Scanner : penthouse

Bret Michaels Backpedals His Way into Kids' Hearts

Colleen Kane — Wed, 13 May 2009 15:45:00 GMT

In an interview with Rolling Stone, Bret Michaels recounted signing 2,000 autographs for teenagers behind a Dumpster recently. And he only sounds shadier after that, when talking about his so-called Rock of Love, his broken-hearted runner-up, and the possibility of another season.

First, about the "winner" of the most recent Rock of Love, Taya: “Taya is absolutely beautiful. The show should be called Rock of Dating. You don’t fall in love in a month and a half on TV. You might fall in lust, you might be hot for somebody, but love takes time and both of us have children. We’re having a great time and we’ll see what happens.”

Next, onto Mindy. Poor, poor Mindy, who Ricky Rachtman clearly thought was the right choice for Bret, but who didn't express her feelings until the reunion show. “When were in the Dominican Republic she should have said what she told me at the reunion. Mindy was great, but she would often get into a funk. I’m not talking about a fake funk, but a real funk. If we were out on the road and you got into a fake funk, we wouldn’t last two days after the show was over. Two or three of these arguments, you’d be like, ‘I’m done.’ She really came around at that reunion and said everything she should have said at that reunion.”

What a tool. A tool we'll probably soon be watching in ROL IV, no? “I don’t know. I have to see where me and Taya go."

Related:

Bret's Rock of Love Speaks

Yoo-hoooooo! Now's Your Chance at Love, Fellas!

Bret's Rock of Love Speaks

Colleen Kane — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 14:40:00 GMT

As you know, Bret Michaels rather tentatively chose Penthouse here as his Rock of Love on the finale of season three, Rock of Love Bus. Penthouse, aka Taya Parker, graced the cover of Steppin' Out recently to discuss the rocker in the bandanna and why Danny Bonaduce's girlfriend is out for her blood.

Here's Taya's response to Danny Bonaduce's claim that she hit on him, as recounted on Celebrity Smack Blog.

I went on his show during my Pet of the Year tour, and I told him I had a crush on him when I was a little girl. Not now! But his producers kept pushing it and pushing it asking if I would go on a date with Danny. The whole time I kept thinking, “He’s got a girlfriend.” His poor girlfriend. He actually said, “She got into a car accident and died, so now we can date.” That’s so horrible. Now, she hates me. The whole thing has been blown out of proportion. I honestly never stepped out of bounds. I think Danny just milked it for radio. On the record, I did not try to meet Danny behind his girlfriend’s back, and I definitely don’t want to sleep with him or date him. I have no interest.

So she had a crush on wee Danny growing up? I think that factoid in itself may prove that Taya is not the 29 years she claims to be, a claim that was doubted by her fellow tour bus travelers on the show.

And apparently Bret and Taya have stayed apart since the series finale, although that didn't prove true with last season's winner:

Steppin' Out: Will you be hurt if you never hear from him again?
Taya: I would definitely be hurt. Considering what I went through on that show, I would at least expect a phone call. I think being the person who he is he would do that. I left the ball in Bret’s court. If he wants to date, I’m jumping in with both feet. I could fall in love with him with the snap of a finger. There’s also a part of me that’s going to protect myself emotionally until I feel it’s safe for me to do that. So, stay tuned.

Wow, romantic!

Related:

Yoo-hoooooo! Now's Your Chance at Love, Fellas!

While You Were Sleeping: Poor Bret Michaels

STD Sunday: The "Rock of Love" Final Four Are Boring And Weird

Aria Giovanni Wants To Show You How To Do Something

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 19:21:00 GMT

Why is Aria Giovanni showing us bachelors how to cook via Break.com videos and do we care? Not "do we care that she's on Break.com showing us how to do things we'll quickly turn into four-alarm fires" but does anyone care what she's saying, with images like these?

Note that at about 1:30... she appears to be lightly stroking the long stem handle... hmmm, very interesting demonstration...

