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Top 5 Charlize Theron Sex Scenes

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 21:16:00 GMT

Fleshbot alerted us to the upcoming Charlize Theron movie, The Burning Plain, which continues Oscar-winning nude trailblazer Charlize Theron's tradition of going topless "if the role requires it."

Here's a list of the five highlights from that stunning career. Nope, no Cider House Rules or Aeon Flux this time... someday, though, we'll get to those scenes...

5. Monster. This harrowing, utterly absorbing serial killer biopic landed Theron a well-deserved Oscar. You would think that would be what everyone remembers about the hit film-- but no, this is what the internet still buzzes about: Charlize + Christina Ricci + tongue = hot sex. This would be one of the most popular sex scenes in history if only the makeup department hadn't conspired to make their characters look more like scary murderers than sex symbols.

4. Reindeer Games. Due to the uploaders poor editing on the first sex scene from this movie, we've included the pool scene as well. Neither of them are all that memorable, but together... not a bad waste of 90 seconds...

3. Head in the Clouds. We always wondered how Stuart Townsend, that lucky bastard, hooked up with our girl, who refers to him as her "husband." It wasn't on this film, but one shortly before that these two met-- but it might as well have started with this scene, which is probably what their nights are like 365 days a year. Lucky, lucky.

2. 2 Days in the Valley. The scene that made her famous starts about 22 seconds in. James Spader may have been in Sex, Lies, and Videotape and a few of the Brat Pack movies. He may have been incredibly good on Boston Legal. Hell, he may go on to win 10 Academy Awards (all for supporting actor-- ha ha, he's always a bridesmaid....) The point is: no matter what James Spader does with the rest of his life, the first line on his resume should read: "Yeah, I was in That Fucking Scene."

1. The Devil's Advocate. You scrolled right to the bottom to check for this one, didn't you? We can't blame you-- this one always blew the others away, especially when we saw it in the context of The Keanu Reeves-Al Pacino Bad Acting Experience. Perhaps both men signed up to enjoy these two lovely ladies in the buff-- after all, there are worse ways to make a living.

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Top 10 TV Nipple Slips and Wardrobe Malfunctions

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 18:59:00 GMT

You know, because Janet Jackson wasn't the first one to lose her outfit live on national television...

It's difficult to imagine, we know, but even game shows in the 60s and 70s were famous for nipple slips. Luckily, YouTube, Google Video and other online sources have managed to salvage some of the most memorable moments. They're all pretty much two seconds long, but this will make you a better future Trivial Pursuit contestant... since you know that's all that we're going to talk about in 20 years, the way our Idiocracy is going.

Here are ten in no particular order...

Ron Jeremy's High School Play Video Leaked!

Tara Reid Wishes She Was Actually Listening To What The Little People Were Yelling About

Jennifer Hawkins (the 2004 Miss Universe) Returns to Australia to Moon Her Hometown

The Match Game (okay, this is more of a "nipple slip" of the tongue, but hey... break it up a bit, ya know)

Eva Mendes Was Really Asking For It This Time

N Is For Nipples - TV Show Host Flashes Kids

Haven't Seen This Janet Jackson Nip Slip Before... Is It New?

They Let the Wrestlers Beat Up the Refs, But An Ass And Nipple Slip Is An Ejection?!

As Bob Barker Says, "She came on down and they came on out!" [sfw]

And finally, Meredith Viera pulls a Justin Timberlake on Helen Mirren:

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Cloris Leachman Won't Wait For Her Entree, Wants You Now

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 13:44:00 GMT

Seeing The Last Picture Show on VHS at age 12 did three things for our childhood: 1) we finally understood why men salivated over Cybill Shepherd; 2) we became madly obsessed with the honky tonk music of Hank Williams and 3) we developed a crush on an actress we assumed was still a total unknown, an Oscar winner named Cloris Leachman.

In the movie, Leachman seduces (or allows herself to be seduced by) a shy high school boy, who ultimately falls in love with her and loses her in a fit of miscommunication. Leachman, who plays an aging housewife in a heartbreaking marriage, gives one of the best performances in screen history and virtually could have been her own movie.

Last year, when Leachman was on Dancing With the Stars, her career took off again and, to capitalize on it, the sexy senior is dishing dirt on her romances with famous co-stars and other Hollywood dudes, leaving out none of the racy details...

On then box-office sensation Gene Hackman:

"As we moved into the main course, it was as if a cosmic wind enveloped us. Some giant space magnet was pulling us together. We didn't finish the meal. We went upstairs, flew into bed and made love. It was epic. And the next morning, Gene went back to his film and I went back to mine. I haven't seen Gene since that night, but I remember well the feisty lad he was."

On Ed Asner, her co-star on the Mary Tyler Moore Show (yep, that's where you know her from):

"He always told me he loved me, and every once in a while, he'd grab me and whisper, 'You're God's gift to man!'

"One day we made an agreement that I would have sex with him if he lost 32 pounds. He almost did it; he lost 29 pounds. We both got so disoriented at what we were facing that his weight shot back up, and our assignation never happened."

And on singer Andy Williams, a lifelong friend:

"enduring passion" "tryst with caviar and champagne" "a cascade of photographs fell onto the floor and into my lap. All were handsome shots of his wife and his daughter.
"There was not much either of us could say. It was apparent to both of us where Andy's heart lay. . . . [It] ended not in a fiery affair but as it should have, with a light, friendly kiss."

