Scanner : naked bodies

What's It Like Having Strangers Eat Off Your Naked Body?

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 19:10:00 GMT

Melanie Berliet, a former Wall Street stock trader, wrote a piece for this month's Vanity Fair about her one-off role as a naked sushi model.

Strangely, she doesn't worry about rank fish, groping hands, or ending up in some bizarre Requiem For A Dream party scene outtake; rather, her worry has to do with a part of her body most men never notice. (Hint: ladies, men don't care about your shoes.)

From Melanie's own mouth, following her experience on the New York naked sushi circuit:

I glanced at my feet and saw that I needed a pedicure. Badly. People were about to be eating off me and I hadn’t done them the courtesy of getting my toes done.

With a series of frenzied hand motions, she directed me to strip, tape the shells to my nipples, then secure the thong to my sides and butt. There was no time to be bashful, and I quickly grasped that my body was not my own for the next few hours. It was a commodity I’d loaned to Koko. I wondered if this was how strippers feel. Detached. Robotic. At work.

Yep. That's pretty much how strippers feel... except you forgot the occasional bonus feeling: "sticky."

The next moments proved to be intensely erotic, oddly enough, as Koko flittted daintily around the table, decorating me with scarves, bright pink flowers, and the fans that would serve as trays for the sushi, sashimi, and shumai. Never before had I felt like a piece of art.
As the men got drunker, their timidity vanished. Chopsticks flashed above me as they navigated the buffet, taking their dinner from my curves and crevices. Through it all, Koko sped gracefully in and out of the room to replace the small trays of fish.

For an hour and a half I laid there, while the men surrounding me drank and ate and stared, and sometimes poked at my bare body.

90 minutes? To eat sushi? Man, these guys are really lame... at least they gave her $150 in tips so, as she puts it, she can get the extra therapy she will most certainly need...

Read her full story here. Image and story via Vanity Fair.

Related:

10-Year-Old Boy Is the Lone Protester of Nude Sunbathing

Who Would You Rather? Rachelle Leah vs. Stacey Dash Playboy...

Thing #7,859 Not To F*ck: A Metal Rod

Kanye West's Naked Party Might Have Been About a New Album...

Groupie Shocked To Find Out Pop Music Douche Used Her For Her Body

The Whole World Would Get Naked In The Rain For Spencer Tunick

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 17:08:00 GMT

American artist Spencer Tunick, known for his photos of mass amounts of nude people in public places, has always had trouble with the law in his homeland. So for the past several years, he's been making glorious photos abroad... glorious, glorious photos...

The above photo is from a June shoot in Dublin Bay, Ireland. We've been unable to find sufficient photos direct from Spencer's camera; we're showing the AP photo so you don't have to miss out. The below is from his record-breaking photo shoot in Barcelona last year:

For the above photo, Tunick had his models arrive at a closed-off boulevard before sun-up, hoping to avoid traffic accidents and too much gawking from the locals. It worked-- in spite of frigid temperatures, over seven thousand people participated, besting the previous record of 4,500 by an Australian photographer.

The above photos are from his 18,000 person shoot in Mexico City, via, in May of last year.

Now, Tunick is about to launch a major new show in London (check out his website and its excellent opening photo for more.) The exhibit, which opens September 5th, is entitled "Adventures in Architecture," and may shed some light on what Tunick's aim is... besides to get as many people naked as possible, of course:

Spencer Tunick
Explorations in Architecture

5 Sept - 4 Oct 2008

Hales Gallery have been working with New York based artist Spencer Tunick for the last 10 years.

His large-scale participatory performances involving thousands of naked bodies are well known around the world. His work combines sculpture, performance and land art that consistently features skillfully posed nudes juxtaposed in urban and natural environments.

This show at Hales Gallery focuses on his works which operate against the backdrop of architectural forms, integrating the massed soft forms with the harder angular elements of the various buildings he chooses to appropriate.

Weddings From Hell: A Photo Essay

Eva Mendes: Too Hot For TV, Way Too Hot For Work

Sloppy Seconds: Ron Wood's Mistress In The Buff

Nude Bicyclists Protest... Global Warming?

This Week in Gayness: E-Harmony Doesn't Want You

What Do We Think of Naked Vlogging?

