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Why Didn't We Think of That?: The Sex and Violence Shop

Emily Farris — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 19:49:00 GMT

Kansas Citians may be shy about sex, but anyone who's ever watched an episode of C.O.P.S. can tell you we have no shame when it comes to violence. (Remember the guy who bludgeoned a rare seagull while vacationing in California?) Now the geniuses at K.C.'s Erotic City have found a way to lure unsuspecting locals into their oh-so-scandalous sex shop.

The store has started selling weapons!

A rogue reporter for the local alt-weekly recently paid a visit to Erotic City:

"It turns out the rumors are true. Immediately upon entering the shop, there's a glass case full of swords, hunting knives, nunchucks (we think), and what looks like a scythe with a really short handle. Damn. There's also a rifle that fires far less deadly little plastic pellets. This is all separate from the dildos and rubber vaginas."

It's also separate from the fake pee.

Classy!

[Plog: Erotic City sells silent death]

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Woman Attacked With Ghetto-Ass Dildo

TTYL, or, Kansas City Here I Come

Emily Farris — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 23:55:00 GMT

After multiple anxiety attacks, two attempts at selling my shit on the street (hey, I made $273!) and lots of heavy drinking that led to a few teary goodbyes, the time has come for me to make the move to Kansas City. So I'll be offline for the next few business days.

I still have to pack up my massive vintage Pyrex collection and get the swing out of the closet before my dad flies up on Friday. After what I predict will be an ill-fated trip to IKEA we're going to pack up the truck and ride off into the sunset, er snowstorm, early Saturday. Considering Dave gets grumpy easily and has a soft spot for (and not-so-soft belly because of ) road-side food and Rolling Rock, we'll probably make it a three-day trip—keeping me offline until Tuesday.

I've enlisted Scanner Nicole to blog a little while I'm away, and as always, you will be blessed with the blog stylings of Brian, Colleen, Matt and Verena. Be nice to them. Or I will cut you.

I'll be back Tuesday, beginning my official tenure as The Scanner Blogger from Kasnas City. I'll try not to get knocked-up or addicted to meth by then.

Related:

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Geography Lessons: Kansas City is in Missouri and So is Scanner Emily

Kansas City Mayor Loves His Wife (Too Much?)

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Kansas City Mayor Loves His Wife (Too Much?)

Emily Farris — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 17:19:00 GMT

The mayor of our former and future hometown of Kansas City, MO filed a lawsuit against the city after the City Council banished his wife from City Hall.

Mayor Mark Funkhouser (yes, his campaign ads included "We Want the Funk") says he works better with his wife by his side. And since she's been banned from City Hall, several days a week Funkhouser works from his three-bedroom house.

Is this a tale of true love or creepy codependency?

After Gloria Squitiro successfully ran her husband's mayoral campaign she took a desk nearest his office at City Hall. But after a former mayoral assistant filed a lawsuit that accused Ms. Squitiro, Mayor Funkhouser and the city of creating a "hostile work environment" the City Council passed an ordinance stipulating that elected officials could no longer have relatives working as volunteers in their offices on a regular basis, according to the Wall Street Journal.

"It is bizarre, in a word, for the mayor to sue his own city," says Ed Ford, a member of the city council. "He seems to be saying there's one overriding issue that I care about more than anything else, and that is my ability to spend time with my wife at City Hall."

"It's a classic love story," says Garry Cushinberry, a bank vice president who sat at the mayor's table at an awards dinner Nov. 14. "He's risking his political career for the woman he loves. You have to respect that."

While Funkhouser and his wife have made more than a few rookie mistakes, politically (and this seems to be one of them) we can't help but focus on "a Christmas letter the couple mailed last year to about 100 friends in which Ms. Squitiro described her husband's prostate exam, which she sat in on, at his doctor's office. The letter, excerpted on the Internet, got national publicity."

[WSJ: Kansas City Gives Mayor's Helpmate the Heave-Ho From City Hall]