Scanner : pamela anderson

Nothing Golden Can Stay: Bea Arthur, RIP

Colleen Kane — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 13:30:00 GMT

Bea Arthur, best known for her Emmy-winning roles on Maude and Golden Girls and her ongoing role in our hearts, died on Saturday after a battle with cancer. (Might we refer you to the January Scanner post Famous People We're Afraid Will Die in 2009. Bea is the first from that list to kick off.)

Bea's commanding presence and acerbic wit-via-man-voice combo will never be duplicated, although many drag queens will come close. Unlike the case with some older comic figures, Bea still made us LOL into her final years, like doing her turn on Comedy Central's celebrity roast of Pamela Anderson, as she placidly read aloud a sodomy-themed excerpt from Pamela's book Star Struck (of course we have this for you after the jump). She was a feminist icon, a gay icon, and an animal rights supporter. What was not to love?

Let's look at some Scanner-appropriate moments from Bea's career.

The Golden Girls buy condoms.

And then there's Maude considering abortion.

Sniff Swig Puff, with Rock Hudson

The Sex and the City Parody.

Finally, that reading on Pamela's celebrity roast.

*Sigh* We've lost a great. Bea Arthur will be missed.

And then there were two...

You're Golden, Baby: Estelle Getty Leaves Us Laughing At Age 84

Sloppy Seconds: Happy Bea Day!

Cloris Leachman Wears Only Cabbage for Her PETA Ad

Emily Farris — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 14:49:00 GMT

Last year Pamela Anderson posed for a PETA ad wearing only lettuce. Not to be outdone by a rookie, 82-year-old Cloris Leachman—who we can honestly say we want to be just like when we grow up—decided she would pose for the animal rights organization wearing only cabbage.

We had no idea Leachman was a vegetarian, and honestly we have a hard time believing she's been able to kick it for so many years without a little red meat in her diet, but if so, more power to her.

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: The Pope Spreads a Little AIDS With His Gospel

Cloris Leachman Won't Wait For Her Entree, Wants You Now

Cloris Leachman Makes Bad Reality Show Halfway Watchable, Sexy

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PapSmeared: Pam Anderson Mistakes Fashion Week for 'Baywatch' Reunion, Busts Out the Bedazzler

Emily Farris — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 16:26:00 GMT

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Pamela Anderson Forgets to Wear Pants... Yet Again

Emily Farris — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 16:59:00 GMT

Pamela Anderson must be getting forgetful with age. She left the house without wearing pants for the second time in two weeks. We can't decide if this time was better or worse than the last. Check out the view from behind and let us know...

Now, you might be thinking 'what are you doing showing us Pamela Anderson's ass?' Well, folks, didn't she kind-of ask for it? But in all seriousness, as gross as we think Pam is, we hope our ass looks that good at that age. We, of course, will keep it covered with pants, or maybe a skirt, but still...

Related:

Pammy Forgot to Wear Pants

Pamela Anderson to Give Nude Revue in Paris?

Pamela Anderson's Boobs Did Not Kill Hugh Hefner

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Pammy Forgot to Wear Pants

Colleen Kane — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 19:11:00 GMT

OMG, I have nightmares like this all the time! I'm out in public and suddenly realize I'm lacking a basic piece of clothing. And then Paris Hilton is there wearing a Mexican blanket and she's like "That's sexy," in her flat, dead voice. And then there's a dwarf talking backwards.

So, why exactly did Pamela Anderson show up at Art Basel Miami Beach this weekend sans trou?

No official explanation was given, although Fox News noted she "seemed to enjoy the jaw-dropping stares" she was drawing.

All jocularity aside, I like Pamela Anderson, she seems very sweet. Appearing in public without pants is something that crazy people do, or people on cocktails of drugs not prescribed by an attentive doctor. Really, there are only three articles of clothing you need to remember to put on each day to join society: top, bottom, shoes. Even underwear is optional now. She forgot one-third of the minimum clothing.

