Scanner : mormons

Ginnifer Goodwin Talks Veganism, Wears Leather for "W"

Emily Farris — Tue, 12 May 2009 17:28:00 GMT

Ginnifer Goodwin, otherwise known as Margene the third Mormon wife on HBO's "Big Love," recently got all gussied up for the June issue of 'W.' She wanted to let everyone know she's nothing like Margene or like Gigi, her character in "He's Just Not That Into You." It was a good interview and the pictures (after the jump) in which Goodwin describes herself "as seemingly tough and hardened but always on the verge of falling apart” are gorgeous. In fact, the whole thing makes us like her more than we already do. Except we have one little problem with it. The story is supplemented with a blog post on Goodwin's recent turn to veganism. The actress says she did it for health reasons and also because of the way animals are treated at industrial farms.

So why then is she wearing...

"Versace’s leather jacket; Kiki de Montparnasse’s silk bra; Balenciaga by Nicolas Ghesquière’s viscose jersey briefs with attached leather belt. Yves Saint Laurent gloves; Falke hosiery."

Just wondering. We love hamburgers and leather handbags. So we can't hate on a girl. But she might piss off a few vegans with that get-up.

[W: Not So Goodwin]

Related:

Who Would You Rather: Jennifer Aniston vs. Jennifer Connelly

Sloppy Seconds: Who Else is Making Out With Drew Barrymore's Boyfriend?

Sloppy Seconds: $1 Million for Your Meat

The Gay Marriage Debate Rages on in California

Emily Farris — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 18:14:00 GMT

Yesterday the California Supreme Court met to deliberate on the issue of gay marriage in the state yet again, after the court's May ruling to allow same-sex couples to marry was reversed when voters approved Proposition 8 in November.

The hearing lasted more than three hours and though the seven justices all seemed to agree that the 18,000 same-sex couples who married legally before Prop. 8 passed would remain legally wed, it appears the court may be leaning in favor of Prop. 8

"Here we are dealing with the power of the people, the inalienable right, to amend the Constitution," Justice Joyce Kennard, who voted in favor of legalizing gay marriage in May, said.

What else was heard at the hearing? And what did Kenneth Starr have to say?

"A guarantee of equality that is subject to exceptions by the majority is no guarantee at all."

-Therese Stewart, San Francisco chief deputy city attorney, arguing that Prop. 8 violates equal-rights principles in the state Constitution

"The people established the Constitution. As judges, our power is very limited."

-Justice Joyce Kennard

"Is it for this court to limit the people's power to amend the Constitution?"

-Chief Justice Ronald George

"Proposition 8 does not erode any of the bundle of rights that this state has very generously provided" to same-sex couples.

-Kenneth Starr, lawyer for Protect Marriage, the sponsor of Prop. 8

"If you're in the marriage business, do it equally. If you're not going to do it equally, then get out of the marriage business."

-Michael Maroko, a lawyer for same-sex couples, replying to a question about whether the court should reserve the name "marriage" for religious ceremonies and convert existing civil marriages to civil unions

"It would exceed the power of this court."

-Starr, answering the same question

[SF Gate: Justices seem to be leaning in favor of Prop. 8]

Related:

"The Real World: Facebook" or Scanner Emily vs. The Mormons

Sloppy Seconds: Which Power Ranger Is Guilty of Murder?

This Week in Gayness: Ellen vs. the Bigots

This Week In Gayness: Guy Attacked At Proposition 8 Protest

This Week In Gayness: Sean Penn vs. Arnold Schwarzenegger

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 17:31:00 GMT

Is former New York City Mayor Ed Koch gay? Does anyone even care at this point?

Scariest hate crime suspect of all-time? This guy: "So I killed somebody - that makes me a bad guy?" We're against the death penalty, so let's hope he gets brutally beaten in prison every day for the next fifty years.

Lesbians in Massachusetts are suing the US government because they aren't allowed to check "Married, filing jointly" to save money on their taxes. (See similar post from yesterday.)

The Family Resources Council thinks prosecuting hate crimes is the same as prosecuting people for thought crimes. Yes, because when you drag a lesbian out of her car, rape her repeatedly for being a lesbian, beat her up and leave her for dead, you're only thinking it.

James Dobson is retiring from Focus on the Family. But we won't forget about him.

Our idea of a good time might occasionally involve a gay bar, but never when we're in Galveston, Texas.

All Sean Penn wants is to make Harvey Milk's birthday Harvey Milk Day. It's the least Gov. Ahnuld could do, right?

Meanwhile, California is doing what it can to stop Prop 8. First, the legislature did this. Tomorrow, the state will be in court to do this and hopefully help these people.

The next Mormons versus the gays battle? This time it'll be over civil unions in Illinois.

Related:

The Gays Fought The Law, Too Early to Tell Who Won

This Week in Gayness: Don't Ask... Just Don't Ask

This Week in Gayness: The Homecoming Drag Queen

Barack Obama's "Gay Sex Scandal" Is The Gift That Keeps On Giving

Sloppy Seconds: Ever Wonder What Kind-of Idiot Falls for Nigerian Email Scams?

