to actually amplify your neighbors’ late-night viewing choices. Might as well seize the opportunity to accidentally on purpose touch one of your five roommates’ breasts while reaching around her to grab your coffee mug in the morning. With everyone unemployed and starved for a little human contact – and the unpaid electric bill shrouding you in darkness -- you can get away with more than usual.

1. More dates take place in the cheapest available venue: the bedroom.

Pirated movies on your laptop, cheap take-out and some PBR serve the exact same function as the overpriced museum, the brunch spot, and the wine bar - and none of those places have the advantage of being right where you want to be in the first place. Happy poverty!

—Caitlin MacRae

Originally Posted March 8, 2008

[Image via]

While You Were Sleeping: The 3-D Porn Movie

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 14:08:00 GMT

Ever wonder what repairing a sex doll is like? Wait, you already knew this job existed?

We're hoping Kanye West is kidding when he says he wants to change his name. We are not amused.

Shockingly, your wife may become upset if you turn out to have a secret Playboy subscription.

Try not to panic-- 71,000 jobs were lost yesterday alone.

The hookers are flocking to Florida for the Super Bowl.

Good God! Molly Ringwald is 40 years old. Oh, and she's expecting twins...

The world's first-ever 3D porno flick (or so the producers claim, probably without having done any research) is all set to shoot. We'll, of course, provide a look behind the scenes, assuming this doesn't go way over budget, as an experiment of this magnitude is bound to do.

And forgive Paris Hilton, for she knows not what the hell she's saying.

Apparently, Times Square's Seedy Side Moved To Eugene, Oregon...

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 15:48:00 GMT

A recent post in the Rants 'n Raves section of Craig's List Eugene alerted us to the fact that there are places called "sex arcades" where, instead of watching a peep show, people have sex on their lunch breaks.

Wha?

Here's how it breaks down: according to a Time Magazine story from April of 2005 (ouch-- we have been missing out), Houston's "so-called adult bookstores... offer private booths in which patrons can watch 25¢ peep-show movies and engage in anonymous sex with other patrons through holes cut in the walls." Sure, we were aware of the existence of glory holes and were well aware peep shows could be used for all varieties of sex, and that sex shops sold books (books! what the hell do we need those for in this day and age of free internet hardcore movies?) What we weren't aware of is that they are all happening under one roof these days, and that they are happening in small cities like Eugene, Oregon, for starters.

The unsigned Craig's List post by a "bookstore" employee offers us advice for our first an all future visits. As usual, we offer an abbreviated version of the epic-as-hell piece:

1) It is a complete wast[e] of time to become upset when I refuse to shake your hand after you exit the arcade.

2) I'm sorry if you have only limited time to have gay sex with a stranger during your lunch break. If the only customers I have in the arcade are so old you are wondering how they remain upright, much less get it up, I simply can't waive a magic wand and fill the arcade with an all gay swim team. ...I am not a resident fall back option and I'm sorry, but offering me cash for sex will not change my mind on this one (ever).

3) If you enter a booth with a window, please don't be surprised if you look up and find someone watching you.... If you enter a booth with a gloryhole, please don't be surprised if at some point a penis comes through it. Also don't be surprised if a voice comes through it asking for you to stick your penis through the hole, it's what it's there for.

4) You enter a booth, insert a 1, 5, 10, or 20 dollar bill into the bill acceptor, and have a seat. The movie will play until the time limit for the amount of money you put into the machine runs out. If at that time you have not managed to relieve yourself you have still received what you paid for. Sitting in a booth with no money in the machine while you desperately try to grunt out a quick one is just not acceptable.

4[B]) If you happen to be a horny gay man (nothing wrong with that) and inappropriately proposition another man in the parking lot and he punches you in the mouth, YOU HAD IT COMING.

