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While You Were Sleeping: Mel Gibson Is In Trouble Now

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 11 May 2009 14:11:00 GMT

Everyone's saying Obama brought down the house at the "nerd prom," aka the White House Correspondents Dinner, but really, it was Wanda Sykes who killed. She even landed good terrorism and abstinence jokes.

Ashton Kutcher got punk'd.

Star Trek shocked the movie industry by grossing over $72 million in its opening weekend.

Justin Timberlake brought it back to SNL.

It costs two cents more to mail a letter now, as if you still mail letters.

Mel Gibson may have impregnated his mistress. Yes, the guy who directed The Passion of the Christ.

The 9.6 million dollar text message.

Eminem has gone to war against... Mariah Carey?

Steven Soderbergh and Sasha Grey are on tour promoting their movie and are constantly having to defend porn.

While You Were Sleeping: The Revenge of Levi Johnston

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 14:02:00 GMT

The IMF says we'll have to stick it out one more year before an economic recovery.

Japanese boy bands are all growing up and getting naked and drunk and arrested.

The third Twilight film will be directed by a man. Man, woman, Werner Herzog-- no matter what gender is at the helm, it's still going to blow.

Mel Gibson's alleged mistress is keeping a sex diary comparing all the different men she's slept with.

Rick Ross claims rapper 50 Cent is finished. Woo hoo! Can we finish off the rest of these no-talent top 40 artists along with him?

Levi Johnston has gone from being the #1 puppet in the Palin VP campaign to the biggest threat to her 2012 chances.

The new American family: Dad robs people, Mom drives the getaway minivan, and the kids play inside the car.

This sounds like one kickass documentary.

"Dog" the Bounty Hunter was nearly killed in Colorado after a suspect shot at him during an attempted arrest.

And Lindsay Lohan is dating dudes again-- this time, Brits are on her hit list.

Mel Gibson's Mistress Begins the Obligatory Photo Leak Phase of Her Stardom

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 21:33:00 GMT

Who is Oksana Pochepa and why is she, of all the women in Mel Gibson's life since his 28-year-long marriage began, the one to break up his happy union?

According to ShowBizSpy:

Oksana Pochepa claims that she had a romantic relationship with the 53-year-old actor and has now fallen in love.
“This is serious and I hope that our union will be real and strong and long-lasting,” she told British tabloid The Sun.
Pochepa also confirmed that she is the mystery brunette photographed kissing Gibson on a Costa Rican beach in March.
And according to Us Weekly, Gibson met Oksana last August when she was hired to compose a song for the actor’s upcoming thriller Edge of Darkness.

Wait, she's so big that American film producers asked her, a young Russian pinup, to compose a song for their major Hollywood blockbuster? Something's fishy about her story, and we won't know until either a) Mel Gibson breaks his silence or b) the men with butterfly nets take her off to a secret KGB warehouse for brainwashing. No?

By the way, based on these photos alone, would she be able to break up your marriage?

Related:

PETA Names the Sexiest Vegetarian Next Door...

Disabled Girl May Win Runway Model Contest

America's Next Topless Model Is... The Judge

Andy Asks: Facebook or F*ckbook?

Why Marisa Tomei Finally Went Naked

While You Were Sleeping: Mel Gibson's Mistresses

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 13:31:00 GMT

Why are there snakes on this motherfuckin' plane?

Child labor is real and undeniably so after these photographs.

A woman turned the tables on a man who tried to rob her: she made him her sex slave.

Hey that woman from the Dominos story turns out to be a sex offender.

Will Ferrell did Man Vs. Wild.

The stupidest quote of the year is officially Hulk Hogan saying he "totally understands OJ."

Another reason to not get implants: the doctor might be using veterinary equipment.

Rush Limbaugh's ten dumbest quotes. How ever did they narrow it down? How ever did they listen to it long enough to hear all these?

And the Mel Gibson mistresses are starting to come out of the works.

