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While You Were Sleeping: Westboro Stoops To New Low, Falls On Its Face

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 14:08:00 GMT

Dolly Parton has come to rescue Jessica Simpson, although we think it's a bit late for that now.

Mike Myers and Paris Hilton won several insulting awards over the weekend.

Ladies, don't despair: your best sex comes in your forties.

Thanks to this kid, the porn thief has been captured.

Is it better to be unemployed than to have a job in your 20s as an obit writer? In Florida?

Three Westboro Wackos were routed from protesting the Flight 3407 disaster-- and they didn't even need to use violence.

Nicole Richie is pregnant again.

Here's your idiot Republican of the day: a Senator who offhandedly predicted Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg will be dead within the year.

Although it was snubbed for Best Song (why? why? there were only three song nominees this year!) and, ultimately, a Best Actor statue, The Wrestler won Best Feature at the Independent Spirit Awards. More about the event here.

One of the worst-ever Academy Awards ended last night with Slumdog Millionaire moseying up the podium with its main cast in tow. The big upset was Sean Penn's win for Best Actor, which some are already calling an apology for their Prop 8 votes. (If they wanted to do that, why didn't they vote for Milk for Best Picture? That would have been a much better judgment call, plus Mickey Rourke has never won an Oscar and was almost equally deserving.) To read the complete list of winners, click here.

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While You Were Sleeping: Paris Hilton Is Not A Slut

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 14:06:00 GMT

Doctors have figured out how to prevent a large number of miscarriages.

Mickey Rourke and Sam Rockwell are in talks to play villains in Iron Man 2.

If Jeremy Piven turns out to have lied about his mercury poisoning, he could be in deep sheeeeiittt:

According to the New York Post, many involved with the production are pushing to have Piven's high mercury claims examined by a non-musclebound, non-teevee doctor, and they're hoping the result may "squeeze some money out of him."

[U]nder the Actors' Equity contract, the producers are entitled to have Piven's medical records examined by another doctor. If they suspect fraud, they can sue him. [Defamer]

Scarlett Johansson wants to open a brothel... in a movie.

Paris Hilton claims she's only slept with a few guys. In other news, "a few" is now "less than eight hundred."

Isn't there anyone besides Nicole Richie who could star in the Gossip Girl season finale?

Guy Ritchie's heist movies have such brilliant robbery ideas, these dudes decided to plagiarize one.

And Oklahoma introduced legislation to prohibit the teaching of evolution in schools. You'll know America has emerged from the dark ages when laws start getting passed that prevent anything besides evolution from being taught as possible fact.

And Ione Skye (star of Say Anything and River's Edge) and Ben Lee (ex-boyfriend of Claire Danes) married in India.

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Top 10 Celebrity Pets

Nicole Pasulka — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 20:51:00 GMT

On April 12, Martha Stewart announced the heart-breaking news that her beloved dog Kublai Khan Paw Paw Chow Chow Chow had passed away (Check the perfectly tied ribbon on the doggie body bag). Paw Paw, may you rest in peace and receive a slightly less humiliating name in the afterlife. Martha’s news brought to mind some of the other pets who share the limelight with their celebrity owners. And so, a list was born: the Top 10 Celebrity Pets.

You can tell a lot about a person by his or her pet, be it garishly groomed, pathetically spoiled and puppy-farmed (Ahem—Tinkerbell), or unique and adorable. Since we’ve already covered number 10-- Kublai Khan Paw Paw Chow Chow Chow, we’ll move on to the rest of the list.

9. Foxxy Cleopatra, Nicole Richie’s Pomeranian. Named after Beyonce’s character in Austin Powers, Foxxy Cleopatra and the also unfortunately named HoneyChild are often paraded around town wearing weaves and hairbows. Here’s hoping they haven’t felt displaced since Nicole squeezed the bun out of her oven.

8. Millie, Barbara and George H.W. Bush’s Spaniel. Barb used to take this bitch everywhere. Plus she’s the only First Pet who has written a book. Pet lovers that we are, we’d much rather have Bush dog as Prez than Bush son.

7. Atticus and Boo Radley, Jake Gyllenhaal’s dogs. Not only are this German Shepard and puggle cute, they prove that their owner has read a book! Or at least heard of one.