Aria Giovanni Teaches Us How To Boil Eggs

In case you didn't know, Aria Giovanni is a nude model and, um, self-described actress who was the Penthouse Pet for September of 2000. You may recall her previous Scanner appearance when we shared the first episode of James Gunn's PG Porn. We'd share more of these videos if she did something, you know... exciting.

Related:

PG Porn Takes the Bang Bus

Does This Supermodel Look Fat To You?

PG Porn Wishes You A Bloody Christmas

Today in WTF: PG Porn

Hey Ireland: Good Luck Stopping Internet Porn

Larry Flynt is a Press-Seeking Liar or: I Can Write More than 300 Words at a Time

Emily Farris — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 22:08:00 GMT

Did you think I was capable of writing only about bearded men and Pete Wentz's penis?

So did I! But apparently that's not the case. I wrote lots and lots of words about how the sex industry is faring in the recession. You should go read it. Here's a little sample:

Even in the midst of Tuesday's joyous inaugural celebration, President Barack Obama turned from his "yes we can" refrain to a chillier "winter of our hardship" line. Pundits and politicians remind us daily that the economy is plunging. As Scanner's lead blogger, I always assumed that the only thing plunging in my vicinity would be necklines. Sex always sells, right? When the stock market collapsed in 1929, people embraced cheap thrills — boozing at speakeasies and visiting brothels — for comfort and distraction. People still hire Scarlett Johansson's breasts to appear in films. Axe Body Spray ads continue to evolve.

But then a struggling alternative weekly turned down my pitch for a sex-advice column. The bunnies Hugh Hefner hasn't fired are fleeing to magicians' hats. I wondered gloomily if Larry Flynt was right that the sex industry was no longer recession-proof.

"With all this economic misery and people losing all that money, sex is the farthest thing from their mind," Flynt said earlier this month in a press release. In an age when two (or more!) equally broke parties can have free, legal casual encounters thanks to Craigslist and other online personals sites, are people still willing to spend what little money they have on sex?

Larry Flynt: How's About A Porn Bailout?

Bye-Bye Bunnies: Playboy Hops Away From NYC

The Other Long Goodbye: Magazines

Colleen Kane — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 21:31:00 GMT

Now that that clown W is out of office, it's time to turn our attention to the other long goodbye. The slow and agonizing death of magazines in general isn't necessarily the domain of Scanner, but the sputtering gasps of this particular title that laid off editors last week is.

Yep.

Et tu, Penthouse? Conde Nast Portfolio announced that seven Penthouse employees were let go last week, although their CEO Marc Bell called it a downsizing and relocation.

We hope it ain't so that the title is in danger, but the future remains uncertain.

Today in Page Six: Naomi Campbell, Prince, Joe Francis, Unnamed Penthouse Pet

Penthouse Model Gives Us an Excuse to Write About the Fox Business Network

Sloppy Seconds: Penthouse at the Nursing Home

Sloppy Seconds: So There IS Hope in Dope

Emily Farris — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 23:01:00 GMT

Josh Brolin may have killed Sean Penn on the big screen (spoiler my ass; pick up a history book Wikipedia) but they are totes in love in the real world. [Vulture]

Eight-year-old Emily knew that Scanner Emily would become a crazy cat lady, but how did six-year-old Emily know Scanner Emily would take six years to finish college? [eefers]

Six-year-old Emily was not aware that Scanner Emily would grow up and develop a very serious condition called Status Update Disorder. [The Atlantic]

You must be a real fucking stud to survive testicular cancer, then win the Tour de France seven times, and after all that cutting and jiggling and jaggling, knock some chick up. [People]

In addition to hosting his TV shows, writing cookbooks and tending to his restaurants, Bobby Flay will have a SIRIUS XM radio show as of tomorrow. If he'd like a sidekick, we're more than happy to move back to New York. [Yahoo!]