Emily Farris — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 00:28:00 GMT

Matthew Fox (a.k.a. hottie hot hot Dr. Jack Shephard) says it's "a relief" that LOST is finally coming to an end. While we agree that it would be nice to know what the-f the Black Smoke Monster is and where The Island went, we know we'll be lost without LOST. [Us]

As much as we're 'meh' about Will Smith, we have to agree with him: he does have the ears to play Barack Obama. [Daily Express]

Somebody did a study about Axe body spray, but we don't have the energy to sort out the results. [AdAge]

Would you like to know exactly where to find those jackasses who donated money to pass Prop8 live? Look no further. [eightmaps]

While we feel kind-of sorry for this kid who lost $150,000 of his parents' money to a Nigerian email scam we have to ask? Rly? Srsly? WTF? [Windsor Star]

In Which We Finally Put The Lid on 2008: The Top Ten Scanner Posts of Last Year

Emily Farris — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 22:22:00 GMT

Ed note: Yes, we're running it every day this week.

Now that we're settling comfortably into 2009, we have a little time to reflect on 2008. And what kind of seemingly professional blog would we be if we didn't compile our top ten posts of last year? With boobs, Mormons, abortion and booze we hope the list is everything you hoped it would be and more.

Read more...

Scanner's Greatest Hits: The Top 10 Posts of 2008

Emily Farris — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 20:18:00 GMT

Ed note: Yes, we're running it every day this week.

Read more...

In Case You Missed It Yesterday: The Top Ten Scanner Posts of 2008

Emily Farris — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 19:02:00 GMT

Read more...

Scanner Brian's Year in Review

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 19:43:00 GMT

As you may have noticed, we're cleaning house today in preparation for a radically inventive new year, free of server crashes and other taint.

One way of wrapping it up is a post that covers just about everything you missed in 2008 here on Scanner. And while a Best of the Year list is still to come, we want to make sure you get an overall summation of what went down here in the past 365...

In January, we revealed a new study that indicated abortion rates are plummeting, coinciding with the release of Juno. Our readers claimed the real reason is because there are no more abortion clinics. The same month, I, Scanner Brian and Bobby Tisdale mutually invaded the Nerve offices to demand jobs, neither of us realizing what the hell we were doing. The next thing we knew, we were both blogging here and even making a bit of cash (yes, we get paid to write this garbage! Ha ha ha, suckers.)

In Februrary, Scanner Nicole returned from opening for the Stones and we became a bit too obsessed with Valentine's Day, which will happen again in 2009, despite the economy. Scanner Emily threw a party, at which Katie Halper did a bit about her crazy dating life, which lead to a brief stint blogging for Scanner. (We have a higher turnover rate than an American Apparel secretary pool.) We felt better about the younger generation after hearing about this t-shirt protest and became afraid for the future of England after this one.

The Eliot Spitzer scandal broke in March and our obsession with Ashley Alexandra Dupre began. The only other story we can recall about March was our Name That Bush contest. The big story would've been the Lindsay Lohan sex tape or the lost frog, had we ever actually found either.

In April, we ruffled some feathers with this misinterpreted post about some photos of Neve Campbell's boobs. Luckily, everyone was distracted by the blog about the passive aggressive notes or some other bullshit.

May saw the beginning of the end of the Democratic primary, although all we cared about is this totally hot actress with the worst outfit on the planet, even this totally nude non-actress was way more memorable. We also began fixating on vegetables with penises, a problem that continues into the current week at Scanner.

In June, Scanner Bryan (my spelling is the correct one, damn it) left us to for a Remote Island, causing total anarchy and a lack of James Lipton jokes. Scanner Nicole interviewed the owner of the Real Dolls and we... well, we couldn't land any interviews with porn stars so we could kickstart our "regular" feature. Most memorably, a woman was seriously injured by her Victoria's Secret thong and, in our then-biggest story ever, a kid died as a result of a urinary tract infection while his prayed. Yikes.

Then Scanner Emily took off for summer camp in New Hampshire and we were left holding the bag... of flaming shit! Just kidding-- our July was a smash success, mostly thanks to Michael Phelps's peen and other deliberately nude Olympians. Meanwhile, the Naked Lady rode again.

August was the month of stupid people. The stupid people who gave out their bank info (to a teenage boy undercover!) in order to access what they hoped would be a library of child porn. Each day's Sloppy Seconds was chock full of idiocy and weirdness, while Highs and Lows, as is the case with the two previously-mentioned August posts, was all about Sweden, the greatest country for sex, nudity, and nutjobs in the world.

In September, Emily returned from her hot (not very), wet (not in that way), American summer. Scanner was on the floor for Sarah Palin's night at the RNC and got involved with a police-led riot. Speaking of Palin, Scanner Emily wrote about virtually nothing else that month-- and we joined her, only because we couldn't resist posting these Photoshop classics.

As for Halloween, we were already talking about (slutty) Halloween costumes on the third day of October. Meanwhile, Hayden (our former love) pretended to support John McCain on Funny or Die. (By the way, more costumes posts here and here.)

Mid-November, we welcomed Scanner Matt and Scanner Emily started some shit with some Facebook Mormons. (We actually first wrote that as "Facebook Morons" and almost kept it.) At Thanksgiving, we were thankful for getting laid, Arlo Guthrie (not by Arlo Guthrie, thank God), and sweeet 'tater not pie.

