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While You Were Sleeping: The Harry Potter Murder Case Ends

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 14:08:00 GMT

If any of our L.A. readers are going to see Kirk Douglas live on stage, consider yourselves very, very lucky... and envied.

The days of rock feuds have returned: Win Butler of Arcade Fire vs. Wayne Coyne of Flaming Lips.

Seems William H. Macy has always been babysitting Jeremy Piven.

If two Mexican drug cartels could set aside their differences, they could put a combined 100,000 henchmen to work against the United States... or take over the Mexican government, easy.

Horton Foote died at the age of 92. The Pulitzer Prize-winning playwright scripted the film of To Kill A Mockingbird.

Reader Art J. alerted us to the trial of a twin brothers accused of attempting to have sex with a corpse that looked hot in a newspaper photo.

A man was convicted of killing another man who appears in the next Harry Potter film.

Call us crazy but this looks like harmless fun to us.

And Robin Williams is in intensive care after complaining of shortness of breath. Gawker notes that his "older brother died two years ago from heart surgery complications..."

Bearded Men On Craig's List: Or, How We'll Get Scanner Emily To Move Back To NYC

Who Would You Rather: This Week's Newsmaking Naked Mens

A Very Important Annoucement from Scanner HQ or: Why Scanner Emily is No Longer on the Road to Becoming a Crazy Cat Lady

Famous People We're Afraid Will Die in 2009

Colleen Kane — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 14:40:00 GMT

No one could have called Heath Ledger's untimely demise in 2008, but there are some olds who just take on that look of imminent death, as if their essence is draining away. It won't be long once someone takes on the death look, and no one seems to ever shake it off. Paul Newman had it this year. (RIP, Best Guy to Die in 2008.) The ones with the death look are dancing a tango with the Grim Reaper as we speak. Another dead giveaway is if you are reminded about an older celebrity and can't remember if they're dead or not.

The ones in grave danger, a few wild cards, and an example of the death look, after the jump.

Old Hollywood: Mickey Rooney -- He is going to be 89 if he makes it to his birthday in September. Unfortch, he has two factors working against him: the death look, and I couldn't remember if he was still alive or not until looking him up. Runners-up: Elizabeth Taylor, Peter O'Toole, Kirk Douglas

Comics: Don Rickels -- He's got the death look, big time.

If he makes it through 2009, I'll eat my hat. Runners-up: Jerry Lewis, Bea Arthur (too much of a loss to celebrity roasts to contemplate), Phyllis Diller, Carol Burnett

Too Soon: Amy Winehouse -- It wouldn't be surprising if she woke up dead after some party night. I hope not, but it wouldn't be surprising. Runners-up: Swayze -- He's never looked so gaunt; there may be some truth to the rumors that his cancer is getting the best of him.

Classic Country: Merle Haggard -- He's got the cancer. Lung cancer. Runners-up: Loretta Lynn and Willie Nelson, not because they appear to be on death's door, but because that would be just my luck if they died before I got to see them perform live. (I will forever regret missing out on Johnny Cash.)

Rock and Soul: Fats Domino -- Death look. And I didn't realize he was still alive until he got airlifted out of the Ninth Ward during Katrina. Runners-up: Etta James -- I forgot she was still alive until Beyonce's recent portrayal.

Leaders: Ted Kennedy. Runners-up: Jimmy Carter, Fidel Castro, if he's still alive and not propped up for photo ops a la Weekend at Bernie's, Kim Jong-Il, if he's not already dead with an imposter or several in his place as many news reports have speculated. We have another slight possibility in mind that would also be filed under Too Soon and would involve an assasination, but it's too unthinkable to even write.

Sports: I hate sports, so who the F knowss

How Are They Still Alive: Abe Vigoda

Did I miss anyone obvious?

Related:

Wino Goes Topless and We Say No No No

Spoon Or Spork: Amy Winehouse

Amy Winehouse: A F*cking Disastah

Image: Rickels with fellow "comedian" John Mayer, johnmayer.com/blog

While You Were Sleeping: The Heath Ledger Investigation

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 14:33:00 GMT

James Franco denies the shirt he wears in Pineapple Express is "stolen."

Betty White and Rue McClanahan both avoided Estelle Getty's funeral.

