Scanner : michael jackson

Sloppy Seconds: These Boobs Are Made of Magic

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 07 May 2009 00:20:00 GMT

You may need to right-click these links to open them in a new tab/window.

Here's your Fark-ready story of the day: the speed camera guy was caught speeding!

As if Michael Jackson doesn't have enough problems, he's being sued by a former publicist for $44 million.

The world just discovered that kids are inspired to have sex after watching TV.

Your headline of the day: "Q: What do you do when your little girl is playing with her brother's penis?"

These boobs can do magical tricks.

Wouldn't it be amazing if Stringer Bell became James Bond after Daniel Craig.

Bristol Palin thinks abstinence works. Just when we were beginning to think she was intelligent.

And Kiefer Sutherland had a fight. Unfortunately, it wasn't for 24.

Sloppy Seconds: Yet Another Lesbian Teacher Scandal

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 21:44:00 GMT

We thought Sunshine Cleaning might be good until we read this round up. Verdict: it's a rental.

Hundreds of thousands of people were willing to overlook the fact that they were financing the lifestyle of a child molester: all 50 or so Michael Jackson concerts are sold out.

This idiot juror may have cost someone a verdict of $12.6 million by Tweeting instead of paying attention to the trial.

Another teacher busted for having a lesbian relationship with a student. These educators will never learn.

The Heathers musical: good or bad idea, in theory?

What do you do if your mom catches you jerking off? The answer probably isn't punch her in the face and get arrested.

Here's one we haven't heard before: in Russia, a baby was born with two penises. That kid with the penis on his back has a new friend!

Ask Andy: Birth Control

Penis, Penis, Peanuts

Today in WTF: Penis Extenders Actually Work?

Everything You Never Wanted to Know About "Horrific Beetle Sex"

While You Were Sleeping: Ashton Kutcher Needs To Shaddup

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 13:08:00 GMT

London is never going to get rid of MJ-- the King of Pop That Was Almost Good Twenty Years Ago added 17 new shows.

All this iPhone app silliness shows that Apple is just as lame as any other company when it comes to letting their customers have freedom of speech.

Iron Man 2 will either be the best or the worst sequel in film history-- there can no longer be any in between. Yesterday, sources confirmed that Mickey Rourke and now Scarlett Johansson have signed on.

It's too bad we don't have Fidel Castro around to seize this bastard's assets.

Bad news, New York City. You might be getting a weiner for mayor.

This moron-- or is it genius?-- thinks a ringtone may psychologically cause a woman's breasts to grow... or something.

It's just part of Scientology's plan to use Katie Holmes in their brainwashing schemes: Mrs. Tom Cruise is launching her own clothing line for impressionable girls.

Ashton Kutcher said "fag," "gay," and the "N-word" in a single Twitter post and, obviously, came off like a complete moron.

Related:

While You Were Sleeping: The Spitzer Scandal Never Dies

Fun With Wikipedia: Mammary Intercourse

While You Were Sleeping: Blake Fielder-Civil's 16-Year-Old Girlfriend?

Michael Jackson Announces "Final Curtain Call" Before His Face Implodes

While You Were Sleeping: Blake Fielder-Civil's 16-Year-Old Girlfriend?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 14:08:00 GMT

Thrilla in vanilla: Michael Jackson's press conference announcing some London shows he'll soon cancel was not exactly a thriller. See the video Scanner Emily shared yesterday.

Dr. Sanjay Gupta has decided to turn down a job in the Obama Administration.

Hero of the day: the nurse who bought a disabled boy a fake vagina so he could get himself off.

Yeah, fuck the paps. Michelle Rodriquez rules.

A foot fetish story has NPR in hot water with the usual dumbass listeners who all apparently have broken radio dials.

Did you hear that a car crashed through The Mac Store in Eugene, Oregon on Tuesday? Scary footage here, story at this link.

One of those female Chinese medal winners turns to be a man.

Seinfeld cast members will take over Curb Your Enthusiasm in the upcoming season.

Madonna was named PETA's most hated.

Amy Winehouse's husband is rumored to be involved with a sixteen-year-old girl. We said "rumored" so don't sue is if they're just friends...

Michael Jackson's Statues Are Not Helping His Public Image

Amy Winehouse, Topless Again, Stars in Her Most Bizarre Adventure Yet

Sloppy Seconds: Amy Winehouse's New Single Life

Michael Jackson Announces "Final Curtain Call" Before His Face Implodes

Emily Farris — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 00:19:00 GMT

A seemingly sane Michael Jackson stood before hordes of screaming fans in London today to announce "that this is it, his final curtain call."

