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The 10 Best Things About the New Star Trek

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 13 May 2009 18:58:00 GMT

Haven't seen the new Star Trek yet? You are not alone... in the universe! Ha... is joke.

Seriously, this might end up being the first film in ages to actually draw in significant repeat business-- Trekkies are over the moon, film buffs are racing at warp speed to get home and blog, and we've run out of bad puns already. In other words, don't be left out this weekend...

10. This could be the Star Trek film that breaks the Oscar curse. The series is 0 for 10, mainly in sound and effects categories, and has never been nominated in a category bigger than cinematography. But we would not be surprised, given the quality of movies released this year, that Star Trek pics up nods in screenplay, effects, and even acting categories. You heard it here first.

9. Leonard Nimoy's cameo gives the movie great dramatic weight-- unlike 99.9% of all prequel cameos. Most of the time, when you bring back the star of a film's previous series, it results in mockery and cinematic travesty. For example, Sean Connery's return as James Bond nearly ruined the series, even more so than the casting of Timothy Dalton. Thankfully, this Star Trek is more, say, Diamonds Are Forever than Never Say Never Again.

8. It finally launched little known film director J.J. Abrams's career. Abrams, you probably didn't know, has spent years slumming it as the #1 producer of network television.

7. If this guy hates it, it must be good. The self-described Trekkie fails to see what's great about the movie-- it's Star Trek without all the hokey sci-fi goofing around that turned off so many casual viewers.

6. It makes us want to go watch the first four movies again. (Although, of course, nothing can make us want to watch any of the others.) That's the big difference with this and the Star Wars prequels-- it actually belongs in the series canon.

5. Because J.J. chose quality over a gimmick. Bill Shatner has made no bones (no pun intended) about his disdain for the filmmakers. We see his point-- Nimoy gets a huge supporting role, while Shatner doesn't even merit a walk-on. But Abrams & co. were right to leave that rumored cameo unfilmed-- the scene that would kind-of work, initially slated to follow the climax, could easily have stalled the movie's dramatic momentum and might have sent people out of the theater shaking their heads at the inappropriate side-tracking. Abrams made the very wise decision to not risk the movie's tension-- and it was clearly the right decision.

4. Because it will launch the career of a great young actor, Chris Pine. When we first saw trailers for the film, we kept saying, "Man, the new Kirk looks like a poor man's Ryan Reynolds." And saying someone is anything like Ryan Reynolds is a huge insult where we come from. That "annoying-looking pretty boy model," Chris Pine, turns in he year's best breakthrough performance-- are you listening, MTV?

3. All the ladies agree: Zachary Quinto is the thinking woman's sex symbol for the 21st Century. Spock, as Quinto plays him, is transformed into a studly romantic brainiac badass. Who could've predicted that?

2. This weekend, it will likely become the highest-grossing Tyler Perry movie of all time. Yes-- he's in two scenes and since no one knew he was in the film when it first opened, there were whispers all around: "Hot damn-- is that Madea?"

1. It's just that damn entertaining. We watched the film with a mild fan and two people who had very little interest in the movie-- and all enjoyed it tremendously. They agreed with this reviewer that Star Trek jump-starts a series that had been "mined to exhaustion." Best of all, this weekend, it goes up against Angels and Demons, the sequel to The Da Vinci Code, giving you yet another reason to help keep this atop the box office...

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Speed Dating for Nerds in NYC

Emily Farris — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 19:31:00 GMT

We could never get into the idea of regular old speed dating. It always seemed sort-of... desperate. Smiths speed dating, however, we could totally get behind. And if we still lived in New York we would absolutely attend Nerd Nite Speed Dating on April 24.

Back by popular demand! Galapagos Art Space is proud to host its second Nerd Nite speed dating. 25 gals. 25 fellas. 3 minute chats. Anyone is welcome, though we hope you have some nerdy tendencies.

Admission for speed dating also includes admission to the regular Nerd Nite program which will follow the dating festivities.

In this spring edition of Nerd Nite you'll hear Margaret MacDonald from the National Gallery of Art in DC talking about oil paint pigment (yes, it's sciencey AND artsy), Marielle Drosera blossoming on about wildflowers, and since this is the time of year when birds, bees, and just about everything else is doing it, Marianne Demarco will discuss the history of sexual manuals and their authorship. Now they can learn to do it better. Hot!

Get yer tix here, ladies. Gentlemen, it appears you need to buy your tickets elsewhere.