6. Bit Bit, Britney Spears’ Chihuahua. Dude, its name is Bit Bit and it lives with Brit Brit. This is a pity ranking.

5. Tinkerbell, Paris Hilton’s Chihuahua. Paris’ designer dogs may come and go from the public eye, but Tinkerbell will always be the one who had the good sense to try and escape.

4. Norman, Jennifer Aniston’s dog. After her breakup with Brad Pitt Aniston was rarely seen without Norman by her side. So Jen got her dog and Brad walked away with his.

3. Snoop Dogg’s Doggs. Obviously there are many Doggs at Tha Pound. This video introduces us to a few of them. If we had to choose a favorite it would probably be Cindy, the brightest dog in the house who, in Snoop’s words, “actually goes outside to shit.”

2. Max, George Clooney's pig. This 300-pound pot belly pig who died in 2006 (may he rest in peace) used to sleep in the bed with his owner George Clooney and was once run over by George's friends in the dark.

1. Tina, Jessica Biel’s pitbull. Number one solely because we want to be this animal. Oh god, what if it gets to sleep in the bed with THE BIEL???!! Amazing!

While You Were Sleeping: Chelsea Clinton Got Down With the Gays, Dressed Inappropriately

Emily Farris — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 15:46:00 GMT

New mom and adopted daughter of Lionel Richie, Nicole Richie, visited her birth mother. [FameCrawler]

Former Britney fling and paparazzo, Adnan Ghalib, was stabbed but is apparently just fine. [JFX]

Britney ran her Mercedes into a Nissan. [US Weekly]

Cate Blanchett popped out her third son. [People]

We read this headline and thought J.K. Rowling was going to get all dressed up as one of her Harry Potter characters. [People]

Chelsea Clinton attended a Red Dress Party, a drag event in Oregon to help raise money to fight HIV/AIDS. Attendees were required to wear a red dress, but it looks like Chelsea just swung by The Gap on her way to the party and picked up a t-shirt. Maybe she's just wearing leggings on bottom? Here's hoping! [Queerty]

McCain Blogette: Hot or Not?

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 17:00:00 GMT

John McCain's blond blogger daughter, Meghan, is under tremendous pressure from her readers (and apparently the public at large, no pun intended) to shed a few pounds, Nicole Richie style.

Madeline Holler at Political Nanny has been covering this breaking new development in the Republican Presidential race. Oh wait, that's over, so this is about the only thing left to talk about: a skinny girl "needing" to lose weight.

Not only is it untrue that she's got some junk in the trunk, it needs to be said that even if she did, that has nothing to do with whether she's hot or not. There are plenty of very sexy, very doable women out there that are slightly overweight... like... like... well, do Scarlett Johansson's boobs count? They're pretty heavy.

Seriously, where do these people get off? (We've included most of McCain Blogette's entire post, below, since it's one of the most positive things to come out of the GOP camps this entire campaign. Dig[g] it.)

I've been surprised by critical comments regarding my weight and body shape. It recently reached a ridiculous level when someone handed me a business card for a plastic surgeon and suggested I needed liposuction. I am proud of my curves and have always loved my fuller figure, as should every woman who is not a size "0". I want to be a positive role model for my little sister and all of the other young women who read my blog and help perpetuate a more positive image for women, regardless of their body size. I feel empowered to tell everyone that it's important to maintain a healthy weight that works for them - not everyone is going to be model thin, nor should they expect to be. To every young girl reading this blog, it is inner beauty and happiness that makes a person beautiful, not a number on a scale.

Unfortunatley, she kills much of our good feeling for her by adding that her song of the day is "Feeling Good" by Michael Buble. Yawn.

[Link via: Political Nanny.]

[Top photo via Fox News. Bottom photos via ABC News.]

Sloppy Lunchtime Seconds: Nicole Richie, Christina Aguilera Have Babies

Emily Farris — Mon, 14 Jan 2008 18:03:00 GMT

Nicole Richie popped one out on Friday. Welcome to the world, Harlow Winter Kate Madden. (6 lbs., 7oz.).

Why Harlow?

The next day Christina Aguilera had a baby boy, Max Liron Bratman, (6 lbs. 2 oz.).

Jezebel picks out dresses for Golden Globe winners had they, you know, had a reason to dress up.

Image via Jezebel