Come to think of it, this isn't such a new phenomenon for her, since her dresses tend to be shirt-length, but let's hope she's doing okay.

Related:

Naked Pamela Anderson and Old Hugh Hefner: Unblurred

Pamela Anderson's Boobs Did Not Kill Hugh Hefner

Who Would You Rather: Pamela Anderson or Madonna?

Image: Gossipgirls.com

Which Would You Rather: Small, Natural Boobs or Big, Fake Ones?

Emily Farris — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 21:51:00 GMT

Every time I complain to my double-D mom about the breast injustice in my family, she reminds me that "men would rather have lemon drops on an ironing board than fake ones." Then Scanner Brian posited this this morning and no one answered. Now we need to know, is it true?

Related:

While You Were Sleeping: 93% Prefer Real Boobs

Real or Fake: Nude Sarah Palin Photo?

Five Things Women Think They Know About Men (But They're Wrong)

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Naked Pamela Anderson and Old Hugh Hefner: Unblurred

Nicole Pasulka — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 19:55:00 GMT

We told you last month about Pamela Anderson's birthday nakedness for Hugh Hefner. We even showed you a blurry photo of the two sexpots.

Well, Christmas will be coming early this year. The Sun, it turns out, will never shy away from exposing the whole story. Now, a month later, we can bear witness to the sordid event on video crisp and clear as day, with nothing obscuring Pamela's, er, gifts.

Looks something like this:

Yep. Still pretty blurry. But definitely more naked. Full video here.

Top 10 Worst Celebrity Plastic Surgeries

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 19:29:00 GMT

For no particular reason (well, other than that there's nothing much out there today except political news), we decided to start Halloween early: a series of the worst celebrity plastic surgeries.

And remember, kids, unless you've been in a motorcycle accident (like suave mofo Gary Busey!)-- or some equally scarring experience-- it's better to stick with what you were born with, flaws and all...

10. Janice Dickinson: Is that her or Penelope Cruz put through a brutal Photoshopping?

9. Lil' Kim: "Sorry, but we already cast Catherine Zeta-Jones as Cleopatra."

8. Tara Reid tries to reenact that Seinfeld episode with her belly button: "Helloooooooooo..."

7. Kenny Rogers -- Looks like The Gambler gambled and lost to Beverly Hills. There's nothing wrong with looking 80, Kenny, when you've always looked 79 anyway.

6. Farrah Fawcett (see top of this page.) Holy God, is that Melanie Griffith, aged by computer to the year 3028? Nope, that's the woman who we thought was going to age like Sophia Loren. Come on, now, get some help, please...

5. Mickey Rourke. Some say this was due to a post-Hollywood boxing career gone Jake La Motta, but even Jake himself couldn't have caused this much damage to this dude.

4. (tie) Jenna Jameson and Pamela Anderson. Why would the world's #1 porn star need even more attention? Why would Pamela Anderson need bigger boobs? You know when even Howard Stern thinks you're perfect, there's no one left to please...

3. Joan Rivers. Yeah, this one you know... you've seen her on E!, everyone's been ragging on her for years about it, we'll move on.

2. Melanie Griffith -- too scary to post here. Click on this link at your own peril.

1. Michael Jackson, a manchild who needs no introduction... well, only this:

Related:

Top 10 Celebrity Moms Who Could Be Hookers

While You Were Sleeping: David Duchovny Can't Keep It Together

Pamela Anderson's Boobs Did Not Kill Hugh Hefner

Nicole Pasulka — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 18:30:00 GMT

Pamela Anderson gave Hugh Hefner a creepy strip tease for his 82nd birthday party. From the photo below it looked like a happy, if somewhat nippleless affair, but really we cannot believe Hugh Hefner is still alive.

He looks and walks like a very decrepit goat; however, we need to give it up for the Hef. Not only still alive, he's still alive and still a creepy leach--we didn't think there was enough Viagra in the world.

