While You Were Sleeping: Lindsay Lohan's Desperate Living

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 14 May 2009 14:24:00 GMT

Holly Madison rebounded from Hugh Hefner with... Russell Brand?

We have to agree: this or any other ad for the pill is going to piss off the stuffy-butthole-people.

A quick thinking teenage boy saved his 4-year-old sister from being kidnapped when he actually raced after and caught up to the truck she was being driven off in.

Another teenage boy, who needs to spend more time thinking, is going to jail for setting another guy's dick and balls on fire.

This is gonna be grand: Martin Scorsese is making a movie about Sinatra.

Elton John was there for Eminem in his hour of need, helping him through the painful process of rehab.

Emily mentioned this yesterday: Shanna Moakler resigned from the pageant board following yesterday's press conference on Carrie Prejean. Did you know that she was also Miss USA and a Playboy centerfold? Hmmm...

The marriage bra is... uh... useless? A major turnoff? Creepy? Stupid? All of the above and more?

Lindsay Lohan's house is in such shit shape, complete with garbage everywhere, that the police thought it had been ransacked when they responded to a tripped alarm.

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The Top 10 Most Overrated Movies Of The Past 14 Years

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 19:27:00 GMT

These are not necessarily bad movies per se, although all have exceeded whatever welcome they may have earned when they were met with critical or cultural orgasms.

10. The Queen. This is one of those movies that should have been a Sunday night movie on Showtime. Great acting, uninteresting premise, not enough dramatic tension to fill an arthouse screen.

9. Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle. Besides being a very poorly made film, with over-the-top acting, an irritatingly tiresome storyline (especially when having eaten pot brownies during a screening), it's also a two-hour product placement for a restaurant chain that makes worse hamburgers than Wendy's, which is a startling achievement. Just because it's funny doesn't mean it's worth watching, yo. The Wayans Brothers have a few good jokes here and there, but they still suck.

8. Forrest Gump. This is more of a backlash choice-- if it had stayed the crowd-pleasing summer blockbuster it tried to be and not robbed both Pulp Fiction and The Shawshank Redemption of a Best Picture win, it may have escaped the gallows that is this definitive list.

7. The Squid And The Whale. How the hell is it possible that an auditorium full of white Brooklynites would not recognize that kid is playing Pink Floyd's "Hey You"?

6. Gladiator. Did anyone else notice this actually ripped off two movies in the span two hours? We understand that maybe five or six people out there have never seen "Spartucus," but what's their excuse for having stolen 75% of "Braveheart"?

5. Magnolia. If a movie could be a full hour shorter and ends up being used as an example of egomaniacal filmmaking by Kevin Smith (!), you know it's time to cut, at minimum, the preachy Aimee Mann singalong... for starters.

4. Representing the number of ill-advised Oscars this movie won: Million Dollar Baby. We didn't get it. It seemed like a very well done but forgettable movie with more cliches than Rocky 10 will ever hope to cram in: the cynical manager, the token wise black Morgan Freeman type (played by, of course, Morgan Freeman), the tough-as-nails girl venting for her poor upbringing... must we go on? Again, this isn't a bad movie on any level, but in a year where "Eternal Sunshine" wasn't even nominated for Best Picture and MMB's closest competition was from a really forgettable movie called "The Aviator," there wasn't much else to go on...

3. Titantic. Leonardo DiCaprio's performance in this film is one of the worst in his career and deservedly overlooked for a nomination.

2. Juno. This movie is so annoying it even made us hate the Moldy Peaches, which is very upsetting.

1. Crash. Where do we start with this one? Apparently, every single person in Los Angeles says the "N" word in every sentence. Matt Dillon somehow escaped unscathed.

Coming up: Scanner Bryan's list.

Scanner Emily's: "'The Sixth Sense'—everyone built up the end so much that by the time I saw it I was like, "Oh, that's it? He's dead? Big Whoop."

[Senor DobleV helped with this post-- thanks to him and to Scanner Bryan and Scanner Emily for their additional lists.]