Scanner : nudity

Sexy Garden Gnomes Offend Wankers

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 15:59:00 GMT

In West Midlands, UK, the Old Guard is trying desperately to prevent its open-minded seniors from corrupting the youth with their naked garden gnomes.

The full, horrific and incredibly graphic photos of these hideous beasts-- along with equally hilarious quotes from those who seek to save us from these insults to our mores-- after the jump...

For more than fifteen years, nude gnomes have stood in 64-year-old Sarah Smith's garden, unashamed of the imaginary bodies their imaginary God gave them. Then, of course, an unnamed woman moved in next door and was worried her young children might be filled with wild, underage lust for old bearded men if they saw the nude creatures. So she called the town council and had a police officer order Smith's little dudes covered up:

"I don't think they should be in a garden with my young kids running around nearby," she said.

"They are childish and I think it pathetic that they are in a front garden in full view of everyone."

Of course, there's nothing pathetic whatsoever with caring so much about a bunch of naked garden gnomes that you have to get the cops involved. Nothing at all.

Via the Telegraph.

While You Were Sleeping: Lindsay Lohan's Strip Show

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 14:04:00 GMT

Christopher Hitchens recalls the night no one wanted him to get loaded, so he went to Hunter Thompson's house to get bombed and fire off some guns. Someone explain to me why life is worth living without that man in this world.

Tomorrow's South Park is about pirates.

An Australian town chorus posed nude for charity.

The Food Network Magazine benefits in this economy-- maybe because no one can afford food, so they decide to read about? Not sure on this one.

Madonna may have lied about paparazzi causing her fall from a horse. Ya think?

This guy is right about his water bill-- there's no way he used 300,000 gallons in one month... and he's also right that no one, not even a well-meaning anonymous donor should have to pay the price for the water company's clerical error.

Rumors are brewing that Lindsay Lohan is considering joining a topless revue. Man, the internet will believe anything Perez Hilton tells them, huh?

And Stephen Hawking is apparently in serious condition in an English hospital.

While You Were Sleeping: Drunk Breastfeeding

More of the Best of "The Best of Craiglist"

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 19:43:00 GMT

It's hard to believe it's been almost ten years since Craig's List officially took over the internet. Craig Newmark's baby has long since proved its staying power and questions about its eventual demise are considered silly since no end appears to be in sight.

Another sign of its vitality is the continuing presence of wacky, original posts showcasing North America's admirable ability to not always take itself so seriously. These few posts prove the site will always be ridiculous, bizarre, unfiltered, and entirely readable... if only in the "Best of" section, which thankfully weeds out the dick pics and political maniacs.

First, a personal ad that makes us wish we were lesbians...

best of craigslist > montreal >

Con U muslim lesbo looking for sweaty "ententes" with Jewish McGillian

What's with the McGill snobbery? Are Concordia dykes chopped liver already?

I'm a sexy Palestinian-born, Concordia-educated lesbian looking to make my very personal, very profound statement for peace by offering my luscious bod to a Jewish McGill gal to do with as she pleases. Let us bridge our cultural and institutional differences in a shuddering display of joy and togetherness and be an example to the rest of the world

Come break some taboon bread with me and I'll sip your Manischewitz wine.

محبوب

Republican at CPAC

Yo... young Republican guy here, attending CPAC this weekend. Looking for a discreet, masculine guy to fool around with. Conservative, closeted guys preferred... would like to meet someone attending CPAC (there are plenty of guys looking for action there), so we have something to talk about. Into making out, jerking off, oral... maybe fucking. I'm 5'9, masculine, 7"uc, brown/ blue.

Be in good shape, under 30, and drug/ disease free. Send pics in first email.

Would prefer to meet up at your place, since I'm sharing a room....

Location: DC

best of craigslist > ann arbor

The Streaker Tripper - m4w

I was streaking through the Diag Friday night at 2:15 am. Coming around the corner of State and Liberty, fast as a naked blur, I bumped into you and we both fell to the ground. I was a little upset with you at first, cuz I scratched my right butt cheek pretty bad, but I knew it was my fault. You said, "Nice New Balances," And all I could say was, "Thanks," with the adrenaline still rushing. In less awkward circumstances, I would have liked to talk to you. I had never run into a girl that fast or naked before... I didn't know how to respond so I helped you up quickly and kept running. Since my friends paid me $100 for making it to Kerrytown with just my socks, shoes, and a big smile, I'd like to take you on a date. You looked pretty fit so maybe you'd like to go for a run sometime. Hit me up! Bye!

best of craigslist > madison

Looking for Bridesmaids - w4w

So, my fiancee and I are getting married in June. He has 8 groomsmen lined up and I only have one bridesmaid. So, I need some girls who are attractive and around my age to stand up in my wedding. You can be single or taken. It doesn't matter....you just have to be hot. But, not hotter then me. Email me for more information. The wedding will be in Madison and you won't have to pay for a thing.

