Scanner : new york magazine

Scanner Predicts the 2009 Academy Award Winners

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 22:56:00 GMT

In this week's New York Magazine, prediction guru Nate Silver made some oddball predictions, choosing mathematical calculations done on his computer instead of using common sense. We were baffled by one of his chooses, while he wisely stayed away from all of the categories in which the race is too close to call.

We are going to be a bit more courageous here and will take on the crazy Academy in the only way how: by thinking like an Academy voter, a person who doesn't see any of the nominated movies and just vote for whatever the hype machine tells them to. (Hint: This isn't Josh Brolin's year.)

Best Picture: Slumdog Millionaire, easy. Nate Silver agrees. Will anyone even be tuned in at 4:30a.m. Monday when they finally get to this predictable category? They might've been, if this wasn't the worst and most uninspiring crop of best movie nominees since Titanic faced off against... what were those other ones again?

Best Director: Yawn. Gus Van Sant loses again.

Best Actress: Does Meryl Streep really need a third Oscar statue? Has anyone even heard that Doubt is any good, let alone seen it, loved it, and thought Meryl the best of this year's many great leads? Give it to Kate Winslet, for God's sake-- she's long overdue, especially for Heavenly Creatures, Sense and Sensibility, and that Poseidon Adventure remake-- no, no, the other one.

Best Actor: When you strip all the hype away, Sean Penn might've had the better performance in Milk. But you will lose the Oscar pool this year if you bet against Mickey Rourke...

Best Supporting Actress: Here's where Nate Silver cannot possibly be right. He calls it for Taraji P. Henson for Benjamin Button, in a role that might be described as "a one-dimensional stock African-American female overworked, 'oh Lawdy' character that went out with the Civil Rights era, and a hideously offensive caricature even in the 1930s, when this type first showed up on our screens."

Penélope Cruz, who won the BAFTA for her role in Vicky Cristina Barcelona, would seem the logical default. But computer sez: Benjamin Button’s Taraji P. Henson! Button, which looks like a shutout everywhere else, is the only Best Picture nominee with a Supporting Actress nod, and Best Pic nominees tend to have an edge in the other categories.

That's not thinking like a racist (sorry, but it's true) Academy voter-- there are two black women nominated in this category and only has hype on her side: Viola Davis for Doubt. Meanwhile, Penelope has all the hype, buzz, momentum, whatever you want to call it. Oh, and she's famous-- that can't hurt.

Best Supporting Actor: Apparently, there's some guy named Heath Ledger nominated for one of those Hollywood action movies. The oracle says he may pull off an upset here...

And on to the really competitive categories, which Silver doesn't dwell on:

Best Documentary: Either the Academy didn't consider Waltz With Bashir a documentary or it thought the print was "too loud." That leaves Man on Wire and Encounters at the End of the World, plus longshot Trouble the Water, to duke it out while you head for a bathroom break. While we'd rather hear a long-overdue Werner Herzog acceptance speech (until now, he was the best director never nominated for an Oscar in any category), it looks like Philip Petite will walk a tightrope to the podium with the makers of the documentary about his high-wire act between the Twin Towers. While Man on Wire is a fascinating, even riveting film, it left many unanswered questions, like the typical suspense-thriller it's styled after. Encounters was a tighter, more focused, and ultimately more rewarding experience. Of course, there's something to be said for Trouble the Water, basically a home movie about Katrina that's taken the festival circuit by storm... but we're getting sidetracked.

Best Foreign Film: Waltz with Bashir. France dropped the ball on The Secret of the Grain (we're pretty sure it was in the running to be the country's official selection for the Oscars), choosing to promote the unfulfilling and pointless school drama The Class as its movie of the year. That officially doomed their chances of taking home a trophy-- Waltz will waltz home with the prize.

Here is Silver's original rundown, plus indieWire's superior list of predictions along with a "who should win" for each category that we agree with almost 100%.

Leo's Girlfriend is a Sports Illustrated Cover Girl

And the Critics Choice Award Goes To...

Kate Moss Stocks Up On Beer, Strips For New York Magazine

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 21:46:00 GMT

Kate Moss ruffled a few feather boas this week when she did a shoot for Roberto Cavalli in Los Angeles.

