Scanner : mccain

McCain's Fem-bot Wife Wants to Go 'Dancing With the Stars'

Scanner Matt — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 16:22:00 GMT

Today Page Six claims their "impeccably placed source" says, "Just before Thanksgiving, Cindy McCain started talks with producers to appear as a dancer on the show (Dancing With the Stars)."

Really?

This impeccably placed source also claims, "She wanted to do it very badly." But this week, Sen. McCain "put the kibosh on it."

Booooooooooo

What is this, Footloose? (If you haven't noticed the giant movie poster we published with this post)

Related:

John and Sarah Still Need Some Time Apart

Drug Charges, Palin Family

Did You Get Your Money's Worth at College?

Let Obama and McCain Dance it Out for President

Nicole Pasulka — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 16:41:00 GMT

Then again, if today's polls are at all correct, maybe everyone should just vote for the candidate they think is most qualified to do the job.

Maybe just a dance-off in the case of a tie. Here's what that utter freak-fest would look like.

[via Neatorama]

Weekend Update Debate Has Less Economic Policy and More Unicorns

Nicole Pasulka — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 19:15:00 GMT

In this SNL Weekend Update Thursday debate video we learn that Obama might be uncircumcised, and that Joe the Plumber lives in a box under John McCain's bed. Along with his invisible friend Simon the Senator, who is also a unicorn.

Trust us, it's adorable and so, so weird.

CNN Says "Free Sarah Palin!"

Emily Farris — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 15:15:00 GMT

Before McCain suspended his campaign yesterday, CNN's Campbell Brown called on McCain to "free Sarah Palin" from the "sexist barrier" his advisors have created between her and the media. If she's tough enough to be vice-president, she can surely hold her own with all the big, bad reporters, right?

Video after the jump...

[Via Daily Intel]

Related:

Top 5 Rumors We'd Like to Start About Sarah Palin... But Won't

Who Would You Rather: Nude Sarah Palin vs. Nude Sarah Palin...

What'll Happen To Sarah Palin?

Sloppy Seconds: It's Hailin' Palin

Sarah Palin Thinks Global Warming Is Polar Bear Sh*t

No Wonder Sarah Palin Wants Kids to Stop Reading Books

Gay Hookup Website Founder Is on a Manhunt for John McCain

Nicole Pasulka — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 16:58:00 GMT

Jonathan Crutchley co-founder of the gay hookup website Manhunt.net has gone and offended some folks by -- gasp -- endorsing John McCain. Ah haha this is sweet perfection. Because, of course, McCain returned Cruthchley's maximum contribution of $2,300.

So Curtchley sang his love far and wide, he got booted from Manhunt by his co-founder and many loyal subscribers canceled their accounts, McCain's too good for his money and now he's back and, surprise, surprise, wants to support Obama.

Who is also, of course, not going to take his money either. Since when does a gay smut peddler get no love from politicians? This really must be an historic election.

Related:

Top 10 Things Younger Than John McCain

Can We Ask? Might John McCain Be Section 8?

Video of the Day: McCain's Running Mate?

Obama and McCain: A Contest Decided By Body Language

McCain To Find His VP On Google

John McCain Signs His Wife Up For Topless Contest

Guess Which Prez Candidate is Gay for Gay Marriage

Katie Halper — Fri, 16 May 2008 21:00:00 GMT

It's issues like this that remind me why I, Scanner Katie, voted for Nader (in 2000. In NY). Obvi, McCain is no fan of gay marraige (hell, MLK appreciation day is too liberal for him.) But, sadly, neither Clinton nor Obama has embraced gay marriage. So, who is the one candidate progressive enough and butch enough to stick up for equal rights?

Why, it's Libertarian candidate Formerly knows as the Democratic presidential candidate Mike Gravel. Queerty rightly congratulated Gravel for being the only candidate to say "congratulations" to the California Supreme Court. Listen and see what Gravel has to say!

I congratulate the California Supreme Court for recognizing a self-evident truth: Marriage is a fundamental constitutional right that ALL Americans share! Anything short of marriage equality means second-class citizenship for gays and lesbians. Obama, Clinton and McCain choose to deny this truth but California just made their obstinate opposition much more difficult.The California court dismissed the argument that “tradition” precludes same-sex marriage. Opponents of interracial marriage once shared this view. They were dead wrong just like opponents of gay marriage. As I said during the HRC/Logo debate, marriage is not about tradition but about love and what this world needs is more LOVE. Next we must get all states to recognize the same sex marriages granted in California and other enlightened states. This is not a states rights issue, as many of my opponents argue. Gay marriage, like civil rights for blacks, is a constitutional issue and individual rights must always trump states rights when they are in conflict. My fellow Libertarians who disagree ought to check the definition of libertarianism. During the HRC/Logo debate I predicted that in five years the nation would embrace gay marriage. Thanks to California we have taken a giant leap toward that glorious day!

