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Top 10 Worst Celebrity Plastic Surgeries

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 19:29:00 GMT

For no particular reason (well, other than that there's nothing much out there today except political news), we decided to start Halloween early: a series of the worst celebrity plastic surgeries.

And remember, kids, unless you've been in a motorcycle accident (like suave mofo Gary Busey!)-- or some equally scarring experience-- it's better to stick with what you were born with, flaws and all...

10. Janice Dickinson: Is that her or Penelope Cruz put through a brutal Photoshopping?

9. Lil' Kim: "Sorry, but we already cast Catherine Zeta-Jones as Cleopatra."

8. Tara Reid tries to reenact that Seinfeld episode with her belly button: "Helloooooooooo..."

7. Kenny Rogers -- Looks like The Gambler gambled and lost to Beverly Hills. There's nothing wrong with looking 80, Kenny, when you've always looked 79 anyway.

6. Farrah Fawcett (see top of this page.) Holy God, is that Melanie Griffith, aged by computer to the year 3028? Nope, that's the woman who we thought was going to age like Sophia Loren. Come on, now, get some help, please...

5. Mickey Rourke. Some say this was due to a post-Hollywood boxing career gone Jake La Motta, but even Jake himself couldn't have caused this much damage to this dude.

4. (tie) Jenna Jameson and Pamela Anderson. Why would the world's #1 porn star need even more attention? Why would Pamela Anderson need bigger boobs? You know when even Howard Stern thinks you're perfect, there's no one left to please...

3. Joan Rivers. Yeah, this one you know... you've seen her on E!, everyone's been ragging on her for years about it, we'll move on.

2. Melanie Griffith -- too scary to post here. Click on this link at your own peril.

1. Michael Jackson, a manchild who needs no introduction... well, only this:

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While You Were Sleeping: Dancing With The B-Listers

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 13:49:00 GMT

John McCain has selected his VP. Based on the fact that Barack Obama went with a safe, male choice, it is expected that McCain will one-up him by selecting a woman or even Senator Joseph Lieberman (I-CT) to further sow disunity among Democrats. The announcement is now scheduled for noon Saturday in Dayton, Ohio, which is a change of venue from somewhere in Michigan, which made that state's former Governor's son, Mitt Romney, more of a VP favorite than he is now.

A woman successfully sued her boyfriend after discovering peephole videos of her and her daughter bathing.

Everyone's talking about the Faith Evans autobiography/biography of Biggie Smalls... and, in particular, how she caught Lil Kim in bed with her husband...

I got to Big's bedroom door, turned the knob, and went inside. As soon as I saw a small lump next to Big's large frame, I flew into a rage, ran over to the side of the bed, and pulled back the covers. I grabbed some chick out of the bed and started beating her ass. At some point, the chick's wig came off in my hand; it was a short, cropped wig. I stopped throwing punches for a minute to get a good look at the chick I was beating up. It was Lil Kim. She was completely butt-naked, yelling as I pushed her around the room.
'So you not f***king her, right?' I screamed at Big. 'Yeah, you not messing with her anymore, right?'
When they heard all the commotion, Cease, D-Roc, and Gutter came running into the room. 'Oh sh**!" they yelled in unison. 'It's Faye! How the hell she get in here?'

Later, Kim allegedly scratched the hell out of Faith's car, but Faith got the last laugh on that one: she and Biggie got it on while Kim got the boot.

In other news:

Two men spent three months crossing the Pacific on a junk raft to raise awareness of... junk in the ocean, of course.

Lance Bass is joining Dancing With The Stars.

Joe Biden is pro-gay rights.

George Clooney and Brad Pitt are damn funny, even when they're not putting cream-filled condoms on each other's doorknobs.

And NYC's HIV rate is almost three times higher than the rest of the country's.

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I Hate Myself For Loving You: Blake Lively

While You Were Sleeping: Olympic Mania

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While You Were Sleeping: Better To Be Fat And Fit?

Sloppy Seconds: Lil' Kim To Be A Playboy Centerfold?

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 21:01:00 GMT

The new DIY porn station in Canada is sure to give us lots of blog material over the next several centuries.

A six-year-old boy had the adventure of a lifetime when he was accidentally transported to Mexico. Unfortunately, he didn't have enough money for the "around the world" package the girls were offering him.

A McCain advisor, who thinks the economy is doing spiffy, once invested in porn movies. Well, that's at least one intelligent thing he did that involves money.

Diabetes may have less to do with McDonald's and more to do with your drinking water... at least more than you thought.

Who needs a recap of a Hills episode? We didn't see it, but here's our overview: Heidi and Spencer are silicone robots.

An ex-Mormon is releasing an R-rated movie. This has gotta be juicy...

Lil' Kim, who made out with Hef and previously rejected his lowball offer to pose nude for his magazine, is reportedly ready to accept:

“’I am willing to shell out any amount for Kim, I’ve been trying to get her to do it for years!’ Hugh exclaims. The two have not been shy about their feelings for each other when Hugh was seen kissing Lil’ Kim at a post Grammy party back in 2001.”

“Kim previously declined the offer for the cover citing her religious beliefs and devotion to God, but a source close to Kim says “the only reason why she declined it at the time was because the money was not enough, this time the money is right.”

Related:

Scanner : lil' kim

Top 10 Worst Celebrity Plastic Surgeries

Top 10 Celebrity Moms Who Could Be Hookers

While You Were Sleeping: David Duchovny Can't Keep It Together

While You Were Sleeping: Dancing With The B-Listers

Sloppy Seconds: The Million-Dollar Strip Club Buy

I Hate Myself For Loving You: Blake Lively

While You Were Sleeping: Olympic Mania

While You Were Sleeping: Obama Narrows His Choices

While You Were Sleeping: Better To Be Fat And Fit?

Sloppy Seconds: Lil' Kim To Be A Playboy Centerfold?

German Female Olympians Form Close Bond, Immediately Pose Nude For Playboy

Who Will Play Playboy Hugh Hefner in the Story of His Life?

Heidi Montag Endorses McCain; Alarmed GOPers Head For the Hills

Male Mormon Missionaries Go Topless For The Hell Of It

Today In WTF: 1970s Kidnapper, Still On The Lam, Turns Up With Cloned Dogs?