"This," of course, being a tour he's planning for the summer.

Here's hoping his face doesn't implode before July.

Related:

These Celebrities Fell In Love With The Camera At An Early Age

Michael Jackson's Statues Are Not Helping His Public Image

Oh, Michael Jackson.

These Celebrities Fell In Love With The Camera At An Early Age

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 14:49:00 GMT

Check out these hilariously awesome photos of little future celebs: one would grow up to be a kickass, kickboxing, bizarro-human, movie star freak of nature, and the other one is Jean-Claude Van Damme.

Here are a carefully cultivated half dozen childhood photos of the two-dozen-or-so pictures gracing some dude's delightful blog:

We also particularly revel in the glory that is George Clooney (age?) and Halle Berry (age also unknown.) Check them all out here.

Related:

More of Those Gloriously Painful Celebrity High School Yearbook Photos

Celebrities Make Us Feel Better About Our High School Obsession

Top 10 Sexiest Album Covers of All Time

Oh, Michael Jackson.

Colleen Kane — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 16:25:00 GMT

More of Michael Jackson's posessions that are going up for auction have been catalogued, and they're just as incriminating as the first batch.

What's new in this round is some prose etched onto marble tablets that, if read, might burn itself into your subconscious and show up later in a fever nightmare.

"Children Of The World, We'll Do It
With Song And Dance And Innocent Bliss
The Soft Caress Of A Loving Kiss
We'll Do It."

Well, it was nice knowing him back when he had it more together.

Michael Jackson's Undies Made of Pixie Dust and Tears, Cost $1 Million

This Slow News Week is Killing Michael Jackson (Heee He!)

Via Scandalist

Michael Jackson's Statues Are Not Helping His Public Image

Colleen Kane — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 20:03:00 GMT

*Sigh*

Hey, Thriller was my first cassette, back when MJ was the coolest guy on the planet. I do not relish the continued crazening of Wacko Jacko. But just take a look at some of his knick knacks, from the collection of 2,000 of his posessions up for auction in April.

It's not a stretch to call the motif on the decanter above a baby orgy-- something I had never even considered existing until today. But you know who apparently has? the owner of this decanter, Michael Jackson.

But wait, there's more.

You get the picture, but more are showcased over at Scandalist.

Michael Jackson's Undies Made of Pixie Dust and Tears, Cost $1 Million

Sloppy Seconds: Amy Winehouse's Activism, Michael Jackson's Baby Mama, Sperm and Hot Water

While You Were Sleeping: Mickey Rourke's Wrestling Career

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 15:58:00 GMT

John Landis, the director of the Thriller video, is suing Michael Jackson, who wants to do a Broadway musical of the hit song.

This is the funniest prisoner escape story we've yet come across.

Here's how we really do not want to die: sitting on a toilet, having just masturbated with a gas mask over our faces, discovered by a co-worker, on our second day on the job.

Blackwater has been denied a license to kill operate in Iraq.

Cindy Adams weighs in on the Oscar buzz (now they're saying Sean Penn will win Best Actor) and celebs griping about photographers.

The latest White House rumor? Michelle Obama is pregnant.

And Mickey Rourke will not participate in Wrestlemania after all. He was probably joking around-- either that or they didn't offer him enough moolah.

Related:

Tickle Me Emo: Male Rocker RealDoll

Londoners Knew How to Drink Us Under the Table

Sloppy Seconds: Job-Sanctioned Sex

English Baroness is a Freaky Prankster

This Slow News Week is Killing Michael Jackson (Heee He!)

Emily Farris — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 17:22:00 GMT

Okay, guys. Stop grabbing your crotches, it's time to get serious. Michael Jackson is dying. His rare genetic skin disorder has spread to his lungs and now he needs a lung transplant! Also: Booze! Pain killers!

A source "close to the star" and apparently even closer to The Enquirer says "Painkillers and booze have caught up with him. The only way he was able to cope with the stress of sex scandals and his roller-coaster life was to mask the pain with substance abuse."

Again, it is a very, very slow news week. You'd think as long as The Enquirer has probably been sitting on this story they'd be able to Photoshop some crazy image of Jackson's lungs oozing out of his little nose slits.

[National Enquirer: PALS FEAR: JACKO 6 MONTHS TO LIVE AND THE CLOCK IS TICKING!]