Don't believe us, check out the description and photo of the event in The Sun:

Staring at Pam's boobs, Hef chuckled: "You’re looking good."

Hugh's girlfriends tried - and failed - to top Pamela's rude and nude pressie.

Kendra said: "We gave him chocolate body parts.

"We molded our body parts and gave it to him, and he ate them all.

"I molded my a**, so I could call it 'chocolate starfish'.

"It was white chocolate, and I put a dark chocolate little thing right in the middle. You'll see it on the show coming up."

Oh Kendra, you are so loveably disgusting. Do your poop obsessions make it easier to change Hef's Depends.

What Would You Pay for Pam's Tan?

Emily Farris — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 14:52:00 GMT

David Lachapelle has taken some great photographs over the years. He's even taken some great photographs of Pamela Anderson. This one, though, we're a little "meh" about. It took us a second to "get it," but it's Pam putting on a spray tan.

Though the photo was taken in 2004, it was expected to draw up to $25,000 at Sotheby's earlier this week. We're fans of Lachapelle, and we love the photograph he did of Pam that's after the jump, but we don't know if we'd pay more than $25 for this one. Would you?

&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;a href="http://www.buzzdash.com/index.php?page=buzzbite&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;BB_id=102386"&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;What would you pay for Pam's spray tan?&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/a&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt; | &amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;a href="http://www.buzzdash.com"&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;BuzzDash polls&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/a&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;

Images via artnet.com

Top 10 Funniest Slang Terms For Masturbation

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 19:56:00 GMT

Did you know there are over one thousand substitutes for the word "masturbation," all created by skateboarding hipster kids in Southern California?

The makers of The Masturbation List did, and shared all 1,000 terms (mainly guys can use) with us. We whittled (!) it down to a Top 10:

10. Slobbin' the Milosevich

9. Answer the bone-a-phone

8. Play with Burt Reynolds' mustache

7. Beef-strokin'-off

4. Ben your Franklin

6. Date Palmela Handerson

5. "Just need a little time with my e-mail, that's all..."

4. Lubricate the Lutheran

3. High-five Yule Brenner

2. Our Gang Spanky Marathon

1. Pat the Robertson

And yes, we read all one thousand to bring you this pointless exercise... yes, we have that kind of time...

Honorable mentions: Vote Republican, Bash the bishop, Battle the Cyclops, Rub the rhubarb, Fire the surgeon general; Molest the bystander; Five knuckle shuffle; Go down to the zipper mart to pick up a pound of pork; and Paint Pontius Pilate's Palace.

Via the Masturbation List. Photo of John Mayer via Celeb Newswire.

Related:

Those Who Can, Do; Those Who Can't, Teach Porn Techniques...

The Top 10 Songs About Masturbation

Ayveq the Masturbating Walrus is Dead at 14

A Walk in the Sexy Park

Connecticut Teens Busted For Classroom BJ

Pam And Tommy Lee Back In The Swing Of Things

Sophie Monk Has A KFC Relapse

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 15:41:00 GMT

Sophie Monk, former Baywatch co-star with/protege of animal rights activist Pamela Anderson, has been busted committing the worst kind of celebrity hypocrisy.

This scandal is so monumental, it would be like seeing Michael Jordan leaving a Foot Locker wearing a pair of Reebok's in 1991. Okay, maybe we're joking around, but check this out: Monk posed nude for PETA in 2007 and said:

"I think the message to KFC eaters (is that) you should think about what you're eating. If you're eating deformed animals that are being induced by hormones, you know, it can not be good for you."

Well, Miss Monk, you appear to have fallen off the wagon. What do you say to Kentucky Fried Chickenshits, those who gobble down god-awful-tasting, god-awful-for-you, god-awful-for-the-world meat from their establishment?

Anyway, when we were going back to being carnivores after brief stints as vegetarians, we never, ever have cravings for KFC. Not even now, years later, would we touch that total garbage. So why would Sophie Monk risk the wrath of a batshit crazy and super-vindictive operate like PETA, just for a drumstick?

