Scanner : nc-17

Sloppy Seconds: Elisha Cuthbert Survives Harrowing Hit-And-Run

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 22:36:00 GMT

In Iraq, they have shoe-throwers. In America, egg-tossers.

Jenna Haze was named the porn performer of the year. [NSFW]

Heidi Klum is pregnant with that ba(l)d singer's fourth child.

Elisha Cuthbert survived a hit-and-run driver, thanks to her training for 24. A crazy New York driver (sorry for the double negative) nearly ran her down one recent evening, but she survived by jumping onto the hood. Actually, her story is kind of confusing, mainly because no one seems to know where these out-of-context quotes came from.

The Pay It Forward movement has taken over a couple of Alabama coffee shops.

Maybe it is possible to die of a broken heart: a couple married for over 67 years end up dying just a few hours apart.

Here's proof the right-wingers are completely insane. (We don't have anybody this nutty on our side.)

And Bruno edited itself down to an R-rating. Yay for Unrated DVDs!

Sloppy Seconds: Angelina Jolie Pregnant Again

Smile, or You'll Get Divorced

This Week in Gayness: Sacha Baron Cohen's Gay Sex

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 15:59:00 GMT

Is Republican hypocrite Newt Gingrich practicing "gay fascism?"

The Freedom to Marry bill, which would finally bring same-sex marriage to Vermont, was greenlit by the legislature and will likely pass. However, it faces a veto from the state's Governor.

Newsweek asks: "Is gay the new black?" We ask, "What took you so long, Newsweek?"

eHarmony "comes out of the closet" to announce their new gay matchmaking service, Compatible Partners.

Kanye West asks us to never question his manhood. No, the other manhood, silly.

An Australian Catholic priest has been banished from the church for blessing gay couples.

We mentioned in an earlier post that Bruno has received an NC-17 rating after its initial showing at the MPAA. Here's why:

Ratings officials are reportedly concerned over several sexually explicit scenes, including one where Cohen's character engages in what appears to be anal sex with another man. Confirming the rating, a spokesperson for movie studio Universal adds, "On its first submission the film did not receive an R (less restrictive rating), but it is far too early to say that there is any struggle to get there as the process is only at its inception."

As we already knew, the scientific community pretty much unanimously agrees the "ex-gay" thing is fake:

The American Medical Association stated, "Most of the emotional disturbance experienced by gay men and lesbians around their sexual identity is ... due more to a sense of alienation in an unaccepting environment. For this reason, aversion therapy ... is no longer recommended."

The American Academy of Pediatrics warned, "Therapy directed at specifically changing sexual orientation is contraindicated, since it can provoke guilt and anxiety while having little or no potential for achieving changes in orientation."

This Week in Gayness: Aubrey O'Day May Be Gay

This Week In Gayness: America vs. Fred Phelps

Moran Stirring Up Controversy By Suggesting We Need To Get Rid Of Obama

While You Were Sleeping: Oprah's School's Sex Scandal

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 13:08:00 GMT

Attention, ladies: Gerard Butler's next movie features the actor in a nude scene.

Bruno has been slapped with an NC-17 rating for pervasive sexxx.

Josh Hartnett is in the hospital for stomach pains. Cue gerbil allegations in three, two...

The weirdest (but maybe most interesting) story in ages: the woman who starved her 1-year-old son to death because her cult would not let the boy eat unless he said "Amen" pled guilty in the most unusual plea deal we've ever heard of. Prosecutors claim that the only way they could get her to take the deal was to promise-- and this they had to do in open court-- that, should the child be resurrected (as his mother claims he will one day), the charges are withdrawn. God bless Baltimore, baby.

A boy (age unknown) won a $2.3 million negligence settlement against the physician who botched his circumcision. I wouldn't do it for anything less than moving the decimal point two places to the right.

Oprah Winfrey's famous South African school is seeing its second sex scandal in as many years.

Sarah Palin has to pick a Democrat to fill a state Senate seat in Alaska. So, of course, she has a Republican switch his voter registration, say that there was something "wrong" with it, and take the seat. This is totally excusable politics, except for the fact that they're so sneaky and lie about their reasoning, the Democrats who have to accept this will never do it. Can Governor Palin do anything right?