Previously: Guess who's Getting Gay Married?, Breaking: Same-Sex Marriage Now Legal in California

Pastor Hagee's Retraction Retraction

Katie Halper — Fri, 09 May 2008 14:45:00 GMT

Not to brag, but I, Scanner Katie, TOTALLY saw this one coming when I broke the McCain's Pastor Says Homos May Not Be Responsible For Katrina story. The media is now saying that John Hagee, McCain's spiritual adviser, has retracted his retraction of his "gays caused Katrina" statement. But you can't retract a retraction you haven't made in the first place.

OK, just to catch everyone up, Hagee said gay people caused Katrina. Two weeks ago, when asked if he still held the theory, Hagee reiterated his position. Then the media said he was retracting his gays caused Katrina thesis when he said.

As a believing Christian, I see the hand of God in everything that happens here on earth, both the blessings and the curses,...But ultimately neither I nor any other person can know the mind of God concerning Hurricane Katrina. I should not have suggested otherwise.

Now the media is saying Hagee is retracting his retraction. But Hagee never retracted anything in the first place. He was merely admitting that he didn't have the God-dar to figure out which sinners the Lord was punishing. Only God knows whether his target was the gays, the women who work, or the Catholics. For He moves in mysterious anti-catholic, homophobic and misogynist ways.

Preciously: McCain's Pastor Says Homos May Not Be Responsible For Katrina, Reverend Jeremiah Wright: On Our To-Do List, Minor Detail About Reverend Wright's 9/11 Sermon: He Didn't Say It! ,Top 10 Outrageous Quotes From McCain's Spiritual Advisers

McCain's Pastor Says Homos May Not Be Responsible For Katrina

Katie Halper — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 20:58:00 GMT

McCain was "very honored" when he received the endorsement of Pastor John Hagee. Who wouldn't be psyched to get the support of someone who said homosexuals caused Katrina, calls the Catholic Church "The Great Whore," and compares the two-state solution to Nazis?

Hagee was quick to pin Katrina on the homosexuals and sinners of New Orleans. Speaking on God's behalf, Hagee explained "when you violate God's will long enough, the judgment of God comes to you. Katrina is an act of God for a society that is becoming Sodom and Gomorrah reborn." And he stuck to his story, reiterating his belief that "the Hurricane Katrina was, in fact, the judgment of God against the city of New Orleans."

Mccain has been less unwavering and more bi-curious, saying that it was "probably a mistake" to solicit Hagee's endorsement and stating that he is "glad to have" it.

Now it looks like some of McCain's wishywashyness may have rubbed off on Haggee, who last week announced "As a believing Christian, I see the hand of God in everything that happens here on earth, both the blessings and the curses.... But ultimately neither I nor any other person can know the mind of God concerning Hurricane Katrina."

This has been hailed as a "retraction" and "repudiation" of Hagee's Katrina comments. It seems more like an adjustment. It's not that Hagee is retracting the idea that God could, should and would meteorologically punish homosexual sinners. It's just that Hagee doesn't know for sure if that's what was motivating God and he doesn't want to be presumptuous. After all, there are a lot of Catholics in New Orleans. So Katrina could been God's wrath towards the "false cult."

previously: Reverend Jeremiah Wright: On Our To-Do List, Minor Detail About Reverend Wright's 9/11 Sermon: He Didn't Say It! ,Top 10 Outrageous Quotes From McCain's Spiritual Advisers

Top 10 Outrageous Quotes From McCain's Spiritual Advisers

Katie Halper — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 20:30:00 GMT

Jeremiah "Obama's Pastor" Wright will appear on a PBS special with Bill Moyers tonight. Before the limelight-hogging preacher spews even more nonsense, and quotes even more ambassadors, we want to shed some light on the brilliant gems uttered by some of McCain's own spiritual advisers, Pastor John Hagee and Reverend Rod Parsley. When Hagee endorsed McCain, because he is a man of principle, McCain said he was “very honored by Pastor John Hagee’s endorsement." Reverend Parsons calls McCain a "strong, true, consistent conservative" and McCain calls Parsons "a spiritual adviser." Because the liberal media refuses to give any credit to McCain, it is up to us to be fair and balanced. So here are the top 10 Memorable Quotes said by McCain's religious advisers.

1."Do you know the difference between a woman with PMS and a snarling Doberman pinscher? The answer is lipstick. Do you know the difference between a terrorist and a woman with PMS? You can negotiate with a terrorist."

- Pastor John Hagee in his book What Every Man Wants in a Woman (Charisma House, 2005)

2. "The Quran teaches that [all Muslims have a mandate to kill Christians and Jews]. Yes, it teaches that very clearly."

