Scanner : katie couric

While You Were Sleeping: The Latest On Hillary Clinton's Career Move

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 14:48:00 GMT

With the new Guns 'N Roses CD due at Best Buy stores on Sunday, Dr. Pepper wants to remind you of its promise for free sodas marking the album's release date.

Letterman and Couric trashed Keith Olbermann.

Does this mean there is going to be another Bourne movie?

Universal Pictures has made an overall deal with the estate of "The Bourne Identity" author Robert Ludlum that gives the studio exclusive rights to the Jason Bourne character and first look at other Ludlum novels. [Variety]

Barack Obama will name Hillary Clinton Secretary of State sometime after Thanksgiving, including to some leaking aides.

Cheerleader initiation rituals in Texas? Even scarier than you'd think: a gang of hooligan girls have been charged with binding and gagging junior varsity newbies and tosses them into a pool. What the hell was that supposed to prove? That they could drown for the cause? How could they not
prove that?

The Guy Ritchie-Madonna divorce heads to the courts today in London.

And as of 1:45 this morning, it seems that the latest news on current Attorney General Michael Mukasey is that he's "alert" and "conversant" following what, in our best guess with what little information we have, sounds like a possible stroke. Mukasey was giving a speech, during which he speech became slurred. Midway, he collapsed and was rushed to the hospital.

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The Election Is Over... And Now The Truth Comes Out

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 16:14:00 GMT

Sarah Palin doesn't know what countries are in North America. She can't name the countries that belong to NAFTA and she thinks Africa is a country, not a continent. Nor could she name most of the countries in North Africa. It's frightening to imagine how close this woman came to being second-in-command of the United States.

Here's a rundown of all the stories the McCain campaign is leaking about Sarah Palin in an effort to a) pin the blame on someone on b) to doom her 2012 chances, because God knows, even GOPers want nothing to do with this person...

1) Palin spent thousands of dollars more on her clothes-spending spree than was reported. She also charged some of the purchases to credit cards owned by staffers, who have not been reimbursed. One scorned aide quipped that it was "Wasilla hillbillies looting Neiman Marcus from coast to coast," while another claims the real horrors will emerge once the RNC runs an audit. McCain, meanwhile, was kept in the dark about the real details, staffers claim, since he would surely have been offended by Palin's greed.

2) Steve Schmidt, the man who proposed Palin for VP, was the one who turned down her request to give a concession speech on Election Night. It's amazing to us that this Governor and national figure had no idea Vice Presidential candidates never make concession speeches.

3) Palin refused to prep for the Katie Couric interview, did not know that Africa is a continent, could not name the countries of North America or the ones belonging to NAFTA, and on and on.

4) Palin decided to go after the William Ayers issue without approval from the campaign's top people. McCain reportedly wanted nothing to do with the Ayers, Wright, and other "smear" angles-- so good for him.

5) To top it all off, Palin greeted McCain advisers in only a towel, telling the visitors they should hang out with Todd, whom Newsweek calls "laconic," while she prepared herself.

Meanwhile, the truth about McCain's inner circle emerges as well:

1) McCain's advisers got together prior to the final debate and agreed the election was over but that they shouldn't tell their candidate that.

2) McCain still doesn't understand why one of his heroes, John Lewis, went after him publicly.

And other interesting tidbits, according to Newsweek, about Obama:

1) He considered the debate format a terrible environment in which to personally shine as a candidate, even taking a dig at Brian Williams for his "dumb" global warming question.

2) Obama's team shot down all of his arguments for considering Hillary as VP. Meanwhile, as we already knew, McCain and Clinton talked on the phone earlier in the campaign because they were so chummy, another reason to make the Obama campaign nervous.

3) During the period of unrest at Palin-McCain rallies, the Secret Service warned the Obamas about an uptick in death threats and other eerie warnings. "Why would they try to make people hate us?" Michelle asked. Welcome to Republican campaign tactics, Madame First Lady.

See more expanded versions of these at the Newsweek site.

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Debate #3: It's Better To Fade Away Than To Burn Out

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 13:22:00 GMT

Maybe it would be better if Cranky McCrankypants just disappeared for a while, and reemerged a few days (or even a week or two) from now to swoop in with some brilliant attack ad that's effective and actually warranted, unlike everything else he's been for months.

Seriously, think about it: it worked for him after his staff began bailing on him in the primary runup; then he did some soul searching, stripped everything away that wasn't working, and bit by bit, built himself back into a winner and took the New Hampshire primary like a force of nature.

Because this "transcript," our memory of tonight's debate, shows you why his recent strategy/tactics aren't working for him...

TRANSLATED TRANSCRIPT:

McCain: Thank you, my friends. My friends, my friends always say to me, "When the conversation gets rough, my friends, and there is no Republican talking point that can get you out of one of those pesky 'questions' asked by fascist scoundrels like Katie Couric and Tom Brokaw, just switch the subject back to 'energy independence,' and talk about how our country should have independence from oversight by nuclear regulatory committees. My friends, this is the only way."

Obama: I need to resp--

Brokaw: You're not allowed to respond.