The New York Post alleges Moss showed up two hours late (don't they plan for that in advance but telling her to show up at 9 when they mean 11?) Immediately, the supermodel started polishing off a steady stream of beers (seeing as how this is the Post, it was probably two cans), sat on another model's lap and didn't look at or speak to him, which must've been hot for him. Once the last photo was taken, she stormed out.

No such rumors have risen from this New York shoot, the photos from which appeared online this week. However, there was plenty more to talk about...

Moss addressed those petty pregnancy rumors in the way we hoped she would, although we wished she had just said "can't a girl drink a beer on a Saturday night in peace?!"

I’ve got a clear idea of what I want for lingerie. I’ve just started wearing bras. It’s a miracle. Not today, but I have been. Great timing for my lingerie collection. I’ve just grown breasts. I am a woman now! It’s true. No, honestly, I’ve never worn a bra in my life. Ever! Ever! It’s so awful, even my friends are phoning me up and saying “Are you pregnant?” And I’m like, “No! I just put on a couple of pounds, and they went in the right place.” Isn’t that weird? And how perfect for lingerie. [New York]

She's a woman now, just because she has to wear a bra? Don't let anyone tell you you need boobs, Kate, but please let someone do something about that hair...

Related:

Super-Exclusive Nude Calendar Makes Us Want to Go to Africa For Some Reason

Kate Moss' Latest Sex Drugs and Rock n' Roll

Kate Moss: Unplugged, Uncensored, Uncovered

While You Were Sleeping: Another American Cheater Unveiled

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 14:08:00 GMT

Bill Gates wants rich people to feel the pain, so he unleashed mosquitoes on them. Really.

"The Impaler," a self-described "Vampyre" who ran for Governor of Minnesota in '06 as the Vampyres, Witches and Pagans party (wha?) candidate, has been arrested for harassing his 16-year-old "vampyre hunter" ex-girlfriend.

Female bloggers in Sweden are fending off a company that's trying to bribe them with "beauty treatments." We'll take some!

Fuck Ticketmaster. Nobody can get Springsteen tickets, and now they want to form a monopoly?

Apparently, New York magazine has great success with linking its readers with its own hooker ads.

There's a new President, the world is constantly moving forward, but as usual, Georgia wants to crawl back into America's Puritan womb.

Kids are hanging themselves in school.

Michael Phelps may end up getting charged with drug possession or some other bong-incident-related offense.

And we always knew Barry Bonds was a cheater, but now we can prove it.

Related:

Tommy Lee's Drunk Pilot Is A Boob

Kanye Porn Update

While You Were Sleeping: Zooey Deschanel's Next Record

While You Were Sleeping: The NY Senate Seat Saga Ends?

What Ever Happened to Ione Skye?

Emily Farris — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 20:09:00 GMT

You probably know Ione Skye as Diane Court, the girl who broke John Cusack's heart in "Say Anything." We haven't seen much of her since then, save for a few TV and movie cameos ("Arrested Development", "Fever Pitch", "Girls in Prison"). But Skye has been keeping quite busy in her personal life.

Since her onscreen romance with Cusack, Skye dated Red Hot Chili Peppers' Anthony Kiedis, she married the Beastie Boys' Adam Horvitz, had a kid and even had a relationship with Madonna's alleged former girl toy Jenny Shimizu. She also really loves Barack Obama.

Scanner Brian mentioned this in While You Were Sleeping last week, but over the holidays Skye married her boyfriend, rocker Ben Lee, in a secret ceremony in India.

As New York Magazine's Culture Vulture said: that is all.

While You Were Sleeping: Paris Hilton Is Not A Slut

MySpace: Over, Sam and Lilo: Not

Emily Farris — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 16:11:00 GMT

According to Michael Wolff, MySpace is so over. Though we can't quite bring ourselves to bury our profile next to the Friendster grave, we knew that a long time ago. But it seems Lindsay Lohan just got the memo. What does this mean for the world? Well, for one, maybe she won't be posting so many newsworthy MySpace blog posts and two, maybe she'll be our friend on Facebook.

If the rumor mill is right (and when is it not?) Lilo is posting on the "Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson" group on Facebook under the pseudonym "Bella Vita" and she would like you to know that she and Sam are not breaking up.

With the subject line "not breaking up" one Miss Vita posted the following message:

"Tabloids and people tell lies- they always wanna see everything and anything good come to an end. duh"

Sounds like Lindsay to us.

