Scanner : nintendo

Nintendo DS Boob Cover So Cute, We Want To Cover Everything With Boobs

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 17:48:00 GMT

We don't really understand the need to spend four hours a day playing video games, as many people who own video games do. But then to take a portable gaming device on the subway to play it all the way to 86th St.? That's just excessive.

Playing video games by oneself has always seemed kind of pathetic-- what, real life sports or conversation isn't stimulating enough that you want to play a fighting game alone?-- but now the Nintendo DS has gotten a whole lot sexier, thanks to one unidentified artiste.

The following boob-related cover for the DS makes the gaming device almost sexy and appealing... we said "almost."

Unfortunately, it's not for sale.

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Padma Lakshmi Suddenly, Surprisingly Naked

World's Sexiest Swimsuit Model Inspired By the Pope

Scanner Highs And Lows: Nudie Shoot City

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 22:02:00 GMT

This week we welcomed Verena Von Pfetten to the Scanner fold, although this photo and caption has nothing to do with nudie shoots or this post.

There were a couple of nude photos, including rugby players and supermodels, but more memorably... there were animal sex photos!

HIGHS:

Scanner Nicole may have found the love of her life. A few readers will be fighting her for him, for sure.

We found some gay animals. Better yet-- we found pictures of gay animals fucking!

We took it from behind while playing Super Mario Bros.

A porn star solved the Catholic crisis.

A whole shitload of British tourists were busted after an oral sex contest went so, so right.

We fawned over the greatest pet story ever told.

Mischa Barton almost looked kind of hot (sort of) in her latest almost-nude attempt at relevance.

LOWS:

We dug some mispellings. Not just in our posts-- in tatoos!

Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel broke up. Should this one be in the "Highs?"

Officer Dick would fine Gisele Bundchen for her droopy pants. Although we're not going to stop her from taking these photos.

We found that 63% women have been unnecessarily groped on the subway. We would put "getting jizzed on" under "unnecessary" as well.

Sienna Miller stole a husband... and our hearts. Well, not really, she just kind of rubbed us the wrong way while going topless.

We were disappointed British lesbians did not pick Susan Sarandon as their "dream date." However, the winner is still pretty tantalizing at 62.

And the self-proclaimed "World's Greatest Dad" was arrested. Wanna guess what he's in for?

Stripper Pole Company Developing Stripping Game For The Wii

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 16:56:00 GMT

Forget what we told you about Wii Fit, which is already sold out in the UK and will soon be sold out here (although it isn't even on sale yet): the new #1 game of all time is going to be this: Wii Strip.

According to ABC News, Peekaboo, a company that makes at-home DIY-stripper poles (such as the one pictured above-- model MILF not included), is in talks with Nintendo to make your boyfriend's dreams a reality...

"Look, baby, it says on the box that it'll replace your regular workout." And fulfill the fantasy I had planned for myself since the age of 12: to have a live-in stripper perform for me every night, he does not add. He could also lift this direct quote from analyst Anita Frazier* for help with his pleading:

"There are strippercise [fully clothed] classes taught in gyms … and it has been a rising fitness trend over the last few years," she said. "It's really just an exercise trend." [ABC]

This gives a whole new idea too complicated to explain here. We will say, however, that it involves the Wii's vibrating remote....

Previously: Wii Fit Will Make Your Gym Membership Obsolete

*A woman! (And just so you know, ladies, we fully understand that this can come in handy for, um, getting your man "in shape." This kind of ploy works both ways... Link Via ABC News.

Wii Fit Will Make Your Gym Membership Obsolete

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 19:03:00 GMT

Because you're not into that whole gym-membership-for-$300 thing anyway, right?

Speaking strictly for myself, Scanner Brian, I'd rather make a one-time payment of $90 for the upcoming Wii Fit game and actually enjoy working out. There's nothing more unappealing to me than paying a monthly membership to go work out after work with all the other embarrassed unfit folk who won't look me in the eye, lest I'm judging them telepathically.