Shia Labeouf will not, as previously rumored, lose a finger.

Even some offensive jokes are too offensive for Bob Saget: he has lashed out at an eating disorder joke and other comments made at the expense of the Olsen twins during his own Comedy Central roast.

Celebrity Hero of the Day: Kirk Douglas, who has long fought for an official US apology for slavery, is thrilled that the House has passed a fitting resolution.

A judge tossed Lisa Marie's lawsuit against ex-boyfriend Tim Burton, which comes as no surprise.

The paparazzi have yet to capture Nicole Kidman's phantom baby. In a photograph, of course.

Can you believe the cast Chicago director Rob Marshall assembled for his new musical, Nine: Daniel Day Lewis, Penelope Cruz, Marion Cotillard, Kate Hudson, Dame Judi Dench, and Sophia Loren... for starters. There's also some guy named Fellini who's working on the screenplay...

The Heath Ledger investigation has closed. It's unclear whether Mary-Kate Olsen's refusal to testify is a reason investigators ended their search, for lack of evidence.

Via WENN.

Related:

Preliminary Results On "Who Would You Rather": DD Lewis vs. Bardem

Crush of the Week: Marion Cotillard

We Saw The Dark Knight In A Cavernous Movie Theater, During The Dead Of Night

Was Nicole Kidman Ever Really Pregnant?

Sloppy Seconds: Amy Winehouse's Spiked Drink

Great Reviews of Bad Movies: 10,000 BC and College Road Trip

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 16:00:00 GMT

We're so lucky, fellow Thinking People, to have two terrible-sounding movies open on the same day. This way, our regular feature is chock full of good critical thrashings of 10,000 BC (currently at 11% fresh on Rotten Tomatoes) and College Road Trip (a whopping 6% on Rotten Tomatoes.)

10,000 BC, which apparently takes place in an era of history before the Bible was made up, features saber-tooth tigers, Tarzan, and Kirk Douglas, apparently the only human old enough to have actually lived through that time. (Okay, no Kirk Douglas cameo, but we couldn't think of anyone else old enough to have been an adult in the Before Christmas times.) The critics are trying out their best slingshots on this easy target:

An atrocious waste of a perfectly good CGI budget ... at least the Geico commercials make an effort to get the historical accuracy right [1]...
The kind of movie that people will discover new and hilarious ways to mock for years to come. [2]
If you are ten years old fan of video games with a short attention span and no knowledge of history, you will love this movie. [3]
Worst of all, no one even gets eaten by the disappointingly tame saber-toothed tiger. [4]

At best, director Roland Emmerich gets damned with faint praise:

I have to give Emmerich credit for creating a film that's been funnier than '27 Dresses' or 'Over Her Dead Body.' [5]

Even the subtitles are too colloquial. As one bad guy reaches for a knife, another bad guy says to him: "Just try it." Then again, as Kloser says in the film's production notes, "Roland and I never intended for '10,000 BC' to be a documentary." [6]

Perhaps Boston NOW said it best in their headline: BC must stand for Boring Cinema.

Speaking of boring, that's about the nicest thing anyone has to say about College Road Trip, also being dropped like a bomb on Times Square this morning:

I hated every minute of this train wreck. [9]
The film is one of those bad movies where you can't even work up a good hatred for it just amazement that someone thought it was good enough to make it into theaters. [10]

The tagline says it all: 'They can't get there fast enough.' [7]

This excursion teams Martin Lawrence with Disney Channel star Raven-Symone. You wouldn't want to accuse either performer of subtlety, but here the two seem to be in a contest to outdo each other with screams, facial contortions and wails of exasperation. [8]

Thanks, Reuters, but we'll pass on a rehashing of this past Thanksgiving.

[1] Edward Douglass, Comingsoon.net

[2] Mark Dujsik, Mark Reviews Movies

[3] Nell Minow, Beliefnet

[4] Josh Bell, Las Vegas Weekly

[5] Dan Lybarger, eFilmCritic.com

[6] Christy Lemiere, Associated Press

[7] Tim Grierson, LA Weekly

[8] Reuters

[9] Eric D. Snider, Film.com

[10] Jeffrey Lyles, Gazette (MD)