Scanner : photoshopping

NOT PapSmeared: Madonna With Child

Emily Farris — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:04:00 GMT

Madonna will tell you what pictures to use and you will use them, you hear?

The superstar recently had her picture taken with this young Malawian child, Mercy James. Then she had the image airbrushed. Then she had it turned to sepia tones. Then she sent it to the entire world. And THAT is how you don't get PapSmeared.

Crystal Renn: Big and Beautiful in Australian 'Bazaar'

Emily Farris — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 21:49:00 GMT

Crystal Renn is turning heads this month. And not just because she's a plus-sized model appearing in the pages of Australian Harper's Bazaar. It's because editors let her stay that way for their May issue. Unlike stateside fashion magazines like Vogue—whose editors pride themselves for featuring bigger girls and then Photoshop their curves away like they did with songstress and Scanner crush Adele—Aussie's Bazaar left Renn seemingly Photoshop free. And we like it.

Top 10 Hottest Women Size 10 and Up

Mean Girls: Paris Hilton Calls Former BFF's Ass "Cottage Cheese Inside a Trash Bag"

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Colleen Kane — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 18:12:00 GMT

Pardon my being late to the game if this is an old photo. I don't normally peruse this sort of photography on the interwebz but let's just say I have a few sickos on my Twitter follow list who post links to weird things.

Of course this young one-legged woman has every right to look hot, I just wonder how this photo was presented in its original context. But even more, I wonder WTF? and LOL about what is cropped out of the above photo. Complete image after the jump.

Nude High School Cheerleader Scandal is Disturbing for a Few Reasons

Hostel-Owning Perv Learns to Shut His Spy Hole

Trans Mission: Convert Celebrity Men to Women

Colleen Kane — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 16:57:00 GMT

The Worth 1000 Photoshop site just wrapped up Gender Bending, a contest asking entrants to transform a photo of a male celebrity into a female. The entry above is an imaginary reprise of Tom Hanks' character in Bosom Buddies.

So which male celeb makes the prettiest lady, and who looked the narstiest?

Elijah Wood's pretty face trans-lates well, though still with that intense starey thing (s)he does.

And on to the fugly. Nick Cage, NO!

See them all here.

Related:

Tom Hanks of Tomorrow Looking Like Drunk Asshole of Today

Sloppy Seconds: Is Jessica Simpson Headed for a Life of Bad Clothes and TV Dinners?

While You Were Sleeping: Slamming The Gates Of The Playboy Mansion

Sloppy Seconds: The Grey's Anatomy Lesbian Controversy

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 21:31:00 GMT

We're wrapping up early today so we can stay glued to the TV. Check out our election thread here.

The Examiner examined the worst celebrity magazine covers of all time. Guess how many are David Duchovny photos?

Another naked prank went wrong.

How the hell did this end up in a kid's Halloween candy bag?

When their children returned from Halloween trick-or-treating, a couple found suspected methamphetamine and $85 in cash among their 7-year-old son's Snickers bars and Skittles. Lars and Shelly Brosdahl called police, who confirmed that the substance was methamphetamine, worth up to $200 on the street. [AP/Yahoo]

An enraged husband and his two brothers got a drunk and cut off his dick as revenge for a supposed sex act committed with the enraged man's wife.

A man who raped a horse got off easy. (No pun intended, please!)

Brooke Smith's role as Dr. Erica Hahn on Grey's Anatomy is over. Do you think it's discrimination? The argument didn't convince us either way.

And the Kate Winslet-Vanity Fair photos Scanner Emily posted yesterday are causing the predictable controvsery. Airbrushed? Photoshopped? Who cares?

Related:

Kate Winslet Takes it Off for Vanity Fair

Woman Kills Rapist With Shotgun Blast Through Her Front Door

While You Were Sleeping: The Naked Mannequin Orgy

Gisele Bundchen Finds Another Excuse To Take Off Her Clothes

20-Year-Old Teacher Strips For Her Students... On Video

And You Thought Bill Clinton Was A Sex-Crazed Politician...

Britney Spears Is (Almost) Not Completely Repulsive In Her New Video

Jennifer Hudson Looking Hot on Her New Album Cover

Emily Farris — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 18:27:00 GMT

Dear Arista Records,

While we know you did some Photoshopping, thank you for not whittling Jennifer Hudson away to nothing on the cover of her new self-titled album.

That is all.

Sincerely,

Scanner Emily

[Yahoo!]

Related:

More Fun With Photoshop: McCain-Palin Beauties

Photoshop Me One More Time

Sarah "Pitbull With Lipstick" Palin Photoshop Contest

Photoshop Me One More Time

Emily Farris — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 17:31:00 GMT

Which pop star has yet again been digitized to look like a totally "hot" version of herself for her new album?

You might have a hard time figuring it out even after you see the whole thing, but give it a try...

Britney's looking good these days! At least the Photoshopped Britney that's being used to promote her new album, Womanizer.

Okay. We're sure any woman's first hot cartoon is pretty fun. But Poor Brit. How is she ever going to learn to be a normal person, or love herself, or like herself when she keeps being replaced by more attractive cartoons? Hell, not even more attractive, just... skinnier. Much, much skinnier.

