Scanner : new hampshire

This Week in Gayness: McDonald's Hates Gays... Again

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 08 May 2009 18:45:00 GMT

Wal-Mart CEO Mike Duke just gave us another reason to hate his awful company-- he signed a petition to ban gay adoptions in Arkansas.

A gay porn star attending college has received a reported 150 hate e-mails from so-called "good Christians."

Bigots like Rick Warren and Sarah Palin are among Time's 100 Most Influential People.

Moron Republican Congressman Steve King thinks gays wouldn't get "bashed" so much if they just stopped acting so gay (never mind that many hate crime victims are straight people mistaken for homosexuals.) Jon Stewart, thankfully, had something to say about this.

Kudos to Britain for banning hatemonger and violence-inciting shout machine Michael Savage from entering their country ever again.

A McDonald's in Kentucky settled with two patrons who were called "faggots" by restaurant staff.

By the way, we heard that the Democratic Governor of New Hampshire might veto the gay marriage bill. Anyone else heard this?

The most trusted Mom(s) in America? Portia and Ellen:

With 31%, Ellen DeGeneres and Portia De Rossi took the top spot. Rounding out the list were Jennifer Aniston (22%), Rachel Ray (20%), Angelina and Brad (18%) and coming in last was Oprah Winfrey with 9%. [Strollerderby]

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Sloppy Seconds: Get Gay Married in New Hampshire?

Emily Farris — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 22:03:00 GMT

As of this morning, federal officials had confirmed 91 infections of swine flu in 11 states. Time to freak the fuck out, people! [Baltimore Sun]

In her new memoir, Elizabeth Edwards said she vomited after learning of her husband, former democratic presidential candidate John Edwards', affair. [Us]

Liev Schreiber used to resent girlfriend and baby mama Naomi Watts' fame. But he's learned to live with it. [FemaleFirst]

Porn star Joanna Angel talks about how the recession has affected her end of the sex industry. [FlavorWire]

The New Hampshire Senate yesterday voted 13-11 to approve gay marriage. The bill has been sent back to the House for changes and if the bill becomes law, New Hampshire will be the fifth state to allow same-sex marriages. [Boston.com]

Just in time for the first gay American Idol? [Reuters]

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Gay Bishop is About to Get All "Gay Bishop" on Your Ass

Emily Farris — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 17:33:00 GMT

Okay, perhaps "on your ass" was a poor choice of words, but V. Gene Robinson, the first openly gay Episcopal bishop who is better known as "the gay bishop" says he no longer rejects the identity and plans to take a lead in the fight over same-sex marriage.

Bishop Robinson, who lives in New Hampshire, believes that the church should simply bless a marriage and not be involved in the legality (Ed note: we agree). He will speak at Emory University in Atlanta tonight as part of the Center for the Study of Law and Religion's 2008-2009 "When Law and Religion Meet" lecture series. He plans to speak about the divide in the church caused by his election as bishop in 2003.

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[CBS Atlanta: Openly Gay Bishop To Speak At Emory]

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Who Would You Rather: Hot For Teacher Tournament

Colleen Kane — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 19:02:00 GMT

Inspired by the news of the latest teacher/student sexual liasons, more than 300 of which were allegedly perpetrated by married elementary teacher Christine McCallum (pictured, from Facebook) with a 13-year-old student after plying him with booze (waste booze much?), we decided it was time for a very important exercise: determining who of these allegedly/ definitely inappropriate teachers you, the readers, would rather. (Rather what? Er, "study under.")

Vote for your picks of the first two pairs of teachers, then those two winners will go on to compete against future winners, until we determine the favorite Teacher Gone Wild. We're told by someone who cares about sports that something called March Madness exists, where winners are determined in a similar fashion. Considering the amount of misbehaving teachers, this may very well go on until March and beyond.

First match: Newest teacher in trouble Christine McCallum. She seems to be saying, "Come 'n get it, tweens!"

VS.

Sandy Binkley, the 36-year-old Tennessee teacher who faces three felony counts of stautory rape after allegations of liasons with three different students.

And for the next match, in this corner we have everybody's favorite TILF, all-American beauty Debra Lafave, a married Tampa teacher who carried on with a 14-year-old student. (According to Jossip's roundup of rapey teachers, Nick Carter claims he lost his virginity to her.)

(We really don't see how anyone will beat this frontrunner, but we have to put her up against someone.)

VS.

Another classic, Pamela Smart, who pioneered this business way back in 1990 in New Hampshire, when she recruited her 15-year-old lovah and three other minors to kill her husband.

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While You Were Sleeping: Nude Photo Hoax

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 15:54:00 GMT

A Dartmouth student won a small county race in New Hampshire after spending $42 for a Facebook ad trumpeting her campaign. The sore loser called the 20-year-old history buff "a teenybopper" and said the student's supporters were "brainwashed."

Anne Hathaway's ex Raffaelo Follieri is such a whimp, he had a lawyer write a letter complaining about prison food.

You're not going to believe this KKK story...

Not only do they kill one of their own, but then they go into a store and ask the clerk how to get blood off their clothes. Stupidest people on earth?