Over the last month, there have been many brilliant posts, all of them written by myself, of course. Seriously, though, if you missed out on the last month, start here and read back. (Or just read Scanner Colleen's most beloved post.) This has taken us a century to write as is.

See you next year, sucka!

Top 3 Reasons "Twilight" Isn't Cool…or Sexy... or Worth Your $10

Scanner Matt — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 22:13:00 GMT

1. Mormons
2. Abstinence
3. There’s a better vampire movie you should be watching

Reason #1: Never let devout religious people teach or describe sex to you. It’s like having George Bush explain his foreign policy (a bunch of cautionary bullshit and no results). Stephanie Meyer is a Mormon. Yes, those guys who helped spearhead the anti-gay “Yes on Prop 8” campaign… and by the way, who the hell are they to talk about marriage?

How Mormon is she?

Well, she did get her writing degree at Brigham Young University.

Reason #2: Abstinence is not the answer. Just ask Sarah Palin how well it works. And furthermore does it ever make for good entertainment? Meyer substitutes a teenage vampire boy’s horny desires for his thirst for blood in a thinly veiled metaphor that’s supposed to teach “us” (parents and their confused teens, of which we are neither, admittedly) about “our” carnal urges.

Reason #3: Nine times out of ten there’s always a better movie out there than the one you’re watching. Not that our readers are knocking down theater doors to get to this holiday blockbuster (which they keep urging us to refer to as “the next Harry Potter”), but if you are in the mood for an entertaining vampire movie try Let The Right One In, still in theaters. A super hip and smart Swedish film (also based on a novel, not written by a Mormon) that tells the dark and soulful story of a little kid vampire. And it’s rated R the way all vampire movies should be.

"The Real World: Facebook" or Scanner Emily vs. The Mormons

This Week In Gayness: Lesbians Under Attack

Male Mormon Missionaries Go Topless For The Hell Of It

While You Were Sleeping: Winona Ryder OD'd

Photo: NYT

Scanner Highs and Lows: In Which We Travel to the Future, And We Like It

Emily Farris — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 22:41:00 GMT

A cure for AIDS? A black president? Pregnant men? The ability to put our own faces inside of our vaginas? Welcome to the future, baby.

Highs:

Did German doctors discover a cure for HIV? Or was it AIDS?

Speaking of the future, it is now possible to have our own face inside our own vagina.

The pregnant man is pregnant again... yay?

Scanner Brian and his cronies pulled a prank on New York.

Men, you can keep it up longer with a little help from a spray... as long as you don't mind the fact that you won't be able to feel your penis.

But post-menopausal women can now feel everything thanks to a new gel.

Didn't you know we like it from behind?

Lows:

We got in a fight with some Mormons over Proposition 8.... over Facebook.

We decided we're leaving New York.

Is this our future?

Either way, it's a damn good thing we wear cheap underwear.

Poor Lindsay Lohan is still confused about her sexuality.

Feet. Gross.

We debated the attractiveness of certain celebrities.

Oh, and we lost the Obama interview to 60 Minutes.

"The Real World: Facebook" or Scanner Emily vs. The Mormons

Emily Farris — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 17:51:00 GMT

We grew up in Independence, Missouri, which has one of the largest Mormon populations in the country—second only to the Salt Lake City/Provo area of Utah, if we are correct. We can honestly say that some of our best friends are Mormon, and even though we don't agree with their religion—at all— some of the nicest people we know are Mormon, and that makes it hard for us to "blame the Mormons" for Proposition 8 passing in California. Well, it did make it hard for us until we got into this little Facebook argument with a Mormon friend who lives in California when he updated his status to say he was "so glad that Proposition 8 passed!" and were further attacked by five of his cronies.

Here's what happens when people stop being nice, and start getting real on "The Real World: Facebook" or Scanner Emily vs. the Mormons... if you can follow it.

EMILY'S MORMON FRIEND is happy that Prop 8 passed!!! 8:15am
- 23 Comments

MORMON 1 at 8:20am November 5
So it did pass? Sweet!

EMILY FARRIS at 8:23am November 5
Let hatred and discrimination reign.

EMILY'S MORMON FRIEND at 8:25am November 5
It's too bad you feel that way Emily. If you only understood the real issue here... It's unfortunate that so many people are so misguided.

EMILY FARRIS at 8:26am November 5
What's the issue? That people want to love each other?

EMILY'S MORMON FRIEND at 8:29am November 5
So you're saying that because gay unions don't fit under the definition of traditional marriage they can't love each other? That's pretty pathetic.

EMILY FARRIS at 8:31am November 5 via Facebook Mobile
I'm saying that it never ceases to amaze me how so many Christians preach love and paractice hate. why is it any of your concern or business if a man marries another man?

MORMON 3 at 8:35am November 5
I never saw as much hatred as I saw in the faces of those who were screaming at me while I was holding up a sign. Or as much theivery as those who repeatedly stole my signs, 3 an hour at one point. This is about the meaning of a word, thats all. Homosexuals enjoy ALL the same rights as everyone else, Thats the law. But redifineing a word is not a right.

EMILY'S MORMON FRIEND at 8:44am November 5
It's interesting you should accuse Christians of practicing hate when that is not the underlying motive at all. Christians and non Christians alike are protecting a union that is sacred and that was instituted by God for the benefit of mankind in bearing and raising children. Proposition 8 in no way denies the rights of gays to civil unions or ... Read Morethe benefits enjoyed by heterosexual couples.

