Scanner : jon stewart

This Week in Gayness: McDonald's Hates Gays... Again

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 08 May 2009 18:45:00 GMT

Wal-Mart CEO Mike Duke just gave us another reason to hate his awful company-- he signed a petition to ban gay adoptions in Arkansas.

A gay porn star attending college has received a reported 150 hate e-mails from so-called "good Christians."

Bigots like Rick Warren and Sarah Palin are among Time's 100 Most Influential People.

Moron Republican Congressman Steve King thinks gays wouldn't get "bashed" so much if they just stopped acting so gay (never mind that many hate crime victims are straight people mistaken for homosexuals.) Jon Stewart, thankfully, had something to say about this.

Kudos to Britain for banning hatemonger and violence-inciting shout machine Michael Savage from entering their country ever again.

A McDonald's in Kentucky settled with two patrons who were called "faggots" by restaurant staff.

By the way, we heard that the Democratic Governor of New Hampshire might veto the gay marriage bill. Anyone else heard this?

The most trusted Mom(s) in America? Portia and Ellen:

With 31%, Ellen DeGeneres and Portia De Rossi took the top spot. Rounding out the list were Jennifer Aniston (22%), Rachel Ray (20%), Angelina and Brad (18%) and coming in last was Oprah Winfrey with 9%. [Strollerderby]

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This Week in Gayness: Men's Magazines

Apparently, Florida Doesn't Want You to Learn How to Have Great Sex

This Week in Gayness: Gay Conversions Under Attack

You Can Take the Boy Out of Chelsea...

The Gaythering Storm Against Anti-Gay Organization NOM

While You Were Sleeping: The Top Models Brawl

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 13:08:00 GMT

Charlie Sheen's wife gave birth to twin boys. Wonder what that childhood's gonna be like...

Political turncoat Ron Silver died of cancer at the age of 62. Silver was most recently known for appearing on The West Wing.

An arrest warrant was issued for Lindsay Lohan over the weekend; she faces a hearing today.

The right-wing came out swinging at Jon Stewart over the Jim Cramer-Brawl Street business, none more pathetically than Tucker Carlson, who denied being a "partisan hack."

At an America's Next Top Model cattle call (that's a term, not a slur) in New York, three women were arrested when some idiots yelled "there's a bomb," probably to cut ahead in line, and a full-on brawl/stampede ensued.

Lionel Richie worried that his female fans would stop throwing their panties at him if he became a grandfather.

This trailer makes painting seem so badass.

Race to Witch Mountain easily dethroned The Watchmen over the weekend.

And how would you like this job? Kylie Minogue was paid $1 million for performing a single song for Bollywood.

Sloppy Seconds: Wanda Sykes Says "I Do"

The Rise and Fall of Lindsay Lohan

Today in the Apocalypse: Barbie Got Even Skinnier

Rick Warren on Malia and Sasha... Fierce!

Emily Farris — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 15:46:00 GMT

Have you ever said something stupid in the heat of the moment and then agonizingly gone over it again and again and again in your head? So much so that you cringe?

Rick Warren, this one's for you...

As Jon Stewart said, "Is it me or is he quoting Obama's daughters' names like he thinks they're delicious?"

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This Week In Gayness: Two Major Male Movie Stars Make Out

The Very Best Thing About This Inauguration...

Jon Stewart Talks Rupert Murdoch, Calls Him Boring, A "14-Year-Old Girl"

Scanner Matt — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 19:12:00 GMT

We haven't showed a Daily Show clip in a while, so what the hell. Here's Stewart chatting about the new Rupert Murdoch biography and how unimpressed he is with the infamous media tyrant, who is angling to go down (with the newspaper) as the last great newspaper man.

Biographer Michael Wolff still seems residually starstruck by the subject of his nonfiction narrative and calls Murdoch the most powerful man on the planet.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Michael Wolff

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

Best Naked Music Video of the Year

Is Canada Falling Apart? When In Doubt, Ask Jon Stewart

This Week In Gayness: The Coming Out TV Series

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 20:15:00 GMT

Sioux City, Iowa decided not to vote on gay marriage because they're not sure they have the authority to do so. We wish Prop 8 supporters had realized the same thing.

Arizona can't even decide whether it wants to support equal judicial representation of gay people.