We think this is the group in question. We'd join to see the post for ourselves, but we don't want our friends to see that shit.

[Silicon Alley Insider: Michael Wolff: MySpace And Its Braindead Users Are Going To Zero]

[MollyGood: Lindsay Lohan Loves Facebook and Samantha Ronson]

Related:

Since When Did Lindsay Lohan's Blog Posts Constitute Hard Hitting News?

Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson Would Like You to Know What They Think of Sarah Palin

While You Were Sleeping: Lindsay Lohan's "Secret Talent" Was Buried Forever

When Drinking and Technology Don't Mix: Scanner Emily's Facebook Faux Pas

"The Real World: Facebook" or Scanner Emily vs. The Mormons

Ayn Rand Dating Site: Worst Form of Hell or Best Idea Ever?

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 21:57:00 GMT

That headline may be a bit misleading, so let's clarify.

The question is, which side are we on, the side that thinks an Ayn Rand matchmaking site is the scariest thing ever or the side that sees this as a great way to keep crazy egomaniacs away from Nerve and other dating sites, and therefore out of our gene pool?

When we read about this in last week's New York, part of us thought it was funny-- "look at these freaks in their freak kingdom! They're so direct and honest, they're like World of Warcraft nerds with their 'Must be a level 2,030,394 gamer or don't IM me.' It's almost adorable!" Then we started thinking about it: this may be the greatest dating site ever. Why hadn't we thought of it before? Create a bunch of dating sites that would attract the scary types away from Nerve and the rest of the supposedly "general" dating sites, leaving only (potentially) decent candidates.

If you don't believe us, just take a gander at the quality profiles already created for The Atlasphere:

Michael, Naples, Florida
Long ago a very dear friend, Angie, turned me on to Ayn Rand and Atlas Shrugged.

Parenthetically, she also turned me on in other ways. Alas, our relationship remained Platonic.

Contact Me If You … : are Angie.

dpvabc, Edmonton, Canada
My name is Daniel. I consider myself to be a born-again egoist and I have dedicated the rest of my life to self-improvement. People see me as a socially inept loner because I tend to avoid superficial conversation but actually I love talking to people who like to think (the problem being I don’t know very many).

thustotyrants, Selden, New York
[I am] short, stark, and mansome.

You should contact me if you are a skinny woman.

Curiously, few of the applicants seem to be females. Wonder why...

Via New York.

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: Prostitution Is Now Rape in the U.K.?

Cornell Is Obsessed With Armpit Sex

Top 10 Bond Girls Of All-Time

The Funniest Craigslist Personal Ever?

Profile of New York's Bailarinas in New York Magazine

Nicole Pasulka — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 21:37:00 GMT

This week's New York Magazine has a really interesting look at the lives of New York City's bailarinas. Bailarinas work in bars and clubs around the city and are paid to dance with men and keep them company.

The story mainly focuses on a dancer named Rosa and her desperately smitten client Edgar:

Rosa is a bailarina. For a couple of dollars per song, she dances with strangers in a bailarina bar. It’s a job held by many immigrant women in Spanish-speaking New York, filling a need created by many immigrant men. The man on the phone is typical of her clients. He’s in his twenties, doesn’t speak English, and immigrated to the United States by himself—no mother, no girlfriend, no wife. He works six days a week at a restaurant and sends his money back home to Ecuador. Most of all, he’s lonely.

Bailarina bars are far from a "world of netherwhoredom" though it definitely takes a toll on Rosa and other dancers. Rosa faces sexual harrassment on the job, exploitation by her bosses, and all the while has to negotiate a fine line between personal connection and professionalism with her doting clients.

Bacon-Infused Cocktail Made Us Orgasm Just Reading About It

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 18:18:00 GMT

Summer's almost over, which means it's time to drink heavily and balloon up for the unbearable winter months. A good way to start is with this monster of an Old Fashioned: it involves bacon, maple syrup, and about a bucket o' whiskey...