It is my concern and business when gay relationships are promoted in public schools; schools that my children will attend. Where is the equality in forcing me as a parent to stand idly by as my child is indoctrinated with, as I see it, unmoral principles? Should I be forced to home school my child because I disagree with that which is being taught in a school that my tax monies pay for?

Or how about the hate that is being practiced as you have mentioned? Those opposing proposition 8 preach tolerance and equality. Why then were so many 'Yes on 8' signs desecrated, stolen, or defaced?

EMILY'S MORMON FRIEND at 8:47am November 5
Why was the property of the 'Yes on 8' supporters destroyed? Cars were keyed, buildings were 'tagged', houses were ruined. Why also was there physical harm done to 'Yes on 8' supporters by the opposition? Is that tolerance? Is that love? Is that freedom of speech? Most definitely not. It is evident on numerous levels that the tolerance and equality touted by those opposing prop 8 is clearly a facade.

MORMON 4 at 9:05am November 5
Well said Emily's Mormon Friend.

EMILY'S MORMON FRIEND at 9:20am November 5
Thank you.

MORMON 2 at 9:44am November 5
Wow, well said!!!

MORMON 3 at 11:23am November 5
you the man Emily's Mormon Friend!!

EMILY FARRIS at 4:43pm November 5
Emily's Mormon Friend, I know you're a nice guy, but you and I can't have a real conversation about this when you base your moral system on a god I don't believe exists, because I sure as hell can't believe in a god that would create people with love and feelings and urges that "he" then deems wrong or immoral—which, as I noted before, are frankly none of your concern or your business. I respect that you believe in God, but I can't respect the fact that your "morals" lead you to discriminate against men who happen to have sex with men and women who happen to have sex with women. Most of the gay people I know have more love in their little pinkies than the so-called Christians who think that their way is the only way and everyone else should have their human rights taken away! Taking away the human rights of gay people is no better than taking away the human rights of Black people or Jews.

This country was founded on the principle that all men are created equal and if you're so afraid the gays are going to infect your kids, then I'm sorry you're so thirsty that you have to chug whatever Kool-Aid your church is serving up. I bet there are Black people at school, too. Scary! Oh, and what if there are Jews? God forbid!

If you're so scared of difference, and so worried that you can't instill enough sense of self in your children that they'll be so easily "indoctrinated" by society, perhaps you should go find a compound that shares your milieu. And stay there. This is the real world. People are different. Men who to stick their penises in each other's assholes are no different from you, except they like to have sex with men instead of women. And frankly, I would much rather my kids be around intelligent, loving gay people (many of them happen to be Christians, by the way) than brain-washed, hateful, discriminating people who call themselves Christians any day.

Basically, all you're telling me is that you want your kids to grow up thinking that it's okay to discriminate against people who are different. Don't you know it's 2008?

And to Mormon 3, I don't want to waste my time arguing morals with someone who has the audacity to go to the trouble of creating and holding up signs spewing such discrimination and hatred. If you were trying to take away my human rights (that in no way affect you or your offspring), I'd probably want to steal your signs and get in your face, too.

Nothing personal, Emily's Mormon Friend. I just get incredibly passionate when it comes to discrimination. I've said my peace and you won't hear anything else from me on this one.

P.S. God didn't institute anything. Perhaps you're referring to the church? Or the people who wrote the Bible?

MORMON 2 at 5:03pm November 5
Dang, I could feel the hate coming from you as i read this. Don't forget the forefathers of this country were Christian. Not atheists. And even the founding fathers felt they were inspired from God. So you cant use Christians as a point of reference if you are then going against what they believed. As well, that is a Christian principle that men are equal. I feel as though there is equal persecution from gay and lesbians towards families. We don't want to be indoctrinated from our government and told what to believe. Had this Proposition 8 failed, that is exactly what would have happen. You and the government would be forcing your beliefs on those who believe marriage is between a man and a woman. We would have been forced to allow our children in public schools to be taught what YOU think is right. I am glad this country was founded on Christian principles. I hope you can find peace in your heart. God loves you even though you may not feel he exists.

MORMON (?) 5 at 10:25pm November 5
Erm..., John Adams, Benjamin Franklin, and Thomas Jefferson were known to be opposed to mixing religion and governance. Benjamin Franklin is quoted as saying, "Lighthouses are more useful than churches."

(Emily, you're not alone! I proudly voted against Prop 8. Don't worry, they haven't heard the last from opponents of Prop 8!.)

MORMON 6 at 10:29pm November 5
Marriage has been the institution that has perpetuated humanity for millenia. Sure it doesn't always work perfectly, but it has worked better than anything else.

Okay, a homosexual cannot get married. That doesn't mean they can't be together, that they can't enter civil unions, or even be "married" in a civil ceremony.

Yes, some Christians can... Read More be hateful. That doesn't make all of us like that. Saying so is stereotyping. Your arguments seemed crude and hateful.

I often see those that tell people to be open-minded really mean they want people to think their way. Everyone has a right to their opinion and vote.

If you want to be with someone of your own gender, that's your choice. So far most Americans choose not to call that marriage. Maybe someday that will change...