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Don't Miss the Awesomeness on Late Night's Goodbye Week (VIDEOS)

Colleen Kane — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 16:56:00 GMT

Hard to believe, but after 16 years on the air, this is the last week for Late Night With Conan O' Brien, one of my all-time favorite shows. As Late Night draws to its close, Conan's been inviting back some favorite guests and friends of the show (like Martha Stewart, who brought along Taco Bell and 40s), and running hilarious greatest hits and montages along with some new sketches. They're all on the Conan website, but here are some especially good ones: Conan shooting guns and drinking whiskey in upstate New York with Hunter S. Thompson (which was the only way he would agree to be on the show), Triumph the Insult Comic Dog taking on Star Wars nerds, and bidding adieu to The Masturbating Bear (with a Star Wars theme and guest star).

Hunter Thompson:

Triumph vs Star Wars Nerds:

Masturbating Bear Bye Bye:

*sniff*

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Introducing Every Rush Nerd's Dream Bride

Colleen Kane — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 20:21:00 GMT

Just try talking to a Rush fan without getting an earful about their drummer Neil Peart. Just try! Rush fans love him so much they want to marry him. Well, now they can! Kind of. Not really.

What follows is a video of a young lady rocking the drums to the Rush instrumental "YYZ." And she's a cute little Asian girl, to boot. But she is only 13, which makes her a good quarter century younger than the average Rush fan. Maybe it would be better to suggest her as a role model for your daughters.

You are welcome. You can thank me by cutting off any remaining mullets you are still hanging on to out there.

Signed, the younger sister of a drumming Rush fanatic and sister-in-law of another Rush superfan (both formerly mulleted).

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Via BoingBoing

Wil Wheaton's Greatest Hits

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 20:54:00 GMT

Wil Wheaton says, "Don't be a dick!"

Wil Wheaton is in exile. Since going into "exile" on Typepad, he's been blogging his ass off, keeping internet nerds and other trolls relentlessly entertained. God bless him-- he's a charming ol' bastard (yes, child stars do grow up and become "middle aged." Witness the recent, hideous NKOTB reunion tour.) Running through his latest and greatest posts, we've presented a "Wil Wheaton Reader" of sorts:

-"It's funny you should ask," I said. "That's an illusion. You're actually fighting a level 18 Squidzilla."

-From a video he shared on fish deboning: "The wonder boner! My wife would like that."

-Regarding his new audiobook: "How long is it?" You say? "That's what she said!" I reply.

-Regarding the death of Majel Roddenbery, the wife of the creator of Star Trek: Since we got the news yesterday, a lot of people have asked me if I can tell a story as a way to remember her. I've dug around in the attic of my mind for hours, and the best I can do is: We always had fun when we were working on Next Generation, but when Majel was on the set, it was a party.

-On the possible Screen Actors Guild Strike: For the SAG board to even consider voluntarily stopping work when we're falling deeper and deeper into the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression isn't just stupid, it's recklessly irresponsible. SAG needs to face the reality we're stuck with: AFTRA sold us out. AFTRA fucked all actors everywhere by negotiating with the AMPTP on their own and agreeing to shockingly horrible terms. The AFTRA negotiators failed all actors, whether they're currently SAG, currently AFTRA, or are still hoping to join. Those "negotiators" should be ashamed of themselves, and they shouldn't be allowed in the same building as a contract ever again.

-Here's another one we agree with wholeheartedly: When I get stuck on anything, I go for a walk. When I get really stuck, I go for a drive, and then take a walk when I get to wherever I end up. I may not come home with lots of ideas, but I always come home with at least one. I also never know when something's going to strike me, which is why I always carry a little notebook and pen in my pocket when I leave the house. [pause] Man, I want to write a Cthulhu story now.

-"The thing is, my kids aren't especially interested in a serious Battletech fight ("When do we get to fight each other?" "Just as soon as we finish building our Mechs." "But we've been doing that for an hour!" "I know! We have to make sure they're just right ..."), and my wife glazes over every time I try to explain how awesome Illuminati is. ("AHAHAHAA! The FBI took over the Convenience Stores with help from Congressional Wives and Nuclear Power Companies! Hey, where are you going? Well, if you walk away from the table I'm just going to take your money and put it on my power structure. Why do you have your car keys? Honey? Hello?")"

-"You're a clever one, you are." "Not as clever as you think!" The dog said.

-"I do this silly thing on Twitter where I make up conversations with iTunes."

-And finally, regarding Comicons: "We can invade a hotel for a weekend, pretend it's like the cereal convention in Sandman, and recover enough hit points to survive our real lives until the next one."

