Scanner : mary louise parker

Mary-Louise Parker Breaks Toe, Films First Nude Sex Scene For Weeds

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 18:38:00 GMT

Mary Louise-Parker, the coolest and sexiest Mom on earth (if you think we're kidding, you obviously have never read anything she's written or, well, seen her naked), finally gave her fans what they've craved for four seasons of the hit Showtime show Weeds: a very naked sex scene...

And better yet, it's with Mexico's legendary heartthrob Demian Bichir, who everyone was waiting to see take it all off since his first, ten-second cameo early in the season... and we have the link below. (Side note: Although we were rooting for Bichir to become MLP's love interest, we nevertheless miss the lovably awful Matthew Modine character...)

Back in January, Scanner Emily told you about Parker's dangerous sex scene, in which she broke her toe on the first take. Turns out, the producers/editors/director did end up using that first, tragic take... and then just having a full-on field day from there. This link is totally NSFW-- even the animal bleating that opens the clip could be misconstrued by the neighboring cubicle dweller. If you don't want to risk it, here's a screenshot to tide you over:

Here's the full clip, from Egotastic.

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: Mary Louise Parker's Hazardous Love Scene

Spank Me/It: The Nastiest Sex Scenes Ever

Rosie O'Donnell Tops Maxim's Worst Sex Scenes Ever

Kevin Smith Makes A Porno... Or So Thought The MPAA

Scanner Highs And Lows: Hookers, Hot Moms, and Hoedowns

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 21:20:00 GMT

If that title doesn't bring back memories, then maybe you missed out on some of this week's highlights:

Low: There were celebrity hooker moms.

High: There were jello wrestling students pimping themselves for a mere 250 pounds in prize money.

High: We got down with the hoedown on Dancing With the Star Wars.

High: The hooker who charged a Senator's husband $150 was found guilty of trespassing. We still aren't sure why.

Low: The teen pregnancy craze claimed 17 promiscuous high schoolers, all in the name of unity.

High: A topless member of an upcoming parade is a tart for the cause of toplessness.

High: Rich pimps make us laugh. Or maybe they're just flashy dressing rich people.

Uncertain: Scanner Emily hates herself for loving... the coochie lamp.

Low: The Bunny Ranch faced off with the Bush economy.

Low: Please tell us you didn't snatch up the last Teen Hooker Outfit for your daughter.

Uncertain: Hookers in Ghana rioted at an 11 year old boy's funeral. Apparently, this kid watched "Goodfellas" too many times and wanted to be in with the crooks.

Low: Fox News spreads the (true) rumor that child prostitution will increase during the (surprise?) Democratic convention.

High: And Mary-Louise Parker is so hot and so kickass, we almost faint at this picture of the world's #1 MILF.

Sloppy Seconds: Mary Louise Parker's Hazardous Love Scene

Emily Farris — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 22:01:00 GMT

Gay marriage will become legal in California in less than three hours. [NY Daily News]

Are two of Lance Bass' ex-boyfriends dating each other? Awkward! [Gabby Babble]

If the world's fattest man can find love, we can, too, right? Right? [News.au.com]

What kind-of world do we live in where no one shows up for Gossip Girl casting in the Hamptons? [Daily Intel]

Amy Winehouse passed out today and had to be taken to the hospital. Luckily, she weighs nothing, so an assistant was able to catch her before she hit the floor. Whew. [Yahoo!]

Mary Louise Parker broke her toe while filming a love scene for her Showtime series, "Weeds." That shit hurts, yo. [People]

Related:

World's Fattest Man is Still Very Fat

The Amy Winehouse Condition

Things We've Learned From Lance Bass' Book Tour

Gay Marriage is Good for the Economy, Stupid

I Hate Myself For Loving You: Zooey Deschanel

[Image via Esquire]

I Hate Myself For Loving You: Zooey Deschanel

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 18:04:00 GMT

Everybody's already in love with actress-turned-indie-rock-darling Zooey Deschanel, which is why, I, Scanner Brian hate myself for having to jump on the bandwagon.

1) The new season of "Weeds," on which Zooey is occasionally featured, premieres on Monday, my birthday, and also features Mary-Louise Parker. If a woman, any woman, can stand out (in talent, looks, presence, etc.) on a show with Mary-Louise, she's gotta be awesome.

2) The She & Him performance from Conan with Yo La Tengo backing them up. We'd show you that video, which Scanner Nicole has posted, except the link is down. And we wouldn't want you to have Zooey's amazing voice stuck in your head.

3) Just kidding, we're going to make you hear her anyway, via this great little animated short, featuring Zooey and M. Ward covering Smokey Robinson:

Sloppy Seconds: Desperate Housewives

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 21:23:00 GMT

Some readers were bothered by our dig at Absolut Vodka over its pre-20th century mindset. Just a reminder: we're always right.

The Second Amendment Debate, Made Irrelevant: A man has been arrested for standing in the middle of the street and threatening motorists with death by bow and arrow. Cool!

Finally, the truth: Since Thursday's raid on Warren Jeff's polygamist sect in Texas, which housed hundreds of brainwashed females and the brain-damaged males overseeing them, commentators have speculated as to what served as the final piece of evidence that enabled the Feds to move in. At an earlier news conference, the prosecutor in the case testified that investigators had been waiting for someone to come forward.

Well, that someone turned out to be a 16 year old girl, pregnant for the second time in a year, according to CNN. The anonymous tipster, who had contacted Family Services in Texas, was married to a man was more than three times her age, beat her, and had six other wives..

Now, her parents were talking about sending her younger sister, 15, to the ranch as well.

In her calls, the girl said she had looked for ways to escape. But she was told that outside the compound's gates lies an evil world in which she would be forced to cut her hair, wear makeup and have sex with many men. She thought about faking an illness, but under that plan she couldn't bring her baby along, the affidavit stated.
She said her husband would "beat and hurt" her when he got angry, hitting her in the chest and choking her while other wives held her baby. Once, he broke her ribs, she said.

Pardon the unfortunate transition, but... speaking of "Desperate Housewives": the show's creator confirms Nicolette Sheridan, the woman also unfortunately known as Michael Bolton's squeeze, is leaving at the end of the season.

Government workers charged millions of dollars for wild orgies (i.e. "fancy dinners"-- but we're not fooled), lingerie, iPods, and internet dating subscriptions (it better have been Nerve!) to company-issued credit cards. So what? They're probably all in the CIA and that stuff is part of the job anyway.

And lastly, the greatest living woman in America is single again. We almost feel bad for celebrating.

Previously: Sloppy Seconds: Father-Daughter Love Child