MORMON 2 at 10:44pm November 5
a few more quotes from the founding fathers...

Patrick Henry, the great orator who said on the floor of the House of Burgesses in Virginia, "Give me liberty or give me death" also said," It cannot be emphasized too strongly or too often that this great nation was founded, not by religionists, but by Christians, not on religions, but on the Gospel of Jesus Christ! For this very reason peoples of other faiths have been afforded asylum, prosperity, and freedom of worship here."
John Adams of Massachusetts, a lawyer and the second president, wrote in a letter to Jefferson on June 28, 1813. He said, "The general principles on which the Fathers achieved independence, were . . . the general principles of Christianity."

MORMON 2 at 10:45pm November 5
Thomas Jefferson...said, "The reason that Christianity is the best friend of government is because Christianity is the only religion
that changes the heart."
George Washington, the father of our nation said, "It is impossible to rightly govern the world without God and the Bible."

MORMON 3 at 10:57pm November 6
Emily, you don't have the right to redefine a word to make it mean whatever you want it to mean. YOU DON"T HAVE THAT RIGHT! I don't either. That's like me saying that an apple is an orange. They might be similar, but they are different. I don't have the 'right' to marry: My mom, sister, father,cousin, multiple people, someone with STD's, a minor, etc. Marriage is well regulated for a reason.

How dare you say your destruction of the word "marriage" will not effect my children. Only I have the RIGHT, yes my RIGHT of what to teach MY children. If someone ever tried to take that RIGHT away, they would find out very quickly that my FIRST AMENDMENT RIGHTS were protected by the next amendment. The people spoke, you lost, AGAIN, sorry you are sad, but stop cramming your homosexual lifestyle down my throat. You have no valid arguements, so you just label everyone as "haters". Take a look in the mirror and see where the real hatred is coming from before you accuse others of hating.

MORMON 2 at 8:50am November 7

http://www.worldnetdaily.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=80220
Who is trying to force their views on us? Even to the point of doing so with violence!!! Very interesting. Check out the site.

[Image]

This Week In Gayness: Lesbians Under Attack

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 17:40:00 GMT

Wanna know what Prop 8 supporters think of the gays now? Then check out this hate mail.

Utah may finally emerge from the Dark Ages if the Mormons are as good as their word(ed press release.)

Diego Luna and James Franco haven't convinced us they enjoyed kissing their male co-star...

"It was...dry."

That was Milk star Diego Luna, when asked how it was kissing Sean Penn, who plays iconic gay rights activist (and Luna's boyfriend the film) Harvey Milk. "[Sean]'s not a great kisser," Diego, who shot to fame in Y Tu Mamá También, continued bravely, as only non-Hollywood actors seem capable of. "I guess he was thinking about Franco." As in James, who plays Penn's other BF in the flick.

So I pressed Franco on how the hell S.P. smooches. He literally went on for five minutes talking about something else.... I insisted on a pecker report! "It was...fine," Franco finally answered, with a tiny smile. [E!]

Oooh, you tease us with those words "pecker report." Shame, shame.

Courtney Love has the sinking suspicion some people were against Prop 8 before they were for it. Or the reverse. Or something. Meanwhile, a third of the state's lawmakers are hoping the courts can do something about the new gay marriage ban in California.

Keith Olbermann pretty much puts it all into perspective:

And lesbians are under attack... in Canada. Please, we need to give all gay people in this country full legal rights on every level before this hate spreads to every corner of the globe. (Probably too late.)

"Which one of you two 'men' spoke to my kid? F------ dyke. Lesbians," he said, spitting in Dimitriou's face. As she wiped her face, eyes closed, he punched her on the cheek and wound up again, slamming her backward into her truck. As Currie ran toward him, she remembers him shouting, "F------ dyke bitches," and punched her on the cheekbone so hard the skin burst apart, blood splattering.
What Currie remembers most, from the afternoon of Nov. 3, is the stillness of the schoolchildren, and the sound of her six-year-old son screaming. "It was a face of complete and utter horror," Currie said in an interview yesterday. "His mouth was wide open, and he just stood there, screaming." [The Star]

Related:

This Week In Gayness: We Say No To That Yes On Prop 8

Sloppy Seconds: The Evangelical Sex Craze

This Week In Gayness: Guy Attacked At Proposition 8 Protest

This Week in Gayness: Ellen vs. the Bigots

Video of the Day: Vote No on Prop 8

Gay Marriage: God Is Gonna Getcha... Claim Scary Freaks

This Baptist Minister Thinks You Should Be Having More Sex

Today in the Apocalypse: Makeover Parties For Little Girls

Holy Hipster Hybrid: Chloe Sevigny in Beck's New Video

Emily Farris — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 18:50:00 GMT

We have a little crush on both Beck (even if he is a Scientologist) and Chloe Sevigny (even if she does play a Mormon), so forgive us if we're just a little too excited about Beck's Gamma Ray Redux video featuring the painted lady.

Beck - Gamma Ray

Scanner Storytime: Betsey Does Bear Bone, And a Vicar, Too

[Image, Image]

Because It's Never Too Early to Start Thinking About Slutty Halloween Costumes

Emily Farris — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 20:30:00 GMT

I always pull together my Halloween costume at the last minute. No matter how much thought I put into it the entire month of October, the perfect costume never comes to me until I'm on my way out the door to celebrate with slutty cats and French maids.

