Scanner : jon stewart is my own personal savior

Top 10 Celebrities Who Are Probably Cool In Real Life

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 19:21:00 GMT

Feel free to weigh in and add your own... especially if you can correct (or add) based on personal experience...

10. Neil Young-- because of-- or in spite of-- the fact that he is obsessed with model trains

9. Heidi Klum-- showing us her ass bruise yesterday is what got us thinking about this list in the first place

8. Anthony Bourdain-- the only man who works in a kitchen that we probably couldn't take in a fight... but he wouldn't start one with us... because he's cool like that

7. Simon Cowell-- once he steps out of character, he might be a pretty good wingman... same with Ryan Seacrest (just kidding!)

6. Elvis Costello-- if you've seen him in concert recently, you know he still has the same energy and kickass attitude that seemed so fresh in 1976

5. Bill Clinton-- unless, of course, you have a busty blond with you, hanging out with Bill Clinton is rumored to be a great time, where dirty jokes are always welcome... as long as they don't involve "interns"

4. David Bowie-- then again, David Bowie could sneer at us and it would kind of awesome

3. Wanda Sykes-- now here's somebody who you actually wouldn't mind it if she were "on" all the damn time

2. The dudes from Flight of the Conchords

1. Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert (tie)-- this we know from reliably sources... and, because, if they weren't cool in real life, it would break out poor widdle liberal hearts...

Also, a good way to tell if a celebrity might be an all right person in real life is to scan through this page of stories from waiters all over the country. They weight on whether a celebrity was a great tipper (Bill Murray, Joe Pesci, Stevie Nicks) or one who ordered "many bottles of wine" and still stiffed the help (Don Henley, big surprise.)

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: What Did Tina Fey Lose at the Emmys?

John Mayer And TMZ Make A Funny Video: "Do You Love Celebrities? I Sure Have."

What Celebrities Would Look Like if They Moved to Missouri

11 Celebrities at Their Poignantly Drunkest

Sloppy Seconds: Woman Who Delivered Baby In Car For VP?

While You Were Sleeping: Posing Nude For Fun Or Charity

While You Were Sleeping: Olympic Mania

Top 5 Sexiest Daily Show Moments

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 15:48:00 GMT

Don't miss Ed Helms teabagging Tom Cruise! Or the moment Kristen Schaal realizes she'll have to remove all of her clothing. Or... well, we don't want to ruin #1 for you...

We're really surprised Comedy Central bucked the censors and allowed correspondent Ed Helms to attach a nut-cam to himself. (Yes, we're kidding. Not about the nut-cam, though. Check that out.)

Is it wrong to drool over a piece on sexism?

Well, if nothing else, Stephen Colbert can write for the Penthouse Letters column after Fox buys Comedy Central. This is one of our favorite Daily Show clips of all time-- watch as both Colbert and Jon Stewart lose their shit toward the end...

Gay hockey players, boob flashes, grab ass... this one's got it all.

And now... your Moment of Zen.

Well, there you have it: our five favorite sexy moments from The Daily Show. Check out the full list of 25 on the Comedy Central blog, which includes some shots of Jon Stewart that make him look ten years younger.

Oh shit, has he been on that long already?

Related:

Who Would You Rather: Stephen Colbert vs. Jon Stewart?

Video of the Day: Rush Plays Rush... In Rock Band

Funniest, Most Cringe-Worthy Video of the Day

Jon Stewart As Guest Blogger (In A Roundabout Way)

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 16:26:00 GMT

Because it's harder to argue with him than with us.

However, we do welcome your reactions to this video (which unfortunately cuts off at the 9:21 mark) and Stewart's take on the race as it stands. Yes, it's biased, which is why you would do right by your candidates to duke it out in the comments. While we take the day off...

Tucker: A Man And His Bowtie

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 19:05:00 GMT

Are you sitting down? (Wait, you read Scanner while bending over?) Ladies and gentleman... Tucker Carlson has been canceled. I know, I know... you're all thinking: oh, man! Wait, Tucker who?

Well, we here at Scanner aim to learn you people right. For Tucker Carlson has been part of many historic moments in TV history, and caused so many more. From his brawl with Jon Stewart to his insult to dancing on "Dancing With the Stars," Tuck has rewarded viewers with much unintentional humor over the years, as beautifully summed up in a video by 23/6...

This one-minute video is a wonderful summation of the career of everyone's favorite whimpy conservative stuck in an 1808 time warp. However, Scanner would like to elaborate on and possibly even try to explain how this great man, the illegitimate product of James Carville and Greta van Susteren, got to where he is now... which is, um, cable access?

1) Tucker Carlson, a white boy, is born in San Francisco in the 1960s, grows up to love bowties, and is very, very, very, very, very not gay.

2) Tucker is accused of rape by a deranged woman in a city he has never visited. Ever since, Tucker has no sympathy for anyone and gives loads of money to the Republican Party.

3) Tucker reported on then-Governor George W. Bush's mocking of soon-to-be-executed Christian Tanya Faye Tucker's life. Conservatives have boycotted him ever since.

4) Our boy was in favor of the war before he was against it. Clinton/Carlson '08 does have a nice ring to it.

5) In a dynamite 2004 appearance on Tucker's and Paul Begala's CNN shoutshow Crossfire, a presumably obliterated Jon Stewart chastises Tucker and his co-host for being "partisan hacks." The audience roars its approval, especially when Stewart asked Tucker why Tucker wore a bowtie at his age. By complete coincidence, CNN cancels Crossfire.

6) Tucker appears on a season premiere of "Dancing With the Stars." Despite endorsements from Carville and Al Sharpton, his performance is equated with a two-year-long dump.

Goodbye, Tuck, and see you on the campaign trail.

Don't miss the video, seen here.

Today's Spank Material: Daily Show Archives

sarahhepola — Fri, 19 Oct 2007 15:24:00 GMT

The Daily Show archives have gone online. We really don’t have anything else to say except that, well, you should knock first.