Scanner : michelle obama

PapSmeared: Michelle Obama Has a ___ This Big

Emily Farris — Wed, 06 May 2009 17:39:00 GMT

Sloppy Seconds: Michelle Obama Does the Unthinkable

Emily Farris — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 22:41:00 GMT

MSNBC has finally discovered fuck buddies. And that college students have them. [MSNBC]

Will items off of the Chipotle value menu have fewer calories? We sure hope so. [Yahoo!]

We always wonder why people who spend lots of money to have signs, boxes, etc. printed don't get copy editors. An Oregon company probably could have used one before printing a phone sex number on their cereal box. [Google/AP]

Starting next month, same-sex couples can be legally married in Sweden. [BBC]

More "celebrities" blogging about their relationship woes. Meh. [People]

Madonna is already celebrating the adoption of a child she has not yet officially adopted. [Us]

A man in China swallowed a pair of scissors. And survived! [Telegraph]

For the first time in 57 years, the Queen of England publicly hugged someone (sort-of). And that someone was Michelle Obama. And then Obama hugged the Queen back (sort-of)! Apparently, this is a big deal. [DailyMail]

Related:

Yes, Scanner Emily. Chipotle will make you fat.

Crush of the Week: Kate Middleton, Rollerskating Queen

Sloppy Seconds: What We Gave Up for Lent

Emily Farris — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 23:33:00 GMT

I may have moved to the worst city—ever!—for dating, but at least it's the manliest based on "the number of U.S.-made cars driven in the city, number of sports bars and BBQ restaurants, number of home improvement and hardware stores as well as manly salty snacks consumption." [FatCity]

The Seattle Post-Intelligencer is one step closer to switching to an online-only publication. [Yahoo!]

Michelle Obama will be the first person other than Oprah herself to ever appear on the cover of O Magazine. [Us]

What's this about a giant blue wiener in "The Watchmen?" Now we're totally seeing it. [Rolling Stone]

Gossip Girl's Matthew Settle (Rufus) is a daddy. [People]

Believe it or not kids, Scanner Emily here, an athiest, gave up sex (or anything beyond kissing, hugging and a back rub if I can get it) for Lent. Some people are giving up texting. Both would probably be good for interpersonal relationships. What are you giving up, if anything? [Tech-Ex]

Michelle Obama is In 'Vogue'

Emily Farris — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 16:06:00 GMT

Photographed by Annie Leibovitz, First lady Michelle Obama graces the cover of the March issue of "Vogue."

SNL's Attempt at Barack and Michelle Obama: FAIL

[Image]

While You Were Sleeping: Mickey Rourke's Wrestling Career

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 15:58:00 GMT

John Landis, the director of the Thriller video, is suing Michael Jackson, who wants to do a Broadway musical of the hit song.

This is the funniest prisoner escape story we've yet come across.

Here's how we really do not want to die: sitting on a toilet, having just masturbated with a gas mask over our faces, discovered by a co-worker, on our second day on the job.

Blackwater has been denied a license to kill operate in Iraq.

Cindy Adams weighs in on the Oscar buzz (now they're saying Sean Penn will win Best Actor) and celebs griping about photographers.

The latest White House rumor? Michelle Obama is pregnant.

And Mickey Rourke will not participate in Wrestlemania after all. He was probably joking around-- either that or they didn't offer him enough moolah.

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Sloppy Seconds: Job-Sanctioned Sex

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The Obamas Are Into What-Now?! (Video)

Colleen Kane — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 17:23:00 GMT

We at Scanner are no prudes, and we're glad Barack and Michelle are so affectionate and seem to have a healthy relationship. But did this lady on Fox, who was discussing the first couple's physical gestures of affection, just say what we think she said?

Related:

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Via Blog of Hilarity

Rick Warren on Malia and Sasha... Fierce!

Emily Farris — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 15:46:00 GMT

Have you ever said something stupid in the heat of the moment and then agonizingly gone over it again and again and again in your head? So much so that you cringe?

Rick Warren, this one's for you...

As Jon Stewart said, "Is it me or is he quoting Obama's daughters' names like he thinks they're delicious?"

Related:

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The Very Best Thing About This Inauguration...

Sloppy Seconds: America, F*ck Yeah!