-Pastor John Hagee

3." I believe that the Hurricane Katrina was, in fact, the judgment of God against the city of New Orleans.... I believe that New Orleans had a level of sin that was offensive to God, and they are -- were recipients of the judgment of God for that.... There was to be a homosexual parade there on the Monday that the Katrina came. And the promise of that parade was that it was going to reach a level of sexuality never demonstrated before in any of the other Gay Pride parades.... The Bible teaches that when you violate the law of God, that God brings punishment sometimes before the day of judgment."

-Pastor John Hagee

4. "The military will have difficultly recruiting healthy and strong heterosexuals for combat purposes. Why? Fighting in combat with a man in your fox hole that has AIDS or is HIV positive is double jeopardy"

- Pastor John Hagee on Don't Ask Don't Tell in his book What Every Man Wants in a Woman

5."It [Gay marriage] will open the door to incest, to polygamy, and every conceivable marriage arrangement demented minds can possibly conceive. If God does not then punish America, He will have to apologize to Sodom and Gomorrah."

-Pastor John Hagee on Don't Ask Don't Tell in his book What Every Man Wants in a Woman

6. "It is impossible to call yourself a Christian and defend homosexuality. There is no justification or acceptance of homosexuality.... Homosexuality means the death of society because homosexuals can recruit, but they cannot reproduce."

-Pastor John Hagee on Don't Ask Don't Tell in his book What Every Man Wants in a Woman

7. "Only a Spirit-filled woman can submit to her husband's lead. It is the natural desire of a woman to lead through feminine manipulation of the man. .... Fallen women will try to dominate the marriage. The man has the God-given role to be the loving leader of the home"

-Pastor John Hagee on Don't Ask Don't Tell in his book What Every Man Wants in a Woman

8. "I cannot tell you how important it is that we understand the true nature of Islam, that we see it for what it really is. In fact, I will tell you this: I do not believe our country can truly fulfill its divine purpose until we understand our historical conflict with Islam. I know that this statement sounds extreme, but I do not shrink from its implications. The fact is that America was founded, in part, with the intention of seeing this false religion destroyed, and I believe September 11, 2001, was a generational call to arms that we can no longer ignore."

-Parsley in Silent No More (Charisma House, 2005)

9. "Gay sexuality inevitably involves brutal physical abusiveness and the unnatural imposition of alien substances into internal organs, orally and anally, that inevitably suppress the immune system and heighten susceptibility to disease."

-Parsley in Silent No More (Charisma House, 2005)

10. "Only 1 percent of the homosexual population in America will die of old age. The average life expectancy for a homosexual in the United States of America is 43 years of age. A lesbian can only expect to live to be 45 years of age. Homosexuals represent 2 percent of the population, yet today they're carrying 60 percent of the known cases of syphilis."

previously: Reverend Jeremiah Wright: On Our To-Do List, Minor Detail About Reverend Wright's 9/11 Sermon: He Didn't Say It!

McCain Opposes Equal Pay For Women Because It Leads To "All Sorts Of Problems"

Katie Halper — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 14:00:00 GMT

John McCain is putting his foot down on the necks of uppity working women who will NOT shut up about being paid less than men.

The presidential nominee came out against the Ledbetter Fair Pay Act, a bill seeking equal pay for women (which Republicans killed earlier this week, thank God). Although McCain is "in favor of pay equity for women," in theory, he opposes the legislation that would mandate it, in fact, because it "opens us up to lawsuits for all kinds of problems." McCain is the only presidential candidate who is man enough to admit that civil rights, like women, should stay out of the public sphere. And Daddy McCain knows best: what these women need is “education and training," not equality! If only hysterical women were more rational and focused more on education, they wouldn't be so distracted by the fact that they're paid less than men.

The War Continues: Ohio, Texas, and... Puerto Rico?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 20:00:00 GMT

Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton are headed toward another showdown on Tuesday, and this one could again turn the race on its head. Right now, in Wisconsin, Obama holds a razor-thin lead, while Hillary had temporarily conceded the state and probably has only begun to fight.

As for you, Texas and Ohio, for possibly the first time ever, your votes will probably mean something.

Two different polls today show very different numbers for Texas, one with Obama slightly ahead, the other with him a million votes away. Fucking Pollsters, what do they know? All we can determine from this is that the race is going to be interesting all the way home, possibly even to Puerto Rico, which we didn't even know was allowed to vote.

In other news, McCain got Bush the Smart's the endorsement... Obama is picking up the super-important backing of SEIU... plus, he may get John Lewis, but maybe not.

If you think this process is getting out of control, or are getting bored by the swinging pendulum of momentum, check out this video for amusement:

Who Would You Rather: Chelsea or McCain's Blogette?