A bunch of Somali pirates attacked... a decoy ship filled with troops looking for pirates to capture. Nice.

And Holly Madison claims to have insisted on "minimal" Photoshopping at Playboy during her time there.

This Blog Has Been Rated NC-17

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 15:14:00 GMT

See why after the jump.

As Emily noted in yesterday's Sloppy Seconds, some idiots over in the UK (rapidly become the near-police state we have across the pond) think it's wise to give blogs ratings. If so, we'll circulate a petition saying every blog will agree to rate themselves XXX, rendering the internet entirely useless for most people until a law is passed abolishing the ratings.

We've always hated the concept of blog, movie, or even video game ratings (for one thing, way to give away what we're going to see-- "Rated R for strong graphic violence and sexual content" and there hasn't been any of that in the first forty minutes? Well, we know how this is all going to wrap up, see?) However, we were unable to resist One Plus You's attempt to rank blogs in advance.

Here's how Scanner stacked up:

So, wouldn't a religious (wacko's) site railing against pornography, abortion, and women actually enjoying sex be NC-17 as well? Gotta love indiscriminate censorship...

The 50 Sexiest Movies of All-Time: 30-21

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 21:51:00 GMT

Yesterday's list was marred by still-unresolved technical problems, so we're going to make up for it with today's compulsively readable and much sexier rundown.

30. Annie Hall. "You used to think that I was very sexy. When we first started going out, we had sex constantly. We're probably listed in the Guiness Book of World Records. You are extremely sexy." "No, I'm not." There's no question that, by some strange twist, Diane Keaton and Woody Allen were one of the sexiest screen couples of the 70s, in Sleeper, Manhattan, and, without question, Annie Hall. Keaton gets stoned in her undies, Woody is all suave in the tennis sequence, and a tipsy Annie fumbles her way through the most memorable first "date" on film. All this just adds up to nerdtastic hotness. (Click here for a clip.)

29. Henry & June. The first NC-17 film ever released-- and it was well deserved. This early 90s drama, based on The Diaries of Anais Nin, features that annoying French chick from Pulp Fiction getting plowed by (yikes) Fred Ward and actually making it sexy. Uma Thurman struts around a kitchen in a very thin dress. And the two stars sit around writing porn for a $1 a page (hey, with those prices, we can relate here.)

Anne Hathaway Nude In Brokeback Mountain

28. Brokeback Mountain. No explanation necessary, although we'd like to remind you that not only do studmuffins Heath Ledger and Jakey Boy have sex in a tent in the mountains (not a bad way to lose your homosexual virginity), but Anne Hathaway seduces Jake with a big boob flash in the backseat of a car. Oh, and there's Michelle Williams, although she's relegated to the mopey wife stock character, minus the panty-free scene you'd get if Robert Altman had directed.

27. Mississippi Masala. Mira Nair knows how to spice up a bland script: offer Denzel Washington his "sexiest role," as USA Today puts it. "Passion. Tradition. Prejudice. Put it together, and you've got the recipe for a sexy irreverent romance." That about covers it-- thanks, Buy.com. Well, we'd also add that there's a Denzel sex scene in there, for those who care. Click here for a trailer.

26. Desperado. When we saw Desperado in the third row of a big-screen theater as teenagers, we were pretty sure that, for a moment, Salma Hayek was not only the hottest woman since Aphrodite, but the biggest-breasted, as well.

25. Tom Jones. We've written before in our Top 5 Sex Scenes Involving Food that this is one of our favorite sexy movies. Watching Albert Finney and Joyce Redman ravage each other wouldn't be half as sexy as watching them devour course after course at an Olde English pub, hardly ever taking their eyes off each other. It's the funniest and sexiest scene in movies that doesn't involve any actual sex and it's enough to qualify Tom Jones for our little list.

24. My Beautiful Laundrette. Daniel Day-Lewis established himself as the most fearless of film stars to lobbying harder than hell for a role in this film. Why was it a fearless move? It's a low-budget made-for-TV movie about gay guys who run a laundromat and the ethnic struggles and tragic consequences of their lifestyle choices. But the gamble paid off-- Day-Lewis went on to become a huge star within the next four years and director Stephen Frears established himself as a highly-stylized master of the underclasses.