In case 82-year-old Leachman is starting to turn you on, there's this news from yesterday:

68 percent of men between 57 and 85 reported having sex last year, as did 42 percent of women... more older women might have wanted to have sex, but there just aren't as many available older men for them to partner with. [HealthDay]

That's where you come in, dear readers...

Excerpts obtained by the NY Post.

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Michelle Williams Strips, Seduces, Enjoys, And Freaks Out On Ewan McGregor

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 20:59:00 GMT

Michelle Williams has already bounced back from the stress nightmare and overwhelming publicity surrounding the death of her ex-fiancee, Heath Ledger. First, she nailed a terrific performance in last year's gem Wendy and Lucy, sadly overlooked by Kate Winslet-crazy Oscar voters. Then, she landed the lead in the new film Incendiary, which was a hit at the 2008 Sundance Film Festival and comes to DVD on May 5th.

But Nerve Video obtained a copy of the graphic and memorable sex scene between Williams and co-star Ewan McGregor (man, that guy's naked in everything)...

This scene takes place at the beginning of the movie. Williams' character has a husband and young son, whom the filmmakers apparently doesn't even bother to give a name, are at a soccer match (note her character's accent), so she decides to invite sexy Ewan over for a game of her own. Both fortunately and unfortunately, the scene is edited so that spoilers are removed, so we won't tell you what's going on at the end here, except to say that Williams had left the TV on and the channel tuned to the match...

More about Incendiary at the film's IMDB page.

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This Week in Gayness: The Homecoming Drag Queen

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 16:38:00 GMT

Some gay rights bloggers were concerned about the presence of Jerry Lewis on the Oscar stage.

Yesterday marked the 40th anniversary of the Tinker v. Des Moines Independent School District Supreme Court decision, which upheld free speech rights for students. The Gay News blog looks at how much has changed since then (spoiler: nothing.)

According to the Guardian, some evangelicals appear to be growing more receptive to the gays and lesbians in their midst.

More on that Focus on the Family vs. Charlotte, North Carolina story we mentioned last week.

The Log Cabin Republicans are going after that slimy new RNC chairman. Here's hoping for a split.

George Mason University senior Ryan Allen was awarded the title of Homecoming Queen at a sold-out basketball game on Saturday, thanks to his 12-inch heels and infamous local drag queen act.

As we mentioned earlier, Sean Penn was named Best Actor and Dustin Lance Black won the Best Original Screenplay Oscar for Milk. Both made speeches related to the Prop 8 fight in California. Here's a story about Dustin's speech airing in India, where it may have been censored in a rebroadcast of the ceremony.

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Beyonce Stuns Lone Oscar Viewer With Nipple Slip

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 15:39:00 GMT

You know what would have made this ten-years-too-late "tribute to the musical" dance sequence, which Beyonce apparently lip-synched her way through? A nipple slip.

In fact, we would've gone in for any nipple slip, wardrobe malfunction, or giant crotch bulge-- even Mickey Rourke's-- if it had guaranteed the show was worth three-and-a-half hours of our time. It turns out, there was a nipple slip, although every single person in the world missed it... except for one photographer...

Click on the photo for a new tab/window with the full-size picture.

Ah... we were wondering why Hugh Jackman seemed so aroused during the dance... we had wrongly assumed it was because musicals are so sexy.

Via unknown photographer.

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While You Were Sleeping: Paula Deen Moons Her Audience

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 14:08:00 GMT

Memo to Citibank employees: if you receive a letter requesting $27 million for the Bank of Ethiopia, check to make sure it wasn't posted in Nigeria.

The GOP attacked Obama on the stimulus... but this guy couldn't name a single piece of "pork," not even a general category.

You have to wait till the end of this Walker: Texas Ranger clip for the payoff-- and it's laugh-out-loud, knee-slappin' good times...

Ah, young love: these days, it entails sex with your teacher dozens of times in several locations, including the parking lot of a K-Mart.

A man accidentally shot himself during a robbery attempt. He proceeded to lose the loot... and his pants.

Prince dedicated his secret Hollywood concert after the Oscars to Penelope Cruz.

Authorities busted 500 people and freed 48 child prostitutes in a major raid yesterday.

And, in perhaps one of the greatest YouTube moments so far, Paula Deen mooned her fans at the Miami Food and Wine Festival...

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[Pre-Recorded] Live Blogging From the Oscars Red Carpet

Emily Farris — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 19:02:00 GMT

Our not-so-slutty sisters over at The Remote Island live-blogged last night's red carpet parade. Best line of the night: "Marisa Tomei's dress is proof positive that you can do folded catering napkin chic and rock it out."

VIA THE REMOTE ISLAND: 5:53 PM The Slumdog choreographer is teaching Debbie Matenopoulis bollywood dance moves. We're taking odds on how many segments like this we'll see before the night is out. We're putting the over under at 2.5

Debbie seems over the whole thing after about ten seconds even though the segment continues for another six minutes. "Jai Ho" keeps playing as they cut to every other E! correspondent and crew member following along with the double basketball move.

Read more...

Oscar-Nominated Love?

Colleen Kane — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 21:23:00 GMT

Which two stars of an oscar nominated film are rumored to be a new real-life couple?

Frieda Pinto and Anil Kapoor of Slumdog Millionaire, says Scandalist.

This adds even more heartwarmth to that brought on by the movie: those two beautiful babies found love.