Headline of the week: "How gay are Philly athletes?" Answer: very.

The State Department has find an interesting way to stop gay marriage...

I've now seen a couple of different reports (here and now here) about how same-sex couples who legally change their names on their marriage certificates are unable to get the State Department to recognize that name change on the couple's passports. In these cases, the State Department takes the position that the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) prevents the government from recognizing a name change effected in conjunction with a same-sex marriage. Nonetheless, the State Department will recognize the name change if the couple takes the separate (and completely unnecessary) step of going to court to get a judicial name change or if the new name is used publicly and exclusively for a period of at least five years (and you can document such use).

Showtime is producing a reality show called Coming Out, which is, you guessed it, about people who come out to their bizarrely-clueless families.

New Jersey may have marriage equality in the near future.

"Religion is far more of a choice than homosexuality." - Jon Stewart

Melissa Etheridge and Elisabeth Hasselbeck got into a fight about gay marriage on The View.

And another dumb kid wore a pro-Prop 8 shrit to school.

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Gay Penguins Stealing Eggs From Straights

We Won't Milk "Milk" For Its Every Pun, Promise...

This Week in Gayness: Call In Gay Tomorrow

Stewart Goes After Huckabee Over Gay Marriage

Scanner Matt — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 16:16:00 GMT

These are the clips you'll be watching twenty or thirty years from now. They'll be edited as scenes and sound bites into documentaries and mainstream news stories the way old footage of the first civil rights movement is still very present in the media today.

So who wants to be the asshole who preached "separate but equal" again, only to look like an ignorant hate-monger a few decades later? Bigoted born-again Fred Flinstone does.

Jon Stewart must be having one hell of a week. We can't stop posting clips from The Daily Show, but we promise this will be the last one of the year (The Daily Show is on hiatus until 2009).

Is it us or does Mike Huckabee look like he was molded by the creators of Gumby? His clay skin, the odd way he expresses himself with his prominent eyes, that creepy laugh...

Watch Stewart enlighten Mr. God.:

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Mike Huckabee Pt. 2

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

eHarmony, Let The Gays Begin!

Sloppy Seconds: Jerry Lewis Continues to Hate on the Gays

RIP Newspapers

Scanner Matt — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 17:50:00 GMT

We apologize for yet another Daily Show segment, but this short video seems to wrap up the fate of gray paper with words printed on it. Take a moment of silence in your blog hopping out of respect for the death of palpable journalism then laugh at this funny video.

We're not sure if the death of the newspaper is truly upon us (yet) or if the age-old news source will just restructure itself according to modern times, but as always the wacky fake anchorman, Stewart, raises interesting questions with his basic cable charm and blue state wit.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Clusterf#@k to the Poor House - Final Edition Edition

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

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Presidents Who Smoke: A Photo History

Is this guy the Barack Obama of the GOP? Um, no.

**Bush: "People Voted For Barack Obama Because of Me" No sh*t!**

Is Canada Falling Apart? When In Doubt, Ask Jon Stewart

Ina Maier — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 21:26:00 GMT

As the resident Canadian, I feel obligated to both comment on the situation that's (strange)brewing in the Great White land of your Northern neighbors. However, as I'm only mildly ashamed to admit, I have no idea what I'm talking about.(Apparently, someone is staging a coup! Or so says one response to my desperate Facebook status plea for an explanation.)

And so, in lieu of feigning any understanding of my homeland's politics, I'm going to leave both of those obligations to Jon Stewart. His thoughts -- which include some Clinton zingers and Queen Elizabeth's corgis -- and shockingly clear explanation, after the jump...

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Provinces in Peril - Indecision Oh-Eh?

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

Well, there you have it. My country is now a monarchy.

In the News: The Tickler Arrested, Canada's Sex Party Sues

The 15 Most Promiscuous Countries

CBC Apologizes for Calling Sarah Palin a "Porn Star"

While You Were Sleeping: Drunk Cheerleaders Make Sports Watchable Again

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 13:51:00 GMT

Colin Powell endorsed Barack Obama on Meet the Press. He pointed out the Senator is and has always been a Christian... and so what if he was a Muslim?

A gym teacher posed as a lesbian model to try to get his student to send him a nude self-portrait.

Jon Stewart has only one thing to say to Sarah Palin... and he can't say it on TV...