Emily Farris — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 23:33:00 GMT

~~Scanner~~ Salon Sarah checks out all of the Obama paraphernalia, including Scanner's favorite: the Head O State commemorative dildo. And, you know, other stuff. [Salon]

Pete Wentz took his American penis to the Inauguration, left his wife and son at home. [Us]

Kelly Osbourne (NOT an American!) was arrested for assault after allegedly slapping a journalist. [People]

The economy turns you into a "needy, horny, stay-at-home basketcase." Good or bad? [The Daily Beast]

If we prayed, our prayers would be with Ted Kennedy after he collapsed at Barack Obama's luncheon today. [CNN]

SNL's Fred Armisen was seen "candoodling" with Mad Men's ~~Peggy Olson~~ Elizabeth Moss. What a cute American couple. [Vulture]

Former First Daughters Jenna and Barbara Bush wrote an open letter to incoming First Daughters Sasha and Malia Obama, telling them what to expect at the White House, what to seek out and what to avoid. [Jezebel]

McCain's Fem-bot Wife Wants to Go 'Dancing With the Stars'

Scanner Matt — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 16:22:00 GMT

Today Page Six claims their "impeccably placed source" says, "Just before Thanksgiving, Cindy McCain started talks with producers to appear as a dancer on the show (Dancing With the Stars)."

Really?

This impeccably placed source also claims, "She wanted to do it very badly." But this week, Sen. McCain "put the kibosh on it."

Booooooooooo

What is this, Footloose? (If you haven't noticed the giant movie poster we published with this post)

Related:

John and Sarah Still Need Some Time Apart

Drug Charges, Palin Family

Did You Get Your Money's Worth at College?

Bust Out the Blue Panties and Curl Your Hairs: We're Having Our Picture Taken with Obama on Inauguration Day

Emily Farris — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 16:23:00 GMT

Did that last $25 you gave to Barack Obama not pay off? You know, the donation you made with the hopes of maybe, hopefully, prettyprettyplease being one of ten donors "randomly" picked to attend the inaguration? Are you certain that your dream of having your picture taken with America's first black president on such a historical day is crushed forever?

Well, it's time to turn that "no we can't" into a "yes we can." Because thanks to some clever Brits, yes we can.

The London branch of Madame Tussauds wax museum will waive its $38 entry fee on January 20 for anyone who can prove s/he is a U.S. Citizen. This means you can still totally have your picture taken with Barack Obama on Inauguration Day. That is, if they finish him in time.

Sculptors are apparently still adding the finishing touches, but a museum spokesperson said that "Obama would be shown in an informal and relaxed pose, smiling with arms casually folded amid a reproduction of the White House Oval Office."

We advise against booking those plane tickets just yet. If those "finishing touches" don't happen, you might be lining up to pose with yet another rich, white man.

[Yahoo: Obama wax figure free for Yanks in London Jan. 20]

[Madame Tussauds]

Who Would You Rather: Jon Favreau vs. Jon Favreau?

Sloppy Seconds: How Kanye West is Handling the Recession

Finally, a Politician Scanner Can Really Get Behind!

[Image]

Sloppy Seconds: How Kanye West is Handling the Recession

Emily Farris — Sat, 13 Dec 2008 00:41:00 GMT

The nearly naked girl Michael Phelps has been spotted with his not his girlfriend. Mmmkay? [Us]

Another one (of our potential future husbands) bites the dust. Sam Talbot, ~~winner~~ runner up from Season 2 of Top Chef got married in a secret ceremony last month, further increasing my chances of becoming the Crazy Cat Lady. [People]

If you're selling pictures you took of Amy Winehouse smoking crack, it's possible you were also smoking (or selling) crack and might go to jail. [Radar]

What does Harvey Weinstein have to say about yesterday's Golden Globe nominations? [Vulture]

Just in time for us to go all batshit on it, Facebook is now totally legit! Donald Graham, chairman and chief executive of the Washington Post Co, has agreed to join the board of directors. [Yahoo!]

Kanye West is looking for an internship. No, not an intern, an internship. [FadedYouth]

White House officials turned down Barack Obama's request to move into The Blair House—where incoming presidents usually stay before inauguration—early so that his daughters, Sasha and Malia could start school on time. We hear the Red Roof Inn is really nice, though. [NYT]

[Image]

Scanner Highs and Lows: Because We Have Nothing Better To Do on a Friday Night

Emily Farris — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 03:42:00 GMT

Yet again, we find ourselves grateful that the worst thing our mom ever did to us was show her boobs at our book party. Twice.