Hope to hear from you!

There you have it, folks-- a dissection of love in North America, circa 2009. (See the full ads and more here.)

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Brazilian Carnival Outdoing Itself Almost Daily With Risque Nudity

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 14:44:00 GMT

Dani Sperle. Remember the name of that nude Brazilian carnival superstar-- yesterday, we asked you to memorize the words Viviane Castro, but we're unceremoniously brushing her aside-- for Dani just took South America by storm or, rather, by boob...

According to unsubstantied reports from Brazil's front lines, Dani Sperle has just beaten Viviane Castro's 2008 record for the skimpiest carnival costume. If you think we're making this category up, you need to read this:

Brazilian media outlets are very excited about the fact that there is a new record for the smallest article of clothing to be worn in a Carnival parade. Model Dani Sperle showed up at the parade in Rio de Janeiro wearing a headdress, a necklace, boots, armbands ... and a piece of cloth that was 3 centimeters long. For as much coverage as this fact was given, none of the reports specify how she wore this piece of cloth. It broke the record set last year by Viviane Castro at 4 centimeters. Castro was penalized for not meeting minimum standards, though no penalties have been assessed against Sperle yet. [TampaBay.com]

It's in a Florida newspaper, and you know everyone is sane and not full of bullshit in that state. However, we can actually confirm the outfit, based on this unfortunately-censored photo:

Yesterday, one commenter asked where the "strategically-placed tape" was... your answer may appear above, good sir.

And if you're annoyed at the censored photo, here are two NSFW photos of today's record-breaker... put two and two together using your imagination, people...

Related:

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Nude Night Invades Florida

Mr. Skin's 2009 Naked Oscar Nominees, Free & Uncensored

Kate Moss Stocks Up On Beer, Strips For New York Magazine

Sloppy Seconds: What Amy Adams Does in Private

Emily Farris — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 22:43:00 GMT

Do you believe that NBC paid crazy baby lady ~~Angelina Jolie~~ Nadya Suleman nothing for her sit down with Ann Curry? [Jossip]

Our favorite headline of the day: 'Nude biker leads trooper on chase in bad weather.' [AP]

Boo: a brewery in Brooklyn has been ordered to stop making its Obama ale. That's too bad. We've had it and it's good. [The Brooklyn Paper]

After seemingly racist photos of her surfaced, Miley Cyrus is being sued for $4 million "on behalf of all "Asian Pacific Islanders living in Los Angeles County." Good luck with that Lucie Kim. [FadedYouth]

Ah! Will U2 just go away for, like, a little while? They're playing for an entire week on David Letterman to promote their upcoming album. [Yahoo!]

Apparently Amy Adams, girl of Scanner Brain's dreams, is actually a bad girl, telling BlackBook magazine, "I misbehave. I just do it in private." We imagine this only means he loves her more now. [People]

Naked Man Takes Over the Tate

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 14:47:00 GMT

Have you ever noticed that museums host an assortment of paintings and photos of nude women, but hardly any of men?

These noble internet troublemakers noticed...

An image of a naked delivery driver from Newcastle has been projected onto the side of Tate Britain in a bid to break the taboo of showing the male form.

But the stunt is not the product of the art establishment, 25-year-old Neill Richardson was dared to show off his body on a bragging website.

He sent in the picture - displaying his tattoos and behind - and it was (somehow) picked as the 'best' and projected 50ft tall onto the side of the famous art gallery. [Newslite]

While their intentions may not have been as heroic as some might suggest (they weren't out to "break the taboo" any more than they wanted to top a similar prank from 1999 that projected a naked Gail Porter onto the backside of Parliament), at least now people in the art world are discussing that controversial subject: the nude male form and the unspoken conservative suppression of it.

Venus and Serena Williams Pretend Not to Enjoy Happy Streaker

Today in "The Sun Made This Up": Raccoon Bites Man's Manhood

Kate Winslet on America's Nudity Double Standard

Emily Farris — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 18:26:00 GMT

There's been much ado about Kate Winslet's naked body lately. It's too thin, it's just right, it's airbrushed, "God bless your natural breasts!" (Oprah). It is a beautiful body. Women love it, men love it. Maybe because we've seen so much of it in the movies lately. But what have we been missing out on while we've been gawking at Kate? According to the Brit, penises.

When asked if there was a double standard when it comes to men's and women's nudity on screen, Kate said: "Um, yeah there is," K.W. dished, pausing while trying to figure out why that is. "Because, for some reason, people feel there's just more of a man you're not allowed to show."

Like movie, like blog. We feel you, Kate.