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Mr. Skin's 2009 Naked Oscar Nominees Are Here, Free and Uncensored

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 18:52:00 GMT

Excuse the terrible headline, but we're rushing to be the first to take down The Man (Mr. Skin) by revealing his Top 5 Naked 2009 Academy Award Nominees in all their free and uncensored glory...

Earlier this week, the Hollywood nude database announced the famed annual list of naked Oscar nominees (of the ten females in acting categories, only Viola Davis has had a nude-free career.) Of course, there was an accompanying video with little Skin-heads over the naughty bits... but we'll take them away just for you, for free. You can't see this anywhere else... well, unless you do an exhaustive internet search that takes hours of our time, like we did...

5. Anne Hathaway - Havoc, nominated this year for Best Actress for Rachel Getting Married. Warning: this sex scene is disturbing, even in this chopped-up version.

4. Melissa Leo - Streetwalkin' (Best Actress - Frozen River) Although we couldn't find the topless scene Mr. Skin mentions, here's another scene with Leo showing some other parts of her award-winning anatomy, plus another funny "sex" scene from The Three Burials... movie, in which Dwight Yoakam remains in his socks. Classic.

3. Penelope Cruz - Elegy (Best Supporting Actress for Vicky Cristina Barcelona.) Why hadn't we heard of this before? It stars Penelope Cruz, Ben Kingsley, and Patricia Clarkson, and features two of those three in the buff (guess which?) Also, it's based on a forgettable Philip Roth bestseller from only a few years ago. Did we mention Penelope is topless for what seems like all of the movie's two hour running time? Guess we'll have our answers on March 17th, when it Elegy comes to DVD.

2. Kate Winslet - The Reader (Best Actress for the same.) We haven't seen this movie, but the fact that we've heard it called one of the worst movies ever nominated for Best Picture and "without a doubt the foulest film about the Holocaust" leads us to believe that having checked out Winslet's three nude scenes online is more than enough torture for one year. By the way, since this film is still on theaters, this is a bootleg of a bootleg, so the quality is understandably low.

1. Marisa Tomei - The Wrestler (Best Supporting Actress for the same.) This nude scene has been played to death on Scanner's pages, but hey, this isn't our list. Use the link below to check out the many other great clips from her wonderful career.

Marisa Tomei NUDE Stripper Performance in 'The Wrestler'

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While You Were Sleeping: Mickey Rourke's Wrestling Career

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 15:58:00 GMT

John Landis, the director of the Thriller video, is suing Michael Jackson, who wants to do a Broadway musical of the hit song.

This is the funniest prisoner escape story we've yet come across.

Here's how we really do not want to die: sitting on a toilet, having just masturbated with a gas mask over our faces, discovered by a co-worker, on our second day on the job.

Blackwater has been denied a license to kill operate in Iraq.

Cindy Adams weighs in on the Oscar buzz (now they're saying Sean Penn will win Best Actor) and celebs griping about photographers.

The latest White House rumor? Michelle Obama is pregnant.

And Mickey Rourke will not participate in Wrestlemania after all. He was probably joking around-- either that or they didn't offer him enough moolah.

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And The Nominees Are... and Should've Been...

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 16:51:00 GMT

At the crack of dawn this morning, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences announced its usually confounding, bizarre, idiotic, and trite little list of Oscar nominees.

This year, we have to say we agree with most-- and we use that word with great hesitation-- of their choices...

Best Actor: This is pretty much the only perfect set of nominees in the whole show. Jenkins, Pitt, Rourke, Penn, and Langella were the five best leading male performances of the year. Congratulations to the Academy-- they finally got something right.

Best Actress: Inarguably the biggest snub of the year in any category, the omission of Sally Hawkins' unforgettable, Golden Globe-winning performance in Happy Go Lucky is almost reason enough to boycott the boring-ass show right here. At least indie actress Melissa Leo was rewarded, but still...

Best Supporting Actor and Best Supporting Actress: Pretty solid here-- Michael Shannon, Heath Ledger, Viola Davis, and Penelope Cruz are all award-worthy and are nominated.

Documentary Feature: The biggest surprise of all-- the Academy actually rewarded a micro-budget classic that hasn't had any publicity of any kind (Trouble the Water), plus Werner Herzog's Encounters At the End of the World, one of the year's best films in any category, and the endlessly popular Man on Wire.

Foreign Film: Waltz With Bashir and, surprisingly enough, The Class are both represented, but it baffles us why the Academy would overlook the year's third-best film overall, The Secret of the Grain, an absolutely riveting account of one family's attempt to open its own business. It's devastating and uplifting at the same time-- what could be more Oscar worthy?

Best Picture: Now we come to the tricky part. While we're relieved to see Milk represented here, seeing as its the year's best film, we're more than worried that this is going to be Benjamin Button's year. We'd be satisfied if a predictable, ridiculous, and still incredibly entertaining film like Slumdog Millionaire wins, but God forbid the Curious Case of Benjamin Button, the Forrest Gump wannabe with its endless running time, pointless storyline, trivial anecdotal plotting, and racial stereotypes we thought Hollywood had gotten over in the 1930s wins a majority of the 13 categories its nominated in. (We could go on for hours longer about this Brad Pitt film, but the real problem is the fact that it's so widely praised; if it had been a bomb, we might even get behind it, for at least it was mildly amusing at times.) And don't even get us started on The Reader...

You can read the rest of the nominations here.