5) I could care less if you have a wedding ring on as you suck off 12 dudes... I don't care if you enjoy dressing in your little sisters cloth[e]s and putting on a show for strangers in a window booth.... I do not need a play by play description of what you were just doing. Keep it to yourself or write it in your journal or whatever.... I will not be impressed, seriously.

6) If you pee in the trashcans and I catch you you will be cleaning that booth and I will be berating you the entire time it takes you.

7) [I]f you come walking out of the arcade with cum in your beard, on your shirt, pants, whatever, I reserve the right to point and laugh. We thoughtfully provide paper towels just for that situation.

8) We have janitors clean the arcade 3 times a day, every day. I can do little for you if the booth you so desperately need to whack off in has a load of cum dripping down the monitor.

He lists his location as "whack shack." You can read the full-length rants here.

Related:

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Sex Shop Etiquette... From A $9-An-Hour Sex Shop Employee

While You Were Sleeping: Your Shopping Bag Is Sexist, Dude

Hey, Cheap Rent! Oh, Wait... The Fine Print Is Pretty Insane...

Craziest Town Meeting Ever Involves Porn, Sexual Harassment, Vehicular Homicide

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 15:15:00 GMT

When Anthony Troiano went into a meeting with fellow town selectmen in Hopkinton, MA, he thought maybe they would want to discuss that time he killed somebody, had his license suspended, and was arrested.

As it turns out, Troiano had bigger problems, as the local paper (The Metro West Daily News) breaks it down for us:

1) Troiano has been busted at least twice: once, for committing vehicular homicide (for which he's already been convicted) and for driving with a revoked license five days after having the license taken away in September.

2) Troiano's political enemies looked for other mistakes to help their case to oust him. One turned up a visit to a porn site Troiano had made while using a town-owned laptop in the privacy of Troiano's home. Troiano admitted to going to the site, but came up with a vague excuse involving spam e-mails that caused him to visit it in the first place.

3) Unsure the board would expel their rival, Troiano's opponents then appear to have tried another tactic. One anonymous member filed a claim that their co-worker's visit to a porn site while on a network they all shared amounted to sexual harassment. ("Troiano had created a hostile work environment by using a town computer to look at porn.")

Troiano was booted unanimously, although one board member-- clearly the only one with half a brain here-- abstained from voting, saying it should not become a public matter and could unfairly damage the man's reputation. Too late-- it's now all over the national news and blogosphere, thanks to the October meeting's notes being made public.

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Muslim In Red Dress Controversy Responds

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 20:18:00 GMT

Last week, we brought you the story of Fata Lemes, a Bosnian woman living in England who is suing her former employer (a bar) for forcing her to wear a "revealing" outfit.

As we suspsected, the sensationalized Telegraph exclusive story about Lemes was, of course, sensationalized... and that Lemes would respond with the real story...

An anonymous commenter, possibly Fata herself, directed us to Fata's blog over the weekend:

The case has nothing to do with any religion.

Do you want your sisters looking like whores serving men?

Not necessarily, no, but we're not sure the dress was "whorish" either, even by the conservative movement's extreme standards. However, the problem with these kinds of cases is that one person's skank is another person's Sunday best-- and suing an employer for having a uniform that, for example, shows a slice of a person's back, is going to baffle most people.

So, Ms. Lemes, you'll forgive us for not siding with you immediately on this one-- until now, when we read your side of the story, which the Telegraph embellished beyond all recognition. Here's how Lemes's story conflicts with the original:

1) Her anger, refusal to wear the dress, and ensuing lawsuit had no connection to religion at all. She hasn't "felt religious since 1989."

2) It was not until her fourth shift that she was given an alternative uniform and asked to wear it. When she was hired, she had a simple black shirt to wear and it was accepted. If this is true, then no wonder she was offended-- that's a clear bait-and-switch reversal of the agreement she entered into with her employer and she had every right to refuse for any reason.

3) She only took action against Rocket (the bar in question) after they allegedly refused to pay her for her four shifts. Lemes insists she isn't likely to have brought suit against the establishment had the simply followed the rules and sent her a check.