Related:

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While You Were Sleeping: Getting Dumped On Facebook

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Sloppy Seconds: Kanye Will Pose Nude (Don't Worry, He'll Keep His Sunglasses On)

Emily Farris — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 23:01:00 GMT

Earlier this week Patrick Swayze was telling us he had two to five years to live. Today he was hospitalized for pneumonia. [Yahoo!]

Tom Cruise's Golden Globes date? Katie Holmes' dad. Weird. [Us]

Uh! You guys! This is so not fair! The media is being way nicer to Caroline Kennedy than it was to Sarah Palin. (Don't take it personally Sarah, it's just that everyone in media has been laid off, that's all.) [DailyIntel]

Nerve alum Will Doig rounds up the year in sex. [The Daily Beast]

Ummmmmmmmm.... [People]

"I definitely feel like, in the next however many years, if I work out for two months, that I'll pose naked. I'll break every rule and mentality of hip-hop, of black culture, of American culture," Kanye West told Vibe. We can't say we're not looking forward to that. [MTV]

Everybody Stay Calm and Think Positive Thoughts

Kanye West On SNL: Can't Sing, Won't Sing

[Image]

Memo to the Telegraph: If You Cover Up, You're Not Naked

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 21:50:00 GMT

The above photo of Marisa Miller is advertised as a "nudie pic." We're pretty sure she's actually naked under that iPod (a great Christmas gift, by the way!), but we have to question the supposed nudity in this shot of five young students of Cambridge University...

Okay, sure, they're probably nekkid (although they're all wearing boots and the girl on the far left clearly has shorts or underwear on), but what about the fact that these damn lambs keep getting in the way? They may be naked, but is this technically a "nude photo?"

This was a photo shoot the five Cambridge University gals did for a charity calendar, being sold for nine English pounds (coincidentally their combined body weight), which is for blah blah blah a Veterinary Hospital blah blah.

Photo via the Telegraph.

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Never Pay for Porn Again

Scanner Matt — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 22:34:00 GMT

Free pornography? You don't know about this yet? We could have sworn we told you.

Is this a sign of an enlightened society or the downfall of society? The people have taken porn into their own hands and it's been killing the adult-entertainment industry along with some other things.

The story from Conde Nast Portfolio:

DVD sales are in free fall. Audiences are flocking to pornographic knockoffs of YouTube, especially a secretive site called YouPorn. And the amateurs are taking over. What’s happening to the adult-entertainment industry is exactly what’s happening to its Hollywood counterpart—only worse.

There are just too many theories to add to that comparative statement.

As its name suggests, YouPorn lets users upload and watch a virtually unlimited selection of hardcore sex videos for free. The user-generated clips on YouPorn—like those on YouTube, the site it mimics—range from the grainiest amateur footage to the slickest professional product.

Good luck.

Related:

Today in WTF: PG Porn

Porn Poll: How Do You Like Your Porn?

Porn and Pasties: We Missed Out

Because You Know You Want to Make Sexy Time With That Camera

Emily Farris — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 19:58:00 GMT

We know you like to look at us. Well, you at least like to look at what we write. Your reaction when we post pictures of ourselves tends to vary. Anyway, what we're getting at is that we want to look at you, or at least look at pictures you've taken—if you're an exceptional photo blogger that is.

You see, Nerve is looking for guest bloggers for our new photo blog that will feature a new photographer each month.

Guest Photo Blogger
Nerve is looking for exceptional photographers with a distinguished, tasteful and saucy set of eyes to be guest photo bloggers.

Position Description:
Guest photo bloggers will blog on Nerve.com's new guest photo blog section for one month starting in 2009. This new section will act as a revolving door for talent and to showcase various visual points of view.

Requirements:
You must be an active blogger with a variety of fresh, engaging, and refined variety of subject matter.

How to Apply:
If you’re a photo blogger who would like to be featured on our Photographers site., we’d like to see the following:
1. Your own personal blog site.
2. A CV (.pdf files only please) attached to the email.
3. Samples of your work (samples from your website/blog/ blog address/ etc.)
4. Your thoughts/ideas/ about what your blog would entail for a month.

NOTE: You must be over 18.
Models featured in your images must be 18 or older, and have appropriate model releases.

Send all the above with "GUEST PHOTO BLOGGER" in the SUBJECT HEADER to PHOTO (AT) NERVE (DOT) COM.

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Award Season Kicked into Gear, Critics Choose

Scanner Matt — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 20:21:00 GMT

The Dark Knight and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button are looking pretty good, while Revolutionary Road was shunned. Is Brad Pitt going to finally pull off some big wins or will Mickey Rourke solidify his comeback with a few trophies?

The Broadcast Film Critics Associations is usually a good barometer for Academy Award nominations (as the Golden Globe Awards usually throw us a few curveballs).