Related:

Michael Jackson's Undies Made of Pixie Dust and Tears, Cost $1 Million

Sloppy Seconds: Amy Winehouse's Activism, Michael Jackson's Baby Mama, Sperm and Hot Water

Sloppy Seconds: Jerry Lewis Continues to Hate on the Gays

Sloppy Seconds: Billie Jean Was Indeed My Lover?

Sloppy Seconds: Who's Not Allowed to Play With Paris?

[Image via Jezebel]

Sloppy Seconds: Billie Jean Was Indeed My Lover?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 22:23:00 GMT

Frank Stallone-- guess who he's related to-- got a reality show based on his relation to a famous person.

Woman wins a million bucks, throws it away. End of story, right? A thoughtful clerk decides not to be greedy and gave her the ticket after discovering the oversight.

Caylee Anthony's body was found four months ago, but the police ignored the guy who kept calling to report its discovery. Too bad there isn't a caring parent around to shame these people into early retirement.

FYI: Al Franken now leads by dozen of votes, perhaps up to 250, in the endless Minnesota recount, with thousands of absentee ballots still to come.

The porn industry has been hit (hard) by the recession. [NSFW link!]

Billie Jean is Michael Jackson's lover? We think this woman is completely bonkers, though amusing as hell.

Someone please explain this Facebook creep to us.

A man fined $50 by the IRS and threatened to prosecute him for a felony after he sent them the $1.50 in sales tax he owed on a store purchase.

Teachers aren't even allowed to drink on their own time anymore.

And Kim Kardashian-- another "star" who needs to go away, has a 2009 calendar.

Related:

While You Were Sleeping: The Giant Penis Show

Sloppy Seconds: Stripper Feels the Crunch

How Do You Like Your Hair Down There?

While You Were Sleeping: Khloe Kardashian Looks Weird Naked

Sloppy Seconds: Who's Not Allowed to Play With Paris?

Emily Farris — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 23:37:00 GMT

What were your favorite and least favorite Nerve essays of 2008? Orly? Then you should go vote for them. [Nerve]

Some of your favorite NPR personalities may soon be gone. Fucking economy. [Gawker]

Why did Perez Hilton have to ruin a perfectly beautiful picture of our future husband Ryan Gosling? [PerezHilton]

Perhaps in a cash crunch like the rest of us, Michael Jackson is selling the gates leading to Neverland Ranch and his infamous glitter glove from the "Billie Jean" video. [Yahoo!]

Speaking of gloves, er, coming off, Tom Cruise is going in for another interview with Matt Lauer. [Us]

Oprah fell off (or onto?) the food wagon, maxing out at 200 pounds. It's just more for us to love, Lady O. [People]

Prince William was invited to Paris Hilton's New Years Eve party, but his "elders at the palace" reportedly do not want him partying with her. [Radar]

[Image]

Sloppy Seconds: What Does LiLo Have Against ScarJo?

Emily Farris — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 22:09:00 GMT

We love Brian Williams and we love food courts (our first job was at Chinese Delight in the Independence Center, yo) so it should come as no surprise that we really love that NBC's Brian Williams loves to eat in food courts. [Parade]

Disney meal ticket Miley Cyrus was killed by a drunk driver over the weekend. Except totally not at all! [MTV]

Michael Jackson is being sued by the future king of Bahrain after Jackson supposedly backed out of a recording contract. [Radar]

How much fashion is really involved in the Victoria's Secret fashion show? Because we just see lots of skin. [NY Daily News]

Did you know that Scarlett Johansson was the inspiration behind Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl?" [People]

Could that be why Lindsay Lohan is no fan of Scarlett Johansson. Probably not. Two years after LiLo wrote some nasty words about ScarJo on a New York bathroom stall, Johansson still has no idea why LiLo hates her. [Us]

Sloppy Seconds: Jerry Lewis Continues to Hate on the Gays

Emily Farris — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 21:19:00 GMT

Would you like to watch Britney Spears work out? Here you go. [Faded Youth]

We went from being not so into Matt Damon to wishing we were fucking Matt Damon. He's doing GOTV in Florida this week! [People]

More sad news for Jennifer Hudson and her family. [CNN]

Considering we've never seen him live, we should probably see Michael Jackson in concert before his face implodes. [FameCrawler]

Speaking of Mr. Jackson, 3,960 people dressed as zombies got together to do the "Thriller" dance in Austin. [Thrill the World Austin]

Prepare for cute overload: a dog risked his life to guard a box of kittens in a burning home. [Neatorama]

82-year-old Jerry Lewis continued to hate on the gays, calling cricket "a fucking fag game" on Australian TV. [Radar]

Related:

Video of the Day: Sarah Silverman Makes a Funny

Top 10 Worst Celebrity Plastic Surgeries

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Top 10 Worst Celebrity Plastic Surgeries

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 19:29:00 GMT

For no particular reason (well, other than that there's nothing much out there today except political news), we decided to start Halloween early: a series of the worst celebrity plastic surgeries.