Start your week right with the recipe, after the jump:

PDT’s Bacon-Infused Old Fashioned

FOR THE BOURBON- BACON INFUSION:
3 or 4 slices bacon, or enough to render 1 ounce of fat (PDT uses Benton’s, but any extra-smoky variety will do)
1 750-ml. bottle of bourbon such as Four Roses Yellow Label

FOR THE OLD FASHIONED:
2 ounces bacon-infused bourbon
1/4 ounce Grade B maple syrup
2 dashes Angostura bitters
Twist of orange

FOR THE BACON-INFUSED BOURBON: Cook bacon in pan and reserve rendered fat. (1) When bacon fat has cooled a bit, pour off one ounce from pan. (2) Pour bourbon into a non-porous container. (3) Strain the bacon fat into the container and infuse for 4 to 6 hours at room temperature. Place mixture in freezer until all the fat is solidified. With a slotted spoon, remove fat and strain mixture back into bottle.
FOR THE COCKTAIL: In mixing glass, stir 2 ounces bacon-infused bourbon, maple syrup, and bitters with ice. Strain into chilled rocks glass filled with ice. Garnish with orange twist.

We hope someone can come up with a way to meld the two drinks into one so we can have maple syrup and bacon with our whiskey, but there's always the ol' Pancakes and Booze Breakfast, which explains our ability to sift through the New York magazine website, from whence this recipe came...

While you're at it, check out the How To video here.

Related:

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Today in Sandwich Porn: The Lady's Brunch Burger

Today in Food Porn: The Bacon Bra

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Scanner Roundtable: Bases

Hot Damn, We Want That Bacon Wallet

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Crush of the Week: Gitty Grunwald, Fighting An Hasidic Cult For Her Daughter

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 20:22:00 GMT

Forget the New Yorker cover. This week's most memorable magazine front page is actually New York's: "What's A Nice Girl Like This Doing Fighting the Hasids for Her Baby?"

This story is so involving, and the damsel at its center so captivating, you'll be calling your legislator by the time your halfway done...

Here's a brief rundown (sorry if we fudge a few details-- it's a long story and we're exhausted just from reading it):

Gitty Grunwald grew up under the Satmar Hasidim in the town of Kiryas Joel, or KJ, in New York's Catskills. At the age of 17, she was forced to marry a total stranger, who gave her daughter Esther Miriam, now 4.

Once, when Esther Miriam was a baby, Gitty took her for a walk. "A guy looked into the carriage," Gitty recalls. "He said how cute Esther Miriam was and went on his way. It was nice. But then these minivans came tearing down the street. Hasid jump out and surround me, screaming, 'Who was that guy? What did he want?'
It was the Vaad Hatznius, KJ's moral police, who Gitty refers to as "those stupid Talibans."

It only gets worse from there, but we'll spare you the continued horror. Or most of it.

In KJ, women are considered "impure" while on their periods, and isolated from their husbands. After the menstruation period appears to end, women are then forced "to wear white underwear for seven days, checking constantly to see if there's any discharge. Should spotting occur," a woman is forced to present her underwear to a rabbi who examines the stain, then decides whether to send the woman to a ritual bath before reuniting her with her husband.

Refusing to bend to these sorts of rules made her husband turn on her. He even yelled at her for the perceived sexuality in a hug she shared with her grandfather. Soon after, Yoely, the husband, made a critical mistake: he let her use the internet.

"Once I read blogs from people who had gotten out of places like KJ, there was no turning back..."

In 2007, Gitty fled KJ, having realized she "didn't want to be one of those women who pop out babies every eighteen months and think whatever their husbands tell them to." She lived in Brooklyn with her daughter, spending time with her grandparents (who want no part of the "cult") in Manhattan. Then, one day

as Esther Miriam was walking with her class to a Flatbush playground, she was taken... Esther Miriam said they were wearing masks.

Readers will surely agree with Gitty's assumption that her husband was behind the kidnapping. The craziest part is, now Gitty has to fight for custody in both secular and rabbinical courts, while thanking her lucky stars for a precious few hours in her daughter's presence every so often. While her possibly doomed case moves through the courts (the Hasidic community has power lawyers, a positive drug test from Gitty, and a potential remarriage for her now-ex-husband to throw at our girl), Gitty is learning who Che Guevara, Keith Richards, and Billie Holiday are:

"Wow, Billie Holiday is a woman?"

Then Gitty’s cell phone rang. It was Esther Miriam. The call was court-ordered, ruled by the Orange County judge after hearing that Yoely’s family refused to pick up when Gitty called to talk to her daughter.

“Mommy,” came the high-pitched voice, audible even with the J train rumbling on overhead. “Esther Miriam!” Gitty replied. When Esther Miriam asked when she would see her mother again, Gitty brushed a stray tear from her eye and said, “Soon … very soon.”

