Scanner : pants

PapSmeared: Lady Gaga Loses Her Pants, Lower Legs in Freak Beach Accident

Emily Farris — Fri, 08 May 2009 16:33:00 GMT

Spider-Man Wants To Get Into Your Pants

Emily Farris — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 20:12:00 GMT

VIA THE MODERN MATERIALIST: Literally, I mean:

Sloppy Seconds: In Which Our Indie Rock Wet Dream Comes True

Emily Farris — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 23:13:00 GMT

If you could go back and date every guy you ever rejected, would you? That's the plot behind the new web TV series "Hell Froze Over." [HellFrozeOver.tv]

Someone else watched Miss USA's porn debut so you don't have to (unless you want to) and raised a good question: are you supposed to watch an entire porno? [Plog]

Who said it? "I've had times when my pants split right down the middle when I bent down to reach a note." [Us]

This 20-pound-lobster video required a second email from the Brooklyn Paper today. [Brooklyn Paper]

To catch a FOXNews producer.... yeah, you get the drift. [Gawker]

These celebrities' Valentine's Day plans sound about as sexy as ours (which is not at all). [Yahoo!]

But that's okay, this video of Elvis Costello performing Jenny Lewis' "Carpetbaggers" with Lewis and Zooey Deschanel is all the Valentine's love we need.

[via Stereogum]

PapSmeared: Mickey Rourke Finds Comfort Within

Emily Farris — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 15:31:00 GMT

[Image]

Sloppy Seconds: Kelis to Serve Up a Different Kind of Milkshake

Emily Farris — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 00:22:00 GMT

Yesterday, two birds took down a Kansas City man's ice cream. Today, an entire plane full of people, right into the Hudson River. [BBC]

A 19-year-old Wisconsin woman is facing charges after she got drunk and ran pantsless through an IHOP. Good thing there were never cops around all the times we ran half naked through fast food chains. [The Smoking Gun]

A man in Atlantic City is facing charges after he posed as a female veterinarian and doing all the things veterinarians do, except, we hope, fixing cats and dogs and other furries. [Press of Atlantic City]

And dumbass Johnny Knoxville is facing charges for allegedly taking a grenade into LAX. WTF, Johnny? [Yahoo!]

How excited are we for the "Gossip Girl" spin-off that will tell the story of Lily and Rufus? Very. Very excited. Srsly. XOXO. [Us]

Rappers Kelis and Nas are reportedly expexcting their first child. [MTV]

Related:

Why You Should Never Deny a Kansas City Man His Ice Cream (Hint: You Will End Up Dead)

Who Would You Rather: Golden Globes Edition (Kate vs. Sue)

Emily Farris — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 22:33:00 GMT

Even though she was left off of Scanner Ina's best dressed list for last night's Golden Globes, we think Kate Winslet looked amaaaaazing. We're glad her second speech went on and on and on because we didn't want to take our eyes off of her. Equally stunning, however, was the always beautiful Susan Sarandon (in her pants and all).

Related:

Golden Globes Best Dressed: How J-Lo's Ass Finally Won Us Over

Golden Globes Worst Dressed: WTF Was Up With The Hair?

Retro Masturbation Material: Susan Sarandon

Top 5 Susan Sarandon Sex Scenes

Sloppy Seconds: Which "Dancing With the Stars" Star Will Pose for Playboy?

Emily Farris — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 23:06:00 GMT

How many things are wrong with this picture? Britney Spears' dad Jamie has been making about $10,000 to "look after her," but he just got a raise of $51,000 a year, making about $75 an hour to babysit his daughter. [People]

Barack Obama has chosen to use Abraham Lincoln's Bible for his swearing in. [Radar]

If you were an editor at the New York Times and the mayor of Paris sent you a letter criticizing the prospect of Caroline Kennedy taking over Hillary Clinton's Senate seat, wouldn't you just check to make sure it was really from the mayor of Paris? Maybe? Oops. [Jossip]

Sometimes we forget just how skinny celebrities are. You know, celebs like.... Billy Bob Thornton? [NYDN]

Today, we went looking for a music video we could have sworn we saw just a few short days ago on YouTube. Could it be gone because Warner music has pulled all of its artists' videos from the site? [Yahoo!]

45-year-old mother of two and Dancing With the Stars alum Lisa Rinna will pose yet again for Playboy, according to Extra. [FadedYouth]

[Image]

Scanner Roundtable: Bases

Emily Farris — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 17:08:00 GMT

On the car ride home from the best weekend ever that may or may not have involved us drinking too much whiskey and taking a series of pantsless pictures, we questioned a friend about what exactly happened when two people spent the night in her one-person tent. Of course, the subject of bases came up and there was some serious dissent among the car's five passengers.

As far as we're concerned, it goes like this:

1st Base: Kissing

2nd Base: Heavy Petting, Dry Humping, Hand Jobs, and our favorite term, Fingerbanging

3rd Base: Oral

Home: Intercourse

But apparently, many people believe that anything involving hand-gential contact is third. We've found ourselves Googling this topic on more than one occasion, only to be even more confused (maybe it's changed since the 50's?). We're sure someone out there can clear this up for us, though.

Scanner Highs and Lows: Can You Say Disappointment?

Scanner Highs and Lows: We Got Finger Banged at Summer Camp

Open Thread: What's The Dirtiest Thing You Ever Did at Summer Camp?

Michael Ian Black Recounts His Own Wet Hot American Summer

[Image]

Yves Saint Laurent Lives on in Our Pants

Emily Farris — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 13:13:00 GMT

Design god Yves Saint Laurent died yesterday in his Paris apartment. He was 71.

We'll be honest, we didn't even know he was still alive. That's probably because our idea of following fashion is looking at the American Apparel catalog while on the toilet, and anything bearing the YSL label is too rich for our blogger blood. But Yves Saint Laurent was a name we knew well and prided ourselves in pronouncing correctly.

"And how does this relate to Scanner?," you might be asking yourself?

First let us ask you, "What are you wearing?"

Because not only did Laurent put Kate Moss in your magazines, he put women in sexy pants.

Originally a maverick and a generator of controversy — in 1968, his suggestion that women wear pants as an everyday uniform was considered revolutionary — Mr. Saint Laurent developed into a more conservative designer, a believer in evolution rather than revolution. He often said that all a woman needed to be fashionable was a pair of pants, a sweater and a raincoat.

“My small job as a couturier,” he once said, “is to make clothes that reflect our times. I’m convinced women want to wear pants.”

And for that, we thank you Mr. Laurent.

Uh, our pants are off to you?

[NYT: Yves Saint Laurent, 71, Is Dead; A Giant of Couture for 45 Years]

The Most Sexist Thing You'll See All Day

Emily Farris — Thu, 15 May 2008 13:04:00 GMT

Okay, we hope this "slacks" ad from the 70's is the most sexist thing you'll see all day. As with most things, we can't guarantee it, especially if you watch Bill O'Reilly.

Yeah, we didn't really get it until we read the fine print, either:

Though she was a tiger lady, our hero didn’t have to fire a shot to floor her. After one look at his Mr. Leggs slacks, she was ready to have him walk all over her. That noble styling sure soothes the savage heart! If you’d like your own doll-to-doll carpeting, hunt up a pair of these he-man Mr. Leggs slacks. Such as our new automatic wash wear blend of 65% “Dacron®” and 35% rayon–incomparably wrinkle-resistant. About $12.95 at plush-carpeted stores.

[Make the Logo Bigger via BoingBoing]