And remember, kids, unless you've been in a motorcycle accident (like suave mofo Gary Busey!)-- or some equally scarring experience-- it's better to stick with what you were born with, flaws and all...

10. Janice Dickinson: Is that her or Penelope Cruz put through a brutal Photoshopping?

9. Lil' Kim: "Sorry, but we already cast Catherine Zeta-Jones as Cleopatra."

8. Tara Reid tries to reenact that Seinfeld episode with her belly button: "Helloooooooooo..."

7. Kenny Rogers -- Looks like The Gambler gambled and lost to Beverly Hills. There's nothing wrong with looking 80, Kenny, when you've always looked 79 anyway.

6. Farrah Fawcett (see top of this page.) Holy God, is that Melanie Griffith, aged by computer to the year 3028? Nope, that's the woman who we thought was going to age like Sophia Loren. Come on, now, get some help, please...

5. Mickey Rourke. Some say this was due to a post-Hollywood boxing career gone Jake La Motta, but even Jake himself couldn't have caused this much damage to this dude.

4. (tie) Jenna Jameson and Pamela Anderson. Why would the world's #1 porn star need even more attention? Why would Pamela Anderson need bigger boobs? You know when even Howard Stern thinks you're perfect, there's no one left to please...

3. Joan Rivers. Yeah, this one you know... you've seen her on E!, everyone's been ragging on her for years about it, we'll move on.

2. Melanie Griffith -- too scary to post here. Click on this link at your own peril.

1. Michael Jackson, a manchild who needs no introduction... well, only this:

Related:

Top 10 Celebrity Moms Who Could Be Hookers

While You Were Sleeping: David Duchovny Can't Keep It Together

Michael Jackson's Undies Made of Pixie Dust and Tears, Cost $1 Million

Nicole Pasulka — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 18:25:00 GMT

Get your pocketbooks out. According to the New York Post, someone is throwing a very exclusive party for Michael Jackson's panties.

A pair of size-28 Calvin Klein white briefs once belonging to Wacko Jacko will be auctioned on eBay tomorrow, with a reserve price of $1 million. The unwashed underpants have a sensational past. They were part of the evidence confiscated in 2003 by then-Santa Barbara DA Tom Sneddon, who wanted a DNA sample for his unsuccessful child-molestation case against the washed-up King of Pop.

Wasn't this evidence? Can you just sell evidence in a court case? Who in the world would bid on this?

We can't imagine being in the same room as the underwear, and yet we're sure some weirdo will buy them. The only thing stranger than being Michael Jackson is wanting to own his gitch. Yeeeeah, we're saving our pennies for Bubbles. Our dog could use a new friend.

Sloppy Seconds: Is Jessica Simpson Headed for a Life of Bad Clothes and TV Dinners?

Emily Farris — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 21:19:00 GMT

Bangkok Dangerous star Nicholas Cage just settled with the IRS and agreed to pay hundreds of thousands in back taxes. Will you pay ours while you're at it, Nick? It's only a few hundred. [Forbes]

Josh Hartnett has filed a lawsuit against the UK's Daily Mirror after the paper ran a story claiming he had sex in the public area of a hotel. [People]

Are we seriously still talking about purity rings? [MollyGood]

We didn't even know there were rumors that Pam Anderson and Michael Jackson were dating. [Us]

If you live in New York and happen to see "the worst dressed group of young people" being followed around by cameras, you have entered The Real World, Brooklyn. [NY Press]

Another one for New Yorkers: we're going to be on TV tomorrow morning. We'll be showing you how to make your TV dinners better on Fox 5's "Good Day New York" at 8:39 a.m. Catch us if you can, or want to.

Jessica Simpson was in New York this morning to perform on Good Morning America. She stopped a live, televised performance because she couldn't hear anything. She also wore the worst outfit ever, and apparently she now has a southern accent. Except when she's "with yeeewah." [ABC]

Haaaaaaappy Birthdaaay Michael Jaaaaaaackson! Happy Birthday To You.