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 17:20:00 GMT

Because we're just not ready to let that old Chelsea joke die.

We'll admit, McCain is more desirable (ha, just reread that phrase again), but you know that, whether the Clinton campaign makes it to the White House, the speculation on Chelsea's own political career are soon to follow. So, it comes down to: Semi-decent blond with potential to be a First Daughter Meghan McCain vs. Former-possibly-future First Daughter who may one day be President herself Chelsea Clinton. (Yeah, no, we don't really see Miss Blogette running her own victorious White House campaign anytime in this millennium.)

Super Tuesday: the Cliff's Notes

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 14:30:00 GMT

This girl wasn't old enough to vote, but Obama didn't need her in her home state of Minnesota.

For a totally incomplete, unscientific, offensive, and unprofessional rundown of the extraordinarily surprising night we barely remember (it was Mardi Gras, after all, and there plenty of free drink tickets lying about), here's a list of things we thought of thanks to the lucidity of five Hurricane cocktails:

1. Mike Huckabee won more states than he had any right to.

2. Mitt Romney may drop out-- or at least drop back and hope to escape this whole cycle unscathed, ready to be the 2012 GOP nominee.

3. John McCain is now 99% likely to win the nomination. Earlier in the day, he was about 98.7%.

4. Barack Obama won way more states than Jesse Jackson ever did. So take that, Billary. He even won Connecticut (blue state), Colorado (becoming a blue state), and-- hell, let's throw in North Dakota just for fun. It's interesting to note that Hillary won many of the so-called blue states and Obama many of the red. Except, yeah, those mentioned above, plus California, which would mean something... if we gave a rat's ass enough to figure it out.

5. Clinton won a huge (in more ways than one) victory in California. If Obama had not picked up toss up states and Clinton-strong states, he would have had a rougher road ahead.

6. Claire McCaskill, supporting her fellow freshman Senator, believes that the next two week's of primaries (no, it's not over yet, people) mainly favor Obama, and she's probably right.

7. Clinton will be leading in delegates when all is said and done. But following the next stream of primaries, it should all be tied up again.

8. At this point, the Democratic race is a 50-50 toss up. Either Obama or Clinton could win.

9. The media will present this mainly as "Clinton fought her way to victory" while (buried in paragraph 18) "Obama won more states, in broader areas of the country (Alaska, Connecticut, etc.), and, in many more ways, was the come-from-behind victor."

10. Thanks to these distortions by the media, the campaign continues on.

[Photo: AFP]

Who Will Win Your State?

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 04 Feb 2008 16:30:00 GMT

Sure, we talk about New York too much. But with 22 states going to the voting booths for tomorrow's Super Tuesday, we need to talk about you, 'Bama... or you, Jersey... or you... uh, Missouri. (Isn't that Emily's job? Oh well, just this once....)

Let's take a look at those darling little polls. Heh heh. Polls. Beavis, you want to look at little polls...

The way it looks as of Monday morning...

DEMOCRATS

This is Hillary Clinton's race to lose and boy is she losing it. After holding strong in almost all of the Super Tuesday states right up until this weekend, the Senator from New York has seen her leads slip, disappear, evaporate, or be shredded as part of some vast right-wing conspiracy. Nonetheless, if Obama wins a majority of states tomorrow and reassumes the frontrunner mantle, it will still be a very close race to the Convention. Check it out:

Clinton will win: Minnesota, New York, Oklahoma, Tennessee

Clinton is leading in but may still lose: Arizona, Massachusetts, New Jersey

Obama will win: Illinois, probably Colorado, Georgia

It's anybody's game in: Alabama, California, Connecticut, Delaware, and Missouri.

REPUBLICANS:

The party's attack dogs were out in force over the last week, from Ann Coulter to Rush Limbaugh (who some say would back Barack rather than McCain), trying to solidify around someone, anyone but likely nominee John McCain. It's too late and too scattered-- none of them can stomach Mitt Romney, McCain's only real competition, and that gives the Arizona Senator a free pass.

McCain will win: Alabama, Arizona (duh), Connecticut, Delaware, Georgia, Illinois, Missouri, New Jersey, New York, Oklahoma and effectively end the race.

It's tied between McCain and Romney in: California

It's tied between McCain and Huckabee in: Missouri

Romney will win: Massachusetts (duh)

The following states will also apparently vote tomorrow, but I haven't found recent, reliable polls for any of them: Alaska, Arkansas (Clinton and Huckabee will win there), Idaho, Kansas, North Dakota, and Utah. These are conservative states, so you can probably guess. What's the buzz where you are?

[Polls: Real Clear Politics, Zoby, etc.]

[Photo: BBC]