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We Nominate... Marisa Tomei For Best Supporting Nipple Rings

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 19:31:00 GMT

It doesn't seem that long ago that Marisa Tomei's career was made and simultaneously ruined by her winning a Best Supporting Actress Oscar for My Cousin Vinny. We saw "ruined" because the backlash began before she even took the stage-- with many saying Jack Palance had read the wrong name and many more claiming Tomei didn't deserve it either way, since her performance and role were "slight."

While these are, we have to admit, not entirely unfair (the fact that Judy Davis did not win unanimously is one of the great snubs of all time), they should not have stuck with Tomei for so long. Witness her brutal and affecting performance in 2007's violent caper film Before the Devil Knows You're Dead. Plus, her inspired comic turn in The Slums of Beverly Hills and other indie films of note.

If it takes these uncensored topless scenes from The Wrestler to restore her standing among Hollywood's finest actors, so be it...

Marisa Tomei NUDE Stripper Performance in 'The Wrestler'

Did you catch how the was able to express her character's unhappiness in very subtle ways in that one on-stage strip scene (the one where Mickey Rourke hands her a piece of paper at the end)? That's true acting-- we can't even see her face for most of the take, yet we can sense her misery just in her back and arms...

By the way, if you haven't seen The Wrestler-- go check it out immediately or demand your local theater get a print pronto.

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Tina Fey Tells Everyone to 'Suck it' at the Golden Globes

Scanner Matt — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 21:11:00 GMT

After winning a best actress trophy for "30 Rock," Fey thanked the people who support her, but told others to, well, "suck it".

Here she is in all her glory:

Though Tracy Morgan was funnier:

And Sacha Baron Cohen takes a nice shot at Madonna:

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And the Critics Choice Award Goes To...

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 19:44:00 GMT

At last night's Critic's Choice Awards, Slumdog Millionaire continued its improbable road to the Oscars, capturing Best Picture, Director, Young Actor, and Musical Score.

While Slumdog Millionaire continues to scoop up major awards, Milk is left to languish-- or, um, spoil. And even though it would be impossible to watch both films back to back and not consider Milk the greater work of art, by a landslide, it appears Slumdog is now the leader in this horse race for the most trophies. (The only Golden Globe nomination Gus Van Sandt's biopic has received is for Sean Penn as best actor. Ouch-- not even best screenplay?)

But there's one category we can all agree on... and that's best supporting actor...

Last night, Josh Brolin, James Franco, Heath Ledger, Philip Seymour Hoffman, and Robert Downey, Jr. duked it out for closely-watched prize. Check out what happened, it's a pretty emotional moment:

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Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 23:12:00 GMT

We just want to start out by saying you need to see the following three movies this weekend: Slumdog Millionaire, Milk, and The Wrestler, supposing they are out where you currently reside. Mickey Rourke's performance is one of the greatest so far this century, although Sean Penn is equally good on a more subtle level and could steal an Oscar from him, while Slumdog Millionaire is barely not cheeseball Bollywood/Hollywood, but the story hooks you almost instantly and the end-credit dance-off is the most eye popping in ages. Check out movie showtimes here.

In other news, we have a final result in the $54 million dry cleaning lawsuit...

Roy L. Pearson, the former administrative law judge who sued his dry cleaner for $54 million over a misplaced pair of pants, lost his final appeal in the District's highest court.
"Appellant failed to establish either that the Chungs' 'Satisfaction Guaranteed' and 'Same Day Service' signs constituted false or misleading statements, or that they lost his pants.

Next, we hope he gets sued (and loses again) over all this...

A stripper in Colorado has been making $18 a day thanks to the recession.

Want to have a day of hookey with your girl? Just call in anonymous threats to her school!

Wall-E seems to be benefitting the split votes among the critics, who can't decide on a favorite that any of them pick as their #1. Instead, they end up with everybody's second or third choice, the Pixar film that delighted audiences and baffled the gluttonous.

And Janet Jackson broke up with Jermaine Dupri, according to the tabloids.

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The 50 Sexiest Movies of All-Time: 50-41

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 18:41:00 GMT

This summer, we gave you the 50 Sexiest Albums of All-Time in an effort to help the music industry's sluggish sales numbers. Now, we present an even sexier compendium-- complete with a few NSFW scenes to warm up your November afternoon-- as well as background and trivia and everything else that we can think of to convince you to rent these the next time you want to seduce somebody...

The 50 Sexiest Movies of All Time: 50-41

50. The Seven Year Itch. Backstory: What more do you need than this, Marilyn Monroe's famous subway grate encounter? Trivia: It has the Joe DiMaggio Seal of Disapproval-- the scene was so sexy, her husband (that guy from the Mrs. Robinson song) fled and never came back. Irnoically, the skirt blowing up? Deleted from the movie itself. Luckily, the rest of the film is brimming with unconsummated sexuality.

49. Casablanca. Backstory: Not even the sexiest movie from 1943, this earns its place here for the most romantic scene in movie history, in our opinion. Watching Bogie decide to do the right thing and send the love of his life off on a plane with her husband is so damn manly of him that, at the mere reminder of this moment, our gonads hang in shame. Trivia: The original ending came very closed to being changed thank to the Allied invasion of Casablanca just before the film was to be released.