2009 Critics Choice Awards Nominees

BEST PICTURE
Changeling
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
The Dark Knight
Doubt
Frost/Nixon
Milk
The Reader
Slumdog Millionaire
Wall-E
The Wrestler

BEST ACTOR
Clint Eastwood - Gran Torino
Richard Jenkins - The Visitor
Frank Langella - Frost/Nixon
Sean Penn - Milk
Brad Pitt - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Mickey Rourke - The Wrestler

BEST ACTRESS
Kate Beckinsale - Nothing But the Truth
Cate Blanchett - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Anne Hathaway - Rachel Getting Married
Angelina Jolie - Changeling
Melissa Leo - Frozen River
Meryl Streep - Doubt

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Josh Brolin - Milk
Robert Downey, Jr. - Tropic Thunder
Philip Seymour Hoffman - Doubt
Heath Ledger - The Dark Knight
James Franco - Milk

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Penelope Cruz - Vicky Cristina Barcelona
Viola Davis - Doubt
Vera Farmiga - Nothing But the Truth
Taraji P. Henson - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Marisa Tomei - The Wrestler
Kate Winslet - The Reader

BEST ACTING ENSEMBLE
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
The Dark Knight
Doubt
Milk
Rachel Getting Married

BEST DIRECTOR
Danny Boyle - Slumdog Millionaire
David Fincher - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Ron Howard - Frost/Nixon
Christopher Nolan - The Dark Knight
Gus Van Sant - Milk

BEST WRITER (Original or Adapted Screenplay)
Simon Beaufoy - Slumdog Millionaire
Dustin Lance Black - Milk
Peter Morgan - Frost/Nixon
Eric Roth - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
John Patrick Shanley - Doubt

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE
Bolt
Kung Fu Panda
Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa
Wall-E
Waltz With Bashir

BEST YOUNG ACTOR/ACTRESS (Under 21)
Dakota Fanning - The Secret Life of Bees
David Kross - The Reader
Dev Petal - Slumdog Millionaire
Brandon Walters - Australia

BEST ACTION MOVIE
The Dark Knight
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Iron Man
Quantum of Solace
Wanted

BEST COMEDY
Burn After Reading
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Role Models
Tropic Thunder
Vicky Cristina Barcelona

BEST PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
John Adams
Recount
Coco Chanel

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
A Christmas Tale
Gomorrah
I've Loved You So Long
Let the Right One In
Mongol
Waltz With Bashir

BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE
I.O.U.S.A.
Man On Wire
Roman Polanski: Wanted and Desired
Standard Operating Procedure
Young At Heart

BEST SONG
"Another Way to Die" - Jack White and Alicia Keys/Jack White - Quantum of
Solace
"Down to Earth" - Peter Gabriel/Peter Gabriel and Thomas Newman - Wall-E
"I Thought I Lost You" - Miley Cyrus and John Travolta/Miley Cyrus and
Jeffrey Steele - Bolt
"Jaiho" - Sukhwinder Singh/A.R. Rahman and Gulzar - Slumdog Millionaire
"The Wrestler" - Bruce Springsteen/Bruce Springsteen - The Wrestler

BEST COMPOSER
Alexandre Desplat - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Clint Eastwood - Changeling
Danny Elfman - Milk
Hans Zimmer and James Newton Howard - The Dark Knight
A.R. Rahman - Slumdog Millionaire

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Hot or Not: Marisa Tomei in The Wrestler

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Hot or Not: Marisa Tomei in The Wrestler

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 17:29:00 GMT

Clad in nipple rings, tainted by a deliberately rough makeup job, the gorgeous Marisa Tomei serves as-- believe it or not-- the beautiful half of the Mickey Rourke-and-the-stripper pairing at the center of The Wrestler, an upcoming critical favorite.

Darren Aronofsky is widely believed to have recovered from The Fountain with this awards-season bait, with Mickey Rourke a shoo-in for a Best Actor nomination (even at the Oscars, which is saying something.) But until today, we hadn't heard word one about Marisa Tomei being in the film or, more importantly, her second epic nude scene in as many years.

Tomei plays a stripper-- that much we know and that much we want to know. The rest, we'd rather learn as we watch the movie (aren't all cinema experiences better if you don't even know what the movie's about, only that you should see it?) However, we can't resist a few leaked topless photos and we're sure you won't mind either:

Well, it's not Before The Devil Knows You're Dead, but who's complaining?

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Who Knew North Dakota Had Such A Great Bar Scene?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 15:48:00 GMT

Hankinson, North Dakota is an up-and-coming town of 1,058 people, with not much going on these days except the North Dakota Horseshoe Tournament, taking place while the rest of the world will be climbing up lampposts in D.C. to see an inauguration.

But now this budding tourist hamlet is getting some unwanted publicity of the kind that actually inspires horndogs and other vacationers to hop the next plane to... wait, where the hell are the airports in North Dakota anyway?