Top photo and link via news.com.au. Second photo via the Deceiver.

Sloppy Seconds: Stripper Shoots Boyfriend Over $150

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 21:09:00 GMT

A top Superior Court official in Cobb County, Georgia resigned after the following allegations were made public:

Sex in a judge's chambers, trysts at local hotels during business hours, obscene phone calls to female workers and a desire to see lesbian sex are among the many accounts of what was going on... for the past two decades.

A new study indicates the pill may lead women to make incorrect mating decisions. Hmm... no comment.

And Paris Hilton is being sued for

declining self-promotion for the first time in her life, TMZ reports that she's being sued for it:
Her 2006 "comedy" "National Lampoon's Pledge This!" was apparently so bad, even Paris wouldn't shill for it. Worldwide Entertainment Group says she got paid a mil — a mil, folks — to act in the movie and then push it on TV and radio. They say she didn't do the latter and so they're going after her in Federal court.

A stripper and another possible shooter wounded the stripper's (ex-)boyfriend over a whopping $150 debt.

Ha, ha: A judge in California allowed the state's colleges to deny entry to Christian students who learned about the Bible instead of evolution.

Obama supporter or just crazy idiot? An overzealous supporter sent Cindy McCain to the hospital today with a "crushing" handshake.

Wait, aren't Pam and Tommy Lee still together? Guess not.

And George W. Bush is sending US troops and sexy socialite Condi Rice to rescue Georgia from a ~~Soviet~~ Russian invasion.

Pam And Tommy Lee Back In The Swing Of Things

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 20:10:00 GMT

"We've only given it a try 800 times," Tommy told Rolling Stone. "801, here we go."

Best headline about Pam and Tommy getting back together: "Tommy Lee Gives Up Meat For Pamela Anderson."

Lee, 45, and Anderson, 40, married in 1995 and went through several breakups and reconciliations before finally divorcing in 1998. They have two sons together.

In spite of this and the fact that a) Lee gave her Hepatitas C last time around and b) Anderson goes through serious relationships faster than we go through condoms (that is, about one per year), we shouldn't be too optimistic about this go-around. Nonetheless, how often do you hear about celebrity couples patching things up... for the kids?

“Pamela and the kids have moved in with me,” Lee told Rolling Stone... “It’s awesome, man. It’s definitely working. You can tell on the kids’ faces -- they’re happy when we’re together."

Aww, shucks. Come on, Pam and Tommy-- kiss and make up, rekindle that romance, and get out the ol' sex swing-- we're rootin' for ya!

Via MSNBC.

Who Would You Rather: Pamela Anderson or Madonna?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 19:30:00 GMT

Scanner Bryan already exposed Madona's diabolical plan to violate the sacred celluloid known as "Casablanca" as little more than a ripoff of Pam Anderson's 1996 boondoggle "Barb Wire."

But the question remains: will these two have a catfight over their two classic films? A better question: who cares? No one is ever going to see "Casablanca," starring Madge and set in modern-day Iraq (we guess all the scenes will be in secret, underground bunkers?), so, more importantly...

This time, it's enormous fake tits + endearing sense of humor + no acting talent + married to two of the most unlikeable men ever to walk the pages of Us Weekly (not including Tommy Lee) vs. one of the coolest pop singers of all-time + not the hottest nude celebrity we've ever seen + still beautiful at 50...

Who...

would you...

rather?

Madonna's "Casablanca" Remake Will NEVER Beat Pam Anderson's

Bryan Christian — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 13:02:00 GMT

It's nowhere near a done deal -- especially considering Madonna's track record on the big screen -- but Madge wants her next movie to be a remake of Casablanca, set in modern-day Iraq.

The singer, whose previous film career has been littered with critical and commercial turkeys, is also planning to take the lead role of Ilsa Lund, which originally made a star of Ingrid Bergman.
A source at a major Hollywood studio that was recently approached by the 49-year-old star said: "She is still determined to make it in the movies.
"She and her representatives have been touting around a project which is a remake of Casablanca. The reception has been lukewarm to say the least. No one can understand why she wants to redo what many people consider the greatest film of all time."