48. Cruel Intentions. Backstory: Is it wrong to choose this over Les Liaisons Dangereuses, its predecessor? No, for while Liaisons did have a notable sex scene featuring the breasts of Uma Thurman, it also featured the tongue of John Malkovich and didn't really capture our (sexual) interest throughout. Oddly enough, the sinister and more overt incestuous teasing Sarah Michelle Gellar puts Ryan Phillipe through kept us glued to this otherwise merely grade-B adaptation of the famed French novel. Trivia: The sequel was originally planned as a TV series called Manchester Prep; here's how bad it was: when Fox decided it was too risque for their radical right-wing mindsets, the producers simply slapped the first three episodes together, added a nude scene, and released it straight to video. Yep, it's that good... [NSFW naughtiness starting after the 40-second mark.]

47. Midnight Cowboy. Backstory: If you're over the age of 12, you've hopefully done your civic duty and watched the only (then-)rated X movie to win Best Picture. If you haven't, stop reading and add it to your queue at once. If you've already seen it, then you know the hilarious sex scenes and sexual tension between Jon Voight and Dustin Hoffman are only two of the reasons it helped to usher in a new dawn of gritty Hollywood filmmaking. Trivia: The film's famous party scene includes actual Warhol Superstars and the script was written by the great blacklisted writer Waldo Salt.

46. Flashdance. Backstory: While dancing in a lousy Pittsburgh bar and dreaming of studying at a nearby conservatory, Jennifer Beals meets the owner of a steel mill, where she also works. The two gradually fall in love... and yeah, you read Cinderella? You're tired of bad 80s music? Then you don't need this film. What you do need is this clip below... Trivia: The script was co-written by Joe Eszterhas, who went on to pen Showgirls and Basic Instinct.

45. Body Heat. Backstory: Hey, remember when Kathleen Turner used to be hot? We don't either-- although many people swear by the steamy Southern tale of murder, betrayal, and other cliched Hollywood plot twists. Trivia: Who cares about trivia? Watch this scene of unrestrained animal lust, which almost makes you forget it involves William Hurt and Kathleen Turner. [NSFW almost immediately.]

44. No Way Out. Backstory: Sean Young's character is so magnificiently attractive, not only does Kevin Costner risk life and life to sleep with her, but Gene Hackman ends up doing a terrible thing in rage because of her. (We won't say what it is, but here's a hint: they give it away on the back cover of the DVD, those idiots.) Trivia: This is the only film on this list that includes a sex scene in a movie vehicle. Also, nobody ever looked as good as Sean Young (!) does in that early party scene. Never ever. [NSFW almost immediately.]

43. Goldfinger. Backstory: It's fucking James Bond, yo, so there's your backstory. This is the one with Pussy Galore and all her hot young pilots, Shirley Eaton wearing only gold body paint, plus Sean Connery at his peak. Trivia: The Aston Martin spy car was introduced in this film and was such a successful inclusion it insured many films had donated product placements from them on.

42. Bound. Backstory: Jennifer Tilly and Gina Gershon make sex movie, yas. Trivia: This movie had a major cult following in the days before internet porn took off, and probably still does to this day. At one time, the phenomenon reached such a fever pitch, the following clip topped several Best Sex Scene Polls. The rest of the movie is pretty randy, too. [NSFW starting around the 4-minute mark.]

41. Bull Durham. Backstory: Who knew North Carolinans had such hot sex and great minor league sports teams? Trivia: The sex was so spectacular, Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon decided to keep it going in real life... and they still do, or so we're told. Also, if you look closely, the note that Costner sends over to Sarandon doesn't say “I want to make love to you.” It says, “Wanna fuck this time?” And one more: Kurt Russell, who played minor league ball at one time, was originally set to star. [NSFW starts after a few minutes, then continues through two consecutive sex scenes.]

To be continued... your suggestions, as always, are welcome in the comments section.

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I Love Myself For Loving You: Amy Ryan

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 18:13:00 GMT

She deserved an Oscar for Gone Baby Gone. She was on our favorite show of all time, The Wire. And she's a New Yorker who doesn't act like "the quintessential New Yorker" (i.e. impersonal, egotistical, etc.)

For these and many more reasons, we might actually buy the New York Post this Sunday...

These are excerpts from excerpts from this Sunday's Page Six Magazine with one of our favorite working actresses (and thank God for the "working" part of it...)

On NBC's The Office: “I think it’s one of the funniest shows on TV. I felt so lucky to go [to work and] laugh my head off. I’ve been guaranteed to screw up at least three takes a day, ruining my makeup in the process by crying with laughter – that’s how funny the cast is.”
“I guess I should have just done a reality show, gone out in dresses without my panties and skipped the years of hard work- then everyone would know who I am. Being a working actor was always the goal. It wasn’t about fame for me. But now that I’m older, and I’ve been at it a while, I’m ready for the attention. I think I’ve earned it.”

On Gone Baby Gone: “The role was like winning the lottery. I had been playing scratch-offs for years and finally the stars aligned for me. I was up against incredible actresses like Cate Blanchett, Ruby Dee and Tilda Swinton. Are you kidding me? Of course I didn’t expect to win!”
“I grew up in the same house in Queens my dad grew up in. My family keeps me grounded and deeply rooted in New York. There’s no chance of me getting a big head.”
“I never envisioned a white dress with rice being pelted at my head, [but] I do understand the beauty of choosing life with one person." [There's still hope for you and I, Ms. Ryan...]
“I’m a Barack Obama supporter. He has the knowledge, work ethic and charisma needed to make a change. I don’t think anyone should vote based on what a celebrity has to say, but come Election Day, I hope others agree with me.”