Highs:

We watched some sexy movies.

And discovered the greatest. move. ever.

We know what we're most thankful for this year. Mmmhmm.

We crushed a little on Borat's brother.

Could Barack and Michelle Obama be any fucking cuter? Ugh, probably.

OMG! Ashley Alexandra Dupre finally talked!

So did Pete Wentz. About those penis pictures.

We absolutely agreed with GQ's choice of Man of the Year.

Lows:

Yet again, we found ourselves grateful that our mom only showed her boobs (albeit twice) at our book party.

We got a glimpse of what life will be like in our new city.

If it wasn't Kansas City, it was going to be in Oregon.

We have officially reached the point where we'd rather eat (or fuck) a taco than fuck an actual man.

Apparently, girls really do have cooties.

Miley Cyrus. Just her. In general.

We continue to wonder why our cushion hasn't gotten us more pushin'.

We contested People's choice of sexiest man alive.

Kansas City Mayor Loves His Wife (Too Much?)

Emily Farris — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 17:19:00 GMT

The mayor of our former and future hometown of Kansas City, MO filed a lawsuit against the city after the City Council banished his wife from City Hall.

Mayor Mark Funkhouser (yes, his campaign ads included "We Want the Funk") says he works better with his wife by his side. And since she's been banned from City Hall, several days a week Funkhouser works from his three-bedroom house.

Is this a tale of true love or creepy codependency?

After Gloria Squitiro successfully ran her husband's mayoral campaign she took a desk nearest his office at City Hall. But after a former mayoral assistant filed a lawsuit that accused Ms. Squitiro, Mayor Funkhouser and the city of creating a "hostile work environment" the City Council passed an ordinance stipulating that elected officials could no longer have relatives working as volunteers in their offices on a regular basis, according to the Wall Street Journal.

"It is bizarre, in a word, for the mayor to sue his own city," says Ed Ford, a member of the city council. "He seems to be saying there's one overriding issue that I care about more than anything else, and that is my ability to spend time with my wife at City Hall."

"It's a classic love story," says Garry Cushinberry, a bank vice president who sat at the mayor's table at an awards dinner Nov. 14. "He's risking his political career for the woman he loves. You have to respect that."

While Funkhouser and his wife have made more than a few rookie mistakes, politically (and this seems to be one of them) we can't help but focus on "a Christmas letter the couple mailed last year to about 100 friends in which Ms. Squitiro described her husband's prostate exam, which she sat in on, at his doctor's office. The letter, excerpted on the Internet, got national publicity."

[WSJ: Kansas City Gives Mayor's Helpmate the Heave-Ho From City Hall]

Geography Lessons: Kansas City is in Missouri and So is Scanner Emily

Justin Timberlake Moves to NYC, We Leave

Barack Obama Loves His Wife

Emily Farris — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 20:57:00 GMT

We really can't say it any better than our friend just did when sending us this link:

So, the most powerful man in the world adores his strong, intelligent wife of 16 years. That we knew, and frankly it was to satisfy me for a lifetime. Now it turns out that this relationship INCLUDES PUBLIC YET SECRETIVE SEXUAL EAR BITING:

Now, it could be he's just whispering sweet somethings in her ear. You believe what you want to believe and we'll believe what we want to believe.

[Image, Image]

While You Were Sleeping: Ashley Alexandra Dupre Finally Talked

Emily Farris — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 16:03:00 GMT

We haven't been watching this season of Dancing With the Stars but we have been watching clips of Cloris Leachman and her cleavage online and we're sad to say she's not one of the top three contestants on the show. [Yahoo!]

Stem-cell surgery: coming to a human organ near you. [NYT]

Malia and Sasha Obama got their first tour of the White House yesterday. They were invited by Laura Bush to check out their new rooms. [Us]

In her first interview since she was found to be pleasuring former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer for money, Ashley Alexandra Dupre spoke with People. What would she like you to know? That she's a normal girl. [People]

Scanner Nicole, who already knew this, will be watching Diane Sawyer interview Dupre Friday night on 20/20. Expect a full report. [Daily News]

Sloppy Seconds: Is Victoria's Newest Secret Formaldehyde?

