Scanner : pick-up lines

Video of the Day: Chivalry Is For Jerks

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 16 May 2008 14:00:00 GMT

This video is outraegous, possibly offensive, and secretly "amen"-ed by every man who comes across it on Digg, Break.com, or YouTube.

And we thought it was just us that heard this annoying rejection line all the time.

Video of the Day: What's It Gonna Be?

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 13:13:00 GMT

What's It Gonna Be? on FunnyOrDie.com

Mike O'Connell's videos are among the rare highlights of Funny or Die, a site with lots of material that needs to fucking die. This NSFW (that designation refers to the audio only) video of the day is Mike's new music video.

Would this work on you, ladies? Expert sex blogger Girl With A One Track Mind weighs in:

How not to pick up a woman in a bar. And yes, I have met guys who've tried similar approaches; they never resulted in a shag.

Although it has to be said that if they had used the line "If you even really cared about that vagina of yours, you wouldn't leave it in the hands of an amateur" on me, the laughing it would have induced might have got me into bed.

Thanks to Girl With A One Track Mind.

This Dude is Going to Get You Laid

Emily Farris — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 19:49:00 GMT

The man pictured here has bad skin, beady eyes, and that hair is actually a wig to cover his bald head. But he's like the Hitch of Japan, except, you know, Japanese and not a character in a terrible movie. His Pickup School for Men Who Can't Get Any teaches men how to get laid, apparently very successfully, and he says it's all based "on a proprietary 'science' he discovered after a decade of careful research."

Fuck. We know he's kind-of right on, too.

Sadly, even women know the science to picking up women. How many of us have gone out with overweight, unemployed stoners who had the right shabby-chic sneakers and perfectly balanced mix of interest and disinterest? And how many of us have known that it's because they had that perfect balance of interest and disinterest that we were drawn to them? How many of us kept going back for more?

That may be the way things happen in America all too often, but it appears the science may be a little different in Japan:

[He] learned that a few simple tricks can go a long way: Women like laughter, compliments and magic tricks. Using these concepts, he devised a proprietary "science" for picking up women that takes into consideration things like reading signals and timing.

After 10 years and 10 new wigs, he'd become so successful with women, he says, that he decided to quit his job and make dating his profession.

Among other tricks, Fujita's method involves a deck of "psychoanalytic" cards that help him determine what kind of girl he has picked up.

He's also got a bag of tricks -- literally -- that includes flaming wallets, talking ferrets and animated algae balls. Fujita asked Wired.com not to disclose anything more detailed, for fear of giving away his closely guarded trade secrets.

"This may seem ridiculous, but if you follow a specific equation, it really works," he says.

We're not sure about the ferrets and algae balls (algae balls, really?), but dudes, here's a tip our Japanese friend might have left out that will help you on any continent: for the love of God, don't wear pleated pants.

[Wired: Inside the Bizarre World of Japanese Pickup Schools]

Video of the Day: UK PUA's

Bryan Christian — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 15:59:00 GMT

Dude, you know what we just learned by watching "Rules of Seduction," a ~~BBC~~ Channel 4 documentary on pickup techniques in the UK: that even we'd fall for a well-turned neg if it came in a chatty British accent. Cor, heck!

"How About a F*ck?"

Emily Farris — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 18:07:00 GMT

We're not sure if this guy is for real, but a desperate 22-year-old virgin decided to ask 50 random girls on the street "how about a fuck?" According to a pick-up guide he read, this line would give him a 1 in 25 chance of getting laid. He was not so lucky. Could it have been his choice of wardrobe?:

I eat breakfast, have a shower, and get dressed as nice as I can; bronzer, white shoes, nice jeans, white belt, blue polo shirt, sunglasses, and disheveled hair. I leave the house and take the bus to a well populated place far from the house.

In Memoriam: Creepy Photo Booth Guys

sarahhepola — Thu, 11 Oct 2007 13:30:00 GMT

Let's all tip our 40's for the latest victim of the digital revolution: those guys who used to develop your film. The New York Times recently reported that as of September 15, Stop & Shop supermarkets will no longer be offering film processing at their 300 Northeast stores, and other chains are expected to follow suit as camera manufacturers move to digital.

We're a little conflicted about this, actually. Sure, nobody wants their personal photos ogled by pasty-faced teens, to say nothing of Robin Williams. But once, long ago, we had a clerk slip us her number in a packet of prints developed at the college union. Moving to digital makes it impossible for that to ever happen again, even more so than our having gotten fat and wrinkly. — Scanner correspondent Bryan Christian