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Shia LaBeouf's Oedipus Complex

Emily Farris — Tue, 05 May 2009 17:49:00 GMT

We're all for boys respecting their mothers and even for thinking that Mama is the most beautiful woman on the planet. But Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull star Shia LaBeouf might have just crossed the creepy line when talking to Playboy.

When asked by the magazine who he thought was the sexiest person he knew, he said it was his mother. But LaBeouf didn't stop there.

“Probably the sexiest woman I know is my mother. She’s an ethereal angel. Nobody looks like that woman. If I could meet my mother and marry her, I would. I would be with my mother now, if she weren’t my mother, as sick as that sounds.”

It does sound sick, Shia. But, on the bright side, this is probably good news for fangirls who look a little like Mama LaBeouf.

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[Via The Inqisitr]

Pregnant Woman, Tackled And Arrested While In Labor, To Get Her Day In Court

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 14:43:00 GMT

Back in May, 2005, a 24-year-old woman in Jacksonville, Florida was arrested in a hospital emergency room after running red lights and refusing to wait while an officer ticketed her. The police tackled her to the ground and cuffed her, which is what they are trained to do.

Except there's a catch: Melanie Williams was in labor and bleeding, partly as a result of having been seven-and-a-half-months pregnant. Thankfully, she was later released and gave birth to a reportedly healthy boy.

We have to admit to not being in the least surprised to learn that Melanie Williams is black. Could that have been a factor in the decisions made by police? However, we'd also like to point out, had Williams just called 911 from her house and waited for an ambulance, this might never have happened-- although, we must add, we have to wonder whether she was afraid about the cost of the ambulance versus driving herself. Universal healthcare, anyone?

Obviously, she is now suing the shit out of everyone-- and it's hard to imagine a jury not feeling sympathetic to the plight of a woman in labor screaming about being pregnant and bleeding while being handcuffed on a hospital floor. The cops fear a jury trial, as well-- until yesterday, they were fighting a lower court ruling that ordered them to face a civil suit. The two deputies claimed to have "immunity," which the appeals court judge scoffed at.

(One more irrelevant tidbit: the day Melanie Williams gave birth was Mother's Day.)

[Earlier version corrected for clarity.]

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Boy Suspended From School For Having Sex... Guess What Happened to His Partner?

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 14:44:00 GMT

Sexism strikes both sexes in American culture. Note the example shown above...

...and this story, which features a thirteen-year-old boy who learned that it's often considered solely the male person's fault if a man and a woman are caught doing something "sexually inappropriate" out in the real world.

First of all, we have to point out that we now have thirteen-year-olds having sex in school stairwells. Who got any action, let alone after hours, before they were in high school? What's next? Preschoolers having swingers parties during nap time?

Walter Ransome, who becomes one of the first-ever thirteen-year-old boys to be named in the news media for having sex, was busted by a teacher for having sex with a young lady in his Philly-area stairwell. His mother, of course, was livid-- but more upset over her son's punishment compared to his paramour's:

Walter got kicked out of school for the incident. The girl stayed in school. Now, Goss is demanding to know why.
"I'm not going against the school board whatsoever. Punish these children the way they are supposed to be punished, but don't just punish one and not the other when they both were involved. That's not fair," she said. [Philadelphia Daily News]

Damn straight-- why would the boy, who is black, get a ten-day suspension from junior high school while his classmate (ethnicity unknown) returns to her studies as if nothing ever happened?

Has anyone else out there noticed a double standard when it comes to punishing a young male ~~sex fiend~~ busted for doing something sexual with a female of similar age?

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Teens Identified In Robbery After Mom Walks By

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 14:02:00 GMT

Here's your dumb criminals of the month: not only were they caught preparing for the robbery, chased out of the targeted store by a woman with a flyswatter, but after being tackled by a random security guard who was on to them before they even put on their "masks," one of them realized his Mom was one of the gawking bystanders.

The weirdness continues below...

1) Herman Sakaria, a local security guard, was heading toward his car when he noticed two sixteen-year-old males covering over their license plate. Sensing something was up, he lurked in the shadows and watched as the youths put plastic bags over their faces (!) and pulled out steak knives.

2) The youths ran into a store and demanded cash. For some reason, Stuff.co.nz's version of the story insists upon describing the store's proprietors as a "a Korean man and woman" (while, at the same time, ignoring the ethnicities of the culprits and their captor, depicted above in a censored photo taken by an onlooker.)

3) The shopkeepers chased the kids out without using a weapon, apparently, although the woman did beat one of the kids with... a flyswatter. Meanwhile, Sakaria was waiting for the robbers and tackled them as they left the premises.

4) Sakaria held the boys down until police arrived (in America, the story would've gone: "he eventually was forced to release the boys after twenty minutes because the police hadn't respond to the 9-1-1 call, assuming someone had dialed it at all.") While one of the boys was moaning and groaning under the guard's knee, he looked up and noticed a woman walking by. "Oh shit," he said, "There's my mum."

5) The boys could received up to 14 years in prison apiece.