Emily Farris — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 22:43:00 GMT

Next time you make a friend cookies after she has an abortion, please do not use the fetus cookie cutter. Save it for Christmas. [Stupid.com]

We'll give you a sentence from a story, you try to figure out the headline: "The unmarried former managing director is also moderator of a large internet animal sex forum and has a number of dogs and horses on his farm in southern Sweden." [The Local]

Foreplay is soooo overrated. Apparently. [Telegraph]

Donald Trump is taking good care of Jennifer Hudson while she mourns the loss of her family. [People]

Condoleeza Rice is all about Michelle Obama. [Us]

Numerous women have been experiencing rashes, welts and scarring from Victoria's Secret bras. One lab that tested the bras said the undergarments contained formaldehyde. We'll stick to buying our undies at Target, thank you very much. [Jezebel]

Image via victoriassecret.com.

Life with the Obamas... in the White House

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 14:06:00 GMT

Leave it to a British newspaper to give us the lowdown on what life will be like for our next first family...

Plus: the best story about Vice Presidential sex we've ever heard...

The Mirror, England's splashiest tabloid, had a great piece yesterday detailing the family lives of previous U.S. Presidents and how the Obamas would compare. Among the more memorable speculations and revelations:

1) Obama will get rid of Nixon's famous bowling alley (which, we should add, was actually built as a gift to Harry Truman, who rarely used it) and install a basketball court, where he hopes to take on pro ballplayers.

2) Here's one we hadn't heard: at meals outside of the White House, Secret Service agents will take drinking glasses (and possibly dishes and utensils) from the President after he's done with them and destroy them elsewhere.

3) The President and his family are billed for their own meals and dry cleaning, a fact Nancy Reagan found out after a full month into her husband's administration.

4) Obama will not be allowed, at least by the Secret Service, to bicycle around D.C., which he enjoys doing, and will have to stick to shooting hoops, playing pool, or working out in the exercise room.

5) Sasha and Malia may attend the same private school Chelsea Clinton did and bring slumber parties to the White House.

6) Best of all, Obama and Mrs. Obama will have distress signaling systems.

Obama will be given a set of panic buttons: One for his pocket, one on his desk and one beside his bed. They are credit card-shaped and simply have to be squeezed to summon a posse of agents.

At one time, the President and Vice-President were given three-inch-high models of the Washington Monument to put beside their beds. They had simply to knock them over to summon the guards.

But the models were abandoned after Vice-President Dan Quayle - noted for being clumsy - knocked his over late one night while making love to his wife.

In seconds, the door burst open, the lights went on and Mrs Quayle was thrown out of bed to the floor as bodyguards flocked around her husband to ensure his safety.

7. And, according to People Magazine:

Besides the all-weather tennis court on the South Lawn and the grand piano on the second floor, [Sasha and Malia] will have their own pastry shop, swimming pool, bowling alley and movie theater – complete with a popcorn cart.

The White House also comes with a staff of ushers and pastry chefs to ensure birthday parties will never be the same. They plan slumber parties and scavenger hunts that no Supermom can hope to rival.

More via the Mirror.

Related:

Get Your Muslim On

The Election Is Over... And Now The Truth Comes Out

What Do You Do When a Black Man is Elected President?

And You Thought Bill Clinton Was A Sex-Crazed Politician...

Playboy's Presidential Sex Quiz A Welcome Distraction From Boring Obama Stories

The Election Is Over... And Now The Truth Comes Out

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 16:14:00 GMT

Sarah Palin doesn't know what countries are in North America. She can't name the countries that belong to NAFTA and she thinks Africa is a country, not a continent. Nor could she name most of the countries in North Africa. It's frightening to imagine how close this woman came to being second-in-command of the United States.

Here's a rundown of all the stories the McCain campaign is leaking about Sarah Palin in an effort to a) pin the blame on someone on b) to doom her 2012 chances, because God knows, even GOPers want nothing to do with this person...

1) Palin spent thousands of dollars more on her clothes-spending spree than was reported. She also charged some of the purchases to credit cards owned by staffers, who have not been reimbursed. One scorned aide quipped that it was "Wasilla hillbillies looting Neiman Marcus from coast to coast," while another claims the real horrors will emerge once the RNC runs an audit. McCain, meanwhile, was kept in the dark about the real details, staffers claim, since he would surely have been offended by Palin's greed.