The Boston Herald this morning picked up a story out of Hankinson that makes their bar scene sound worthy of the hardest-drinking Americans: The Spare Time bar is being shut down for a week after it was revealed a couple had sex in the middle of it for thirty minutes the other night. The 21-year-old "performers" were charged with misdemeanors, identified by the police thanks to the fact that dozens of people took pictures and video with their cell phones and then, get this, sent them to the City Council for amusement. Whoops-- the City Council turns out to not have a sense of humor.

On Wednesday night, Roger Boutain, who owns Spare Time, went before the Council with 100 supporters behind him (all of whom, one assumes, were at the bar that night and heartily approved) and begged to be allowed to remain open. Luckily, Hankinson only closed The Spare Time for a week...

"We went from being an up and growing community to Hankinson, the place where they had sex in the bar," Mayor Joe O’Meara said. "It didn’t shed a good light on our community. I’m hoping now, we can just put this past us."

By the way, the airport you want to fly into is Hector International, in Fargo.

Image via the Sun-UK.

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No Legal Remedies for "Upskirting" and "Downblousing"

Scanner Matt — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 18:37:00 GMT

Technology definitely progresses faster than the law and the perves are taking advantage of the loop holes. Snapping a picture with a cell phone up a woman's skirt ("upskirting" ) or down her blouse ("downblousing") has become a world craze. Japan now requires cellphone cameras to come with a shutter sound to announce a picture is being taken.

Salon reports:

A keyword search for "upskirt" on the photo-sharing site Flickr turns up 36,368 hits. One user has taken 48 candid shots of women's stockinged rears walking up stairs in the Paris Metro subway station. The vast majority of these photos, however, are not upskirts at all, but close-ups of women's body parts taken in public places like the subway, parks and street corners. Some Flickr members specialize in these types of shots, many with a particular area of expertise: breasts, bums, nipple slips, whale tails (the top of a thong peeking over the waist of a woman's pants), camel toes, legs or feet. Amazingly, one user has amassed 1,455 photos of disembodied, hastily framed shots taken with a cellphone camera of various body parts -- feet, breasts, butt and legs -- that could belong to any woman, really.

This is creepy and unsettling stuff that has yet to be resolved by U. S. lawmakers.

The question of where to draw a line between artistic street photography and fetishistic candids that reduce a woman to her toe cleavage is like that ever-unreliable definition of pornography: I know it when I see it. John Morris, general counsel for the Center for Democracy & Technology, puts the reality simply: "If you don't want to be photographed walking the street, don't walk down the street -- it's a public street."

It's a tough issue to define while respecting art and first amendment rights, but seriously, they can't figure out a better way to defend the privacy of an individual than, "don't walk down the street... " What are we, in Saudi Arabia?

In the meantime, watch out for the new cellphone sex operators.

Related:

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Woman Busted For Videotaping Her Underage Sex Crime

Today in WTF: Guy Gets Off (For/On) Getting 14-Year-Old Girl Drunk, Violating Her

Photo/Salon

While You Were Sleeping: Drunk Cheerleaders Make Sports Watchable Again

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 13:51:00 GMT

Colin Powell endorsed Barack Obama on Meet the Press. He pointed out the Senator is and has always been a Christian... and so what if he was a Muslim?

A gym teacher posed as a lesbian model to try to get his student to send him a nude self-portrait.

Jon Stewart has only one thing to say to Sarah Palin... and he can't say it on TV...

That's right... he tells Sarah Palin: "Fuck you." The full transcript of this almost completely garbled video is here.

Guess how much a tennis lesson with Andy Roddick costs? A million bucks, right? That's what you'd think, but not only is it a mere 15 g's, Roddick is throwing in a nudity option as well.

You know how much we love pranks.

The shortlist for the Oscars' Best Foreign Language Film nominees was announced, although we don't think many of them will see release in the U.S. for a while.

A man was charged with taking a leak in a police car and spitting on a cop. The man was, of course, butt naked at the time.

And a bunch of cheerleaders were busted for hitting the bottle before The Big Game. Wait, some teenagers aren't drunk the night before a big game? That's not the America we know and love...

Woman Steals Daughter's Identity to Become a High School Cheerleader

"Do That Little Cheerleader Move," NY State Assemblyman Tells Intern

Town Rallies Behind Principal Who Discriminated Against Lesbian Student

Who Would You Rather: Grey's Anatomy Lesbian Doctor Edition

Eva Mendes to America: Take Your Nip Slip Censorship and Shove It

Emily Farris — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 15:31:00 GMT

Eva Mendes opened up about her too-hot-for-TV Calvin Klein ad, and told Vogue what the rest of us already knew: we're a country of uptight prudes.