You can read the rest of Fata Lemes's response on her blog, which appears to have been created specifically for this purpose.

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Cops Stripped Of Duties After Wild Hooker Party

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 18:53:00 GMT

Imagine you're a cop in Australia. How is it possible you're able to carry out your duties with the high-quality gene pool there?

Who could blame the cops in the country's Northern Territory for growing restless while on patrol and stopping off at the Hooker Ball for a grope and grind?

According to the local media in Darwin, NT, the two cops were removed from street work after compromising photographs turned up from an annual pimps-and-hoes-themed costume party in the sleepy capital. They were supposed to be checking the club for crime, drunken antics, and proper licensing, but instead got a couple of lapdances and delivered one or two spankings. What, does Darwin want its cops to be asexual or-- worse-- un-fun?

As these pictures prove, the coppers had no other choice. They should be exonerated.

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10-Year-Old Boy Is the Lone Protester of Nude Sunbathing

Ad Agency Sex Scandal Claims One Victim: The Cameraman

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 21:55:00 GMT

A screenshot from the already-infamous camera phone sex tape of a guy's co-workers getting it on, with the annoying Gawker addition of a turkey to cover the "naughty bits."

If you haven't seen it yet, you haven't been missing anything (the time you spent glancing at the above photo is more than enough)... although the story has gotten a lot more interesting in light of what happened to the guy who filmed some of sexcapades and spread the clip around via e-mail.

First off, he was fired. Secondly, he gave an interview to vent about his punishment, which was not equal to that of the participants, both of whom were cheating on their partners and got to keep their jobs.

In an interview with Asylum, the anonymous cinematographer had this to say about the incident:

It was one Friday afternoon and I received a call from a co-worker that he had found, or stumbled upon, two people making love in a cubicle. I didn't believe him, but I just ran up to meet him anyway to see what it was and sure enough, there were two people doing it. I know their names but I don't know them personally. It was around 5:10 in the afternoon -- not very late at all. It's an ad agency, so there are people there around the clock. The creatives don't leave until around 7 or 8.
I showed a couple of officemates on my phone and everyone was shocked and awed. I downloaded it to my computer and sent it on to two other co-workers and that was all the digital distribution I did and it just went viral from there.
They [the sex fiends] still work there. I think it's wrong. I don't see why I should get canned and not the ones who were doing the deed. But my plan is just to keep on trucking and find another job. My true goal is to join an agency as an art director.

Read the rest of the interview at Asylum.

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The 15 Most Promiscuous Countries

While You Were Sleeping: The MySpace Suicide Trial Verdict

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 14:08:00 GMT

This guy wants to be on America's Got Talent... for playing music with his telephones.

Is Emily the Strange a ripoff of Nate the Great or is this, whether it's coincidence or deliberate theft, no big deal?

Robert Downey, Jr. had a very close call on the set of Sherlock Holmes...

While filming of a fight scene, Downey was knocked unconscious by a 7-foot, 330lbs co-star... Downey was “out cold” for six seconds and “drooling blood” before medics could bring him round.

Meanwhile, Downey refused to go to the hospital.

Is this the greatest company ever?

Did you have brunch over the weekend? If so, you were part of the 75th birthday celebration for the Bloody Mary.

Click here to listen to a song from Nirvana's first-ever show in 1987 and the last song of their last show almost exactly seven years later.

The super hot First Lady of France is now a super hot UN ambassador.

And that evil woman was found guilty of three minor charges in the MySpace "suicide trial."

Sloppy Seconds: What is Jennifer Hudson Smiling About?

Mom Films Her Boyfriend Having Sex with Her 13-Year-Old Daughter

The English Are Still Too Prudish To Appreciate Nudity

Kim Cattrall: The Magically Naked 52-Year-Old Woman

Video of the Day: Brickhead

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 18:45:00 GMT

Watch this guy, who is clearly more talented than anyone appearing on this week's Top 40 list or on any "reality" competition show, balance a brick shitload of bricks on his head.