The nine-page story is here, via New York Magazine.

We Call B*llshit on Jason Itzler, Who's Probably NOT Ashley Alexander Dupre's Pimp

Bryan Christian — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 17:27:00 GMT

img via MySpace.com

If you haven't lived in the New York area, maybe you've never heard of Jason Itzler, who's been showing up on Larry King and Anderson Cooper and FoxNews as an expert in the Spitzer Shocker™ -- and now he's claiming to have pimped Spitzer's girl "Kristen" for a while, possibly getting her into a cheerleader's outfit for Charlie Sheen. Well, here's the deal: a couple years back, he got busted for running a stable called New York Confidential and spent a little time in Rikers. While he was there, one of his girls wound up on the cover of New York Magazine in an article that had everyone here all in a tizzy. In the piece -- which is basically a 15-page long crush on Natalia, the lead girl in the stable and Itzler's supposed semi-girlfriend -- he basically poses as the lovelorn, misunderstood pimp, heartbroken and lonely without his main lady. Which, let's stop right there, should smell like complete bullshit to anyone who knows anything about pimping.

At this point, Itzler managed to stretch his 15 minutes into a year and a half of mentions in the New York Daily News and the New York Post, most of which were -- again -- total bullshit. Radar Magazine recently did a handy rundown of this last January -- after Itzler's attorney got busted for running Itzler's prostitution ring for him.

NYP, Sept. 5, 2005: Itzler calls Page Six to tell them he broke off his engagement with his fiancé, who was also his top-earning hooker.
NYP, Sept. 25, 2005: Pimp Biopic
NYDN, May 25, 2006: Jailbird Puts a Sheen on his Image
NYDN, Aug. 17, 2006: (mentions movie deal with Jeremy Piven set to play Itzler)
NYDN, January 12, 2007: Pimp King a New Man. Love Den Boss Sorry About Doing 'Wrong'
NYP, January 13, 2007: Pimp Slaps Betrayal; 'Greedy#@%ing Lawyer'
NYP, January 19, 2007: Tells Cindy Adams he has a reality show, memoir, "movie starring Jeremy Piven," and a Broadway musical based on his life.

And now, he's claiming to have realized as he was sitting on the Anderson Cooper show that not only was he an expert on pimping, but he was also an expert on "Kristen," because wouldn't you know it, she supposedly worked for him a while back. Huh, well, was she remarkable in any way?

ITZLER: She was spectacular. In my opinion, she was the hottest, sexiest escort New York Confidential ever had.

Oh, you don't say, Jason. Wow. And who did you send her to? Why, only the most notorious whoremonger on TV: Charlie Sheen! Wow, that Jason really does seem to be everywhere, doesn't he? (Like, in a time machine, since that's when Charlie Sheen was doing all his whoring, or so he says.)

Since you crazy kids at Fox News seem to be the only people listening to the guy now, we suppose nothing we say will stop you from giving him airtime. Heck, ain't spreading specious and unsupported claims your whole goddamn raison d'etre? Well, all we got to say is: good luck with that!

Sloppy Spitzer Seconds, Part Two: Where We Are Pleasantly Surprised

Bryan Christian — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 13:00:00 GMT

We're back, and since we got all the sleazy stuff out of the way earlier this morning, we're looking at whether the media's doing any better treating the Spitzer Scandal like we're all adults. And we gotta say: if this were the SAT's, we'd say they scored in, like, the 85th percentile. Let's have a look.

-- On New York's Daily Intelligencer, it is noted that prostitution, like real estate, is an industry that has seen a fair amount of inflation in the last few years -- and everyone knowing what Eliot Spitzer was paying might make it worse. Here also find the Wall Street Journal article which inspired the DI post, albeit longer-ly and with less wacky Photoshopping.

-- By the way, in case you weren't aware, the New York Post says over a ten-year period, it was somewhere around $80 GRAND the guy spent on hookers. Remember: Eliot Spitzer actually comes from money, so that $80 Grand probably seems like even less money to him than it might to you or us, assuming you are as broke as us.

-- Slate Magazine totally surprises us by dropping a couple of short missives on whether Spitzer might shoulda paid more for his lady company, and how he could have arranged his payments, to avoid being caught. Slate, who knew you were so naughty!