2) Steve Schmidt, the man who proposed Palin for VP, was the one who turned down her request to give a concession speech on Election Night. It's amazing to us that this Governor and national figure had no idea Vice Presidential candidates never make concession speeches.

3) Palin refused to prep for the Katie Couric interview, did not know that Africa is a continent, could not name the countries of North America or the ones belonging to NAFTA, and on and on.

4) Palin decided to go after the William Ayers issue without approval from the campaign's top people. McCain reportedly wanted nothing to do with the Ayers, Wright, and other "smear" angles-- so good for him.

5) To top it all off, Palin greeted McCain advisers in only a towel, telling the visitors they should hang out with Todd, whom Newsweek calls "laconic," while she prepared herself.

Meanwhile, the truth about McCain's inner circle emerges as well:

1) McCain's advisers got together prior to the final debate and agreed the election was over but that they shouldn't tell their candidate that.

2) McCain still doesn't understand why one of his heroes, John Lewis, went after him publicly.

And other interesting tidbits, according to Newsweek, about Obama:

1) He considered the debate format a terrible environment in which to personally shine as a candidate, even taking a dig at Brian Williams for his "dumb" global warming question.

2) Obama's team shot down all of his arguments for considering Hillary as VP. Meanwhile, as we already knew, McCain and Clinton talked on the phone earlier in the campaign because they were so chummy, another reason to make the Obama campaign nervous.

3) During the period of unrest at Palin-McCain rallies, the Secret Service warned the Obamas about an uptick in death threats and other eerie warnings. "Why would they try to make people hate us?" Michelle asked. Welcome to Republican campaign tactics, Madame First Lady.

See more expanded versions of these at the Newsweek site.

New World Resolutions

The Election Ain't Over Yet...

Top 10 Reasons To Vote For Obama

Real or Fake? Nude Photos of Obama's Mother

The Sarah Palin Porno... Revealed

Gonzo Porn Director Slapped With 4 Years In Prison By Un-American Tampa Court

SNL's Attempt at Barack and Michelle Obama: FAIL

Emily Farris — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 18:37:00 GMT

When we first heard that Maya Rudolph would play Michelle Obama on Saturday Night Live, we got got pretty excited. Not as excited as we did when we knew Sarah Palin would make an appearance (we actually went home to watch the entire episode), but excited enough (we looked it up online).

Unfortunately, Maya Rudolph and Fred Armisen failed to evoke their subjects and while the skit was centered around the Obama campaign playing it safe, it appears the SNL writers were playing it safe—or were just plain lazy— and refused to use anything even remotely negative they had on the Democratic candidate for satire. But hello? Ashley Todd????

A shame after what a good job they've been doing with Sarah Palin. Not that we're not guilty of the same thing here at Scanner.

As usual, Kristen Wiig was funny...

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Sloppy Seconds: Crazy McCain Volunteer Was Not Marked With a "B" (At Least Not by an Obama Supporter)

Kristen Wiig May Never Get Her Chance to Play Sarah Palin

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Sloppy Seconds: Crazy McCain Volunteer Was Not Marked With a "B" (At Least Not by an Obama Supporter)

Emily Farris — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 21:34:00 GMT

Fans of Maya Rudolph and Michelle Obama: your political comedy wet dream just came true. [Vulture]

A 23-year-old man died during an eating contest. [SNAFU-ed]

Guy Ritchie has been hitting the town with Jude Law and Robert Downey Jr. We can't wait to see what kind-of trouble these three get into. [Us]

George Bush's former press secretary and fame whore Scott McClellan is publicly supporting Barack Obama. [Yahoo!]

Earlier this week a woman claims she was attacked by an Obama supporter for having a McCain sticker on her car. She said the man carved the letter "B" into her face with a knife. Now, she admits, the story is completely false. [KDKA]

Will "Controversial" Naked Sculpture of Michelle Obama Hurt the Campaign?

Nicole Pasulka — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 19:14:00 GMT

Artist Daniel Edwards, who has previously created sculptures of Paris Hilton's Autopsy, and Suri Cruise's first bowel movement, is at it again. This time his subject is none other than Michelle Obama.