Last year was no exception. I arrived home at 8 with the vague idea of dressing up as VMA Britney, but needed to leave by 8:30 and didn't have time to buy a wig and my silver bikini was no where to be found.

I thought about what I could utilize (my red hair) and took an inventory of the clothes I hadn't yet packed for my move (very few). What I came up with was a pretty - dam - good - if - I - do - say - so - myself Pippi Longstocking.

(Okay, so by this point I was more of a sloshed Pipi. Anyway...)

I can't take credit for this industrious Halloweening of mine. I owe it to my father. My parents divorced when I was three, and my mother never celebrated Halloween because her crazy religion didn't allow it. Dad arrived one year realizing we didn't have costumes and not wanting to endure the picked through pink plastic princesses and black wigs of K-Mart. He did, however, have a few sheets in his car—a pale blue sheet and a Budweiser sheet (maybe he'd just done laundry or he knew we weren't going to be dressed up?). A few holes and a piece or two of string later, my sister Jo and I were instantly transformed into ghosts. I don't remember which one of us actually ended up as the Budweiser ghost; I know neither of us wanted to be, and we fought about it. I also know my dad felt bad, but what I wouldn't give to be the Budweiser ghost now...

With no Budweiser sheets to be found this year, I must resort to pulling together another Halloween costume. I don't know why I do this to myself: think about what I'll dress up as so early in the month when I know I'll end up changing my mind or pulling together the perfect costume the hour before I head out. Maybe I do it because it's just really fun to think about what I can be for one night.

I probably put too much thought into it. Most women want to look sexy or slutty—and why not? It's fun, and it's not often I get to wear fishnet stockings and red lipstick these days. For me, though, it's more about having a good costume, and if I happen to look sexy while I wear it, that's more than okay.

On the un-sexy side, the idea of getting a bunch of women together and dressing up as polygamist wives has certainly crossed my mind, but I'll be in my hometown of Indepdence, MO for Halloween this year, and for those of you who don't know, Indepdendence has the second largest Mormon population in the country (next to Salt Lake City).

I could certainly dress up as Sarah Palin, but my American flag bikini has gone the way of my silver bikini (it never actually existed in my life) plus, I don't want to get beat up by a Republican.

Perhaps it's time for Vote Girl (my 2004 alter ego and Halloween Costume) to make a re-appearance.

She was pretty kick-ass. I was at Kent State in Ohio doing GOTV and I got busted by campus security. "We've had reports of a scantily-clad crazy lady in the commons..."

Are you already thinking about your Halloween costumes? If so, what are you thinking?

[Image]

Sloppy Seconds: Lil' Kim To Be A Playboy Centerfold?

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 21:01:00 GMT

The new DIY porn station in Canada is sure to give us lots of blog material over the next several centuries.

A six-year-old boy had the adventure of a lifetime when he was accidentally transported to Mexico. Unfortunately, he didn't have enough money for the "around the world" package the girls were offering him.

A McCain advisor, who thinks the economy is doing spiffy, once invested in porn movies. Well, that's at least one intelligent thing he did that involves money.

Diabetes may have less to do with McDonald's and more to do with your drinking water... at least more than you thought.

Who needs a recap of a Hills episode? We didn't see it, but here's our overview: Heidi and Spencer are silicone robots.

An ex-Mormon is releasing an R-rated movie. This has gotta be juicy...

Lil' Kim, who made out with Hef and previously rejected his lowball offer to pose nude for his magazine, is reportedly ready to accept:

“’I am willing to shell out any amount for Kim, I’ve been trying to get her to do it for years!’ Hugh exclaims. The two have not been shy about their feelings for each other when Hugh was seen kissing Lil’ Kim at a post Grammy party back in 2001.”

“Kim previously declined the offer for the cover citing her religious beliefs and devotion to God, but a source close to Kim says “the only reason why she declined it at the time was because the money was not enough, this time the money is right.”

Related:

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Heidi Montag Endorses McCain; Alarmed GOPers Head For the Hills

Male Mormon Missionaries Go Topless For The Hell Of It

Today In WTF: 1970s Kidnapper, Still On The Lam, Turns Up With Cloned Dogs?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 21:03:00 GMT

There's a Lifetime movie in here somewhere... if the female leads in Lifetime movies were kidnapping rapist beauty pageant winners who fall in love with Mormon missionaries, stalk them for decades, change their names, go on the lam, and turn up in the news in 2008 as the owner of cloned dogs...

Time Magazine broke a story that shows Bernann McKinney, owner of five pitbulls she claims to have have had cloned in Seoul from the ear of her beloved (now deceased) former dog, to be, with a great degree of certainty, none other than wanted bail jumper Joyce McKinney, the former Miss Wyoming.

