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Victoria's Secret Suit

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 05 May 2009 16:18:00 GMT

Hey ladies-- and gents who like that sort of thing-- do your Victoria's Secret bras bother the living hell out of you?

You're not alone, as we found out from this story out of Cleveland, Ohio...

It turns out there's a big class action lawsuit in the works, with up to 2,000 pairs of boobs claiming damages, brought about by a guy who makes the ambulance-chasing John Travolta character from A Civil Action look like John Paul the Second. (He's quoted as saying about the tit-tarnishing: "All of the women's breasts looked alike," said attorney John Climaco of Cleveland. "It brought tears to your eyes. They're scarred.") What brought tears to this po' countray boy's eyes is described as a rash in the cleavage that irritates the bejesus outta the ladies.

The lawsuit accuses the retailer and its Columbus-based parent company, Limited Brands Inc., of misrepresenting the safety of their products, failing to warn customers of problems and concealing knowledge of defective merchandise.

The women seek in excess of $5 million combined, plus compensation for medical expenses, pain and mental anguish.

At first, [plaintiffs] Ritter and Climaco attributed her afflictions to formaldehyde, a chemical used in clothing manufacturing to help retain shapes. But that strategy fell through after independent tests failed to find formaldehyde in Victoria's Secret bras and concluded that Ritter was not allergic to the chemical.

Whoops. If you have the same symptoms, you might want to start your own case-- we're better this is going to get tossed in no time.

Via the Cleveland Plain Dealer.

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While You Were Sleeping: Lindsay Lohan's Crushing News

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 14:02:00 GMT

The Black Crowes are taking recording back to the era of the basement-- the basement tapes, that is. They'll perform four sold-out concerts at Levon Helm's house and use them for their next record.

Watch Richard Simmons, our personal hero, attack a CNN interviewer's foot live on air.

A four-year-old boy named Nathan Beavers shot his eighteen-year-old male babysitter for...? Ha-- you guessed wrong-- Beavers shot the babysitter for stepping on his foot.

Gaza kids spoke out about how the violence has ruined their lives.

John Travolta's kid's death was caused by a seizure disorder. (Damn, all this sad news about children today-- if anyone hears about a kid sending his allowance to Darfur, let us know.)

Patricia Arquette is getting divorced. Rihanna is getting engaged. And, as we've already mentioned, Jennifer Love Hewitt isn't getting married...

...and Lindsay Lohan is allegedly done with Samantha Ronson. Think she got dumped?

Related:

Caption This: Lindsay Lohan's Boobs And Sam Ronson's Eyeline

Every Time Lindsay Lohan Has a Drink, Deborah Norville Gets a New Fur Coat

The Halo Wedding: More Pathetic Than the Second Life Divorce?

While You Were Sleeping: Tara Reid Back To The Booze

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 14:08:00 GMT

Guess who's to blame for the continued conflicted in Gaza? The United States, that's who-- they blocked a UN resolution calling for an end to the fighting. (Not that it would've done a damn thing to stop the assault.)

Have you been buying Pepsi from the Atlanta plant? (First of all-- why are you buying Pepsi?) It turns out they are using illegal Mexican Pepsi.

Marijuana has been decriminalized in ~~Drugachusetts~~ Massachusetts (for the most part) and cops are refusing to hand out tickets because the law is "poorly" written. Now, we've got it-- just start passing laws that sound like they're restricting drugs, but make them so ridiculous, no one can prosecute. This is how we'll sneak past those right-wing nuts who think the War on Drugs is working.

What kind of moron calls 911 to complain that she's driving drunk? A moron who, unlike most, at least knows that she needs help.

Click here to see men with wings fly around mountains. No stinkin' jetpacks for these dudes.

Tara Reid has already checked out of rehab after only three weeks. Think she's cured?

We're not really sure what's up with this case involving a 16-year-old girl accusing a guy of taking nude photos of her in the shower, and the guy's girlfriend, who claims she took the pictures and framed him for the crime.

Gosh darn it, Al Franken is officially the winner of the Minnesota Senate race. Until, of course, the Republicans sue the pants off the guy.

This invention will conserve water by recycling handwash as toilet water. It's better than you think.

And, as you probably know already, John Travolta's sixteen-year-old son died of a head injury incurred while suffering a seizure. Gawker, in a careful, roundabout way, considers Scientology at least partly to blame, saying Travola and wife Kelly Preston "privileged their adherence to Scientology over their devotion to their son."

Sloppy Seconds: Kate Winslet's Secret

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This Blog Has Been Rated NC-17

Top 10 Things Younger Than John McCain

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 14 May 2008 20:17:00 GMT

A reader sent us this delightfully ageist, partisan hatchet job on the candidate attempting to become the oldest President ever (no, not Hillary Clinton, c. 2013), Senator John McCain.

John McCain is older than the word "old." When John McCain was a child, his granpappy was referred to as "ye olde man." Note the difference in spelling. John McCain is older than nylons, which means he is older than boners. Do we sound too much like "The Late Show With David Letterman?" We apologize-- although you should still check out our hilarious little list, stolen straight from the website "Things Younger Than John McCain."

10. Velcro

9. Plutonium

8. Both of Barack Obama's biological parents

7. Dick Cheney. Dick Cheney, for God's sake. Support somebody else!

6. Cheerios. Cheerios... Jesus Almighty, we thought the caveman had been the one to figure out what to do with little oats.

5. Scientology. Take that, John Travolta, Tom Cruise, and that embarrassing woman from "Cheers"-- Scientology is a figment of our cultural imagination and not to be taken any more seriously than, uh, Christianity, for example.

4. Spam. Not only the internet annoyance... the food made famous by Monty Python!

3. The Golden Gate Bridge

2. Alaska

1. The Chocolate Chip Cookie

Runners up: AARP, Mount Rushmore, McDonald's, nylon, and FM radio, as well as many other shockers at "Things Younger Than McCain."

Thanks to Rachel R. for the link!

John Travolta Calls Heath Ledger an Inspiration

Emily Farris — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 18:16:00 GMT

We'll leave the gay cowboy jokes up to you.

[People: John Travolta Calls Heath Ledger an Inspiration]