Brad Pitt totally inhaled funny cigarettes in the 90's, proving to parents everywhere that there is hope in dope. (Repeat it with me, kids: There is hope in dope!) [Radar]

Pepper Spray and Tasers, Josh Brolin Arrest Video

Sloppy Seconds: Pornos Will Save Us All

Scanner Emily on Intercest, Cupcakes and When His You Know What is Too Big

Emily Farris — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 22:02:00 GMT

Over the past few weeks, I've developed somewhat of an Intercestuous relationship with Rachel Kramer Bussel.

In mid-December, I happened upon Rachel's Facebook page after a mutual friend had RSVP'd for the Cupcakes Take the Cake (Rachel's cupcake blog) anniversary party. As you know, I get a little too excited by food, especially cupcakes. I knew I'd heard her name elsewhere and after poking around her profile I realized that she's also an editor at Penthouse, has edited and contributed to a bazillion erotica anthologies and that she should be my new BFF (though I took no action to make this happen).

Days later, in a fascinating turn of small-world events, I was assigned a piece by SXSW World, the official magazine of South by Southwest. The editor said I was to profile none other than one Miss Rachel Kramer Bussel, who will host a food panel at SXSW Interactive. By the time we met for our interview the following week, she had already purchased my book, and made a recipe from it. She showed up with a copy of her most recent book, Best Sex Writing 2009 (for which I'm currently working up my Amazon review), and a cupcake. Insta-girl crush. (Men, for future reference: shower women with literature and cupcakes.)

Since our meeting, I've interviewed Rachel for an article that should appear on the Nerve homepage any day now, and she added me to the April lineup for her erotic reading series, In the Flesh (it's virgin night!).

Anyway, all of this is a really long explanation to say that she has a great column this week over at The Frisky where she explores the dealbreaker that is The Too Big Penis. Also, in writing this post I hope to coin the term "Intercest."

Okay, time to get to work on that article...

Related:

**Food We'd Like to F*ck: Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Topped Cupcakes**

**Food We'd Like to F*ck: Meat and Mashed Potato Cupcakes**

Sarah Palin Elevated to GILF Status, or Bristol Palin Pops One Out

Image by Hilary McHone

Hayden Panettiere: "Don't F*ck With My Presidential Candidate"

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 13:13:00 GMT

Hayden Panettiere, our Greatest Love Of All*, made a video for one of our favorite websites talking about how much she loves cigarettes and her Presidential candidate...

You might be surprised who she supports... and at how dirty her mouth is. Yowza! [Warning: NSFW dialogue!]

This is the kind of video that if a) Obama wasn't going to win anyway or b) all of her fans were not middle age ex-cons banned from voting in their respective states, it might be a game changing October surprise. (Actually, an October surprise would be a Penthouse shoot featuring Hayden clad only in temporary Save the Whales and Vote Democrat tattoos. Let's make it happen, people!)

*you know the running gag about me being in love with her is just that-- a gag-- right? Although we don't deny she has her hot moments...see above photo for more on this...

Related:

I Hate Myself for Loving You: Hayden Paniettiere

Why Hayden And I Broke Up: A Scanner Confession

Multi-Hayden-ed Photoshopped Beach Shot Makes Scanner Brian's Gonads Explode

McCain Sabotages His Own Attempt To Save The Nation

Wake-Up Call: Hayden Panettiere's A Singer?

Big Church Comes from a Big Family, With Big Boobs and All

Emily Farris — Tue, 20 May 2008 15:58:00 GMT

Is anyone really surprised that BigChurch.com, a Christian dating site, is owned by Penthouse Media, which also owns AdultFriendFinder.com (glad we had our pop-up blocker enabled for that one) and bondage.com?

Only the Christians.

Well, only the Christians using the site. And even then maybe we should narrow it down to only the Christians using the site who also believe that anything with the world "Christian" in it is somehow looking out for them.

As our friend Rev. Bryan Hooper (yes, even sex bloggers have pastor friends) said in an email, "Penthouse is a business. Their goal is to make money. The same is true for BigChurch.com. It has nothing to do with religion — good or bad. It's just another marketing angle."

Amen to that.