There is so much goodness here, you're just going to have to settle for the original, full-length piece, although here's a taste in the meantime:

The 27-year-old McKinney was accused in court [in 1977]... of abducting 21-year-old Mormon missionary Kirk Anderson from a church in a London suburb... [where] he was chained to a [cottage] bed and forced to have sex with McKinney for three days. McKinney, once a Mormon herself, was said to have formed a crush on him after they'd first had sex in '75. Anderson tried to break off the relationship but McKinney... stalked him to England where [he'd become a] missionary to escape her attentions.
McKinney claimed that she was trying to rekindle her affair with Anderson using techniques of seduction recommended by... The Joy of Sex.
McKinney told the court that the chains, fur-lined manacles, rope, chloroform and wedding trousseau complete with "pink feathers and see-through nighties" were all props for the bondage sessions she planned for [him.] "We had such a fun time — just like old times," McKinney told the court in her native North Carolina drawl. "I love him so much that I would ski naked down Mount Everest with a carnation up my nose if he asked me to," she added. Such sexual frankness rather stuck out in a magistrates court in sedate, suburban Surrey, England, in those days.

For his part, Anderson claimed that he'd been kidnapped at gunpoint, forced to have sex while chained to the bed (and twice more unchained), and that, despite being six foot four and 240 lbs., had never resisted. "I had made a plan for my release," Anderson testified, "but it wasn't through running away. I was going to cooperate." Even after his ordeal, when McKinney and May drove him back to London and a long lunch in Trafalgar Square, he still cooperated.

We call bullshit on that last paragraph-- the entire paragraph. Anyway, there is some plausibility to this story; McKinney then went on the run with a friend who was also involved in the kidnapping, ending up in police custody in Atlanta, although she was released because her case was felt to be unworthy of an extradition order. In 1984, McKinney was busted again, this time in Utah, outside Anderson's office, with rope and handcuffs in her car. "Consensual," my ass. Soon after, all traces of her disappear... until...

In Seoul... [she] denied... that she is one and the same Joyce McKinney who is still technically a fugitive from British justice... Both [McKinney and Bernann] are former beauty queens, both often use a wheelchair, both owned a pitbull. And on the voter's register of Avery County, the North Carolina birthplace of the onetime Miss Wyoming, there is listed one Joyce Bernann McKinney. A clone perhaps?

Via Time.

Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make Me An Online Match

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 14:59:00 GMT

We've had nothing but excellent luck with Nerve Personals, so why should we try a traditional matchmaking service, via online dating?

Time Magazine reports on SawYouAtSinai.com (real website), which relies on 365 real-life matchmakers to fix up its 35,000 Jewish members. As the site's founder points out, in the past, matchmakers worked from a pool of maybe a hundred, maybe a dozen names, depending on what kind of community the bachelor or bachelorette came from.

Some facts:

1) Orthodox rabbis have approved the site because profiles are not accessible by others until a match has been made.

2) The lead matchmaker, the apparently legendary Tova Weinberg, works eight hours per day on the site, perusing profiles and lining up hundreds or even the 1,000 dates a week that's she's claimed.

3) Even Weinberg knows online dating and matchmaking services are (no pun intended) no match for the real thing: for her older clients, she walks around her gym, talking to people, trying to set up dates one-on-one or through a friend. "I ask every man, 'Do you know an older, single man who lost his wife?,' and I call and set them up," she says. "Right after their wives died. I was like a hawk."

4) Although the website is for Jews only, the founders plan to expand the service to include Mormons and "South Asian expats." So, um, yeah, stick with Nerve, thank you very much...

Via Time.

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Male Mormon Missionaries Go Topless For The Hell Of It

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 15:02:00 GMT

Shocking-- men without their shirts on? And in the 21st Century? This is unprecedented, and certainly far to risque for a wall calendar... my God, what's next, Mormon Missionaries topless on a wall calendar?

That pretty much sums up the typical reaction of members of the Mormon church to Chad Hardy (with a name like that, can gay porn be far behind?), who is about to launch the second smash edition of "Men on A Mission 2009: Mormons Mxposed," which is apparently some sort of pun...

"It's progressive because they are daring to step outside of stereotype and an image that so many people hide behind."

Hardy says he's stepping up against the Mormon church. He says church leaders have asked him to stop production of the provocative pics.

Hardy says no can do -- he has business partners who are not of the Mormon faith.

Hardy, who is a sixth-generation Mormon, was banished from the faith on Sunday (how fitting), but appears unfazed by the insult. Certainly the third edition could then feature-- gasp-- almost naked dudes? Naw, we'll probably have to wait another hundred years for something of that magnitude...

More photos here, while the full story is here, via AZ Family.

Sloppy Seconds: Hitchhiker Sex

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 30 May 2008 21:20:00 GMT

With the economy the way it is, we're more tempted than ever to marry into royalty. Thankfully, there's this: the 20 Hottest Young Royals. [Forbes/CNN]

The State of Texas has decided it cannot legally protect teenage girls in Mormon sects from rape and will probably return them to their gated hell. [Washington Post]

She Who Must Not Be Named is unfit to stand trial. Or whatever it is she's in court for these days.

Voters trust John McCain more than Barack Obama on most of the issues, except for the ones, we're blindly assuming, about a woman's right too choose, a man's right to become President and wage nuclear war for the hell of it, and just about anything else important. In unrelated political news and sure to be Monday's Daily Show top story, Sirhan Sirhan unsurprisingly endorsed Hillary Clinton for President.

We strongly support picking up hitchhikers, usually because it's Nerve bloggers trying to beat the high gas prices, although after this story, in which a man picks up a hitchhiker, then calls the police and a mental institution to find out if his passenger is an escaped inmate or a wanted felon, then has sex with her in a hotel room, after which she refers to herself as an "angel" (the Biblical kind, not the great lay kind), is cause for concern and our favorite story of the day.