23. Don't Look Now. This 1973 shocker from famed cinematographer-director Nicholas Roeg has only one sexy scene, but many people consider it the best ever. Julia Christie, one of our all-time favorites, and Donald Sutherland are seen dressing... but wait, now they're having sex... and they're dressing again. Pretty soon, we realize we're seeing flashes of the satisfied aftermath of their romp while still enjoying that romp for ourselves. It broke new ground and caused the end of Christie's relationship with Warren Beatty, who was understandably jealous at this sexiness.

22. Belle de Jour, which means "daylight beauty' when translated literally from the French, "is a 1967 French film starring Catherine Deneuve as a woman who decides to spend her days as a prostitute while her husband is at work." The award-winning drama helped usher in the Sexual Revolution and it made Catherine Deneuve an international star-- thanks to her refreshing, unrestrained highly-sexualized yet fragile performance.

21. The Lover. The title would be misleading if this weren't such a sexy movie. Based on Duras' famous novel (yep, another French film), this doesn't disappoint: "The film is noted for several sexually explicit scenes. (Star [Jane] March had five body doubles, while [Tony] Leung had two.) It has also been alleged that one of the sex scenes in the film was unsimulated. This was not immediately denied by the filmmakers for publicity reasons. When the film opened, it gained notoriety for its portrayal of an under-aged protagonist. Jane March turned 18 during the filming of this movie." (That's an unsubstantiated Wikipedia entry, by the way.) Click here for NSFW images from the film.

See previous:

The 50 Sexiest Movies of All Time: 40-31

The 50 Sexiest Movies of All-Time: 50-41

Top 5 Sex Scenes From "Chick Flicks"

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 20:35:00 GMT

5. Cold Mountain. Debatably not hot, thanks to the movie's "soaring, sweeping" saga score, this does have two components that make it automatically worth a look: Nicole Kidman and Jude Law.

4. Coming Home. Debatably not a chick flick, this is nonetheless a great sex scene involving a man in a wheelchair that is not from a David Cronenberg film.

3. Jerry Maguire. You complete me. Unfortunately, this is an incomplete video-- the first word, "Don't," is missing. With that in mind, you should still be able to enjoy...

2. Feast of Love. There about 4,812 sex scenes in this chick flick, some even with Selma Blair, but none of them are as hot as the first five seconds of this one... against the glass in the rain... ah...

1. The Notebook. Wow... should this movie have been rated NC-17 or what? Not that we're complaining...

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We Boiled Mena Suvari's Sex Movie Down To Its Most Watchable Moments

Kate Moss: Unplugged, Uncensored, Uncovered

Top 5 Sex Scenes Involving Food

Top 5 Kate Winslet Sex Scenes

Kevin Smith Makes A Porno... Or So Thought The MPAA

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 14:46:00 GMT

Kevin Smith's new movie is called Jack and Miri Make A Porno. So we were a little surprised that Smith was shocked to learn his film, which features constant jokes about sex and, of course, sex itself was slapped with an NC-17 rating...

The Clerks director then censored two of the movie's sex scenes involving co-stars Jason Mewes and Katie Morgan, but failed to convince the board to lower the rating to an R.
He subsequently launched an appeal against the decision - and on Tuesday the MPAA announced its appeals panel, which is separate from the ratings board, had screened the movie, about two friends who launch an amateur porn studio, and decided to revise the rating to an R.
Smith explains, "We didn't set out to make an Nc-17 film. That's just commercial suicide...
"They felt it was rather sexually graphic. My point is, it was comically graphic. All the sex in the movie with the exception of one scene is very cartoonish, very campy. It wasn't designed to titillate."
And Smith is confident the title alone will filter out audiences who could be offended by the content: "Anybody not inclined to see a movie with `Porno' in the title is not going to see it, so it kind of regulates itself to a degree. And anybody who is going is not going to be surprised by what they see."

The film is set for a Halloween release.

Via IMDB.