Nicole Pasulka — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 14:58:00 GMT

Oh Michael you made it to another birthday and not just any birthday, but the big 50! Congrats, buddy. You are Thriller, you are Bad, and you've had some crappy plastic surgery and a few unpleasant legal battles, but here you are today...50. Wow. It seems like just yesterday you were a little boy just rocking that microphone.

UPDATE: Today, fans around the world celebrated the half century of MJ by naming "Thriller" his greatest song. Disagree?

"Paris Hilton's Vagina Bites Penguin" And Other Classic Celebrity Spam Headlines

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 16:17:00 GMT

Mainly because it's Friday and we're burnt out from a romantic concert by Dean & Britta last night, we found this Top 10 List of Celebrity Spam bizarrely hilarious...

10) Britney Spears Admits “My Vagina Made Me Shave My Head Bald”
9) Angelina Jolie’s Lips Explode
8) Sarah Jessica Parker Arrested For Gross Negligee
7) Britney Spears Shoots Down American Spy Satellite With Her Vagina
6) Angelina Jolie Set To Destroy Own Vagina
5) Britney Spears: “Yes, I tried to suck the shine off a bumper”
4) BREAKING NEWS: Mike Tyson To Fight Michael Jackson (oh, please, let this be true!)
3) LiLo heartbroken as Diana’s Butler beds Winehouse
2) Paris Hilton Becomes Nun
1) Aliens Deny Impregnating Paris Hilton

Also: Paris Hilton's Vagina Bites Penguin, Britney Spears Is Actually A Piece Of Broccoli, Britney Spears Applies For Barack Obama Masseuse Job, Britney Spears Recording New Album - Forgotten How To Sing (unfortunately, this one's probably not true), Paris Hilton Dogs Paris Hilton With Lawsuit, Britney Spears Not Bipolar - New World Order Conspiracy Afoot, Paris Hilton denies screwing Ron Paul, Paris Hilton: "I'm Still A Summer Virgin," and Aliens Kidnapped By Michael Jackson. (We're taking it they meant "Alien Babies...")

A couple of these were not celebrity-related, but too good to pass up. MSNBC: Couple Plans Breakup In 2009 and BREAKING NEWS: "I Ate All The Pies," Man Confesses.

Several of these are taken from this post.

Related:

Somebody Wants To Invade Our Vaginas

Top 10 Spam Euphemisms For Your Small Willy

Security Breach Means More Spam For Porn Customers

I Made It Into Spam; Now I Can Die A Happy Man

Top 10 Things Younger Than John McCain

Fred Astaire "Smooth Criminal" Mash Up Surprises With Its Awesomeness

Nicole Pasulka — Wed, 28 May 2008 18:36:00 GMT

We thought Fred Astaire was grandma shit and while it probably is, look at the stems on Cyd Charisse! Holy Mackerel! (Sorry! Just trying to get into the grandma mindset.)

OK, dig the mash up after the jump. Makes us want to put on a Fedora and dance like it's 1955.

April Fools: The Prankster's Prankster

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 16:30:00 GMT

He goofed on the Queen of England. He had the media following "Michael Jackson" and his bizarre antics for days. He Punk'd Ashton Kutcher and Bruce Willis. He violated Wal-Mart. And he proved Charles Manson is a better person than Angelina Jolie.

John Hargrave is a man for all April Fool's Days...

1) Hired a Michael Jackson impersonator to wear a surgical mask and lead media and paparazzi on a weeklong wild goose chase through the streets of Boston. The stunt was a smashing success-- it took the media weeks to admit they'd been had.

2) After being rejected for sainthood/knighthood/whatever by the Queen herself, Hargrave legally added "Sir" to his name, just for spite.

3) Loaded Wal-Mart shelves with banned books and porn to defend the First Amendment.

4) Impersonated Ben Franklin, "America's 14th President," and gave historically inaccurate tours of Boston, Ben's birthplace, before being attacked by a giant robot with laser arms, for no apparent reason.

5) Called out Oprah Winfrey's entire career in charity work when he announced she was one of two celebrities who didn't respond to his "11 year old girl with a terminal illness asking for an autograph and some kind words."

Some celebs, like Angelina Jolie and Oprah Winfrey, didn’t respond at all. Others like Bono and Jerry Lewis were quite generous, sending signed photographs and T-shirts. But jailed serial killer Charles Manson sent a package containing three hand-carved wooden keepsake boxes. One had an engraved pink heart on top, another, the word “Love” with the message “From: Manson” carved inside the lid.