Nope... we couldn't love her more. See the full interview in this Sunday's Page Six Magazine. There, we said it: we want you to read the Post.

Image via W Magazine.

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Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 13:51:00 GMT

Colin Powell endorsed Barack Obama on Meet the Press. He pointed out the Senator is and has always been a Christian... and so what if he was a Muslim?

A gym teacher posed as a lesbian model to try to get his student to send him a nude self-portrait.

Jon Stewart has only one thing to say to Sarah Palin... and he can't say it on TV...

That's right... he tells Sarah Palin: "Fuck you." The full transcript of this almost completely garbled video is here.

Guess how much a tennis lesson with Andy Roddick costs? A million bucks, right? That's what you'd think, but not only is it a mere 15 g's, Roddick is throwing in a nudity option as well.

You know how much we love pranks.

The shortlist for the Oscars' Best Foreign Language Film nominees was announced, although we don't think many of them will see release in the U.S. for a while.

A man was charged with taking a leak in a police car and spitting on a cop. The man was, of course, butt naked at the time.

And a bunch of cheerleaders were busted for hitting the bottle before The Big Game. Wait, some teenagers aren't drunk the night before a big game? That's not the America we know and love...

Woman Steals Daughter's Identity to Become a High School Cheerleader

"Do That Little Cheerleader Move," NY State Assemblyman Tells Intern

Town Rallies Behind Principal Who Discriminated Against Lesbian Student

Who Would You Rather: Grey's Anatomy Lesbian Doctor Edition

Dame Helen Mirren As A Teen: Loved Coke, Date Rape Not So Much

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 18:10:00 GMT

Now that Helen Mirren has been ordained (or whatever it is) as an Order(ly) of the British Empire and has met the Queen that made her super famous, she has really let herself go in interviews...

On date rape:

“I was, yes. A couple of times,” the Oscar-winning Queen actress says in the October issue, recalling her experiences being raped as a youth in London. “Not with excessive violence, or being hit, but rather being locked in a room and made to have sex against my will.”

And while Mirren defended a woman’s right to say “no” at any point, she’s not always in favor of reporting such attacks.

“I don’t think [a woman] can have that man into court under those circumstances,” she continued, “It’s such a tricky area, isn’t it? Especially if there is no violence. I mean, look at Mike Tyson. I don’t think he was a rapist.”

IMDB adds:

she didn't have the courage to stand up to men who wanted to have sex with her. [IMDB]

On her drug use:

Mirren, 63, also admits she took illegal drugs – including marijuana and LSD – as a teen. “I loved coke,” she continues. “I never did a lot, just a little bit at parties.” (She also says she hasn’t touched the drug in more than 20 years.)

“Dope always made me feel miserable and paranoid and unhappy,” she adds. “And I woke up one day and thought, ‘No more of that, thank you.’ ”

On shoplifting: she did it in her "very poor" days and still practices some of that same down-and-out lifestyle: she buys the cheapest sunglasses and cuts her own hair. Wow, can you cut ours-- yours always looks fabulous, Your Royalness.

Helen Mirren's Penchant For Nudity Wins Award That Doesn't Just Exist In Our Minds

Who's Hot For Prostitutes? Dame Helen Mirren

Sloppy Seconds: Dita Von Teese's Lesbian Porno

Cosmo and AskMen in Steel Cage Match Battle of the Sexes

This Week In Gayness: Lesbians Pick The Sexiest Woman Over 50

Scanner Highs and Lows: It's All About You, And Boobs

Sloppy Seconds: Brad and Angelina and the French Brawl

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 21:41:00 GMT

Why is today the day that everyone is quitting on the B-list celebs? First, Kathy Griffin's assistant bailed on her, say she couldn't take it anymore. Now, Heather Mills' short-term and severely-suffering publicist has resigned after Mills called her "stupid."

Um, rejoice? Sean Combs is not getting married after all.

Nobody cares about the X-Files sequel?

Somebody named Daniel tried to sell two tickets to the Oscars on Craigslist, but Craig ratted him out. Craig... Daniel... Craig... Daniel... we wonder who the guilty party is?

A couple of "photographers" i.e. Peeping Toms with cameras and no sense of shame or privacy laws were beaten up by Brad and Angelina's bodyguards after being caught in full camouflage on the couple's French estate.

Robert Rodriguez and Rose McGowan are still together-- in fact, they may be bringing Red Sonja to movie theaters soon...

And best not to ask if a passenger in another car has any Grey Poupon: that person may be armed.

We Saw The Dark Knight In A Cavernous Movie Theater, During The Dead Of Night

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 13:50:00 GMT

We started putting down our thoughts on The Dark Knight, Christopher Nolan's follow-up to Batman Begins, sometime after arriving home at 3:23am. Here are our first impressions-- and one of the first reviews out there that won't be from a stuffy film critic...

NOTES

Heath Ledger

First thing to mention is Heath Ledger and Heath Ledger's performance. He was astonishing, even to somebody who already knew he was a talented actor. The problem with his Oscar chances-- let us just get this part out of the way because it's the most talked-about aspect of this film-- is that this movie is a comic book shoot 'em up, dark as it is... and, worse, it's out during the summer. It could be the best performance in the best movie ever made and Academy voters will have forgotten all about it if the movie premieres less than two months before the end of the year. That being said, we didn't see it as being Oscar-worthy, though certainly worth considering for the nominations.