Ah, real life-- who needs it with these blog posts? By the way, if you like the WWdN: Greatest Hits Collection, you should know that this is only a compendium of the best of December. Check the archives for more goodies...

Via Wil Wheaton's blog.

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The Halo Wedding: More Pathetic Than the Second Life Divorce?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 22:31:00 GMT

These two appear harmless, right?

Nope. They are having a violent video game wedding, goddamn it....

SickInDeHead and Psycho Vandal, known as Desirai Labrada, 29, and John Henry, 26 on their birth certificates and to their two remaining life-form friends, are getting married after three years of, um, dating. Turns out they met online... while playing Halo. MTV has the scoop on these Florida kooks:

They played "Halo" as teammates. As they were falling in love, they tended to back each other up a lot, watching each other's back as lasers and grenades fell around them. And in an act of sacrifice only possible during a blossoming romance, Desirai agreed to take Dramamine so she could last through three-hour binges of campaign mode on "Halo 3" with John without getting motion sickness.

Awww shitballs. Then there's the whole they-hadn't-even-met-yet thing. Oh yeah, it gets better:

" 'Wouldn't it be cool if people at my wedding could play games?' " Desirai remembered thinking. "I kept coming up with ideas of how I could bring 'Halo' into it."

No, it wouldn't, particularly since XBox doesn't have WiiSports or even Goldeneye, the only two games your guests will want to play. We wish them luck... and since it's the end of the day on Friday, we'll reserve further comment on these two lovebirds.

Via MTV.

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Ayn Rand Dating Site: Worst Form of Hell or Best Idea Ever?

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 21:57:00 GMT

That headline may be a bit misleading, so let's clarify.

The question is, which side are we on, the side that thinks an Ayn Rand matchmaking site is the scariest thing ever or the side that sees this as a great way to keep crazy egomaniacs away from Nerve and other dating sites, and therefore out of our gene pool?

When we read about this in last week's New York, part of us thought it was funny-- "look at these freaks in their freak kingdom! They're so direct and honest, they're like World of Warcraft nerds with their 'Must be a level 2,030,394 gamer or don't IM me.' It's almost adorable!" Then we started thinking about it: this may be the greatest dating site ever. Why hadn't we thought of it before? Create a bunch of dating sites that would attract the scary types away from Nerve and the rest of the supposedly "general" dating sites, leaving only (potentially) decent candidates.

If you don't believe us, just take a gander at the quality profiles already created for The Atlasphere:

Michael, Naples, Florida
Long ago a very dear friend, Angie, turned me on to Ayn Rand and Atlas Shrugged.

Parenthetically, she also turned me on in other ways. Alas, our relationship remained Platonic.

Contact Me If You … : are Angie.

dpvabc, Edmonton, Canada
My name is Daniel. I consider myself to be a born-again egoist and I have dedicated the rest of my life to self-improvement. People see me as a socially inept loner because I tend to avoid superficial conversation but actually I love talking to people who like to think (the problem being I don’t know very many).

thustotyrants, Selden, New York
[I am] short, stark, and mansome.

You should contact me if you are a skinny woman.

Curiously, few of the applicants seem to be females. Wonder why...

Via New York.

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Today in WTF: Virtual Boob Groping

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 16:21:00 GMT

Now that boob groping is available for the iPhone, can sex with our cell phones be too far off?

Seriously, yesterday we joked that since our Nokia phones tear hair off our heads when we're speaking on them, it makes sense that they could be equal if not better vibrator/shaver devices than the new vibrator combo. We didn't seriously think that cell phones could be sexual devices... until we saw this:

Well, you knew this was coming (that's what she said)... a Japanese blogger calling himself Technohippy has just introduced the third generation of an iPhone app he likes to call paiTouch (click here to see it in action). The "pai" is short for "oppai", Japanese for "breasts". I bet Steve Jobs never thought it would come to this; then again, he's the uber-geek, so who knows?

No, Inventor Spot, we did not see the iGrope or iBoobs "coming," as you so un-humorously put it. But we're not knocking you-- thank you for alerting us to this free device, which allows for groping while surfing boob pics on your iPhone's Safari browser. The question is, who would ever do this and why?

Of course, that shouldn't stop any of you from trying this out and reporting back immediately...

Via Inventor Spot.