American Woman: The Presidential Mistress

While You Were Sleeping: Britain's Next Topless Model

Barack Obama's "Gay Sex Scandal" Is The Gift That Keeps On Giving

While You Were Sleeping: Britain's Next Topless Model

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 14:08:00 GMT

Don't cancel your Mexican vacation, says the country's President... the shocking drug violence there will be all cleared up, you know, in 2012.

Brittany Snow will appear in a new spinoff of Gossip Girl, a popular educational program.

Another supermodel bites the dust... Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady were married in Santa Monica yesterday, after having denied the wedding rumors for months, even years.

Jake and Reese are rumored to be the next celebrity couple that will walk down the aisle.

Kate Nash is already one step ahead of them, although her fiancee is an unknown.

Just the latest in a long line of 45-year-old hotties to grace the nudie mag, Lisa Rinna will be the next one to pose for Playboy.

This unanimous Supreme Court ruling on religious monuments in public parks is extremely troublesome.

The woman in the car during Morgan Freeman's car accident claims he was drunk. Oh, and she's absolutely not his mistress. And one more: she's suing him for not denying the mistress thing.

Hero of the day? A mother ran into her daughter's rapist while he was out of jail on a weekend pass. He asked after her daughter, apparently in a gleeful manner, and so she followed him into a bar, poured a bottle of petrol all over him and... struck a match...

And Britain's Next Top Model is already topless...

Topless Coffee Shop Opens In Maine, Not Without Controversy, Bottoms

The Rise and Fall of Lindsay Lohan

Obama Crashes Carnival Party, Thanks to Naked Carnival Queen

Mistress Contest Goes Horribly Wrong

Colleen Kane — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 18:10:00 GMT

In a case of life imitating reality show, a married Chinese businessman held a contest to determine which of his five mistresses he would keep. (He was downsizing, due to the economy like so many are these days. Don't you feel bad for him?)

It went downhill, literally, from there.

One of the mistresses was eliminated based on her looks, according to CNN, and then under the guise of a "sightseeing trip," drove the man and the other four mistresses off a cliff. The driver, Yu, died, and the other passengers were injured. Then word got out about this contest via a letter left by Yu.

(You know there are producers out there crying because they didn't make this a TV show before this bit of ratings gold drama went down, and someone is now writing up a pitch for a series called "Take My Mistress, Please!")

The businessman paid Yu's family $84,744 to compensate for her death.

Related:

Hooking is the New Teacher Scandal

It Never Ends: Giuliani Billed NYC Taxpayers To Bang His Mistress/Future-Wife

The Second Life Divorce Gets Funnier After The Split

Wife Catch You Online Dating? Try Ashley Madison

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 23:30:00 GMT

Want to have sex with other people, but too much of a complete assface not to file for divorce or discuss it with your spouse? No more do you have to create Nerve personals profiles and defile have the metropolitan area before someone finds you out.

Finally, for everybody who's ever wanted to spice up their sex life by bringing home STD's, there's Ashley Madison...

Ashley Madison is the brainchild of those doucheturds who created Hot or Not (does that even exist? why?) and, long after its launch, it has finally caught on thanks to its tagline, "Life Is Short, Have An Affair" (we're not making that up), and its widely-circulated open letter to adulterer Eliot Spitzer. Now, founder Noah Biderman opens up to Bitter Lawyer about why Ashley Madison even exists, whether he cheats on his wife, and why his Mom is proud of his career choice:

[T]he majority of people on AshleyMadison are not necessarily seeking a new relationship. Rather, they are seeking the physical intimacy that is lacking from their current relationship.
[We] attract a more sophisticated, educated, high-income member base. Lawyers and bankers seem to be our largest professional groups.