The darkness and violence

It's plentiful this time. This is dark like Casino Royale was dark compared to the Pierce Brosnan movies. Somehow, this movie makes the 1989 Tim Burton version (Batman) appear like, well, the 1967 Casino Royale would compare to the 2006 one. Anyway, point made: this is a brutal, creepy, shocking, and totally-not-safe-for-children action thriller. The violence is overwhelming at times, especially if that sort of thing sticks to you.

Christian Bale

Jesus! Did anyone else notice him channeling Clint Eastwood throughout? When he's Batman, he sure sounds like Dirty Harry... check out a clip somewhere (there's bound to be bootleg footage on YouTube by the time you're reading this)...

Oh yeah, the movie

It rocked. At 153 minutes or so, it was way too long-- we were playing a little game throughout called "Did They Really Need This Part?" but overall, it would've only knocked off a few minutes. Ultimately, it's hard to fault a movie with so many memorable scenes (that truck! the presence of Anthony Michael Hall and Cillian Murphy! etc.!) and a plethora of bang-for-your-buck action. And it's superior to Batman Begins, so...

Well, we're going to shut up and get some sleep. See you in the late morning. The late... late morning.

Sydney Pollack, One of The Great Directors, Dies At 73

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 27 May 2008 14:00:00 GMT

Sydney Pollack died Monday of cancer at age 73. Recognized recently for playing belligerent bastards in Eyes Wide Shut, Michael Clayton (which he produced), and an episode of Entourage, and previously known for his Best Director Oscar and a host of dynamite movies in the 70s and 80s.

Tootsie. Out of Africa. They Shoot Horses, Don't They? Three Days of the Condor. The Firm. Absence of Malice.

Although we can't entirely pretend movies like The Interpreter, Havana, Sabrina, or his vague involvement with Made of Honor never happened, we are willing to overlook these duds because Sydney Pollack was basically a great Hollywood director and the star of those anti-cellphones-during-movies PSAs they cram between bad soda ads at multiplexes.

Here are links to some of his finest moments, courtesty of YouTube:

The trailer for They Shoot Horses, Don't They?, one of the most memorable damning of all dark comic satires.

One of Pollack's scenes with Dustin Hoffman in his own gem Tootsie, which if you haven't seen is frankly embarrassing.

And the opening titles for Three Days of the Condo r with Robert Redford. This film is set up so masterfully, if you haven't seen it, then you cannot possibly appreciate this 3-minute clip's greatness. Watch it anyway.

Via the New York Times.

Sloppy Seconds: Father-Daughter Love Child

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 21:28:00 GMT

And you thought dry humping Jennifer Garner at the Oscars was the craziest thing Gary Busey's ever done?

Check out this interview with Busey from a recent issue of Maxim, which pokes lots of fun at the weirdo actor's drug history, including the time he did coke off his dog's ass. This Sloppy Seconds gonna write itself, wethinks.

Jay and Beyonce got married on Friday. Or was it Saturday? Are they even an item? No one knows for sure. We gotta say, more power to the both of them for not letting the slimeballs at Us Weekly get anything out of this.

Freakiest story of the day: "A man who received a heart transplant 12 years ago and later married the donor's widow died the same way the donor did, authorities said: of a self-inflicted gunshot wound." (MSNBC)

Would someone please confirm that Tom Waits is, in fact, going on tour this summer? This iVoice Chat with a very drunk "Tom Waits," while hilarious, doesn't actually come from reputable sources.

It's official: Mexico has re-conquered the Southwest US. Maybe they'll burn down the Absolut distribution center on their march North, just for this insultingly stupid ad.

And an incestuous relationship between a father and daughter in Australia has produced, gag, a child. (Isn't Mom a little worried that her convicted armed-robber lover/father is perhaps already after the nine-month-old for his next conquest?) Normally, we'd make a joke about this being a great reality show for E!'s midseason replacement lineup, but we don't want to give them any ideas.

Dad/Husband: "Of course I knew it was illegal but, you know, so what."

Mrs. Deaves said the physical relationship with her father was like "a sexual relationship with any other man". For Mr. Deaves the sexual relationship was "absolutely fantastic".

There are so many things we could say here, but instead: JTUASIMM, which means "just threw up a SHITLOAD in my mouth."

Via News.au.com.

Not The Video of the Day: Jewno

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 17:00:00 GMT

Although we are not Jewish, we're often mistaken for a Chosen Individual, even by rabbis and that Schwartz kid from gym class.

Therefore, we were easily able to fit in at a Purim party on Saturday, where our fellow Jews drank oddly-shaped Bud Light bottles and awful kosher wine and roared with laughter to this excellent "Juno" parody, which is way funnier than the Oscar-nominated indie nuisance.

Lewis Black also did a video for the party, which is equally hysterical (even for those of us who don't get all the Hebrew-inflected jokery.) If someone finds it online, we'll embed it here.

Sloppy Seconds: The Truth About Tori Spelling

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 21:20:00 GMT

Finally, someone with some ethics is stopping all this celebrity snooping-- not that we're going to. Staffers at UCLA Medical Center in L.A. had the pain brought to them when it was revealed employees had been illegally accessing Britney Spears's records.