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Video of the Day: Triumph the Insult Comic Dog at Comic-Con

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 13:20:00 GMT

Comic Con has fallen into exactly the same trap as Sundance: a festival that was formerly to celebrate one, somewhat holy, cultish thing. At Sundance, it was the independent film roster, shown by their makers and a skeleton crew from the cast and production. At Comic Con, it used to be the fans meeting their heroes and that was that.

Now, they've both turned into little more than corporate mega-productions, advertising the next year's slate of garbage.

Thankfully, we have Triump the Insult Comic Dog to save us. Although he can often be a mean little bastard (or, shall we say, Robert Smigel can be a mean little bastard), Triumph is always worth checking out. Apparently, NBC.com has the full video of the speech seen towards the end of this clip. Let us know if you think it's worth watching-- we're too lazy to get around to it right now...

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Harry Potter Rock Stars Adorably Nerdtastic

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 18:46:00 GMT

These Wrockstockers are so endearingly nerdy, we may just marry them in a Wiccan ceremony presided over by Dumbledore and go on to have little Mugwumps for children, but only so long as they haven't picked up any Hogwarts along the way.

Seriously, if you live in New York, Green Bay, or Chicago, look out for book dorks rampaging on the countryside this summer...

Apparently, the duo is part of some sort of "wizard rock" music cult that is sweeping the nation, threatening the very Christian cult values we hold dear. Look at them-- they are clearly rebellious Catholic schoolgirl types, in ties and Converse sneakers, probably smoking Mary Janes and eating unsanctioned rice cakes between classes.

Too late now-- they're both in college on the East Coast and have a CD coming out next week. Lord Almighty, there is no stopping these, lest He Who Must Not Be Named comes back and smites them down. And let's hope not-- 'cause, in all seriousness, these girls rule. Check out their songs on MySpace-- we're loving "I Was There" and "Transparent." It's like the Moldy Peaches, with a way more impressive repertoire and only ten dollars more of a recording budget.

We plan on being the first Harry Potter lookalikes in line to try to sneak backstage and try to impress them with our JK jive and black-and-white shoes. (There are going to be other bands, apparently 14 more, at these Wrockstocks, whatever that means, including Harry and the Potters, but the Myrtles are the real draw on the below dates...)

Jul 10 2008

8:00P

Portus 2008

Dallas, Texas

Jul 18 2008

7:00P

Barnes and Noble HP Mourning Party with Liane Graham

Bridgewater, New Jersey

Aug 6 2008

12:00P

Hilton Chicago Hotel for Wrock Chicago at Terminus!

Chicago, Illinois

Aug 17 2008

8:00P

TBA

Somewhere, Pennsylvania

Aug 23 2008

12:00P

Wrock for Darfur! in Waryas Park

Poughkeepsie, New York

Sep 21 2008

1:00P

NYC Wizard Rock Festival!

Brooklyn, New Yor

Via Honolulu Advertiser.

Scanner Highs And Lows: You Take the Bad, We'll Take the Cannoli

Brian Fairbanks — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 01:39:00 GMT

We got into as much trouble as we could, whether we could get away with it or not...

Highs:

We found ourselves hypnotized by online dating. For, basically, the first time ever.

Our (inner) childhoods were re-staged.

Jessica Simpson is not procreating after all, thank God.

We watched people have sex. In the interest of science, of course.

David Cross finally got himself some tail.

A bunch of old people butchered our favorite "Sonic Youth" song. Huzzah!

Santorum Alley? Thanks, we kind of like it here on Manbone Ridge.

Between Gordon Ramsey and Bobby Flay, we picked Anthony Bourdain.

One of the Fugees found us worthy of his valuable time.

Lows:

We got arrested.

Even the Hulk couldn't get us laid.

We learned that Gawker spies are everywhere.

A "Sex and the City" actress had cancer.

We called B.S. on everything the Daily Mail's ever printed.

Barack Obama lost his shit.

Big Love Got Big, Big Time.

We learned that Chrissie Hynde's sex appeal applies to straight women, as well.

Somebody needs to learn that putting "service" in quotes like that is going to make people think you're offering happy endings.

I Hate Myself For Loving You: Julia Allison

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 16:31:00 GMT

TimeOut's resident dating sexpert Julia Allison was on the magazine's cover recently and we were really tempted to make an anonymous call, complete with heavy breathing, insults, and professions of undying devotion.

PROS:

Julia burst onto the scene after shacking up with future ex-future-Senator Harold Ford, Jr., back when he was just a lowly Democratic Congressman from Tennessee, still black, and not yet a lover of blonds from the Playboy Mansion.

Julia likes nerdy dudes with glasses and big, poofy, dark curly hair. She's also learned that dweebs have the best-laid plans.

CONS:

The nerdy dude she dated, pictured above, takes shirtless pictures of himself every morning and posts them on his blog. She was actually upset by her breakup with such a man.

She and Jack Longballs-- or whatever his name was (he's dead to us for dissing Julia!)-- had their own couples blog. Yuck. Thankfully, the majority of the content was taken down when Julia finally came to her senses.

Seriously, now... we really like Julia Allison... and not just because she's undeniably gorgeous. We don't mind her writing, minus anything about Lodwick (who is also arguably tolerable when not exposing himself and insulting his then-girlfriend in widely-disseminated webcam videos.) The reason most people despise Julia is because they are jealous.

Jealous of the fact that she is one of the best self-promotion machines in the continental United States. She gets her face in every gossip rag without having to do something inane (usually), which catapults her high above other socialites like Lindsay Lohan and that Dorothy Parker skank. She has a 3/4-page column in Time Out every week, does very little important work as a roving editor at Star, and yet manages to make a very high profile and successful career. Of course, there's also the argument that if she wasn't smokin' hot, we wouldn't be paying her the slightest heed.

Let's call it The Jude Law Syndrome.

Hey Geeks, The Internet Can Get You Real Women Too

Bryan Christian — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 14:01:00 GMT

Not that all y'all gentlemen out there need the help, we're sure, but just in case: if you're a nerd and looking to meet a nice lady, then... er... do exactly what you're doing anyways?

MMOGs, or Massive Multiplayer Online Video Games, are a buzzing hive of Geekdom and have actually attracted a sizable female population. The problem for girls online is that guys playing games like WoW, Eve Online, and Second Life act like complete asshats around them. Whether they’re asking girls “Are you REALLY a girl?” over and over, kneeling to propose at their first meeting, or just reverting back to fourth-grade antics like boob jokes and ass grabbing, most dudes do not play it cool around pixelated chicks.

It's true, basic courtesy is really important in situations like these. Like, when you start to masturbate to a girl's avatar, send them a nice note to let them know. A little respect goes a long way online, fellas.

Another Reason to Get Nerds Naked: Science Tattoos

Bryan Christian — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 19:00:00 GMT

All right, we admit it: we don't actually know if this gal is a nerd or not. Granted, she's got the chemical compound for serotonin inked alluringly onto her hip and she seems to be in scrubs, both of which could at least imply a capacity for academic excellence. But it's not conclusive proof of geekness. For all we know, she could have just been a clubkid before ditching her pacifiers and whistles and getting into bio-waste removal. But whatever. We're gonna assume that she and everyone else on Carl Zimmer's Science Tattoo Emporium is a total dweeb -- so committed to their areas of expertise that they've had them permanently etched into their flesh -- because goddamnit, that. Is. Hot.

And that is what we are here for, right?

Sloppy Seconds: Britney's Makeover, Nerd Love, Heath Ledger, Brad Renfro, Roy Scheider and Crack

Emily Farris — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 22:11:00 GMT

Our not-so-slutty sister FameCrawler weighs in on Britney's... makeover?

Nerd love. Ain't it sweet that Wii belong together?

Michelle Williams, Heath Ledger's family and other mourners took a dip in the ocean as they said goodbye to the actor.

Another young actor who died earlier this year, Brad Renfro's death was caused by an "accidental overdose."

Actor Roy Scheider, famous for "Jaws" and not so famous for "SeaQuest" died yesterday.

Police found crack in a man's butt. Yes they did.

And if you stand us up tomorrow night, we'll never forgive you. OK, we'll forgive you, but we'll be really heartbroken. And do you really want to do that to us right before Valentine's Day? Scanner Emily was already dumped right before Valentine's Day once. You can hear all about it if you show up tomorrow.

Topless Wii, Everybody. Top. Less. Wii.

Bryan Christian — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 15:08:00 GMT

You know what to do.

Nerd Party Challenges Nerve Party to Drunken, Clothing Optional Throwdown

Bryan Christian — Mon, 19 Nov 2007 17:50:00 GMT

OK, not really. But wouldn't it be great if somehow the Nerve Absinthe party and the Nerdcore Calendar Release Party (as pictured on Destructoid) were to get into a sauced-up, bi-coastal rumble? We're pretty sure everyone's a winner in that challenge.

(The tasteful robot heads on the model's bits over there were all Destructoid's doing, btw, just so you don't write in thinking it was us. We wanna see the real thing too.)