-- And Slate's XX Factor blog also goes into overdrive on the topic, asking whether cheating is better or worse with a prostitute (for the spouse, of course), what a prostitute might consider "not safe," how hard it would have been for him to have just gotten a little on the side, and whether Spitzer got into politics for the chicks in the first place. (Again, we remind you: dude was born rich, so it ain't out of left field to wonder.)

-- Finally, over on Salon, Glenn Greenwald bums us out as he generally does, this time with all the contradictions brought up by l'affaire Spitzer.

* People who work at an unpleasant job in order to support themselves, rather than because they enjoy it, are the functional equivalent of brutalized, exploited slaves and therefore should be barred by others from choosing that job -- when the job in question is prostitution, but not when it's factory work or fast food cashier or large corporate law firm associate or massage therapist or porn actor.

Ah dude, don't ruin porn for us too!

Hot or Not: Michael Musto's Lindsay Lohan's Marilyn Monroe

Emily Farris — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 19:29:00 GMT

Michael Musto—Village Voice columnist, bicycle rider and VH1 talking head—has re-created Lindsay Lohan's photoshoot re-creating Marilyn Monroe's Last Sitting. So what do you think, hot or not? More shots after the jump.

Just in case you're wondering where we stand on this: hot and hilarious. Michael has a much better body than we expected him to... actually kind-of Lohan-esque. Also, we really want some cantaloupe right now...

More shots of Michael doing the nasty LiLo at The Village Voice.

Michael Lohan: The Only Person on Earth Who Won't See Lindsay Lohan's Breasts

Emily Farris — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 17:29:00 GMT

Are you tired of hearing about Lindsay's photos re-creating Marilyn Monroe's 'last sitting?' We're getting there, but it's our job to care about such things.

Who doesn't care to see them? Her daddy dearest, Michael Lohan.

And it seems they don't have the same kind-of relationship, as say, Jessica Simpson and her daddy Joe.

“I’m not going to look at the photos — that’s my daughter!” he told Usmagazine.com in a telephone interview this morning.

Still, he told Us he approves of his daughter’s decision to recreate the iconic 1962 photos of Marilyn Monroe known as “The Last Sitting” for New York magazine.

“Lindsay is an adult, and she knows the direction she wants to take her career,” he said. “It’s her decision.

“The fact that the photographer [Bert Stern] who did Marilyn Monroe’s pictures would ask Lindsay to re-create them … that’s an amazing thing.”

[Us Weekly: Michael Lohan: "I'm Not Going to Look at" Topless Lindsay Shots]

[Previously on Scanner: We're Done Thinking of Lindsay Lohan as Marilyn Monroe]

We're Done Thinking of Lindsay Lohan as Marilyn Monroe: UPDATED

Bryan Christian — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 13:00:00 GMT

There are new Lindsay-as-Marilyn shots, but before we get to that, can we confess something? We've been trying for days to get a deep thinkpiece out on these things. And you know what we just realized it all came down to?

MARILYN > LINDSAY

That's it, end of story. "Marilyn is greater than Lindsay." We had like hundreds of words on how out of her element Lindsay seemed in her shots (great rack or no), and what both actresses have meant to their respective eras, and the significance of the original "Last Sitting" series. All that stuff... Cameos by Hemingway, Chuck Close, Kate Moss, Ava Gardner, and Jessica Alba... Seriously, we'd put a lot of effort into collecting our thoughts on the subject in the last 48 hours or so. And that right there is basically all it comes down to. Maybe we should see it again just for emphasis?

MARILYN > LINDSAY

"Marilyn is greater than Lindsay." Well there you fucking go. How many goddamned ways can you say that? (Apparently a lot.)

Anyway, just because we've finally moved on to contemplating other naked women doesn't mean there aren't a few final bits of Lohan/Monroe business to attend to. New York has released outtakes from the photoshoot which we think are better than the originally published shots. (They're the last 5 shots in the slideshow here, our favorite is included below.) And Information Week is reporting that the rush to see LiLo's naked boobies crashed New York's servers, which is an honor that we're sure they'll invent a special Pulitzer for someday.

All right. Enough. Here's a pretty picture to see us out.

UPDATE: The Paper of Record has decided to get in on the fun, which is generally conclusive proof of the end of anything. Their conclusion? Well, it ain't LINDSAY > MARILYN.