"I love my country, but I believe that we are too quick to censor nudity," the actress, 34, tells the Spanish edition of Vogue in its November issue. "We seem okay with violence, but nudity we race to criticize and censor. I'm not at all ashamed or frightened about showing my body."

Amen, Eva. But even People can only handle that much, because once that nudity business is out of the way, what could have been a good article about sexiness and censorship turned into yet another mass market article on trying too hard. Apparently, the rest of us should be ashamed or frightened of showing our bodies if we don't look like Mendes.

The secret to her sexy shape? Simple: Diet and exercise. "I try not to go crazy, but yes, I pay attention to what I eat," she says. (Since her stint in rehab earlier this year, Mendes has been outspoken about taking care of herself.) "I try to stay away from pasta, bread, cakes, sweets, cookies and ice cream."

If you're not sexy, whatever you do, don't let the real you show; apparently it's "less sexy."

The actress – currently starring in The Women – also touches on a rather less sexy aspect of herself. Asked about her Latin temperament, she says: "I don't usually lose my temper, but if I get angry, it's true – I'm scary. I scare my boyfriend!"

We actually know plenty of men (and women) who would disagree that the "Latin temperament" is "less sexy."

Anyway, here's that commercial again in case you missed it the first few times we posted it:

[People: Eva Mendes Loves Being 'Sexy']

[Scanner: 'People' Loves Putting 'Sexy' in Quotes... As If It's a Dirty Word]

Related:

Eva Mendes: Too Hot For TV, Way Too Hot For Work

What Kind Of God In Heaven Lets A Topless Eva Mendes Photoshoot Go This Wrong?

Eva Mendes Calvin Klein Photos Almost As Good As Having Friday Off

Sloppy Seconds: Eva Mendes' New Underwear Modeling Gig

Eva Mendes Would Rather Go Naked

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Motorcycle Party Features Screaming Orgasm Contest, Rampant Nudity

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 13:44:00 GMT

Back when we were alerting you to the triumphant success of the New Zealand Boobs on Bikes parade, we agreed with the readers that it wouldn't be long before a copycat event (or two) sprung up stateside.

It turned out one was coming up soon... and it's already been a success once before, as evidenced by these (nsfw!) photos...

Brooksville, FL has been hosting these rallies for years and have raised over $30,000 on behalf of various military organizations, including disabled veterans, via the local marine corps. This time, however, they want to break out the "Wet T-shirts, Screaming Orgasms, Pole Dancing" and, um, "Frozen T-Shirt Contests." Hmm. Also, judging by the photo below, there is some sort of stand where you can get booze that a woman runs over her breasts and is funneled through a maze of ice. Or something.

As far as these photos, we'll give up on explanations and let them speak for themselves:

"Mom... thanks for letting me come to the party with you, but... please!"

The 4th Annual Old School Biker Rodeo kicks off on Halloween day... unless the county commission has its way. According to the St. Petersburg Times, the Hernando County event is in jeopardy because, even though the event was permitted last year, the committee finally got around to checking out the organization's website and... whoops, yep, the above photos were all there, plus a helluva lot more. And it doesn't help that there are the aforementioned contests to consider, either.

Luckily, the same guy who arranged for Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie to appear at the event as part of a Simple Life 2 episode is filing an appeal... and he used to lead the commission. So, in other words, there's a good chance the event will go on as scheduled. Charity rules!

Top photo (from Boobs on Bikes) via China Daily, last photo via Flickr, story via Tampa Bay.

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While You Were Sleeping: Kate Moss Doing Nude Orgy For Music Video

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 13:18:00 GMT

The Dalai Lama is too exhausted for a world tour-- even a world tour that involves medical testing.

The first woman to ever face bigamy charges in Kentucky is on the run. Warning: do not marry this crazy nutjob.

Led Zeppelin have returned to the studio! Oh, but there's a small catch...

Jimmy Page, John Paul Jones and Jason Bonham have been working on new material - without frontman Robert Plant.
Drummer Bonham... admits the new songs could be destined for a new Led Zeppelin album...

He says, "At the moment, all I know is I have the great pleasure to go and jam with the two guys and start work on some material. When I get there (in the studio) I never ask any questions..." [Starpulse]

Dr. Dre's son died over the weekend.

Madonna compares McCain to Hitler in her new in-concert video.

The Game stepped up the rap community's attacks on Jesse Jackson.

Yes, you read that headline right: Kate Moss' boyfriend is in a band called We Are (Not) Sex People, known for their terrible name. The lead singer says that Moss will appear, in the buff but filmed discreetly, in the middle of an orgy in a brothel:

Frontman Dan Summers commented: "Jamie [Hince, Moss's boyfriend] has nothing to worry about but there will be lots of nudity.