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 18:30:00 GMT

Apparently, there's something called the "nude-o-loution" going on that no one told us about and we didn't even want to know...

Now, the issue is going to be in our faces for the next several weeks and we'll be forced to confront our most sacred beliefs while our foundations are rocked to the core. (We were going for a whole "Weinstein Company movie trailer" joke there, but it probably didn't work.) Anyway, from the Metro newspaper:

Begun last week by a user known as Chris3ff, the Naked Vlog campaign has seen dozens of site contributors ditch their clothes and discuss everything from their trip to the dentist to the US presidential election.
The basic premise of the campaign – or the 'nude-o-lution' as some are billing it – is that you lose the clothes and film yourself giving a video blog which is then posted to the site.

YouTube is featuring the original announcement on its front page and more than 100 people have joined the cause. But what exactly are they trying to accomplish? And do we find them incredibly annoying or charming and free-spirited?

Photo and links via Metro.

Sloppy Seconds: "I Need Sex"

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 21:00:00 GMT

A Baltimore teacher was attacked by her student as a classroom full of "Lean On Me" extra wannabes cheered the student on, while another student filmed the assualt on a cell phone. Apparently, the teacher missed Season 4 of "The Wire," with its explicit lesson: "Never move to Baltimore." (See the YouTube video here.)

Hugh Hefner's "The Girls Next Door" makes us believe in Heaven. Check out this totally awesome gif.

A wacky attention-starved Swedish professor thinks wearing a bra can cause saggy boobs. Wait-- he's advocating going braless? Oh, then he's a genius, no question.

Apparently people will get naked for no reason at all these days: somebody in Vienna is going to fill a football field full of 2,008 naked people. Really, you can get away with anything if you mumble long enough about "art" and "having a girlfriend, so I'm not going to look."

And woman on Facebook claims her group "I need sex" got her laid by 50 men. Only fifty men? With a name like that, you'd have to be uglier than Ashlee Simpson (the newly engaged Ashlee Simpson, by the way) not to get double that.

Thanks Tiffany and Paddy for the links!

Sloppy Seconds: Heath Ledger's Birthday

Emily Farris — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 21:19:00 GMT

This piece of art is almost entirely composed of naked bodies. Look closely.

Billionaire/ media mogul/ environmentalist Ted Turner is worried that if global warming continues at its current rate, we'll either be dead or cannibals in 30 to 40 years.

We just wanted to remind you that John McCain voted against the creation of MLK Day. Politically motivated message complete, we now direct you to a serious, moving tribute to the man who was shot down in Memphis forty years ago today.

Annnnd back to trivial matters. Warning: next week we'll be posting exclusively in the beard typeface. Do not adjust your monitors.

And actor Heath Ledger would have turned 29 today.

-Scanner Brian for the broken Scanner Emily

The Condom: Just One Of The 10 Weirdest Restaurants

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 19:24:00 GMT

Have you had lunch yet?

The above photo is courtesy of Wacky Archives, which today ran down the Top 10 Weirdest Restaurants in the world. Cabbages and Condoms, a joint in Thailand, of course, is probably not going to be expanding into the US territories any time soon.

Apparently, contraceptive awareness is one of the main issues at the restaurant. Everything is condom themes: condom-clad mannequins, a collection of condoms from around the world, and various posters advocating family planning. Bon appetite? I already lost mine! [Wacky Archives]

The others are arguably even more stomach-churning:

And, merely for the sake of Nerve and our insatiable thirst to feature a half-naked woman in every post:

The restaurant where you can have a boxing match with the staff over your meal and the restaurant that requires night vision goggles to see your way around in, plus many more oddities, here.

Hot Or Not: Jamie Lee Curtis: The Results

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 19:30:00 GMT

The responses ranged from "I'd do HER mother" to "JLC is embarrassing herself" and even "hottest hermaphrodite ever." After all the bickering and politically correct insults, we have the answer to this very important question.