Well of course response to the idea has been lukewarm. You want a put a brassy blonde in a remake of Casablanca set in an arrid, forbidding landscape? Well, sorry Charlie, you're only like 10 years too late. Does no one remember the post-apocalyptic, gender-switched spin that Pamela Anderson Lee gave that whole hill of beans thing in 1996's Barb Wire? And she got to be the Bogie role and everything! Don't believe us? Click through for proof!

OK, if you got 3 minutes to spare, click here for the original review of Barb Wire by Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert which corroborates our story. But if you got a couple hours to kill , then sit back, relax, and unbutton your pants, because we here at Scanner are proud to present -- in all its VHS-dubbed-glory -- Barb Freaking Wire. Enjoy.

Sloppy Seconds: Name That Lohan

Emily Farris — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 22:07:00 GMT

14-year-old Ali Lohan wants to be famous just like her big sister, Lindsay. Maybe she should wait until her breasts fully develop.

Note to "Big Brother" contestants: it's probably best not to call kids with autism "retards" while you're being recorded. Or at all.

The Olsen twins are going to write a book about fashion. We're guessing it will be ghost written. And we're totally available for the right price.

Ultra-conservative commentator/columnist William F. Buckley kicked the bucket today.

Pamela Anderson is seeking an annulment of her marriage to hubby of two months, Rick Salomon, based on "fraud."

Pamela Anderson to Give Nude Revue in Paris?

Emily Farris — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 16:14:00 GMT

Pamela Anderson is set to perform a special Valentine's Day show at Paris' Crazy Horse Cafe, known for its nude sets. Though it's still unsure whether she'll bare all. We get the feeling everyone will be sorely disappointed and thoroughly relieved when she wears the skimpiest bikini ever and claims to have stayed clad.

[BBC News: Anderson in Paris cabaret show via Fleshbot]

Because People Who Aren't in a Relationship are the Most Qualified to Speak on It: Rick Saloman's Ex on His Marriage to Pamela Anderson

Emily Farris — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 16:37:00 GMT

Yesterday we told you that Pamela Anderson and hubby of 70-something days Rick Saloman were splitsville. But it turns out they're not. Or maybe they were and changed their minds. Or maybe they never were and someone leaked it to the press. Or maybe they got in a fight but never intended to divorce. Either way, thank goodness Page Six has an "exclusive" statement from the most reliable source on this issue, Rick Saloman's ex-wife:

Rick Salomon’s first wife, actress and singer Elizabeth “E.G.” Daily, spoke exclusively to PageSix.com about the on/off/on relationship between her ex-husband and Pamela Anderson. E.G. is optimistic, saying, “All people need to work their process out. This is life and people working their stuff out.”

Wow. That clears it all up for us. We should bring her on as relationship expert here at Scanner.

PageSix: Rick Salomon’s ex-wife speaks out on Pamela and Rick’s Relationship

Is It Divorce Again for Pamela Anderson?

Emily Farris — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 19:21:00 GMT

Looks like Pamela Anderson might have to hold off on retiring Thing One and Thing Two to "stay in and have sex." According to TMZ she's filed for divorce from hubby Rick Salomon.

TMZ: Pam Anderson Files for Divorce!

Previously: Pam Thinking of Retiring Thing One and Thing Two

Pam Thinking of Retiring Thing One and Thing Two

Emily Farris — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 16:56:00 GMT

Since marrying third hubby Rick Salomon (of Paris Hilton sex tape fame) in October, Pamela Anderson is "In every night. Having sex." And thinking about retirement. While she says it's still at least five years off, we think this could be a good thing for Pam. She's been looking a little rough around the edges for a while now, and what was once hot and sleazy behavior is now just a little sad. Except for Borat. We loved her in Borat.