[The Sun via Jezebel]

Related:

We Haven't Seen Britney Spears This Animated in Years (Har, Har)

Sloppy Seconds: The Britney Comeback

That New Britney Spears Cartoon Video We've All Been Waiting For (Or Not)

More Fun With Photoshop: McCain-Palin Beauties

When Re-Touchers Get a Little Magic Wand Happy We All Suffer, Especially Scanner Emily

More Fun With Photoshop: McCain-Palin Beauties

Emily Farris — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 14:14:00 GMT

We imagine that Rosie the Riveter (or Geraldine Boyle, the Michigan factory worker upon who Rosie was based) would probably not be so pleased that her image is being used to promote Sarah Palin, who many say is a woman not for women (and we sadly have to agree). As the ladies at Jezebel pointed out, it is nice to see her photoshopped into something other than a bikini, but to make us feel a little better about all of the undeniably sexist photoshopping gracing the blogosphere these days, we give you this user-submitted photo of John McCain.

[Deep Glamour: More Sarah Palin Photoshop Fun: Poster Repurpose]

[Jezebel: Palin Supporters Ask Area Teen To Help "Make A Photoshop"]

Sarah "Pitbull With Lipstick" Palin Photoshop Contest

What'll Happen To Sarah Palin?

When Re-Touchers Get a Little Magic Wand Happy We All Suffer, Especially Scanner Emily

Baby Born With Extra Penis, Parents Have it Removed Why?

Hey, Don't Accidentally Make Kiddie Porn!

Top 5 Rumors We'd Like to Start About Sarah Palin... But Won't

RNC Day Three: Sarah Palin Makes Dick Cheney Look Like Al Gore

No Wonder Sarah Palin Wants Kids to Stop Reading Books

Real or Fake: Nude Sarah Palin Photo?

Sarah "Pitbull With Lipstick" Palin Photoshop Contest

Emily Farris — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 20:49:00 GMT

"What's the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull?" Sarah Palin asked at the RNC. "Lipstick." We disagree; she's more of a Spaniel or a Terrier, but nevertheless, this inspired the design geeks here at Nerve to put together this Pitbull With Lipstick image.

Our first thought: this is really sexist. Our second thought: this is really ugly. Our third thought: as much as we hate to admit it, this is kind-of hilarious, but they could have made her look a little prettier.

If you think you can do better, and perhaps paint Ms. Palin's Pitbull in a more flattering light, send your Photoshopped images to scanner@nerve.com. We'll post the best ones for you to vote on next week and the winner will get something good. Perhaps a spanking from Scanner Brian?

If Science Projects Could Talk...

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 19:21:00 GMT

...what would they say? No, not "if you could build a talking science project, what would it tell you?" This is way better...

According to the Photoshopping hordes at Something Awful, the science projects would say what the kids would get away with if they didn't care about getting a "0" on their work.

We know these are a few months old, but they're goddamned delicious all the same. Lots more, via Something Awful (thanks M.C. for the link.)

Sloppy Seconds: Lindsay Lohan's Commitment Ring

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 21:28:00 GMT

Tom Jones stole Elvira's virginity! After a nude revue performance in Vegas (this story is too obvious to be true), the future Mistress of the Dark met her idol, Mr. Pussycat himself, who returned the compliment in the sack.

A man who got drunk for eight hours with his pregnant wife is in jail today on assault and domestic violence charges. The pregnant woman who participated in the binge and is dating this suave winner? She won't be charged at all, not even for child endangerment.

Amy Winehouse was involved in another barroom fist rampage. Yeah, another one.

Tatler has the perfect example of why photoshopping and overexposing (?) photographs on magazine covers is always a bad idea. Maggie Gyllenhaal... poor thing. She looked fifty times hotter when we saw her a few weeks ago... in person... in the morning... without makeup.

A thirteen-year-old girl and her caseworker are in trouble in Australia after the worker got her a prescription for the pill. The girl, meanwhile, has been living with her eighteen-year-old boyfriend.

And Samantha Ronson gave Lindsay Lohan a commitment ring. We're hoping it wasn't from the same machines that spit out the Homies.

Lindsay Lohan: Lies My Father Told Me

The Amy Winehouse Comeback Begins...

Baby Born With Extra Penis, Parents Have it Removed Why?

Emily Farris — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 15:43:00 GMT

If the ever-so-reputable Sun is to be believed, a baby in China was born with an extra penis on his back before his parents had it removed.

As much as we would love for this story to be true (think of the porn star name possibilities: Bare Back Baby?!), we unfortunately have to call bullshit on this story. Please let us draw your attention to Exhibit A.

Exhibit A:

First, The Sun describes this condition as "fetus in fetu," which, according to Wikipedia, is "a developmental abnormality in which a fetus gets enveloped inside its twin and an entire living organ system with torso and limbs can develop inside the host." The photos of fetus in fetu we found online were not this pretty. Photoshop much?

Second, the tiny extra peen appears to have been circumcised. This is a problem because 1. as far as our Google search allows us to know, circumcision is not very common and China, and 2. even if it was, why would parents have an extra penis circumcised only to have it removed?

Here's hoping a baby really is born with a penis on his back someday and grows up to become the greatest porn star of all time (maybe his debut film will be called "Piggy Back Ride?").

[The Sun: Baby Born With Penis on Back]

Related:

Babies at Babeland: Wrong for So Many Reasons

They Are What You Eat: Diets Can Change A Baby's Sex

Pretty Soon We'll All Have Boy AND Girl Parts

Jenna Jameson Wants a Baby In Her. Right Now.

China's Amazing Penis Restaurant

Who Are You And What Have You Done With Tina Fey?

Emily Farris — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 20:52:00 GMT

This is the cover of the upcoming May issue of Marie Claire. That's supposed to be Tina Fey but all we see is a Photoshopped fem-bot version of Tina Fey's overly made-up evil twin Tululah from Tallahassee.

Oh, you do too know her; she's the pretty one without a scar on her face.

[Jezebel: Magazine Editors "Consider" Discussing Airbrushing Guidelines]