Obama: But-- but--

Brokaw: Back to you McCain before Obama embarrasses himself by continuing to break the rules of the debate and look like the whiner Sean Hannity knows he is. Senator McCain, can you explain to me why the Keating Five scandal was once called your greatest error, to paraphrase you, and is now referred to you as total batshit crazy talk?

McCain: Well, my friends, the Keating Four were my friends. My friends, I want to talk to you about energy independence...

Obama: Tom, Tom! Can I--

Brokaw: Let's go to another totally boring, irrelevant, and uninspiring, vetted audience member to ask the next question...

And so on, until we all vote Bob Barr... because this kind of debate just bores us to tears...

-2:01am, after Scanner alumnus Bobby Tisdale's debate watch party & subsequent Scanner Emily-book-release-celebration drinks

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The Veep Deba(cle): Why Everybody Loses

No Vice-Presidential Candidate Left Behind

Emily Farris — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 14:29:00 GMT

We're not going to say what you think we're going to say about Katie Couric's interview with Sarah Palin. But if you missed Palin on the topic of abortion, you should watch it. It's pretty horrifying—for the obvious reasons, sure, but if we think about those reasons, smoke will begin to pour from our ears. No, we have another issue with this video...

Shouldn't the Vice-President of the United States of America have a good understanding of the English language? We know George W. Bush didn't exactly set the best example, but we imagine the stupid shit that comes out of Palin's mouth probably wouldn't sound so stupid if she used correct grammar.

"I would counsel that person to choose life despite horrific, horrific circumstances that that person would find themself in... "

Okay, so it's definitely not the worst mistake in the history of the political world, and we've certainly fucked up more than that, but maybe it really does go to show that anyone (anyone!) can be president. If "they" want it bad enough.

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Sloppy Seconds: Was Lilo Just Joking About the Whole Coming Out Thing? Yeah, Sure.

Emily Farris — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 21:02:00 GMT

D.J. AM has been released from the hospital following the plane crash that left him and Travis Barker badly burned and four people dead. [Us]

Move over Katie Couric; Rachel Maddow is the new queen of news. [Queerty]

Is ABC's "Brothers & Sisters" getting another surprise sibling? [Yahoo!]

Apparently we're all supposed to go and listen to Britney Spears' new song now. [MTV]

US Olympic swim champ Michael Phelps says he's no sex symbol. We agree, but women around the world do not. [People]

OMG! Lilo was totally not saying she was a lesbian when she said that she and Sam Ronson had been together "a very long time." [MollyGood]

McCain Sabotages His Own Attempt To Save The Nation

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 13:44:00 GMT

It's time someone called "nuts!" on this McCain campaign suspension, fake attempt to save the economy, and the sabotaging of that fake attempt once it appeared Obama had the upper hand on the issue again...

Here's what we've heard. It's possible, of course, that Politico, Politics1, RCP, and all the other sources are wrong, but let's assume otherwise for the moment:

1) McCain told David Letterman he couldn't do anymore interviews because he was rushing back to DC to work on legislation. This was proven, on air, to be a lie, as McCain ran over to do an interview with Katie Couric instead. Fine, whatever. But why then did McCain wait until the morning to fly to DC? Didn't he know that would be a big red flag for people?

2) McCain said he was going to suspend campaigning. But we've heard from several sources that his ads are still running, his workers are still working, and McCain is still "campaigning" in every sense of the term except for actual stump speeches. See more about what his campaign has been up to since the suspension here.

3) Politico and Politics1 report on how the deal fell apart, thanks to McCain and Bush and their political maneuvering. You have to read this whole thing to appreciate it:

Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson['s] $700 billion bailout... fell apart in bitter arguing during the meeting at the White House called by President Bush... [which was held] at the urging of John McCain. [The Dems] jointly deferred to Barack Obama, who set forth the[ir] concerns. One Republican at the meeting told Politico that Obama's leading role -- versus McCain's nearly silent role at the meeting -- was "an ambush" and the Democrats "did a very good job" of surprising Bush and McCain.
Obama immediately raised concerns that House Republicans had spent the day secretly plotting with McCain to sabotage the Bush/Paulson plan. Obama said the Democrats would not be party to advancing any bailout plan if McCain and the Congressional Republicans were not solidly behind the plan. Congressman Paul Ryan (R-WI) -- one of the fiscal hawks who had been crafting the conservative alternative plan -- confirmed that the House Republicans had met with McCain during the day as they worked on the rival plan. ..."This is such a crisis I'm not going to draw some line in the sand. We can't leave without doing something, but we don't think the votes are here for Paulson," said Ryan. As the White House meeting degenerated into bickering, the Democrats walked out to caucus...

Here's the short version of the rest: Paulson apparently (literally!) got down on his hands and knees in front of Pelosi and begged them not to quit the talks. According to Politico, his worst fears about what Bush and McCain would try to do-- that is, play politics with the legislation and try to give most of the gargantuan payoff to those who didn't need it, like CEOs-- were confirmed and the talks stalled. The Democrats and Republicans sectioned themselves off and continued into the evening with the discussions, leaving some to wonder...