And, as you can imagine, Edwards brought the controversy once again with his topless Michelle Obama bust below:

According to The Telegraph:

The powerful clay work shows Mrs Obama in the style of an African Queen, wearing large hooped earrings and an "afro pick" comb in her Egyptian-influenced hairstyle.

An American flag is tattooed across her naked chest and the comb is decorated with pearls, the traditional garb of a First Lady, and an American Eagle.

The bust, entitled "Michelle Obama's Makeover for America" goes on display at the Leo Kesting Gallery in New York on October 1.

It should go without mentioning that the sculpture was not sanctioned or commissioned by the Obamas.

We understand that the Presidential campaign is a highly charged, very close political race. We also understand the desperate need for image control when running against a candidate who manages to turn community organizing over working as a highly paid corporate drone into a slur. So whether or not the tongue-in-cheek, sensationalistic, questionably offensive artistic rendering of Michelle Obama will hurt the campaign, we're pretty sure this racy sculpture will help Daniel Edwards.

Who Tops People's Best Dressed List?

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 15:35:00 GMT

While we were completely surprised by People Magazine's pick as the Best-Dressed Star of 2008, we completely agree with their choice.

As for the rest, well...

10. Charlize Theron

9. Eva Mendes

8. Michelle Obama

7. Sarah Jessica Parker Broderick Bradshaw

6. Heidi Klum

5. Kate Hudson

4. Anne Hathaway

3. Fergie

2. Gwyneth Paltrow

1. Rihanna

...what do you think?

Via People.

Related:

Vanity Fair's Best Dressed List: Perfect or Pathetic?

While You Were Sleeping: Obama Narrows His Choices

Sloppy Seconds: Kanye West's Arrest

Caption This: Lindsay Lohan's Boobs And Sam Ronson's Eyeline

Sloppy Seconds: The Stunning Conclusion To The Pimp Minister's Trial

Vanity Fair's Best Dressed List: Perfect or Pathetic?

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 13:28:00 GMT

The 2008 Vanity Fair International Best-Dressed list includes Ivanka Trump, Michelle Obama, and 8 other classy ladies, plus ten gentlemen, fashion professionals, couples, and more...

Are they missing anyone? Should Ivanka been vetoed for her mere affiliation with the Donald? And just who in blazes is Count Manfredi Della Gherardesca? He sounds like Don Novello's replacement character for Father Guido Sarducci, and no, that wasn't mean to be derogatory. Fill us in, after the jump:

Women

Charlotte Gainsbourg
Princess Alexandra of Greece
Marjorie Gubelmann
Princess Mafalda of Hesse
Fran Lebowitz
Michelle Obama
Bee Shaffer
Tilda Swinton
Ivanka Trump
Renée Zellweger

Men

Tiki Barber
Jonathan Becker
Count Manfredi Della Gherardesca
Lapo Elkann
Richard E. Grant
Lenny Kravitz
Luis and Rafael Medina
Hidetoshi Nakata
Nicolas Sarkozy
Gay Talese

Couples

David and Victoria Beckham
The Earl and Countess of Cawdor
Damon Dash and Rachel Roy
Frédéric Fekkai and Shirin von Wulffen
Mitch Glazer and Kelly Lynch
Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore
David Lauren and Lauren Bush
Viscount and Viscountess Linley
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie
Ruben and Isabel Toledo

Fashion Professionals

Amy Astley
Tory Burch
Jefferson Hack
Liya Kebede
Alexandra Kotur
Margherita Missoni
Stefano Pilati
Michael Roberts
Katherine Ross
Hedi Slimane

Fashion Originals

Peter Beard
Carlyne Cerf de Dudzeele
Lisa Eisner

Hall of Fame

Alba Clemente
George Clooney
Marina Rust Connor
Anderson Cooper
Sofia Coppola
Jemima Khan
Anna Piaggi

Via Vanity Fair.

Related:

What Do We Think About Vanity Fair's Fake Celebrities?

Sloppy Seconds: What's Wrong With This Picture Of Brad Pitt?

Shocker: Bill Clinton Has Extramarital Affairs

Devil Wears Prada, But His Minions Wear Comme des Garcons!