It seems to us that if a woman is so hot that a commentor would vow to do the woman's dead mother, I think we have a clear majority on the question of whether or not said woman is hot. Among the highlights:

She's gorgeous. Still. Look at the life in her eyes! I don't think she's embarrassing herself at all. By insisting on foregoing the usual Photoshop treatment, and wearing no makeup, etc. she's showing off the fact that you can have the more imperfect body of a 50-year-old and still be hot. I'd do her. Absolutely. - naneaux

Others disagreed:

I'll be the honest politically-incorrect one. Let's be honest here. Youth=beauty and that is that. When one gets older one needs to find OTHER things to live for. - newconmetalhead

Others agreed and disagred:

I'm a guy, and we're ALL pigs. So, would I do her? Hell yeah. Would she make even my top 5000? Not a chance. - Cjet

Result:

We'd do her. Although maybe not without the Photoshopping...

And before we get to an appetizing picture to reward you for your participation, we'd like to make a correction and apologize to reader Moz, an employee of AARP: we were fully aware that your organization is no longer refered to by its full name (an attempt to rope in the under-retiree set), but it makes for a much funnier opening line: "Jamie Lee Curtis is celebrating turning fifty by appearing topless on the cover of the American Association of Retired Persons Magazine?!" Dig? Okay, without further ado...

Previously: Hot Or Not: Jamie Lee Curtis

Hot or Not: Jamie Lee Curtis At 50

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 20:00:00 GMT

Jamie Lee Curtis is celebrating her fiftieth birthday by going topless for... the American Association of Retired Persons magazine?!

We thought maybe it was in honor of the upcoming 25th anniversary of her nude scene in Trading Places...

...but no matter: she's possibly even hotter now. In any case, whenever JLC shows some skin, we'll be there, even if it's in a magazine geared to senior citizens and there are no nipples to be seen.

As the wife of mockumentarian Christopher Guest tells the magazine in an interview published today, "If I can challenge the old ideas about aging, I will feel more and more invigorated." Well, the photos of a non-doctored Curtis with her natural hair color are certainly challenging our immature ideas about what fifty-year-old women can inspire in us.

One more thing: ABC News points out that for Curtis's 2002 profile in MORE, the actress posed without the aid of makeup artists, stylists, trick lighting, or agreeing to have her thirty-year-old face Photoshopped in:

The resulting photos showed Curtis as more middle-aged mom than glamour queen — complete with a sagging belly and chunky thighs.

Is it sexy for a woman to show it all, even if all means some features that could be considered turnoffs?

[Top Photo: Associated Press; Middle Photo: MORE Magazine]

Video of the Day: The Onion Movie Trailer!

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 13:00:00 GMT

If the readers of Gawker hate it, it must be funny...

We never realized how many people found the geniuses at the Onion unfunny, but then we realized that nobody impresses Gawker commentors like themselves. We'd be glad to rent this for free from Netflix/Blockbuster/Pirate Bay, although we must admit it looks, sounds, and feels (squishy) pretty damn similar to Kentucky Fried Movie:

Artist Spencer Tunick Could Get a Priest Naked in Church

Nicole Pasulka — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 18:12:00 GMT

You know all the thousands-of-people-having-naked-times-around-the-world photos that pop up every six months or so? Those are the work of artist and one trick pony Spencer Tunick. Art full of naked people is something we can get behind (HA!) and now it's also something we can join in on. Tunick's going to shoot a new artwork at the Ernst-Happel-Stadium, Vienna on May 11th and is looking for people to "be part of this memorable work." Come on! He'll make it worth your while. According to the press release:

The first 2,008 registered participants will receive a free return train ticket (coach) within Austria from the ÖBB. Arrival is possible as of May 10, 2008, departure until Sunday, May 11, 11.59 pm. The affirmation for your return journey will be certified at the Ernst-Happel-Stadium in the scope of the installation.

The chance to be art and a free train ticket within Austria! This is way better than that time we let our college roommate paint our bodies silver in exchange for dinner at Old Country Buffet.

Bloggers Healthier, Happier, Have Large Penises

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 19:45:00 GMT

If the Discovery Channel says it, it must be true.

Blogging can help you feel less isolated, more connected to a community and more satisfied with your friendships, both online and face-to-face, new research has found.

That's via a Swinburne University study that asked 600 MySpace users, some bloggers and some anti-bloggers, how their friendships, general health, and social statuses are doing them.

Bloggers reported a greater sense of belonging to a group of like-minded people and feeling more confident they could rely on others for help.
All respondents, whether or not they blogged, reported feeling less anxious, depressed and stressed after two months of online social networking.