We'll stick to Wii Boxing and, starting next month, all of the following... in the privacy of our own homes:

Yoga, push ups, aerobics, heading soccer balls (!), hula hooping (!!), ski jumping (wouldn't the landing break our ankles?), jogging, tightrope walking, and-- bizarrely-- snowboarding. [via Wikipedia]

How the hell does all that work, you ask? It's the new Balance Board, which looks like so...

...get it now? It's just like the State of the Art Wiimote (i.e. lightsaber for use in "LEGO Star Wars," the world's funnest game) you've been hearing so much about (Google "People Let Go Of Wiimotes And Smash Their $3,000 Plasma TVs" and see what comes up), the same Wiimote which is being pirated by the dark overlords at XBOX, thus soon rendering all of Nintendo obsolete. (Sorry for getting carried over into geekdom for a minute there.)

Then again, we're probably too poor to pick this up anytime during the rest of the Bush presidency, even after considering it a paltry $90 investment in our health and greater well-being. Sad.

Nintendo-Themed Valentine's Chocolates Harder to Get Than a Wii

Bryan Christian — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 17:00:00 GMT

Find yourself in love with a serious video-game geek? Better not mention that you missed out on the totally sold-out Mii chocolates created especially for love-struck nerds by Nebraska designer Paul Pape.

This box of candy has it all. In fact, the box is even part of the gift. Crafted to look like a game unit with a very sweet message on the top, the box opens to reveal two chocolate figures with little red-hot hearts on their shirts. You can choose to have the traditional boy and girl grouping, or any combination of the two, so give the gift to a loved one or share with a friend.

SOLD. OUT. Drat. And we were gonna buy like 5 boxes and throw a huge Mii "grouping," if you know what we mean. Next year!

Previously: Sloppy Seconds: Nerd Love

Holiday Gift Guide: The Nintendo Virtual Boy

Michael Martin — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 22:15:00 GMT

For the next week, Nerve staff and contributors will offer nearly 100 ideas to help buy you love in the New Year.

The Nintendo Wii? Old news! The Nintendo DS? Please. For the gamer in your life, get them the gift that stopped giving twelve years ago: the Nintendo Virtual Boy. While the Big N's current systems are two of the hottest items on shelves and two of the biggest electronic success stories of the past decade, the Virtual Boy is an archaic oddity that almost sunk the company back in 1995. You can grab one off eBay for under $30 and get your faux-virtual reality on. Just watch out for epileptic fits and eye damage. — John Constantine

Say What? No More Rabbit Ears?

Emily Farris — Wed, 12 Dec 2007 19:03:00 GMT

Last night we hooked up our old TV — with rabbit ears, of course — to our Nintendo. We played Mario 3 for about an hour and only made it past Level 1 once. We realize we're a little behind the times here, but seriously, what are we going to do when the entire US Broadcasting System changes over from analog to digital in 2009? How did we miss this news?

Luckily, everyone's favorite employer Wal-Mart (and other big box stores) will sell converters that will "allow" people to keep their old televisions.

[Via Wired]

Dear Nintendo Wii: Happy Birthday, You Old Homewrecker You!

Bryan Christian — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 14:15:00 GMT

Monday was the Nintendo Wii's first birthday! What did you get yours? We know what Go Nintendo reader "Tony" gave his Wii: a massive guilt trip for ruining his marriage. Seems that "Tony" got back from Iraq to find something he wasn't expecting on his Wii's Mii Channel (a.k.a., the place where your personalized Wii characters live), something that confirmed rumors he'd been hearing about his wife and an unnamed sports figure.

It’s a guy strikingly similar to PBA Bowler *name deleted*. To be sure of this, I went into the Wil Message Board and click on the Calendar option. Through this menu I was able to identify the many nights my wife’s Mii and this ‘other’ Mii Character played Wii Bowling. It became clearly obvious that she couldn’t explain her way out of this.

Here's the best part about all this: somewhere out there, there's a pro bowler who's getting into girls pants with his video game skills. What, polos and the promise of remarkable finger strength weren't cutting it?

[Via GamePro and Gizmodo]