We're talking almost two dozen bricks, it seems, by the time he takes off speedwalking... along a gangplank. You'll just have to see for yourself...

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While You Were Sleeping: Leftover Edition

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 18:14:00 GMT

More like: While You Were Eating...

Britney Spears' diet consists mainly of "Taco Bell and turkey jerky washed down with Red Bull." Now that's a Thanksgiving dinner we can get behind!

The 2009 Pretty in Mink calendar features supposed conservatives pretending to be glamorous.

Since InTouch is a waste of hopefully recyclable paper, we can't be sure if this Angelina Jolie news is true...

According to InTouch, Saint Angie told everyone the news when a waiter tried to pour her ass a booze drink at a restaurant in London. Brad Pitt gave Angie Jo the side-eye because he wasn't ready to go public with the news [that she's pregnant again.]

Enjoy the above photo of Tina Fey now... because this pic of her may traumatize you for life.

Karl Rove... closet Obama fan? By the way, the transition team has received almost 300,000 resumes so far.

And your comic relief: New Jersey police responded to an alarm at a bank after hours and, seeing what appeared to be a person inside, they evacuated nearby apartments, surrounded the bank, and began making requests through a megaphone. Later on, they realized the person was actually a cardboard cutout.

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We Got Yer 30 Rock Season Premiere Right Here...

Burger King Wants You To Have $100... No, Seriously, Take The Money...

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 17:50:00 GMT

Burger King is deliberately dropping wallets full of cash all over the country and, unlike the wicked New York City Police Department, they aren't arresting people who are kind enough to pick them up...

The blogosphere is abuzz today with stories of people in Arizona, Florida, and Illinois finding wallets on the floor of the local Burger King restaurants. The wallets were deliberately dropped or planted by hired help on a Burger King marketing campaign:

From November 12-14, the fast food chain will be leaving 5000 wallets around Chicago, specifically "in high-traffic areas and landmarks." Inside the wallets? "A BK Crown Card pre-loaded with $5 to $20 and cold, hard cash ranging from $1 to $100."
Yep, the wallets include notes telling the individuals who find them to go ahead and keep the wallets. Time Out Chicago reported on November 12th that Burger King planned to drop 5,000 of these wallets around urban hot spots in Chicago. According to reports from bloggers, the wallets contain actual cash, ranging from a $1 bill to a $100 bill, a gift card to Burger King, a “Drivers License” featuring The King, and a map of Chicago or Orlando area Burger King’s.
This is a brilliant marketing move, and the mainstream media is obviously lagging behind on discovering it - but creative and unique marketing ideas like this one don’t go unnoticed forever. I expect much more widespread attention for this promotion as the word-of-mouth affect begins to trickle up the mainstream media.

The economy is in such bad shape right now, with the highest new unemplyoment filings in years, that you half expect large crowds of people scouring their local BK's, not for the $1 menu, but like those weird beachcombers, hoping that someone hasn't scoured the place as thoroughly as they are about to...

Via the So Good Blog and NBC.

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Lou Reed's Classic Example Of How To Give An Interview

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 17:26:00 GMT

With international leaders meeting today to discuss the growing world economic crisis, employees are spending more and more of their workday online, job hunting. Thankfully, Lou Reed is here to help with your next interview.

Now, in honor of the release of his brilliant new record, the master teaches you how to relax and to not appear too eager when facing down those overbearing interviewers...

In case you don't know anything about his music (and how the hell do you get to be your age and not know Lou Reed, honestly?), it's all about drugs. Just a heads up so you can appreciate this clip all the more...

And by the way, you should really check out the new Berlin: Live at St. Ann's Warehouse. We were there for the taping and it was an unmistakably powerful show, with far and away the best sound we've ever experienced in a concert setting.

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Are You Smarter Than an Almost 12-Year-Old?