The financially-struggling Penthouse group recently moved into the social networking world after its old core magazine business was undermined by the explosion of pornography on the internet.

But a series of other Christian websites are highlighting the marriage between the pious and the promiscuous in an effort to woo the devout away from the BigChurch embrace.

No matter who owns it, it appears to be working for some people... if the testimonials are to be believed:

"I feel blessed to have met Shawn on BigChurch.com. I feel like my prayers of finding a respectable man have been answered! Thanks BigChurch!!"

Try to think of it like enjoying the fact that you live in the United States even though you don't agree with the morals of the people running it... oh, wait...

[Telegraph via Fleshbot]

Ashley Alexandra Dupre: The Last Nude Hurrah

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 15:30:00 GMT

Did Ash sign a contract with the New York gossip rags to pose nude for them every day? It sure seemed that way over the last week. Well, the fun we've been having waking up in the morning to rampant nakedness at the newsstand appears to be over, with one final photo for the Post...

1) Over the weekend, smut peddler/First Amendment hero Larry Flynt offered the skanksta 1,000,000 American pounds if she would spread her legs... in his pages. Why doesn't he just pay her what he has in his wallet and get this whole thing over with? After all, the below photo is enough for us-- we don't need much more.

2) Ashley's friends are helping her lay low, which probably means no more jetting to Midtown to take nude photos like the one below.

3) She may be turning into a respectable recording artist. Even ig'nant record execs must be foaming at the mouth at the popularity, however kitsch, over her songs on the internet. As her vocal coach puts it in a MySpace comment:

"We wIll bE on yoUr side forever these events reinforce the poWer of mUsic to overcome obstacles in our lives."

Judging by the quality of said music, these events also reinforce the poWer of mUsic to BEcome obstacles in our lives. Barf.

4) Spitzer and his soon-to-be-estranged family are in hiding these days. Without their mopey mugs at more news conferences, the press is likely to go sniffing elsewhere for fresh blood, with their interest in Ash dissipating in the process. Perfect time for her to hit the nudie mags up for a million bucks, just as she senses the public's attention waning.

In any case, we can at least enjoy the below photo and speculate on why her boobs look so weird in every picture we've seen:

Previously: Client 9's Date Revealed... And She's Worth The $4,300, Sloppy Seconds: Eliot Spitzer's Lady Friend Can Rock Your World Too; and Ashley Alexandra Dupre To Get Naked?

[Photos: New York Daily News]

Ashley Alexandra Dupre To Get Naked?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 18:00:00 GMT

As if teasing the publishers of Penthouse and Playboy, Ashley Alexandra Dupre, the most famous hooker of the week, is butt-naked on the cover of today's New York Post. The "aspiring singer," a charge as yet unproved, had five million hits on her MySpace page yesterday, prompting some dumbass who doesn't want to make any money to take it down.

The whirlwind of publicity that made Ash an overnight star may, however, have unintended consequences... such as subjecting us to a music video (see below.)

Radar and the Huffington Post speculate on whether "Kristen" will hit the of your favorite bodega nudie mag ASAP:

Penthouse publisher Diane Silberstein tells Radar that she'd be "very, very interested" in talking to anyone who had naked pics of Dupré, particularly if said pics were taken recently and of good quality. "We've already discussed some options--obviously, we'd be thrilled if we could land an exclusive," Silberstein says....When asked for a ballpark dollar amount the magazine would be willing to shell out, Silberstein said that any negotiation between the magazine and Dupré would be kept confidential.

A representative of Playboy told the Huffington Post, "We are not commenting on the Spitzer girl or what her photos would be worth at this time," though a source at the magazine reportedly told Radar that she could fetch somewhere in the "high six figures" for posing in the magazine.

As for those godawful songs, we're thinking that they could actually help make her the new Paris Hilton. The media is desperate for new angles and stories of girls gone wild, and with Paris seemingly toning it down a little, Ash could easily step up to the proverbial plate.

Now, for the video: Scanner Brian is pretty sure he saw this being filmed a while back and he laughs at its amateurish production even now.