Scanner : loud not proud

Scanner Highs and Lows: Even Sarah Palin's Breasts Want You to Vote for Barack Obama

Emily Farris — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 22:01:00 GMT

Oh, those aren't Sarah Palin's breasts? Well, with all the nude pictures of the Republican veep nominee floating around the Interwebs, you could have fooled us.

Highs:

We learned to love Matt Damon. A little.

We helped spread some rumors about the Palin kids. And that was fun.

We did what we could to help the giant penis man.

We got super sappy over Ellen Degeneres and Portia de Rossi's wedding video.

We just can't get enough Photoshopped pictures of Republicans.

We found the most ~~inappropriate~~ amazing slide ever.

We know what you're getting for Christmas.

We learned some new ways to talk about masturbation.

Lows:

Sam Ronson and Lindsay Lohan reminded us that yesterday was September 11. And then it got worse.

We learned the war on sex may last longer than the war in Iraq.

We were completely overwhelmed with nude pictures of Sarah Palin.

We saw our future flash before our eyes, and devised a plan to change it.

Minnie Driver still won't tell us who her baby daddy is. But we have some ideas on the subject.

We sold out on our local Fox station.

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If There's One Way to Make The Tragedy of 9/11 Worse, This is It

Emily Farris — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 19:58:00 GMT

Remember earlier today when we said we wanted to forget that it's the seventh anniversary of the World Trade Center terrorist attacks? Well, ladies and gentlemen, artwork like this is why.

After the jump: "free fries for your suffering" and "like a Jesus rising up from the ashes."

More pain and suffering at Wonkette.

Marry, F*ck or Kill: Scanner Emily's "TV Dinners"

Emily Farris — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 19:33:00 GMT

Today, we bring back an old favorite in the name of shameless self promotion. But, hey, you asked for it!

As we mentioned yesterday, we were asked to appear on Fox 5's "Good Day New York" to show the anchors a little something about fixing up a TV dinner. We would like to state, for the record, that we don't eat TV dinners — anymore (save for Amy's frozen mac & cheese on occasion), especially when making the real thing is cheaper and so, so much better. However, when the TV producers call, we answer. So watch us transform three frozen meals into something less repulsive. Then tell us which you'd marry, fuck or kill.

[Scanner Emily (or Miss Harris, if you're nasty) on Good Day New York's Good Day Cafe]

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