We, too, are feeling less anxious, depressed, and stressed out after losing at Scrabulous, getting asked which type of wife we'll be via Facebook apps, having our tickets to see "Semi-Pro" broadcast in our news feeds, and getting caught cheating by writing on our ex's Fun Wall. Yep, much less stressed.

[Photo: Joe Chahwahn, via "The Naked Blogger..."]

[Link: Blogging's Good For Your Health]

Art Apparently Has Nowhere Else to Go

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 18:00:00 GMT

No, he's not painting with his wanker exposed. He is painting with his wanker.

Your favorite wacko artist from Sydney, Australia, Pricasso, is entering the country's top portrait contest, having been rejected last year for his penis-drawn painting of a surgeon. Why anyone would sit around letting this guy paint them with his schlong is beyond us, and certainly the woman pictured above seems to indicate we aren't missing anything in the way of a "bonus" for wading through this stunt. In fact, she is wearing what we imagine is the perfect expression to describe what we aren't seeing.

Don't miss the quote of the day, either:

"I had to use my bum to paint in the background, because you have to have the occasional break."

Naked Cowboy To Sue Mars

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 16:30:00 GMT

We've always despised the Naked Cowboy guy. There's very little to recommend: he has nothing to do with the culture of New York City, yet he's always there, in Times Square, the worst place in New York City, and that includes Bill O'Reilly's sex dungeon at Fox. Oh yeah, and he's a talentless hack.

Robert Burck, the real name of a man we love to hate, is now suing Mars, makers of the M&M, for $6 mil after the candy manufacturer dressed up an M&M to look like him for a stupid TV commerical. Yawn. We cared a lot more about the two Tom Waits lawsuits, one against Coke, for their infringing on his image and likeness for commercials.

On that note, instead of giving this twerp any more publicity, soak up some Waits on anti-love day... you'll thank us for this clip:

Pamela Anderson to Give Nude Revue in Paris?

Emily Farris — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 16:14:00 GMT

Pamela Anderson is set to perform a special Valentine's Day show at Paris' Crazy Horse Cafe, known for its nude sets. Though it's still unsure whether she'll bare all. We get the feeling everyone will be sorely disappointed and thoroughly relieved when she wears the skimpiest bikini ever and claims to have stayed clad.

[BBC News: Anderson in Paris cabaret show via Fleshbot]

Abercrombie & Fitch Ads: TSFM (Totally Safe for Malls)

Emily Farris — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 15:36:00 GMT

Charges against clothing retailer Abercrombie & Fitch were dropped by Virginia Beach police. Why did Virginia Beach police have charges against the store, you ask? Police were convinced that the ads, at their local Abercrombie, were inappropriate for young children.

Was the police response to the store an overreaction? Yes, according to legal experts. Though local laws can vary, courts require that the image show sexual activity or a "lewd display" of genitals, says Lawrence Walters, an Orlando, Fla., lawyer and First Amendment specialist.

"There is not a chance any jury in America would find the photo obscene under these standards," he said.

Virginia police had referred to City Code Section 22.31, which says it is a crime to display "obscene materials in a business that is open to juveniles," said police spokesman Adam Bernstein.

Had the charges not been dropped, the store's manager could have faced fines and jail time. Lucky for the manager, this just seemed to be a case of over zealous officers.

Walters said police may have misread the standards for obscenity, as is often the case. He also said they improperly seized the posters without a search warrant, which constitutes prior restraint, which is barred by the Constitution.

"In a free country, we don't limit what people can view, watch or read by what is acceptable to minors," said Walters. Protecting children is a "job that belongs to parents."

Kind of reminds us of the pharmacists who refuse to fill birth control prescriptions.

WSYR.com: [Charges against Abercrombie Store Dropped]

Which Co-Star Was Afraid of Jessica Alba's Naked Body Before She Was Pregnant?

Emily Farris — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 20:38:00 GMT

And by afraid, we mean like how people are afraid of God, or afraid of being happy...

According to our big, little-sister Fame Crawler, Hayden Christensen:

Christensen was nervous as a kitten while filming "Awake" with the mom-to be, "I remember that day. I was just so nervous. Really nervous! Running around with a light sabre is really pretend and you know that in the back of your mind, but when you are put in a situation where the scene you are doing becomes so real, it is terrifying!"

[Fame Crawler: Hayden Christensen Scared of Naked Jessica Alba]