At long last, the breaking news you've been waiting for: Gary Busey apologizes for giving mouth-to-mouth rescucitation to Jennifer Garner's neck during the Oscars. His excuse: "I got very excited." We thought it was pretty exciting ourselves-- we didn't know our testicles could so quickly retract into our stomachs.

A woman killed her husband because he didn't want to listen to a Bruce Springsteen CD. If it's "Human Touch," we can definitely relate.

Morning sex can save your marriage-- and sheds at least 300 calories. (Only 300? Must be that infamous "under three minutes" kind.)

Let's not forget the political sex story buried by the liberal media: GOP Senator David Vitter's numerous visits to hookers. The La. Republican told the New Orleans Times-Picayune that his and Spitzer's mistakes are all but unrelated and should not be linked. After all, Vitter committed his faux pas "a long time ago," a.k.a. "in 2007."

Tori Spelling's boobs are fake. If you had to read that sentence to discover this information, clearly you did not see the above picture. To further insult you, they're remaking 90210.

And the headline of the day: Condi Waxes Brazillian [via Wonkette, of course.]

[Photo: PR Photos]

Scanner Highs and Lows: A Whole Lotta Love

Emily Farris — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 21:48:00 GMT

We were full of love at Scanner this week. And, really, how could we not be?

Highs:

We fell in love with Oscar winner and hottie Marion Cotillard.

We declared our love for Javier Bordem, who did not win the Oscar.

Do Scanner readers love brains more than boobs?

Whether we have reason to be freaked out by birth control pills that make our periods go away for long periods of time, we're holding onto our right to be freaked out by them. Even if a few readers disagree. Also, we're highly amused by SNL skits starring Tina Fey, especially if they concern said birth control pills.

We started a campaign to recruit Tina Fey for Oscars' host in 2009... because we love her.

Lows:

We admitted, yet again, to loving "Sex and the City," and probably lost some friends for it, yet again.

A seven-year-old took crack to school. And no, he wasn't related to us.

Ginnifer Flowers came back into our lives.

Zubas. Back. Nuff said.

We learned that trying to create the perfect woman ends in disaster. Freaky, scary disaster.

We may be shuffling Prince off to the retirement home soon.

[Image via]

Preliminary Results On "Who Would You Rather": DD Lewis vs. Bardem

Katie Halper — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 16:02:00 GMT

Yesterday, we opened the floor to debate the Bardem-Lewis European 2008 Oscar-winning Ratherability Act, asking Scanner readers to vote on "who they would rather": Javier Bardem or Daniel Day Lewis. As of Friday morning, the Scanners voted overwhelmingly (11 to 2) that they "would rather" Javier. We have drafted the following Bardem Resolution for your consideration.

The Bardem Resolution

Whereas Scanner has the authority to deem persons Ratherable;

Whereas Scanner has the authority to name persons on its "To-Do List"

Whereas Javier Bardem was so named on February 26, 2008

Now, therefore, be it resolved by the Scanner-readers assembled, that we would rather have Javier Bardem over Daniel Day Lewis. Let it further be resolved that we would rather:

a) have Javier Bardem's Huevos de oro in Between ~~Your~~ Our Legs and up against our Live Flesh

b) have his Jamón, jamón in our Sea Inside

c) that he give us Mouth to Mouth, if so requested

d) and that he provide us with Ecstasy, and Not Love, Just Frenzy until ~~Before~~ After Night Falls.

All those in favor, say Ay (Díos Mío)

Scanner-Reader-Inspired "Who Would You Rather": DD Lewis vs. Bardem

Katie Halper — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 21:30:00 GMT

The People have spoken. Or the Scanner-readers have commented. In response to Tuesday's On Our To-Do List: Javier Bardem post, Andrea Gorenstein, an engaged Scanner citizen, exercised her blog-given rights, and sparked a healthy debate, writing: "Just waiting for a 'who would you rather' Day-Lewis vs. Bardem!"

Well, we at Scanner know that this kind of Gorensteinian civic participation strengthens our Scannerocracy. So we now open the blogging floor to debate the Bardem-Lewis European 2008 Oscar-winning Ratherability Act. Speak up readers! Or forever hold your comments.

This Week in Gayness: Ben Affleck Comes Out

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 21:00:00 GMT

The above-pictured transgender patient is a prison inmate who is suffering through some painful shit while the lawsuit against her warden is slogging on. Michelle, nee Robert Kosilek, is serving a long, long sentence for the 1990 slaying of his wife, which he claimed was in self-defense after she poured hot water on his balls.

We realize that's not really related to homosexuality, but we couldn't figured out where else to put this story, which is from Gay.com. We said it, it's here, now let's move on to the other craziness:

Scanner Bryan alerted us to this one: Producer Scott Rudin thanked his partner during his Oscar acceptance speech (Best Picture - No Country For Old Men), but saw that part mysteriously excised from the official transcript.

That stupid bastard who accused Obama of having gay sex with his stupid bastard self failed a lie detector test. Meanwhile, Obama is buying gay ad time in the upcoming primary states.

Outrage over the story of a bankruptcy judge was busted in New Hampshire for drunk-driving and rear-ending a vehicle. A local newspaper is taking flak for assuming the suspect was dressed in drag. Why? Um, maybe it had something to do with this quote, from the arresting officer: "He had a difficult time locating his license in his purse."

And Ben Affleck came out of the closet on that other late-night show that nobody watches. (Someone please tell me Carson Daly has been cancelled.)

Evil Anti-Gay Video of the Day: