Scanner : make up

I like things. I have a bit of a shopping problem; in my 26 years I've acquired a lot of useless crap. But every once in a while I find a gem that I will hold on to for a long, long time. And I want to share these things with you. So here you have it, a new Friday feature: A Few of My Favorite Things.

It's raining in New York. Hard. Soon I'm going to force myself out of my cozy memory foam bed with 600-thread-count sheets (more of my favorite things... and two of the few home goods I didn't drag in from the street), pull on my rain boots and head down the street for some social interaction and a piping hot cup of Portland coffee.

When I arrive, I'm going to pull my beautifully quilted, one-of-a-kind coffee cuff out of my pocket and slip it over the cardboard cup. While it's not as environmentally sound as just taking my own cup, I'm saving paper by not using cardboard cuffs and I feel like I'm adding a little country glamour to my morning. And let me tell you, with banjo blisters, bed head, a hangover and last night's make-up smeared across my face, I could use a little glamour this morning.

If you'd like a coffee cuff of your own, you can buy one here.

Related:

Coffee And Nuts Will Give You Manboobs

Sloppy Seconds: What Did Tina Fey Lose at the Emmys?

Colonic Irrigation: Everybody's Doing It

Topless Seattle Coffeehouse To Take Down Starbucks?

Five Things I Learned in Vegas

Which Candidate Spends More on Make-Up Than We Do On Shoes?

Emily Farris — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 19:37:00 GMT

And we just got some expensive new boots.

Hint: it's not Sarah Palin.

Nope, it's pretty, pretty princess, John McCain. The old man has reportedly paid Tifanie White—a beauty school grad who's done faces for "American Idol"—$5,583.43 to get him camera ready for television appearances.

Um, didn't he once call his wife Cindy a cunt who wore too much make-up? She does, but still.

[NYP: Pretty Face]

Related:

Video of the Day: John McCain Said it First

Spoon or Spork: Cindy McCain?

Unauthorized Bio: McCain Had Awesome HS Nickname, Called Wife A "C-Word" In '92

Palin's Big Cancer-Causing Purchase

[Image, Image]

And Just Who Is CoverGirl's New CoverGirl?

Emily Farris — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 17:58:00 GMT

“They’re putting some lip liner on me … Man, they love lip liner. I got hours and hours … she was just there for lip liner. I am very, very excited about it. It’s a very cool thing; I’m honored and the photo shoot was “easy, breezy, beautiful … CoverGirl.”

If you don't already know who it is, we're assuming you can guess by the outfit....

We're pleased as punch that Ellen Degeneres is the new CoverGirl. Not only is she a great social role model, but it's nice to see a woman modeling make-up that's not all silver eyeshadows and bright pink glosses.

[Faded Youth: Ellen Gets Pretty for CoverGirl]

Ellen and Portia's Wedding Video Makes Us Cry All Over Our Keyboard

Ellen DeGeneres and Portia De Rossi: Blushing, Blesbian Brides to Be in LOL Cats

Vibrating Mascara: Because You're Worth It

Emily Farris — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 19:08:00 GMT

A few years ago we had a vibrator called the Hide-a-Vibe. It was "hidden" in a ginormous lip-stick-like tube. It's supposed to provide an "extra measure of privacy," but if we were the type to go through someone's things (we're totally not!) and came across a huge plastic container that looked like lipstick but was the size of a small banana, we'd sure as hell open it out of sheer curiosity.

While we love the idea of hiding a vibrator in a make-up container, the Hide-a-Vibe — while good at vibrating — was, unfortunately, not so good at hiding.

But what if there was a product out there that could actually do both, perfectly?

At the end of next month, Estée Lauder will begin to sell a vibrating mascara.

Forgetting for a moment that a vibrating mascara wand might make it easier to poke your eye out, it's actually supposed to serve a purely practical — and pure — purpose. Wiggling while applying mascara does separate one's lashes. But if we're going to pay $30 for mascara we damn well better get full, sexy lashes and get off.

So, being the dirty product whores we are, we're going to try and get our hands on one of these as soon as possible and we'll let you know if it's worth it. Because, duh, you are!

[Fashionista: Estée Lauder Makes Vibrating Mascara]

Related:

Scanner Survey: Vibrators

Hey Everybody, I Just Pummeled My Vagina!

American Apparel Now Officially Wants to Sex You Up... All Night

Name One Inanimate Object That Doesn't Exist in Hello Kitty Form

[Image]

Girl Crush of the Day: Dolly Parton

Emily Farris — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 20:36:00 GMT

We have always loved Dolly Parton. It might be because she seems to not give a fuck what other people think. There are so, so many reasons to love her, but here are just a few...

1) "Islands in the Stream," her duet with Kenny Rogers

2) "Jolene"

3) "Nine to Five"

4) The fact that she takes pride in who she is even though she is fully aware of the fact that it may be perceived as trashy (she has said she modeled her look after the town floozy)

5) The fact that she wants to launch a make-up line for other women who want to take pride in their trashiness

[Chic Report: Dolly Parton Wants You to Wear Her Mascara!]

Cosmetics We'd Like to F*ck: Nars Orgasm Color Stick

Emily Farris — Mon, 14 Jan 2008 17:03:00 GMT

NARS, the cosmetic company, adds to their line of Orgasm and Multiple Orgasm with their most phallic product yet, the all-over Orgasm Color Stick. We want one. What's hotter than a woman who looks all flushed like she just got off? OK, maybe a woman who looks like she's about to get off, but she's all pink and rosy, too.

P.S. Can you tell Scanner Emily had a brief stint as a beauty writer and misses free stuff?

[NARS: The Multiple, $36.50]