The women on the service really fall into three different groups: 1) The soccer mom/desperate housewife who feels totally under-appreciated in her current relationship; 2) the quintessential mistress who is not interested in settling down and getting married; 3) young, attached/married women who either feel that the man they are currently with is not the man they can stay with for the rest of their lives, or that they have made a mistake in getting married, but before they get any deeper, they are seeking what else might be out there waiting for them.
I may not convince those who believe infidelity is “wrong” to start believing that it is “right,” but I am positive that I have helped people accept that it is part of the human condition, and that if we start asking the question “why” people cheat, we might find some interesting answers.
I am married with two beautiful children. I think it is important for people to understand that this is not some kind of crusade or personal outlet for me... I woke up one morning and found myself in the arms of a very demanding “mistress” called AshleyMadison.
What I like to jokingly tell people critical of my current role is that my mother is finally proud of her son’s career… After all, I used to be a lawyer.

You can search profiles on Ashley Madison... although we don't recommend it.

Via Bitter Lawyer.

Related:

Chloe Sevigny Would Like More Topless Sex Scenes, Please

And You Thought Bill Clinton Was A Sex-Crazed Politician...

Infidelity: Blame It On My Hormones

Creepy Dudes Now Using Sex Tapes To Blackmail You Into... Giving Them Nude Photos?

Sloppy Seconds: Ron Wood's Mistress In The Buff

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 21:39:00 GMT

Mrs. Corey Feldman's Playboy shoot and more, after the jump...

If you have a belly button finish, you'll probably be pissed to learn you missed Japan's navel-gazing fest.

Your worst nightmare: Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are leaving Hollywood... and may be moving to Your Neighborhood.

Don't worry if you missed the orgy, it didn't turn out to be that great a time.

That nutjob who shot two people during a church performance of "Annie?" His motive wasn't he didn't like liberals. We hope Rush Limbaugh gets sued for wrongful death or ends up going crazy like Jeff Bridges in The Fisher King. Bastards.

Ron Wood, guitar player and real genius behind the current Rolling Stones lineup, almost left his wife of twenty-three-years but luckily got his act together and checked into rehab. The reason he lost his way:

A Democratic legislator from New Jersey has resigned after child porn was found on his computer. His office computer.

An Obama supporter "accidentally" made buttons with the Senator and another famous member of the Chamber: Larry Craig.

Brad Pitt declared war on the stalkers who take photographs of him.

And Susie Feldman, Corey's wife, has done a large Playboy spread that already has the internet hyperventilating. At least in porn land...

The rest of the shoot can be found here.

Sloppy Seconds: What's Wrong With This Picture Of Brad Pitt?

Vote In Playboy's Sexiest Female Blogger Poll

Sloppy Seconds: Half-Naked Woman At A Blue Jays Game

Gisele Bundchen's Latest Nude Shoot May Be Her Finest Work Yet

Magazine Fights Censorship With Nude Six-Year-Old Cover Girl

Ohio Democrat Flashes Topless Photos During High School Class

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:32:00 GMT

Ohio State Rep. Matthew Barrett resigned his office yesterday after flashing topless photos of two unidentified women from his district to the high school seniors he was lecturing. Dude, if you're gonna cheat on your wife, don't keep nudie pics of your girlfriend(s) on the same flash drive as your slideshow presentation, because then we'll have to fly up to Ohio and beat you with a mallet for disgracing the Party.

Barrett, who was running for reelection, left Democrats holding the bag in ways than one. Originally, they had rallied behind him when the allegations first came to light, since the Rep. insisted they were photos his thirteen-year-old son had placed on the flash drive. Seems like the teen did not particularly feel like taking the fall for his old man...

Norwalk police investigated the incident, in which the image briefly appeared before a group of seniors as Barrett gave a PowerPoint presentation on how a bill becomes a law. [via Cleveland.com]

Seems like Barrett will gain more knowledge of the ins and outs of the legal system than he ever hoped to achieve, now courtesy of the Columbus prosecutor's office...

Spitzer Resigns; Nation To Have First Blind Black Ninja Gov.

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 14:51:00 GMT

Is David Paterson the Staten Island Ninja Burglar?

What does it say when this whole Gov-luv affair has gotten so out of hand that you might actually have believed the part about the ninja? Well, New York's Lt. Gov may not be a ninja, and is probably not frequenting too many prostitutes (we hope, for the sake of the state), but the emerging details on Eliot Spitzer's personal life have been unbelievably absurd...