Coda) The bizarrely-written story concludes:

"Police say the incident is a reminder for Rodney residents to batten down the hatches during the Christmas and holiday period to divert potential robberies and burglaries."

A reminder based on what? This incident, which closer to theater than crime, is a reminder that someone might burglarize our apartments? Whatever you say, coppers...

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Real or Fake? Nude Photos of Obama's Mother

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 13:08:00 GMT

We're serious-- these could actually be real, although one blogger has an interesting theory that would cancel out that possibility.

Of course, the real question is: why are we seeing these photos now, less than two weeks till Election Day? Could this be some sort of ruse by the Right, now that the Ayers-Socialism-Muslim smear campaign has obviously failed? We found this on a radical right-wing website that claims Islamofascists and left-wingers are one and the same:

It's amazing what there is on the internet. A geneological researcher has emailed me with three pictures of Obama's mother in the nude. That would be of trivial interest except for the setting in which the picures were taken. They were clearly taken in a sophisticated mid-century apartment and my correspondent suggests that the apartment details could be used to identify the photographer. He feels that the photographer is the Communist "Frank" whom Obama mentions as his mentor. That Frank was so intimate with Obama's mother would support the contention that Frank was in fact Obama's father. Various bloggers have pointed out how similar Obama looks to "Frank" and the coverup of Obama's birth certificate is certainly very suspicious...

Yep, these people will say anything to drag Obama through the mud (since they can't win on things like issues, facts, and reality)... and apparently they'll take as fact what "a geneological [sic] researcher" e-mailed them. Groovy.

One Google blogger ("Anna") disagrees:

Sorry, I just don't see it. For one thing Obama's mother always wore her hair long and the woman in the photos had short hair. I think
they are barking up the wrong tree here which is so sad because there are so so many right trees that they have available to them.

Ah... yeah... there's so much else they can hit Obama on... such as... uh... that he once shook hands with a guy at a rally who did time for unpaid parking tickets. Terrorist!

Anyway, back to the photos... here's one. Compare it to the one at the top left and decide for yourself...

Her face kinda looks photoshopped here, so we're going to call bullshit where no one else is. That's a shame, too, because someone needs to call these despicable right-wingers out on this continued nonsense-- guys and dolls, if you have to resort to disgracing somebody's mother in order to win an election, it's time to admit you may been on the wrong side of the aisle...

Here and here are the other pictures. We don't have the heart to post them.

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Mom Sent 12,000+ Texts To Her Daughter's Ex-Boyfriend... Then Tried To Blackmail Him

World's Greatest Mom Defends Daughter's Honor... Shotgun Style

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 16:29:00 GMT

How is today's Mom of the Year candidate trying to steal the spotlight for our previous contender (last week's nominee was a woman who texted her daughter's thirteen-year-old ex-boyfriend more than 12,000 times and threatened to blackmail him)? We'll give you a hint-- it involves firing her shotgun in a way that would make Sarah Palin proud: out of her soccer mom minivan's window...

Let's look at this woman's crimes...

1) Driving with her three teenage children in the car, Anthonia Montairo Catoire-Miller, 33, passed her daughter's ex-boyfriend, who was standing nearby, loudly laughing about he'd dumped the stupid, stupid girl. (Okay, we made that up. Seriously, he wasn't doing a damn thing to antagonize her except exisiting.)

2) Catoire-Miller turned around and did a Boyz In The Hood-style driveby with her .410 shotgun out the driver's side window, firing one blast at the boy. Luckily, she can't hit shit from fifteen feet and no one was injured.

3) Mom casually drove to a nearby house and left the car there, although it wasn't her place. She and her children walked to her house, where police arrested her...

4) ...but not without a widely-reported struggle. It ended when Catorie-Miller kicked out at least one police car window (some sources say it was two windows) before being tasered. Damn-- what do you think this woman's defense will be? Too much corn syrup? She's done for a long, long time for this one...

Via WWL.

Note: Above photo is a representation of some other woman, not the woman featured in this story.

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Mom Sent 12,000+ Texts To Her Daughter's Ex-Boyfriend... Then Tried To Blackmail Him

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 15:45:00 GMT

Yes, we pretty much summed this one up in the headline... but you know there are thousands of these a day and if we're printing it, you know there's a lot of devil in these details...

An unnamed Illinois woman is being investigated for harassment, child pornography, and blackmail after her daughter's ex-boyfriend's family contacted the police. Wait till you a) find out what the unnamed woman does for a living and b) how old these kids are...

1) Police seized computers and cell phones from the woman's Elgin, Illinois home and her place of business. (We'll get to that momentarily.)

2) Police claim the woman sent approximately 12,302 text messages-- wait, how did they count them all?!-- just in the first seven months of the year to her daughter's ex-boyfriend. The boy's family waited all the way until August before contacting the cops. W... T... F?

3) When the harassment didn't work, the woman and her son, defending his sister's honor, threatened to release nude photos of they boy on the internet if he didn't see the dumpee "twice a week."