Top 10 Celebrity Moms Who Could Be Hookers

George Clooney's Ex Posing Nude For Playboy?

Controversial New Yorker Cover Even Dumber Than We First Thought

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 12:50:00 GMT

The New Yorker's cover this week is the most controversial topic to hit the political scene since Reverend Jeremiah Wright. The cover has been met with universal scorn on the blogs, while both campaigns gave statements condemning it...

David Remnick, the magazine's editor, has defended his choice against an overwhelming public outcry, claiming this is satire. Here's why we disagree with his choice to run it:

1) Remnick claims satirical privilege, as if that will stop the scrutiny. In any case, this isn't satire-- at least not satire that anyone with any brain cells would attempt to pass off as such. Satire is a picture of McCain groping his mistress (or a lobbyist?) while his wife robs her charity's medicine cabinet-- as since that's a true depiction with a satirical bent, you wouldn't be feeding a lie.

2) Remnick wants an "attack" on the "lies and misconceptions" about the Senator, but where in this entire picture do you see any lies being attacked, rather than perpetuated, unchecked? (If anything it's America that's being attacked, clearly by the Obama Family.) Now, is it the editor's fault most morons will see this cover and think, "So he is one of them Muslim terrorists"? No, but it's still his fault, especially as a self-proclaimed satirist, for not even trying to make them see the truth.

3) Remnick calls his cover "Colbert in print." Yeah, but when comedians goof on Obama, it's actually funny, dude. Tell me where the jokes are-- if this had said Republican National Committee Newsletter at the top and not The New Yorker, it wouldn't have been any less hysterical.

Yes, yes, we know-- this would technically almost sort of qualify it as satire. But we're not arguing definitions-- we're arguing stupidity, necessity, purpose, effectiveness of said satire, and message. On all those levels, this cover fails. As political hackwork for John McCain, this succeeds tremendously.

Obama Pound: How Down Are You Quiz

Katie Halper — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 20:52:00 GMT

When Obama clinched the Democratic nomination on Tuesday night he made history by becoming the first presidential nominee to "pound" his wife in public.

Now the term pound has several definitions. Urban dictionary provides 30 definitions, for instance. Here are some of the best

1. A lot of weed. Can I borrow a few thousand bucks from your six year old mother for a pound of weed?

2. Poet that emigrates from USA an goes mad to the bone. One who usually wants to emulate Walt Whitman. Man in a cage. Nazi. My english teacher is great: he´s a pound!

3. Long Beach lb = pound. I got to Pound State University.Yeah, I was chillin' in Pound the other day

4. The knocking of fists as a form of greeting, departure, or respect. U jus gonna leave me hangin? Wheres my Daps

5. To feverishly fuck exceedingly hard in a fashion lacking any kind of romance whatsoever. I am going to pound Halle Berry in a way she could never even dream of.

To see how down you are with hip hop vocabulary, see if you can figure out which definition fits the Obama Michelle pound.

previously: Top 5 Things Obama Should Do Now

Top 5 Things Obama Should Do Now

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 17:18:00 GMT

Inspired by several recent lists, including Robert Creamers "Ten Key Steps to Put Obama Over the Top in November" from Wednesday's Huffington Post, we decided to put together a list of what we hope Obama does next to beat McCain. Of course, there will be a McCain list in the coming days for the three of his supporters still reading this blog...

5. Get the Vice Presidential choice out of the way so, even if he doesn't announce it for months, it does not bog down his campaign's time. For the record, Senators Dodd, Edwards, and Webb are fine choices, while Senator Clinton and Governor Richardson would bog the ticket down with their respective baggage, Clinton with her high negatives plus Bush-Clinton fatigue and Richardson's poor campaign skills plus New Mexico's likely Democratic swing this year should rule them both out. This is nothing against them personally-- it's all about weighing advantages versus disadvantages of the way that Obama-? bumpersticker reads.

4. Gather uncommitted female superdelegates and Governors like Kathleen Sebelius (Kan.) and Janet Napolitano (Ariz.) to follow Hillary Clinton's endorsement and shore up the female vote that is still out there and less than thrilled about another male President.

3. This is an obvious one, but key: use elder party surrogates to make the case. Perfect examples would be Joe Biden and especially Jim Webb, with his experience, Republican background, and excellent TV "presence." This will balance Republican/McCain attacks on Obama's experience and lack of authority on foreign policy.