The man spent 80,000 clams on hookers... eight thousand American dollars? What does one buy with 80,000 American dollars anymore? (Okay, okay, we hear your jokes about "that could only buy you a blowjob, at best, in today's economy." Hardy har har.)

He is going to be in the divorce trial of the century-- three teenage daughters, a pissed off wife, money hidden (possibly) all over the country (you don't really think he got that $80G out of his salary, do you?), mistresses to come forward, his whole history of convictions against prostitution rings and even Wall Street will be questioned, as his ethics are looked into, and the State of New York will continue its downward spiral until New York City (yay!) is forced to secede from the Union. Which would rock.

Spitzer is expected to resign at any moment, but we'll keep you posted...

UPDATE: The Luv Gov to resign at 11:30am (EST) news conference...

UPDATE: The Luv Gov is about to be live on CNN. David Paterson, the Lt. Governor, is the first blind Governor and only the third black Governor since Reconstruction (i.e. fucking ever.) CNN reports that signs of "money laundering led [the FBI] to a wiretap" in which they ensnared the Governor in a prostitution-related phone call. He could be charged with a crime by the US Attorney's office any day now, which is apparently the main reason he is going to resign. CNN also claims that the First Lady of New York wanted him to stay the course. Not sure she will stay the course. (11:40AM.)

UPDATE: Spitz resigned at 11:45-ish AM. Paterson will assume the helm on St. Patrick's Day, although he is not Irish.

UPDATE: The New York Post is reporting that Eliot Spitzer has used hookers at least since 2002.

[Photo: NY Daily News]

[Previously on Scanner: Deep "That's What SHE Said" Thoughts On... Spitzer]

Scanner : mistress

While You Were Sleeping: Mel Gibson Is In Trouble Now

While You Were Sleeping: The Revenge of Levi Johnston

Mel Gibson's Mistress Begins the Obligatory Photo Leak Phase of Her Stardom

PETA Names the Sexiest Vegetarian Next Door...

Disabled Girl May Win Runway Model Contest

America's Next Topless Model Is... The Judge

Andy Asks: Facebook or F*ckbook?

Why Marisa Tomei Finally Went Naked

While You Were Sleeping: Mel Gibson's Mistresses

While You Were Sleeping: Blake Fielder-Civil In Trouble Again

American Woman: The Presidential Mistress

While You Were Sleeping: Britain's Next Topless Model

Barack Obama's "Gay Sex Scandal" Is The Gift That Keeps On Giving

While You Were Sleeping: Britain's Next Topless Model

The Latest Sexist Fad: Coleslaw Wrestling

Topless Coffee Shop Opens In Maine, Not Without Controversy, Bottoms

The Rise and Fall of Lindsay Lohan

Obama Crashes Carnival Party, Thanks to Naked Carnival Queen

Mistress Contest Goes Horribly Wrong

It Never Ends: Giuliani Billed NYC Taxpayers To Bang His Mistress/Future-Wife

The Second Life Divorce Gets Funnier After The Split

Wife Catch You Online Dating? Try Ashley Madison

Chloe Sevigny Would Like More Topless Sex Scenes, Please

And You Thought Bill Clinton Was A Sex-Crazed Politician...

Infidelity: Blame It On My Hormones

Creepy Dudes Now Using Sex Tapes To Blackmail You Into... Giving Them Nude Photos?

Sloppy Seconds: Ron Wood's Mistress In The Buff

Spencer Pratt Knows a Thing or Seven About Initiating Anal Sex

Sloppy Seconds: What's Wrong With This Picture Of Brad Pitt?

Vote In Playboy's Sexiest Female Blogger Poll

Sloppy Seconds: Half-Naked Woman At A Blue Jays Game

Gisele Bundchen's Latest Nude Shoot May Be Her Finest Work Yet

Magazine Fights Censorship With Nude Six-Year-Old Cover Girl

Ohio Democrat Flashes Topless Photos During High School Class

Spitzer Resigns; Nation To Have First Blind Black Ninja Gov.