Scanner : july 4th

New York Times: Iraq War Ends

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 14:07:00 GMT

Did you enjoy our little prank?

Well, we didn't come up with it, but we knew about it and were part of it on our own undisclosed way... and if you don't know what we're talking about, you will now.

And hey, if Lili Taylor thought it was awesome, it was worth getting up at the crack of dawn to pass these out in Union Square:

New York Times Special Edition Video News Release - Nov. 12, 2008

For those of you who don't live in New York City, here's a rundown from our friends Beka and Andy:

Hundreds of independent writers, artists, and activists are claiming
credit for an elaborate project, 6 months in the making, in which 1.2
million copies of a "special edition" of the New York Times were
distributed in cities across the U.S. by thousands of volunteers.

The papers, dated July 4th of next year, were headlined with
long-awaited news: "IRAQ WAR ENDS". The edition, which bears the same
look and feel as the real deal, includes stories describing what the
future could hold: national health care, the abolition of corporate
lobbying, a maximum wage for CEOs, etc. There was also a spoof site, at
http://www.nytimes-se.com/.

"Is this true? I wish it were true!" said one reader. "It can be true,
if we demand it."

"We wanted to experience what it would look like, and feel like, to
read headlines we really want to read. It's about what's possible, if
we think big and act collectively," said Steve Lambert, one of the
project's organizers and an editor of the paper.

"This election was a massive referendum on change. There's a lot of
hope in the air, but there's a lot of uncertainty too. It's up to all
of us now to make these headlines come true," said Beka Economopoulos,
one of the project's organizers.

"It doesn't stop here. We gave Obama a mandate, but he'll need mandate
after mandate after mandate to do what we elected him to do. He'll need
a lot of support, and yes, a lot of pressure," said Andy Bichlbaum,
another project organizer and editor of the paper.

The people behind the project are involved in a diverse range of
groups, including The Yes Men, the Anti-Advertising Agency, CODEPINK,
United for Peace and Justice, Not An Alternative, May First/People
Link, Improv Everywhere, Evil Twin, and Cultures of Resistance.

In response to the spoof, the New York Times said only, "We are looking
into it." Alex S. Jones, former Times reporter who is an authority on
the history of the paper, says: "I would say if you've got one, hold on
to it. It will probably be a collector's item."

UPDATE: Our lawyer just let us know that some of the 1.2 million copies are "already on sale on E-bay at prices from $30-40 to $200."

Related:

Cheerleaders "Streak" High School Football Game

Sloppy Seconds: The Grey's Anatomy Lesbian Controversy

While You Were Sleeping: The Naked Mannequin Orgy

A History of MIT Pranks, In Glorious Pictures...

Drunk Man Has Sex With A Toyota (Hey, At Least It Wasn't A Hummer)

College President Who Stopped Student From Drinking From Broken Keg Resigns

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 20:32:00 GMT

You know we're kidding when we used the words "stopped" and "broken" in that headline, right?

College President (not the student-elected kind) Robert Paxton was at a July 4th lake party when he was caught in the above photo helping a lovely young lass with her beverage:

"If you want to know the truth, the thing was broken," he said. "I never opened the tap on any keg."

Asked what he was doing with the keg suspended over the woman's open mouth, Paxton said: "Nothing. The thing didn't work. I was laughing at them. You know, if I was doing anything, I was grabbing it and trying to put it back down."

Uhhh... right. So that explains the fact that you are working the tap itself... how?

Wisely, Paxton decided not to fight the charges raised by his own Iowa Central Community College board and simply walked off the job, collecting hundreds of thousands of dollars on his way out. Amazingly, though, the story of how Paxton got a bunch of his underage son's friends drunk doesn't end there:

Paxton also denied that his 19-year-old son was drinking that day, yet police records show the young Paxton was picked up for a DUI charge later that evening. [DeadSpin]

Wow. This guy is the worst liar ever. Good riddance... after all, underage kids don't need you to help with their beer, creepy old dude.

Missouri Republican Resigns To Spend More Time With Family, Soon Gets Arrested For Sexually Assaulting 14-Year-Old

Are We Wrong To Post These Pics Of Shawn Johnson In A Bikini?

Infamous Naked Lady To Parade Topless On July 4th

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 15:01:00 GMT

Jen Moss, local celebrity in Ashland, Oregon, is planning to express her constitutional right to go topless in public during the town's 4th of July parade next month. However, she's running into stiff opposition (no pun intended.)

Moss has been known as "The Naked Lady" since she moved to Ashland in May from Ojai, Calif., drawn by the town's nudity laws. They specify only that people must cover their genitalia in a city park or the downtown commercial district, which means Moss need not cover her breasts.

Of course, the local Chamber of Commerce will ignore this law and the Bill of Rights and do whatever it takes to prevent Moss from parading on a bicycle, "wearing only a hemp G-string and blowing a conch shell."

"We don't feel that someone in the parade who is topless or nearly naked is appropriate for a family audience. She's welcome on any other day of the year to do that. But not on the Fourth of July while in the parade," parade chairman James Kidd was quoted.

Ahh... the Founding Fathers fought for naught, huh?

We'll keep you posted on the outcome. In the meantime, see this and this story for more on Jen Moss.