Sloppy Seconds: Little Frances Bean is All Grown Up, Brad Pitt's Little Penis, McCartney-Mills Divorce Drama, Gorilla Sex, Britney's Civil Rights and Lindsay Lohan's Boobs

Emily Farris — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 18:17:00 GMT

Little Frances Bean Cobain is all grown up, and doing fashion spreads for Bazaar. She looks great even though we can totally tell that's not her real hair color.

Our big little sister FameCrawler is reporting that Juilette Lewis said Brad Pitt wasn't much of a big deal down there.

The Paul McCartney and Heather Mills divorce drama is almost over. We think.

Gorillas do it face-to-face, too.

Britney's new lawyer feels her civil rights are being violated.

Lindsay Lohan as a nekkid, tattooed Marilyn Monroe in New York Magazine.

Blog, Bloggier, Bloggiest: An IM Exchange About Gawker

sarahhepola — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 17:30:00 GMT

This week’s New York magazine has a cover story on Gawker, called “The Age of Insolence.” It’s guaranteed to get your cocktail party started, especially if your cocktail party takes place in a fashionably messy and high-priced Brooklyn loft. Your Scanner writers, Sarah and Nicole, spent a little time this morning IM’ing about Gawker, and we wanted to share our thoughts. It struck us that this was fitting, since Gawker often runs IM exchanges between high-powered publishing types, and that is us, if by “high-powered” you mean “loves to get hiiiigh.” In the interest of full disclosure, we should mention that we both know Choire Sicha, one of the editors at Gawker, and consider him to be one of the funniest people with whom we have ever shared a smoke. Also, do we wish we had as many readers as Gawker? We do. Also, we are wearing no underpants.

In the following exchange, which has not been edited for punctuation or capitalization or stupidity, "MissThunderstood" refers to Nicole and "DJTanner" to Sarah. Those are not their real IM names. But maybe they should be.

MissThunderstood (11:43:55 AM): so I got sucked into reading the nymag gawker story
DJTanner (11:44:48 AM): oh good. do you want to write about it?
MissThunderstood (11:45:35 AM): yeah i do. i mean its really long
MissThunderstood (11:45:49 AM): ok heres the deal w gawker
MissThunderstood (11:45:56 AM): they work so much on crappy crap
MissThunderstood (11:46:00 AM): they cant write anything else
MissThunderstood (11:46:22 AM): when do they have time to pitch, research, and write stories?
DJTanner (11:46:52 AM): their creative energy is gobbled up taking shots at other people
DJTanner (11:47:02 AM): and taking shots at other people inherently makes you more afraid to write and to create something meaningful, because you understand that there are people out there taking shots at you
MissThunderstood (11:47:26 AM): i think its the process too, and the time
MissThunderstood (11:47:28 AM): its stunting
MissThunderstood (11:47:33 AM): 12 posts a day
MissThunderstood (11:47:35 AM): thats huge
DJTanner (11:47:52 AM): i compare it to this: if you are a writer, you want to run a marathon. and blogging is like training for a marathon by running wind sprints
DJTanner (11:50:27 AM): i think they're funny. funny and smart. But i also think they seem chattering and insecure, like bullies on the playground
MissThunderstood (11:51:08 AM): well yeah its bred of insecurity clearly
MissThunderstood (11:51:14 AM): and its mindless usually
MissThunderstood (11:51:17 AM): sometimes funny. though they used to be funnier. its sloppier now
DJTanner (11:51:38 AM): i'm sure.
DJTanner (11:51:45 AM): they have more content, more interns writing
DJTanner (11:51:56 AM): they've fallen into a certain easy schtick
DJTanner (11:52:23 AM): should we publish this im exchange?
MissThunderstood (11:52:59 AM): eh maybe
DJTanner (11:53:06 AM): think about it.
MissThunderstood (11:53:07 AM): i mean they publish im exchanges all the time
DJTanner (11:53:26 AM): it could be like, gawker found this im exchange between two bloggers they don't give a shit about
DJTanner (11:53:33 AM): because we're not, like, julia allison
DJTanner (11:53:35 AM): or in the misshapes
MissThunderstood (12:19:24 PM): what's the best way to say “eel-on-woman” sex
DJTanner (12:19:44 PM): hmm. I think just “eel sex”