6) Best of all, he went so far out of his way to prank the host of a show that insulted his intelligence, "Punk'd," that he legally changed his name to "Ashton Kutcher" and launched

a website claiming to have recordings from Kutcher’s personal voicemail, including a message from a trash-talking “mistress” and an angry tirade from Bruce Willis, ex-husband of Kutcher’s wife, actress Demi Moore.
Despite claims from Kutcher’s publicist that the site was a fake, media worldwide picked up the story, exposing a system so hungry for gossip that the truth hardly matters.

Hargrave, who also has been known to track down and harass e-mail spammers with anonymous telephone harassment, celebrates his birthday today, April Fool's Day. For more about him and Zug.com, which he claims is the world's "only" comedy website, click here.

Via People's Web.

Dancing Walrus Is Smooth, and Criminally Awesome

Nicole Pasulka — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 20:17:00 GMT

Admit it, you are jealous of this Walrus' moves. That's OK. So are we. Whenever we dance to Michael Jackson no one feels the need to tape it and add star wipes at the beginning and end. We are totally sucking ass compared to this beast, clearly. It's time to go practice our "Smooth Criminal" dance routine with the dog now. His moonwalk is really coming together.

Sloppy Seconds: Julianne Moore Calls Eliot Spitzer "A F*cking Embarrassment"

Emily Farris — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 21:27:00 GMT

Actress Julianne Moore is pissed about soon-to-be-former governor Eliot Spitzer's sex scandal, calling it "a fucking embarrassment." We wonder how much she donated to his campaign. We didn't donate any time or money to Eliot, so we're a little underwhelmed by the whole thing.

Holy shit. A recent study has found that one in four teenage girls has a sexual infection. This makes us feel either really old or really naive.

Ladies, just in case you were wondering where all the single guys are, here's a map with ratios of single women to single men... further evidence that if we don't want to turn into a Sex and the City character or a bag lady, we need to get the hell out of New York City.

Once your character dies on LOST, there's not much to do but move on to another career until everybody forgets that you're Charlie, from Drive Shaft.

Some crazy guys are trying to save Neverland Ranch before Michael Jackson's face implodes. Well, they're at least trying to save Neverland Ranch.

Sloppy Seconds: George Clooney is to Hillary Clinton as Daniel Day Lewis is to Barack Obama

Emily Farris — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 22:13:00 GMT

George Clooney thinks he's the Hillary Clinton of the Oscars, with Daniel Day Lewis starring as Obama. And he thinks that's bad news for himself and Hillary.

Priscilla Presley joins the newest cast of Dancing With the Stars.

Will.I.Am is planning a second Obama video.

Call us "white trash" if you want, but there's a reason we always take our drink to the bathroom.

Because his face is currently imploding—making him unavailable for photo shoots— Janet Jackson posed as her brother Michael for the cover of Vibe. (In all honesty, we don't know why she did it, but that guess is as good as any, right?)

We're not fans of diamonds, and if we ever get engaged, we want something fairly traded (hear that, gentlemen?) or this fucking killer ring that gives new meaning to "blood diamond." Bonus if you find a fair-trade killer diamond.

Janet Jackson is "Allergic" to Marriage

Emily Farris — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 15:29:00 GMT

Janet (Miss Jackson if you're nasty), thinks she might be allergic to marriage.

Miss Jackson (we're nasty), who's been married twice before and has been dating producer Jermaine Dupri since 2002, has no plans to tie the knot any time soon:

"So many people were putting pressure on [Jermaine], then they started pressuring me. Everybody would ask us about it – even friends."

"If it's [meant] to happen, it'll happen," she says. "I like where we are, and I'm happy where I am. I've done it twice before. I'm afraid I might be a jinx. I might be allergic to marriage."

"We both would love to have kids. Someday I know it's going to happen. Exactly when, I don't know."

Someday? How old is Miss Jackson? Oh right, she's not worried about that because she's going to freeze her eggs. Maybe she's just waiting until uncle Mike's face completely implodes so she has an excuse not to let him babysit?

[People: Janet Jackson: 'I Might Be Allergic to Marriage']

[Image via eonline.com]

Only 17 Shopping Days Till This Is Thriller Night

sarahhepola — Wed, 10 Oct 2007 13:06:00 GMT

October 27 is Thrill the World, an attempt to stage the largest-ever production of Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” for the Guiness Book of World Records. Boy, we hope the prisons are reading Scanner today! As it turns out, we already know the routine to “Thriller,” but we performed it approximately four months and 23 years too early, in a suburban bedroom in Dallas, for an audience of adorable teddy bears. Damn. We’ve always been ahead of our time. (via Yes But No But Yes)