Emily Farris — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 21:17:00 GMT

If so, then perhaps you should apply to be Nerve.com's new editor-in-chief. If somebody better doesn't come along, this girl could be my new boss:

Goodmorning,

Hello the name is Sheena Jacobs* 11 years old almost 12.!
Advanced in all things education, writing, grammar, web designing/
editing, buisness, beauty, health, world cultures, journalism, singing,
acting, and some of the media!
I am homeschooled so i am available any time!
but i can only do Online only job!

I would like to ask and see if my age is ok for the job!
Im patient, attention 24.7.
Once if you have answered yes then i will turn in my resume and a couple
of reports i have done and some other jobs i used to work in!

Thank you in advance,

Sheena

Hmm. Maybe she'd do a better job as features editor?

But considering that her email address had the words "hot" and "gossip" in it and she never leaves her house, she might be a better fit here at Scanner.

*The name has been changed.

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Sex Shop Etiquette... From A $9-An-Hour Sex Shop Employee

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 16:58:00 GMT

We've always wondered what it must be like to work in a porn or sex toy store. Does it mean you get so desensitized to sex that it doesn't interest you anymore?

We wouldn't blame this gal for going celibate after what she's seen... and, more importantly, been forced to touch...

In a rant and rave on the Raleigh Craig's List message board, an anonymous "Adult Store Clerk" gives her pointers on what not to do when shopping for porn or sex toys. We'll give you the short version:

1. "If you are a needy as hell customer who asks me to check movies before you rent or buy them to make sure you will like them, I will secretly hate you. All of our movies have people fucking in them."[Hilariously, the employee goes on to point out if you don't like the pictures on your DVD's box, try a different box!]

2. Don't return movies with... uh... anything extra attached. "I get paid $9.00/hour, which is not enough to clean up your spunk. Wash your hands before you take the DVD out of the player, you nasty-ass son of a bitch."

3. Don't have sex in the dressing rooms.

4. Please treat our merchandise with some respect. In any other store would you open up boxes, rip off labels, or throw things around? I doubt it.

5. "Don't hit on me or any of my coworkers. That is desperate and gross. Also, you're standing at my counter with 2 tranny movies, some desensitizing spray and a pair of panties. Do you really think this situation lends itself to me agreeing to go out with you? Nope, didn't think so."

6. "Additionally, just because I work at an adult store does not make me uneducated, a freak, a stripper, a prostitute or desperate."

7. "If I ask for your ID, don't give me grief. Take it as a compliment..."

8. "And finally, if you are someone who brings your child into the store, you fail at parenting and at life."

The full post is worth checking out, if you have the time...

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Today in Jobs You Probably Don't Want Right Now: Senior Publicist for Dow Jones

Emily Farris — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 20:11:00 GMT

Dow Jones (which is down 202 points today) is seeking a senior publicist. Number-one requirement they didn't want to post? You must be non-suicidal.

If you can handle that, you might just score yourself a job. Description after the jump.

Position Description:

This is a key role within the Corporate Affairs team at a key time for Dow Jones as it extends its market-leading brands to new markets and new audiences. You will work with senior managers to conceive, execute and implement communications plans at the corporate level. This is a job for someone who can offer strategic counsel as well as traditional PR skills. You will be supporting major corporate projects for both internal and external audiences. Expect to be a writer, preparing press releases and other correspondence for senior executives. Expect to plan events to support the company’s priorities. Media relations are part of the routine. So is managing content on internal and external Web sites.

Position Requirements:

Successful candidate should have three or more years experience in public relations in a corporate or agency role. Strong written and verbal communication skills are a must as this job demands an effective and confident writer. Strong competence with standard software used in contemporary communications such as PowerPoint is also required. Events-planning experience helps. College degree is preferred as is knowledge and experience in the media industry.