A group of third graders got the gift of a lifetime after visiting a grocery store as part of a school activity: they were all given copies of a book called "How To Change the World For A Fiver," which turned out to include tips on changing all right-- changing sexual positions. (See above photo.)

Whoopi Goldberg is 53 and Mr. Big is 54.

And that Adrienne Bailon nude photo story? About how some ex leaked them? Bullshit-- she did it herself to boost her career. What else is new?

Lizzy Caplan And Her HBO Porn Show Still Terrible, Terribly Hot

The Results Are Not In... For This "Who Would You Rather?"

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Olga Kurylenko: "My Treasure Trove of Topless Photos Don't Count As Porn"

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Debate #3: It's Better To Fade Away Than To Burn Out

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 13:22:00 GMT

Maybe it would be better if Cranky McCrankypants just disappeared for a while, and reemerged a few days (or even a week or two) from now to swoop in with some brilliant attack ad that's effective and actually warranted, unlike everything else he's been for months.

Seriously, think about it: it worked for him after his staff began bailing on him in the primary runup; then he did some soul searching, stripped everything away that wasn't working, and bit by bit, built himself back into a winner and took the New Hampshire primary like a force of nature.

Because this "transcript," our memory of tonight's debate, shows you why his recent strategy/tactics aren't working for him...

TRANSLATED TRANSCRIPT:

McCain: Thank you, my friends. My friends, my friends always say to me, "When the conversation gets rough, my friends, and there is no Republican talking point that can get you out of one of those pesky 'questions' asked by fascist scoundrels like Katie Couric and Tom Brokaw, just switch the subject back to 'energy independence,' and talk about how our country should have independence from oversight by nuclear regulatory committees. My friends, this is the only way."

Obama: I need to resp--

Brokaw: You're not allowed to respond.

Obama: But-- but--

Brokaw: Back to you McCain before Obama embarrasses himself by continuing to break the rules of the debate and look like the whiner Sean Hannity knows he is. Senator McCain, can you explain to me why the Keating Five scandal was once called your greatest error, to paraphrase you, and is now referred to you as total batshit crazy talk?

McCain: Well, my friends, the Keating Four were my friends. My friends, I want to talk to you about energy independence...

Obama: Tom, Tom! Can I--

Brokaw: Let's go to another totally boring, irrelevant, and uninspiring, vetted audience member to ask the next question...

And so on, until we all vote Bob Barr... because this kind of debate just bores us to tears...

-2:01am, after Scanner alumnus Bobby Tisdale's debate watch party & subsequent Scanner Emily-book-release-celebration drinks

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When The Folks Are Away, New Hampshire Teens Party Naked

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 14:02:00 GMT

We're not condoning hosting parties at your parents' house in New Hampshire at the age of fifteen and getting your friends to get drunk and run around in the streets naked... although if you do repeat this incident, please take pictures, censor them so we don't go to jail, and send us evidence that your high school experience is way better than everyone else's...

Otherwise, we don't believe a word of it...

According to the public police log, the neighbor called the homeowner in New York and at 11:44 p.m., told police the teens were drinking and running in the street unclothed.
When officers got to the residence, one teen fled and a police dog from Rochester was called in to track his direction of travel, said Maloney. The scent led to a parent's home in Rye, where the parent refused to allow police inside to search for her son, police say.

This must've been one smart police dog (was it the one from that Jim Belushi movie?), because it wasn't long before the fugitive nudist was apprehended at a different residence. (Side note: how funny would that be? It's midnight in New Hampshire and you're probably asleep-- the doorbell rings and it's a naked fifteen-year-old, asking if he can come in, covering his privates with one hand and waving from the porch with the other. So... you let him in, clothe him, and don't tell the police he's there? And and and... does this count as harboring a fugitive? Because that would be hilarious if the police charged whoever housed the kid with that...)

Before we get completely sidetracked, also note how the party continued... at the hospital, for God's sake:

At 1:56 a.m., an officer was called to Portsmouth Regional Hospital "to help restrain an out of control juvenile" who was brought there from the same underage party, according to the public police log. [Seacoast Online]

That one time we had a party in high school, there wasn't even enough rum for the girls to get the perpetually-naked-jock-dude to take off his shirt... my, how times have changed...

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We're Off to Get Finger Banged at Summer Camp

Emily Farris — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 15:11:00 GMT

Did you think we were joking about all that summer camp obsession business? Because today we're off to teach journalism and food writing (revolving around s'mores, thank you very much) to impressionable young things in the wilds of New Hampshire.

Truth be told, there probably won't be that much finger banging going on, at least not in our world, considering Scanner Emily is the oldest camp counselor ever, and those things are probably better left to the 17-year-old counselors across the lake. (Not that Emily doesn't enjoy a good finger banging or dry humping, it's just probably not going to happen.)

We will, however, be busy teaching and swimming and roasting marshmallows. So while you'll get some dispatches from Scanner Emily's Wet, Hot, American Summer, you'll see fewer Scanner Emily posts than usual. Scanner Brian and Scanner Nicole will hold down the fort, with a little help from the lovely Verena von Pfetten.

Be nice to them, and you just might be rewarded with a lanyard or a polished rock.

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