4)... is John McCain going to show up for the debate? As we've said before, if he doesn't, he could get trashed like no Republican has been since Bob Dole's bumbling 1996 campaign. Obama would be able to mop the floor with him in a town hall-style discussion and emerge the almost unbeatable frontrunner. John McCain: are you getting any of this?!

More via Politics1.

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Sloppy Seconds: Is Lindsay Lohan High on Drugs or Love?

Emily Farris — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 21:01:00 GMT

Katie Couric asks Sarah Palin what, exactly, does Alaska have to do with Russia? [MollyGood]

It's a little creepy to think of that guy from Moviefone making a list of "the hottest young stars." [MTV]

Brad Pitt can wear just about anything, as long as he doesn't have that terrible goatee. [FameCrawler]

Lance Bass is super happy for gay Clay Aiken. [People]

Some suspect that Lilo is back on drugs. She is looking quite thin these days. Perhaps she's just so happy and in love she forgets to eat? [FadedYouth]

While You Were Sleeping: Will Smith's Milestone

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 13:22:00 GMT

Poor Natalie Portman. She moved from New York to LA to be with Devendra Banhart, only to see the relationship fall apart.

Check out the full clip of John McCain turning Letterman down yesterday to "rush back to Washington"... and ending up on another CBS show.

We thought about not telling you about this one...

A man who woke up from a circumcision procedure to discover his penis had been cut off is suing doctors.
Philip Seaton went to be circumcised at a hospital in Louisville, Kentucky last October, but awoke to find his penis had been amputated.
He also said he has lost the enjoyment of life, according to the lawsuit.

Some of our readers don't enjoy the comedy of Wanda Sykes. They obviously didn't see her on Leno the other night.

Philadelphia exploded a suspicious package... of hot dogs.

The serial killer who bumped off approximately 23 people, many of them gay men, in the parishes of southern Louisiana was sentenced to eight consecutive life terms.

Can you believe that Will Smith turns 40 today?

And Jenna Jameson is pregnant with twins. And no, the father is not some random co-star, okay?

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Sloppy Seconds: What's Wrong With This Picture Of Brad Pitt?

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 21:30:00 GMT

Google is rumored to be negotiating its purchase of Digg... oh, for around 200 million freakin' dollars.

Vanity Fair mocks the New Yorker cover's failed satire with actual satire, kinda.

Hey, wanna be buried in an iPhone? Only if a nude Lauren Amborse jumps in there with us.

Maybe there's something to keeping your kids locked inside, home schooled for life, and unavailable to interact with other children: Amy Winehouse is planning to have five children, count 'em, five children. Of course, it'll be hard to procreate that often when conjugal visits are every six months.

"Compassionate conservative" columnist Robert Novak plowed into a pedestrian and would've driven until infinity and beyond had a bicyclist not chased him down and blocked his path until the police arrived. Novak: "I didn't realize I hit anyone, even though he rolled around on my windshield for ten minutes." (Okay, not an actual quote.)

Is CBS a member of the liberal media, like McCain says? Well, they're certainly trying to help him, it seems: his interview with Katie Couric appears to have been doctored to remove his once-a-day foreign policy gaffe.

Who is Katie Price and why is anyone reading her books, which she doesn't even write? Okay, sorry for that, but we're not sure why a model can't write has a book deal of any kind.

Brad Pitt drove around in a golf cart with two-year-old Shiloh. At the wheel. (Well, at least the kid was only reaching for the steering wheel.) Next time, perhaps his own seat and/or a fucking door might help, eh, Brad?

Is it me, or is Brad Pitt not as hot as he used to be?

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While You Were Sleeping: Katie Couric Decided to Leave CBS Early

Emily Farris — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 13:13:00 GMT

Single women spent another night destroying Earth. [Jezebel]

Just yesterday we found Emily Farris on Facebook. Her birthday is one day (and two years) after ours. We exchanged a few emails (her parents sometimes accidentally send us emails, and her mom and our stepmom are both Patricia Farris so it's all very confusing) and decided to meet for drinks when she's in New York. Then we had an idea to write a story about it. Then we learned this morning that the New York Times stole our idea. [New York Times].

Sean Penn and Robin Wright Penn called off their divorce. [Extra]

A man in Belgrade has decided that extra terrestrials are targeting him after five meteors hit his home since November. We pretty much want to get high with him in his living room and wait for the aliens to come. [BoingBoing]

That damn Olympic torch made it through San Francisco mostly unscathed. [NY Post]

We found our next boyfriend. [Netorama]

Did little Ashlee Simpson go and get knocked up by and engaged to Pete Wentz? See girls, life really will be better if you get a nose job and use spray-on tan. [US Weekly]

Mumps, that gross virus that can cause testicular inflammation in some cases, is on its way to get you. [Reuters]

Perky, pretty Katie Couric will most likely leave the CBS Evening News, and quite possibly CBS all together, around the first of the year, though her $15M-a-year contract does not expire until 2011. [Mixed Media]