Videos of the Day: Bill Maher Attacks The Pope & The Response

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 18:41:00 GMT

Next to 30 Rock and with the end of The Wire, Real Time with Bill Maher is the funniest and best show on television. But, until this week, few people knew of its existence (Friday nights on HBO)... now, as we've seen several times over the years (note the above Steve Irwin costume), Maher's ratings are jumping due to a controversial moment...

Is he right? We agree with most of the first video, although in his response, Maher says that if the Pope was the CEO of a Daycare Center chain that was found to be corrupt, he would go to jail. We seriously doubt a CEO would ever go to jail because his employees were convicted of crimes. Hell, it's never stopped the Republican Party...

Previously: Next To That Whole Hitler Youth Thing, Pope's Passover Diss No Big Deal

Sloppy Seconds: Desperate Housewives

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 21:23:00 GMT

Some readers were bothered by our dig at Absolut Vodka over its pre-20th century mindset. Just a reminder: we're always right.

The Second Amendment Debate, Made Irrelevant: A man has been arrested for standing in the middle of the street and threatening motorists with death by bow and arrow. Cool!

Finally, the truth: Since Thursday's raid on Warren Jeff's polygamist sect in Texas, which housed hundreds of brainwashed females and the brain-damaged males overseeing them, commentators have speculated as to what served as the final piece of evidence that enabled the Feds to move in. At an earlier news conference, the prosecutor in the case testified that investigators had been waiting for someone to come forward.

Well, that someone turned out to be a 16 year old girl, pregnant for the second time in a year, according to CNN. The anonymous tipster, who had contacted Family Services in Texas, was married to a man was more than three times her age, beat her, and had six other wives..

Now, her parents were talking about sending her younger sister, 15, to the ranch as well.

In her calls, the girl said she had looked for ways to escape. But she was told that outside the compound's gates lies an evil world in which she would be forced to cut her hair, wear makeup and have sex with many men. She thought about faking an illness, but under that plan she couldn't bring her baby along, the affidavit stated.
She said her husband would "beat and hurt" her when he got angry, hitting her in the chest and choking her while other wives held her baby. Once, he broke her ribs, she said.

Pardon the unfortunate transition, but... speaking of "Desperate Housewives": the show's creator confirms Nicolette Sheridan, the woman also unfortunately known as Michael Bolton's squeeze, is leaving at the end of the season.

Government workers charged millions of dollars for wild orgies (i.e. "fancy dinners"-- but we're not fooled), lingerie, iPods, and internet dating subscriptions (it better have been Nerve!) to company-issued credit cards. So what? They're probably all in the CIA and that stuff is part of the job anyway.

And lastly, the greatest living woman in America is single again. We almost feel bad for celebrating.

Previously: Sloppy Seconds: Father-Daughter Love Child

BYU Sticking to its Moral Guns

Emily Farris — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 16:01:00 GMT

You've gotta love Brigham Young University for sticking to its Mormon moral guns. In an article in BYU's NewsNet today promoting their International Relations major, they managed to squeeze in this tidbit from the "CIA, FBI and National Security":

The CIA, FBI and National Security like to recruit from BYU because of its honor code and the lifestyle of most of its students, according to Kinjo. They said that if a person drinks, does drugs, has explicit sex or gambles, it can put them in a compromising position. Generally, BYU students don't get involved with those things.

[BYU NewsNet: International Relations Open for Study]

Pretty Soon We'll All Have Boy AND Girl Parts

Emily Farris — Tue, 11 Dec 2007 14:57:00 GMT

Okay, probably not so soon, but according to Wired, ~~Mormons~~ humans are evolving faster than ever.

In the study, researchers analzyed [sic] genomes from 270 people belonging to four disparate ethnic groups: Han Chinese, Africa's Yoruba tribe, Japanese and Utah Mormons. By comparing areas of difference and similarity, they determined that about seven percent of the genome has undergone significant change since the end of the last Ice Age...

"Evolution is a double-edged sword," he said. "What evolution cares about is that I have more offspring. If you can do it by charming and manipulating, and I'm a hardworking farmer that's going to feed the kids ten years down the road, then you're going to win. Hit-and-run, irresponsible males are reproducing more. That isn't good for anyone except those males, but that's evolution."

What we gather this means for us ("us" being humankind, not "us" as in Scanner Bryan and Scanner Emily) is that all the babies we accidentally make will quickly evolve to endure the world that we will have destroyed with Global Warming. Or maybe we can start making human-robot hybrid babies. That would be cool.

[Via Wired]

Scanner : mormons

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Because It's Never Too Early to Start Thinking About Slutty Halloween Costumes

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Today In WTF: 1970s Kidnapper, Still On The Lam, Turns Up With Cloned Dogs?

Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make Me An Online Match

Male Mormon Missionaries Go Topless For The Hell Of It

Sloppy Seconds: Hitchhiker Sex

Videos of the Day: Bill Maher Attacks The Pope & The Response

Sloppy Seconds: Desperate Housewives

BYU Sticking to its Moral Guns

Pretty Soon We'll All Have Boy AND Girl Parts