4) The strong-willed ex-boyfriend's age? A whopping thirteen-years-old. It takes some serious self-determination to not cave to that kind of harassment and blackmail, especially since it took so long to go to the police. (Either this girl was insane herself or this guy is our new personal breakup hero for his determination.)

5) Here's the best part. As the Chicago Tribune article reveals at its conclusion:

On Sept. 23, the woman left a message warning the boy she would "send the pictures and video of him to his teacher and minister to show them he is not a nice person," the search warrant stated.

Oh, and this mother's job at the school? She's a teacher.

God, we love Chicago.

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Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson Would Like You to Know What They Think of Sarah Palin

Emily Farris — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 16:48:00 GMT

Are Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson the next Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins?

Last week, the couple made sure we took a few minutes to recognize the seventh anniversary of September 11, and yesterday, Lilo and Sam posted a joint MySpace blog post ranting on the GOP veep nominee, Sarah Palin.

Full text after the jump...

UH OH!
Current mood: shocked

I really cannot bite my tongue anymore when it comes to Sarah Palin.

I couldn't be more supportive of a woman in office, but let's face it, it comes down to the person, and their beliefs, male or female.

Is it a sin to be gay? Should it be a sin to be straight? Or to use birth control? Or to have sex before marriage? Or even to have a child out of wedlock?

I find it quite interesting that a woman who now is running to be second in command of the United States, only 4 years ago had aspirations to be a television anchor. Which is probably all she is qualified to be... Also interesting that she got her passport in 2006.. And that she is not fond of environmental protection considering she's FOR drilling for oil in some of our protected land.... Well hey, if she wants to drill for oil, she should DO IT IN HER OWN backyard. This really shows me her complete lack of real preparation to become the second most powerful person in this country.

Hmmmm-All of this gets me going-Fear, Anxiety, Concern, Disappointment, and Stress come into play...

Is our country so divided that the Republicans best hope is a narrow minded, media obsessed homophobe?

I know that the most important thing about this election is that people need to exercise their right to vote, regardless of their choice... I would have liked to have remained impartial, however I am afraid that the "lipstick on a pig" comments will overshadow the issues and the fact that I believe Barack Obama is the best choice, in this election, for president...

Palin's Desire to "save and convert the gays"-really??

According to this Associated Press story, the church of Alaska Governor Sarah Palin is hosting a kind of conference devoted to the "conversion of Gays" -- no kidding.

Here's the AP text:

ANCHORAGE, Alaska (AP) ? Gov. Sarah Palin's church is promoting a conference that promises to convert gays into heterosexuals through the power of prayer.

You'll be encouraged by the power of God's love and His desire to transform the lives of those impacted by homosexuality," according to the insert in the bulletin of the Wasilla Bible Church, where Palin has prayed since she was a child.

Palin's conservative Christian views have energized that part of the GOP electorate, which was lukewarm to John McCain's candidacy before he named her as his vice presidential choice. She is staunchly anti-abortion, opposing exceptions for rape and incest, and opposes gay marriage and spousal rights for gay couples.

http://zennie2005.blogspot.com/2008/09/sarah-palins-church-hosts-anti-gay.html

I feel it's necessary for me to clarify that I am not against Sarah Palin as a mother or woman.

Women have come a long way in the fight to have the choice over what we do with our bodies... And its frightening to see that a woman in 2008 would negate all of that.

Oh, and...Hint Hint Pali Pal- Don't pose for anymore tabloid covers, you're not a celebrity, you're running for office to represent our, your, my COUNTRY!

And in the words of Pamela Anderson, "She can suck it"..

--

Lindsay- "I have faith that this country will be all that it can be with the proper guidance. I really hope that all of you make your decisions based on the facts and what feels right to you in your heart-vote for obama!"

Samantha- "I love this country- however i wasn't born here and don't have the right to vote- so i beg of you all to really do your research and be educated when you cast your vote this coming november.... and if you're in doubt- vote for obama! Mainly because if she gets elected my green card probably won't get renewed!!!"

xoxo
Lindsay and Samantha

So far, the post has generated more than 1,000 comments. And we never thought we'd say this, but we couldn't agree more with LiLo.

[MySpace via Faded Youth]

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Babies at Babeland: Wrong for So Many Reasons

Nicole Pasulka — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 20:17:00 GMT

Babeland, for those not familiar with bi-costal, female friendly sex shops, is a bi-costal, female friendly sex shop we must give its proper respect (pictured is their Lower East Side store). You can pick up a very effective and reasonably priced Archer Wand and no one will perv on you at the check out.

But Babeland may have taken tolerance and warm fuzzies too far with the opening of their new "baby friendly" Park Slope, Brooklyn store. Park Slope, for those not familiar, is often accused of being run by a stroller mafia, and the new Babeland is hell bent on cornering the sex toys for sexy mamas market. According to the owner Claire Cavanah “Strollers will be welcome in the store and we are putting a changing table in the bathroom in case the little one needs a diaper change while you're shopping."

Maybe we’re in denial, but when shopping for lube and Ben Wah Balls the last thing we want to do is be reminded that sex=babies as we trip over a stroller. But perhaps it's just a genius plot to sell moreo Kimono microthins.