"Kate will play a sexy, young version of Cynthia [Payne, a famous London madam.] And we’d all give our right ears to be that bunny rabbit she fools around with."

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: More Naughty Miley Cyrus Photos Leaked

Why Did Jesse Jackson Attack Obama?

Sloppy Seconds: Ron Wood's Mistress In The Buff

Fox News Thinks Madonna Broke A-Rod's Rod

Does Madonna Have A Sex Tape And Do We Want To See It?

Eva Mendes Does Incredibly Hot Vogue Photo Shoot

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 09 May 2008 19:11:00 GMT

Thank God, these are so NSFW it's not even funny...

First off, what are these pictures supposed to be of? Some 1950s Italian movie stars? We're very confused by magazines like Vogue-- they always seem to be unsure what their own point is.

As for Eva, if she's trying to become the next Paris Hilton (or Sasha Grey), these will surely help raise her to that status-- a tart. Not that we mind that-- after all, she's in movies like We Own the Night and Ghost Racer or whatever it's called, so we don't actually respect her as an actress anyway...

Don't miss this photo, which is mind-blowingly hot and involves lingerie, heels, and being bent over a table... don't say we didn't warn you!

All of these and many more via No Watermark.

Christians Having Better Sex Than You

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 19:01:00 GMT

Don't you love the sacreligious pic, via PhotoDisc?

Created in 1997, the site covers topics like anal, oral and phone sex; masturbation and role-playing; fetishes; bonding; and spanking.

No, they're not talking about Nerve, silly. It's actually the website of Pastor Paul Byerly of Salem, OR, entitled TheMarriageBed.com. And it's just the latest sign that Christians are opening up to the idea of exploring sex and enjoying some hot anal action in the name of Lord Jesus...

Among the highlights of this astonishing article from ABC News (all right, we're grossly exaggerating):

On Pastor Paul and his wife Lori: "The couple talks openly about their inability to enjoy sex because of Lori's history of sex abuse and his involvement in pornography." Wait-- Pastor Paul was involved in pornos?! Please explain, ABC! (Alas, someone didn't do their follow-ups.)
These loveable old Christian weirdos even have some wit left in them at their age: "As pastor of the 15,600-member, nondenominational church -- one of the largest in the nation -- [Reverend Kerry Shook] recently delivered a popular sermon titled 'How to Make Your Marriage Sizzle.'" The witty part? "We were cooking beef burgundy with a reduction sauce." Get it? Sizzle fo' shizzle-- zing!
Shook: "One of the things we cover in scripture is how to meet each other's needs in bed." Damn! Who knew the Bible was dirtier than the Kama Sutra. (Proabably someone who's actually read it, unlike us.)
"Folks who are married and people of faith tend to have more sex, more often than people who are swingers." Sign us up for this crazy Christian nonsense if there is any proof whatsoever it'll work!
Dallas psychotherapist Melanie "is also critical of Christian attitudes toward premarital sex, which she argues encourages teens to marry young out of guilt. She also veers from the standard position on homosexuality." Is she single, perchance?

Okay, enough. Just read the damn thing-- although we've already spoiled all the best parts.

Fess Up: One of You Out There LOVES VirtuaGirlHD

Bryan Christian — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 18:39:00 GMT

AVN is reporting that VirtuaGirlHD -- which is apparently some sort of full-frontal screensaver -- "has drawn 1.25 million users since its release in January" and is ready to hit the 3-million mark before the summer.

VirtuaGirlHD delivers a new model to users' Windows desktops every morning in high-definition resolution. The model says "Hi," strips and reminds users of appointments. To view full nudity, viewers are required to pay for a $12.95 monthly membership.

Now if we carried the "1" correctly, those numbers mean approximately "some" of you are shelling out the $12.95 a month tab to ditch your Flying Toasters or whatever for some racier. So fess up: what's it like? We'd never install anything having to do with nudity on a Windows box -- why not just ram some hot Melissa worm into our ethernet holes while you're at it! -- but maybe it's worth it?

Helen Mirren's Penchant For Nudity Wins Award That Doesn't Just Exist In Our Minds

Bryan Christian — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 18:01:00 GMT

Dame of our hearts-slash-loins Helen Mirren has just been awarded what we're pretty sure is the most deeply earned honor in her stellar career.

Helen, 62, has now been voted No 1 showbiz personality for "promoting healthy nudity" by the USA Naturist Society.
The Society's Nicky Hoffman said: "Nude is not lewd, it is beautiful. Helen is actually a naturist and goes nude sunbathing."

Actually, we didn't win anything here -- despite the fact that we are, currently, stark naked -- but we'd nonetheless like to take this opportunity to thank the USA Naturist Society for giving Mirror.co.uk a reason to reveal the exact size of The Queen's jewels. Curious? Click through for the answer and a special photovisual retrospective of the physical attributes that Mirren is being honored for letting free.