That's right... he tells Sarah Palin: "Fuck you." The full transcript of this almost completely garbled video is here.

Guess how much a tennis lesson with Andy Roddick costs? A million bucks, right? That's what you'd think, but not only is it a mere 15 g's, Roddick is throwing in a nudity option as well.

You know how much we love pranks.

The shortlist for the Oscars' Best Foreign Language Film nominees was announced, although we don't think many of them will see release in the U.S. for a while.

A man was charged with taking a leak in a police car and spitting on a cop. The man was, of course, butt naked at the time.

And a bunch of cheerleaders were busted for hitting the bottle before The Big Game. Wait, some teenagers aren't drunk the night before a big game? That's not the America we know and love...

Woman Steals Daughter's Identity to Become a High School Cheerleader

"Do That Little Cheerleader Move," NY State Assemblyman Tells Intern

Town Rallies Behind Principal Who Discriminated Against Lesbian Student

Who Would You Rather: Grey's Anatomy Lesbian Doctor Edition

The Confessions of St. Colbert

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 21:15:00 GMT

Stephen Colbert rarely breaks out of his Stephen Colbert character. Often, we wonder if the TV Show Guy has overwhelmed Guy Who Is Probably Sane In Real Life Guy. This Huffington Post live Twittering/blogging report from the New Yorker Festival reveals some incredible tidbits from Colbert's past, including the hilarious first-time meeting with Jon Stewart...

Check out our favorite moments:

"Jon deconstructs the news, I falsely construct the news."
[On Jane Fonda's infamous lap-only interview] Backstory: Colbert copped to having had a thing for Fonda, and had had her on the show before (with Gloria Steinem). It had been a cooking segment, and both women had kissed him, and Evie, he said, wasn't thrilled. (Yes, she's of a certain age, but as Colbert said, "there's a little Barbarella left.").
Cut to the Fonda show. Said Colbert: "She brought a game...she was a virago, she was gonna out-character me." And that is precisely what she did (see here) . She nibbled and blew in his ear, stroked his hair: "I was completely off my game...it was fun. And I was truly uncomfortable." And after it was over he discoverd that one of thecrew members had run out and bought flowers for me to bring home. He said, "Hey, man, bring these home to your wife." And he walked in and she took one look at the flowers and said (sternly): "What happened?" And he said, "Well...Jane Fonda..." and she said "I don't want them!"

And the real highlight:

[H]e was hired but had yet to meet Jon [Stewart], who had just been hired as host. There was a press conference with the head of Comedy Central to announce it, and Colbert, newly-minted correspondent, said, "Shouldn't we be covering this?" So off he went, and asked a question, announcing himself as "Stephen Colbert, Daily Show" and asked something like, "It was my understanding that I was in the running to host the Daily Show, how does your appointment affect my chances?" Jon looked over at the head of Comedy Central and said, "I thought you said he wasn't funny." Pretty auspicious beginning, I'd say.

Really, you should just read the whole thing here.

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Top 10 Celebrities Who Are Probably Cool In Real Life

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 19:21:00 GMT

Feel free to weigh in and add your own... especially if you can correct (or add) based on personal experience...

10. Neil Young-- because of-- or in spite of-- the fact that he is obsessed with model trains

9. Heidi Klum-- showing us her ass bruise yesterday is what got us thinking about this list in the first place

8. Anthony Bourdain-- the only man who works in a kitchen that we probably couldn't take in a fight... but he wouldn't start one with us... because he's cool like that

7. Simon Cowell-- once he steps out of character, he might be a pretty good wingman... same with Ryan Seacrest (just kidding!)

6. Elvis Costello-- if you've seen him in concert recently, you know he still has the same energy and kickass attitude that seemed so fresh in 1976

5. Bill Clinton-- unless, of course, you have a busty blond with you, hanging out with Bill Clinton is rumored to be a great time, where dirty jokes are always welcome... as long as they don't involve "interns"

4. David Bowie-- then again, David Bowie could sneer at us and it would kind of awesome

3. Wanda Sykes-- now here's somebody who you actually wouldn't mind it if she were "on" all the damn time

2. The dudes from Flight of the Conchords

1. Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert (tie)-- this we know from reliably sources... and, because, if they weren't cool in real life, it would break out poor widdle liberal hearts...