[va MediaBistro]

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Principal Fired For Convincing Student To Run Away With Him (Oh, And He's Charged With Rape, Too)

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 19:15:00 GMT

A principal in Snohomish County, Washington (that can't be a real name) has allegedly been fired for convincing a 14-year-old girl to run away from home. With him? Probably, since he's also charged with rape...

But there's a kicker...

The announcement was made Thursday night inside the Highland Christian School auditorium, the school where Mark Brown had been principal until the 37-year-old was charged with rape last week.
Snohomish County prosecutors said Brown sexually assaulted a 14-year-old female student inside a hidden room at the school after authorities said he encouraged her to run away from home.School board attorney Brett Nagle made the announcement that Brown was no longer employed at the high school at a meeting held so that parents, students and faculty could voice their concerns.

...it's a Christian school... but hey, they still have great sports teams!

My God, people, is there nothing sacred anymore?

Via KIRO-TV.

Related:

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While You Were Sleeping: The Tim Gunn Lawsuit

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 12:43:00 GMT

The Hiltons are far from thrilled to see the new McCain ad, which compares Obama unfavorably to Paris (huh?) They're right to be offended-- they maxed out to the Republican candidate.

A man with a body in his freezer was arrested preaching in Alabama.

Before you read further, make a prediction: who gave the #1 worst performance by a Model Turned Actress?

According to King Magazine (whatever the hell that is), it's Halle Berry-- but not in "Catwoman," as many would have predicted:

1. Halle Berry in Gothika
2. Cameron Diaz in Any Given Sunday
3. Garcelle Beauvais in Wild Wild West
4. Cindy Crawford in Fair Game
5. Tyra Banks in Coyote Ugly

"Guys and Dolls" is returning to Broadway, with Anne Hathaway or Debra Messing. Laurence Olivier and Benedict Arnold are also on the Producer's list of people to put in the press release to make it look Big Time.

AIDS has made black women an "endangered species."

A 10-year-old boy ratted out his mom for making counterfeit bills.

With all the money television brings in, Tim Gunn, why the hell would you work for free?

Related:

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While You Were Sleeping: Anne Hathaway and the Cops

I Hate Myself for Loving You: Hayden Paniettiere

While You Were Sleeping: The Last True Supermodel

Sloppy Seconds: Elizabeth Hasselbeck Not Sure What A Vibrator Is For

See? We DID Send That Check... Jerk

Emily Farris — Wed, 14 May 2008 17:34:00 GMT

Okay, we actually didn't send that check, but if we did, and you never got it, it could be because more than 100,000 pieces of undelivered mail were found in the home of a Postal Service employee.

Some of the mail is at least five or six years old, and apparently none of if is opened because investigators are sorting through the piles for first-class mail that needs to be delivered immediately.

So this worker just didn't want to work? Picked up the mail for his or her route and went home to watch Ellen? Why not at least open the stuff in colored envelopes? Out of 100,000 pieces of mail, a fair amount had to contain a $20 from Grandma or a $50 from Dad.

[ABC11: 100,000 pieces of mail found in Apex home]

10 Reasons the Recession Will Rock Your Love Life

Emily Farris — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 20:24:00 GMT

[Image via]

Man Has Sex With Vacuum Cleaner

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 21:00:00 GMT

The only thing worse than being desperate enough to do it with an inanimate (and probably uncomfortable) object is getting caught kneeling naked on the floor of your work restroom and getting busted doing it with an inanimate object...

Last week, there was the guy who had sex with a goat, then the other guy who tried to have sex with a goat. Now there's this guy, who apparently couldn't even get a flippin' goat to go on a date with him:

The man was allegedly discovered naked, on his hands and knees, with his rude bits in the business end of a smiling Henry vacuum cleaner.
The Sun reports that the Polish man claimed to bosses that he had merely been vacuuming in his underwear, which was supposedly a common practice in Poland. Hmmm.

A smiling Henry? Barf. Yet another reason to not clean our apartments this week-- not being able to look our vacuum cleaner in the eye.