Helen Mirren's measurements are: 38C-26-37

Sounds about right...

And how about a few that aren't so nudie but still remind us of what Helen's got underneath those smart outfits.

Noooooooooooooooooooooo!!! (Asia Argento Edition)

Bryan Christian — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 19:45:00 GMT

Re: all the brazen nudity that we love Asia Argento for: "There's a limit. My rebellious years have come to a halt."

Argh. Why does everything good in this world die?

What can ease this pain in our heart? Well, a picture of Rosario Dawson and Asia pawing each other sure wouldn't hurt...

The One Time Streaking Wasn't So Funny

Emily Farris — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 16:19:00 GMT

We've never really understood why people get so mad at streakers. We find it hilarious and sad how uncomfortable some are with nudity, but even we have to admit, when streaking endangers people and animals, we're against it, too.

An Australian man thought it would be funny to streak in a horse rase, and be the first to cross the finish line. And it sounds like it was pretty laughable, until a jockey and her horse slammed into a wall. And then lost a race they were winning.

Jockey Tracy O'Hara was almost sent crashing to the turf when her horse Morcombe took fright as the streaker staggered on to track south of Batemans Bay during the last race on Saturday.

O'Hara and her horse were well clear of their rivals 100m from home only to slam into the inside running rail when the bleary-eyed intruder entered the course.

O'Hara was "upset and annoyed'' by the streaker's foolish antics.

Rival horse Bournda See stormed home to finish first past the post.

[Courier Mail: Anger at buck's day nude dash]

But it's Always So Cold on Airplanes, Are Nude Flights Really a Good Idea?

Emily Farris — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 16:27:00 GMT

Our skin always looks so bad when we're flying, and sitting down strapped in naked? The belt cutting into all the bad parts? Or maybe the altitude does wonders for the body? But maybe not in the way we'd like.. because we do remember that one time when the guy we were flying with whipped it out and it seemed so much bigger 30,000 feet in the air. So maybe a nude flight is a great idea for guys and not so much for the ladies? Ah, we're confused so we're going to keep our clothes on and let the Germans have all the fun for now.

A German travel agent has come up with the ultimate in no-frills flying - a charter flight for passengers who want to fly naked. Naturist holidays are particularly popular among east Germans, who like nothing better than to stretch out on a beach in the nude. "The flight can be enjoyed as God intended," said OssiUrlaub, a company specialising in selling to holidaymakers from the former east. "For the first time, passengers in Germany can fly completely in the nude."

Maybe it's the first time in Germany, but there was that one flight out of Miami in 2003.

Ninety intrepid adventurers, passengers and crew enjoyed the first nude flight on a commercial airliner May 3 from Miami to Cancun, Mexico. A chartered Boeing 737 carried the first ever NAKED AIR flight sponsored by Castaways Travel of Houston, Texas. The professionally dressed crew remained clothed throughout the flight, adhering to standard operating rules of the Federal Aviation Association (FAA). Only the passengers disrobed after "take off" and remained nude for level flight until the captain called for clothes and landing procedures upon approaching the Cancun International Airport. Length of the NAKED AIR flight from Miami to Cancun was one hour fifteen minutes. Most passengers were on their way to the El Dorado and Hidden Beach Resorts for NUDE WEEK, also sponsored by Castaways Travel from May 3-10.

[Guardian: Nudist flights ready for take-off]

[Naked-air.com]

Jessica Simpson Ready to Go Nude To Save Nonexistent Movie Career?

Bryan Christian — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 18:49:00 GMT

Guess it's Jessica Simpson day here at Scanner. First her boyfriend's dealing with some performance issues, and now it seems like she is too. word is she's willing to do nude in a movie, even though she passed on playing a pornstar at some point in the past (the rumored Jenna Jameson biopic maybe?).

A source said, "Jessica is in the running for a role that, if she gets it, will put her right on the map in terms of acting.

"The only hitch is that the script requires a number of quite graphic scenes including a full-frontal nude scene. Jessica is so desperate to land the role and get the industry's respect that she's ready to go against her better judgement, and her family, by agreeing to bare all.

Desperate? What's that all about? Um... maybe the part where Jessica's latest film, the romantic comedy Blonde Ambition co-starring Luke Wilson and Rachel Leigh-Cook, has been deemed unsuitable for theatrical release by its makers (including daddy Joe Simpson) and will be going straight-to-video with so little promotion that they Photoshopped some outtakes from an album cover shoot to do the promo material (as seen up top).

Anyone here excited at the prospect of a naked Jessica Simpson? We can't really get worked up over it ourselves, unless we're guaranteed that the movie that she takes it off for is at least as preposterous and deliciously unwatchable as, say, Madonna's Body of Evidence. We'd see that opening night.