Also, a good way to tell if a celebrity might be an all right person in real life is to scan through this page of stories from waiters all over the country. They weight on whether a celebrity was a great tipper (Bill Murray, Joe Pesci, Stevie Nicks) or one who ordered "many bottles of wine" and still stiffed the help (Don Henley, big surprise.)

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While You Were Sleeping: Olympic Mania

We Didn't Watch The Emmy's, Here's What We Missed...

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 14:52:00 GMT

It was a historic night for the Emmy's, and we're pretty sure no one, including us, saw any of it...

Due to the usual record-breaking low ratings this show gets, it was probably lost on the country that Emmy history was made by Don Draper and the rest of the "Mad Men," who took home the Best Drama prize for AMC. This marks the only time a basic cable show has won a "Best" Series award.

Other highlights, according to sources who actually witnessed the program:

1) Ed McMahon said "Herrree's Johnny!" to introduce one of those mundane clip shows from when television was actually watchable. Hopefully, Ed received some sort of a check or at least an uptick in donations, as the poor bastard is in danger of losing his home.

2) Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert introduced something and weren't allowed to say anything political. Yawn.

3) Howie Mandell said he was on Sarah Palin's Bridge To Nowhere, a reference to the fact that his opening host's monologue had to be entirely ad-libbed. Speaking of poor bastards.

4) Bryan Cranston, Laura Linney, Glenn Close, and Tina Fey won well deserved acting awards. And, of course, so did the amazing Alec Baldwin.

5) Lorne Michaels took home another Emmy, as "30 Rock" received a well-deserved Best Comedy award.

6) Tommy Smothers was the only one who got political in an acceptance speech:

"It's hard for me to stay silent when I keep hearing that peace is only attainable through war. And there's nothing more scary than watching ignorance in action," he said, dedicating his award to "all people who feel compelled to speak out, and are not afraid to speak to power, and won't shut up and refuse to be silenced."

Actually, we're going to shut up now and redirect you to Remote Island (see the sidebar), because those guys probably saw it and have much more to say... but there you have it.

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Somebody Wants To Invade Our Vaginas

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 12:52:00 GMT

Woah! At the end of the day yesterday, we received this message from the John McCain satellite office at Cakebread (the man is rumored to have shadow offices everywhere, including at Katie Couric's house and the W.C. at the DNC.) Our minds were too blown to do anything about it at the time. What if it was true? The government killed people for publicizing less Top Secret information.

But here is, no doubt, irrefutable proof that Senator John McCain is going to invade our fucking vaginas. It's even in quotes, for God's sake, so it must be true.

Okay, that's about as far as we can stretch the joke. But y'all know McCain can keep it going, maybe make it part of his Iran warmongering speeches: "Iran, if you don't stop building those nukes, I'm going to personally invade all your vaginas." And so forth.

In unrelated news, McCain continued his sore loser tradition of trying to make everything look like it was his idea all along! Classic McCain moment from yesterday: Senator, are you upset that Europe and, in particular, Berlin are welcoming Barack Obama is a hero, the generation's greatest leader? Naw, I think I'll wait to speak in Germany until after I'm elected. Fair enough, but we can't help but think McCain is the kid who didn't get invited to your ninth birthday party and then acted like he wouldn't have gone even if he that invitation hadn't gotten "lost in the mail."

Top 5 Sexiest Daily Show Moments

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 15:48:00 GMT

Don't miss Ed Helms teabagging Tom Cruise! Or the moment Kristen Schaal realizes she'll have to remove all of her clothing. Or... well, we don't want to ruin #1 for you...

We're really surprised Comedy Central bucked the censors and allowed correspondent Ed Helms to attach a nut-cam to himself. (Yes, we're kidding. Not about the nut-cam, though. Check that out.)

Is it wrong to drool over a piece on sexism?

Well, if nothing else, Stephen Colbert can write for the Penthouse Letters column after Fox buys Comedy Central. This is one of our favorite Daily Show clips of all time-- watch as both Colbert and Jon Stewart lose their shit toward the end...

Gay hockey players, boob flashes, grab ass... this one's got it all.

And now... your Moment of Zen.

Well, there you have it: our five favorite sexy moments from The Daily Show. Check out the full list of 25 on the Comedy Central blog, which includes some shots of Jon Stewart that make him look ten years younger.