2. As Roger Stone says: "Admit nothing, deny everything, launch counterattack" and "Attack, attack, attack-- deny everything" (the last one is not an exact quote, but the point is the same.) The Republicans have won with these words time and again since 1972 and the Democrats cannot afford to ignore these rules this year. For one thing, we'd be talking about the reelection of John Kerry if he'd paid attention to them the last time around.

1. Fuck the swing states-- go after everything remotely in play. If he did so well in Montana, Virginia, and even Alabama, he should run hard there. This is a new Presidential election-- it would suck to wake up the day after and find out he could have won if only he'd spent any money in, say, Alabama-- where he had 56% in the primary and McCain lost to Huckabee-- he would've taken the electoral college.

Previously: Top 10 Moments in the Career of Hillary Clinton.

Name That Politician: "A really strong body..."

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 22 May 2008 15:14:00 GMT

"Perhaps the smell of his skin, something so fleeting, a little flicker, but definitely there,'' she says.
"Until that moment it had genuinely never crossed my mind that he was anything but a rival. The truth, I began to realize, was that he was a very good-looking young man, tall and slim, yet broad in the shoulders. A really strong body.'' [Bloomberg News]

Who is the politician, now outed as a total stud by his wife's juicy memoir? Here's a hint:

Nope, it's not Dame Helen Mirren, silly. It's another British hottie, former Prime Minister

Tony "The Looker" Blair!

Apparently, the poor bastard's wife received a 1.5 million pound advance to write the garbage you read an excerpt from above... and below:

"This year I had been a little more circumspect and had not packed my contraceptive equipment, out of sheer embarrassment,'' she writes, referring to how security staff had inspected her bags during earlier visits.

"As usual up there, it had been bitterly cold, and what with one thing and another ... but then, I thought, I can't be. I'm too old. It must be the menopause.'' [Bloomberg]

All kidding aside, Cherie ain't a bad writer... it's just... it's just, you know... TMI, yo!

"Speaking For Myself" by Cherie Blair is available now from Little Brown & Co. Try not to all leave Scanner for Amazon all at once, people...

Crazy White Supremacists-- Gasp!-- Hate Obama

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 16:30:00 GMT

No one, thankfully, but your offensive and indictment-worthy insult to the First Amendment is not helping.

Barack Obama, excellently code-named "Renegade" by the Secret Service, has received protection for more than ten months, according to Bloomberg, while his wife, Michelle, brilliantly code-named "Renaissance," has gotten the same coverage since the beginning of the year. We wonder if this has anything to do with bad omens like the horrible above shirt or all the white supremacist garbage online:

"Our world will become unbearable with him as President," wrote a typical poster on a white power Web site [according to Oliver Willis.] "Maybe there will be someone who would take [a] chance and do a Lincoln on him? Is that our only hope?"

This kind of hatred has got the electorate all stirred up, and we're not just talking about Doris Lessing. Oliver Willis reader James Clay Jensen responds to the KKK:

CALL ME YOU PIECE OF SHIT AND TELL ME WHEN AND WHERE. BUNCH OF FUCKIN PUSSIES.
435 752-0839

That guy's actually got the right idea. Let's tell those pieces of shit when and where: Send e-mails to the owners of Apollo Braun, sellers of the above-pictured violence-hungry sweatshirt.

[Image via racked.com]

GOTV: Who Would You Rather, Candidate Couples Threesome Edition

Emily Farris — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 15:39:00 GMT

Apparently we're in need of some major GOTV (Get Out The Vote) action for our most recent Who Would You Rather, Candidate Couples Edition: Barack and Michelle Obama or Bill and Hillary Clinton?. Maybe you were confused, but we were asking which couple you'd rather have a threesome with. Politics, threesomes, Bill Clinton, Barack Obama, threesomes. All we're missing is some lube and the voice of the people. Vote, damn it.

Who Would You Rather, Candidate Couples Edition: Barack and Michelle Obama or Bill and Hillary Clinton?

Emily Farris — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 18:07:00 GMT

This is exactly what you think it is, kids.

The presidential candidate threesome edition.

So which Democratic campaigning couple would you rather climb into the sack with, Barack and Michelle Obama or Bill and Hillary Clinton?