Oh shit, has he been on that long already?

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Video of the Day: Rush Plays Rush... In Rock Band

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Who Organized The Arkansas Gay Wrestling Match?

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 20:30:00 GMT

The internets thinks it has unmasked the jokester who promised $1 beer and brutal cage fighting in Arkansas, only to make the large crowd sit through grown men tearing each other's clothes off and furiously making out.

"We had a contract for cage fighting. We were deceived," said Dwight Duncan, president and CEO of Four States Fair Grounds in Texarkana...

The day after the cage fight in Texarkana, a similar gay-themed prank was pulled in nearby Fort Smith, featuring

a character named "Straight Dave" would goad a planted audience member into the ring for a fight.
The two men would then wrestle, rip away some of their clothes and share a brief kiss reminiscent of one between Baron Cohen and Will Ferrell in the film "Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby."

Producers said "it was kind of to essentially make fun, poke fun at wrestling— two guys rolling around on the floor, all sweaty."

An elaborate array of mounted and handheld video cameras caught the crowd of 1,600's reaction as the two men "went right up to the line" of the city's morality laws.... The two men stripped down to their underwear, kissed and rubbed on each other, the sergeant said.

As soon as the audience realized they'd been duped, they started lobbing beers at the participants... ha ha, suckers-- the pranksters saw this coming and only handed out plastic cups. The wrestlers, meanwhile, had been hastily removed from the building, unscathed.

Those in attendance were told by several signs on display that they'd be filmed, Holland said, and signed waivers before the event. Convention center sales director Karin Hobbs declined to name the event's sponsor Monday.

But the Associated Press is dead certain that Sacha Baron Cohen is behind it, possibly filming for "Bruno" or even a new, unknown production beyond that.

If the cage match visits came from Baron Cohen, it wouldn't be the first time Arkansas fell for a practical joke. In 2000, then-Gov. Mike Huckabee fell for a prank and congratulated Canada for preserving its icebound Parliament, calling it a "national igloo."

And that guy's being considered for the 2nd-in-Command of the United States?! Reason enough to vote for Bob Barr, for God's sake...

Via Starpulse/AP.

The Face of the Orgasm

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 13:00:00 GMT

TV reporters will do anything, including have sex and orgasms on camera, if it means career advancement.

So it's no surprise that someone put together this lovely, hilarious, and often arousing screenshot compilation of various Fox News reporters and other TV-talking-heads getting off live on the air...

Here are some of our favorites:

There's more... if you have that kind of time on your hands.

Scanner Highs and Lows: In Which We Consider Prancing Around in Stripper Shoes to Survive the Recession

Emily Farris — Fri, 23 May 2008 22:01:00 GMT

It was a long, cold winter and nothing says fuck me (and tip me) like a pair of stripper shoes, right?

Highs:

We got to look at naked, bearded, burly men.

We crushed on vegetarians even though we obviously love meat.

We have so many feelings about the new 90210 we're not sure whether it goes in highs or lows.

We cyber-visited the Icelandic Penis Museum.

We looked at some old pictures of Scarlett Johansson.

We learned you really, really love Jon Stewart. And Stephen Colbert, too. Just not as much.

We briefly considered purchasing a pair of stripper shoes.

This woman is probably going to have some seriously swollen breasts—a small price to pay for saving so many lives with them.

Ellen Degeneres very politely made John McCain look like an ass (who really didn't look like he believed in what he was saying, right?)

Lows:

For the first time in our lives, the New Kids on the Block let us down. But only just a little.

Um, did Mike Huckabee encourage shooting Barack Obama?

The Father-Daughter Purity Ball really freaked us out.

Apparently Hulu.com is too pure to allow embedding at Nerve.com.

We learned that R. Kelly's sex tape was set to the tune of the Backstreet Boys and the Spice Girls.

And that he's probably going to jail.

We're glad we had no part in this date.

[Image]

Jon Stewart As Guest Blogger (In A Roundabout Way)

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 16:26:00 GMT

Because it's harder to argue with him than with us.

However, we do welcome your reactions to this video (which unfortunately cuts off at the 9:21 mark) and Stewart's take on the race as it stands. Yes, it's biased, which is why you would do right by your candidates to duke it out in the comments. While we take the day off...