Scanner : planned parenthood

Man Rams SUV Into Planned Parenthood

Colleen Kane — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 21:10:00 GMT

As you know, it's the 36th anniversary of Roe V. Wade, and this is a day that brings out the fundamentalist nut jobs. In St. Paul, a 32-year-old man rammed his SUV into the front door of a Planned Parenthood, which had zero impact on anything, other than his SUV and the doorframe.

The driver was found chanting and uncooperative after the crash, and police spokesman Peter Panos believes the crash was intentional.

Gotta love a freakazoid who is so "pro-life," yet chooses a protest that endangers lives of people who are out of the womb.

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Michigan Backs Teen Pregnancy and the Spread of STDs with $1.4M Grant

Emily Farris — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 16:41:00 GMT

Michigan, Michigan, Michigan. What the hell is up? You went blue in the election (of course Missouri went red while electing a Democratic governor, so what does that really tell us?). You're pretty cool with Detroit and all. But what the fuck is up with the Michigan Department of Community Health giving out $1.4 million dollars in grants to fund abstinence-only education? Don't you have, like, homeless people to feed? Or school music programs to keep alive? Do you know how many condoms you could buy with that money? Oh, right. Silly us. Who needs condoms when you will be totally successful in keeping kids from having sex before marriage?

"The grant programs are directed at youth ages 12-18 and parents of youth in that age group. Of the money, $875,000 will go to community groups and organizations, while an additional $542,000 will fund technical staffing and an abstinence-only public awareness campaign. Michigan spends $700,000 a year on other sexual health education programs.

“The Michigan Abstinence Program is geared to promote abstinence from sexual activity and other related risky behaviors,” said MDCH Director Janet Olszewski in a press release. “This funding will further help our communities and the abstinence program guide our youth away from risky activity.”

The problem, activists say, is abstinence-only education doesn’t work. According to numerous studies, abstinence only, which is an education model that teaches young people to abstain from sexual behavior, but not how to prevent sexual transmitted infections or unwanted pregnancies, does not work."

Where have we heard that before?

Oh, when we learned that abstinence-only education doesn't work. Or, if you didn't hear, abstinence-only education doesn't work. Hey, did you hear the one about abstinence-only education and how it doesn't work?

We'll see you at Planned Parenthood, young ladies of Michigan!

[Michigan Messenger: Michigan gives out $1.4 million in abstinence-only education grants]

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[Image]

Scanner Highs and Lows: In Which We Contemplate Tina Fey's Breasts

Emily Farris — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 23:57:00 GMT

To be fair, we also thought a lot about her scar and the rest of her body....

Highs:

We made some new friends.

We found lots and lots and lots of bearded men. All in one place.

But we still love this one.

We found the one guy in the world who didn't know what a "boner" was.

Our faith in humanity may wain, but our faith in cute animals never will.

Yes, rockstar babies are beautiful.

Our dad, and old people in general, are really, really, really cute.

We finally got a little bit of LOST.

And learned the origins of Tina Fey's scar.

Apparently we can get an abortion for Christmas ("No, Dad. The $400 will keep me up to date with all my girl check ups for four years.)

Did you hear the one about Anderson Cooper and Michael Phelps getting in the pool together?

Dita Von Teese in German Playboy.

Scanner Matt did not get any beard hair in any of his three turkeys.

Lows:

The world, including Tina Fey, made a big deal out of the fact that she used to be "fat." But hey, she had some knockers.

We're pretty sure these creamy cum crepes are for real. Somebody pass the gizz juice!

Eliot Spitzer got a blog job and didn't even consider writing for us. Jerk.

Grossgrossgrossgross.

Image via vanityfair.com

Today in WTF: Planned Parenthood Gift Certificates

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 18:18:00 GMT

Who the hell wants to get someone a Planned Parenthood gift certificate?

What purpose do they serve besides stirring up the hornet's nest that is the anti-abortion movement?

Planned Parenthood of Indiana, Florida, and Illinois have launched the holiday gift of the century, the perfect gift for that girlfriend you've been trying to get on the pill or... or what? Honestly, we can't think of a single person in our lives that could conceivably be receptive to this.

"Oh, thanks, Brian... now I can get that abortion I've always wanted... you cheap bastard."
"Hey, thanks, dude. Now I can finally afford just a single month's supply of birth control pills for my girlfriend. It will be totally fine to go back to having unprotected sex when the certificates run out, right?"
"Oh, honey, you shouldn't have. No, really, you shouldn't have. Your father and I threw up when we opened this."

Apparently, according to a Planned Parenthood in Indiana, these are a tremendous success already, though God knows why. Planned Parenthood isn't even promoting them on their website and the media only just started covering this story after dozens had been sold at each locations. Even they don't know how to market something like this-- although, it should be said, that we are 100% in favor of easy access to birth control... just maybe in better taste than this. After all, would you get someone a box of condoms for Christmas? Kind of tacky.

And, of course, the batshit crazies are already out in droves. Stop Planned Parenthood is already all over this one with their completely off-base claim that this is an attack "on the Christian community at Christmastime."

Huh? You know what, pass me that form, I'm ordering one of these and sending it to Stop Planned Parenthood as a gag gift...

Photo via WISH-TV.

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While You Were Sleeping: The Porn Collage

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 13:08:00 GMT

Is eugenics still being practiced in Louisiana? A politician there wants to give women $1,000 to tie their tubes in order to reduce the welfare rolls.

Although Shia LaBeouf's license is going to be suspended, he won't be charged with a DUI in his recent car crash.

Which American celebrity is Damien Hirst's latest, humiliated subject?

A well-known British artist who has made collage portraits of President Bush and Paris Hilton out of porn magazine images is exhibiting the pictures at a gallery in New York.
A gallery spokeswoman says Jonathan Yeo's portrait of Hilton was bought by the artist Damien Hirst ahead of Thursday's opening.

Hirst is offering Hilton a cut of the sales because she never received "royalties" from her sex tape. Huh? Whatever.

Will Sarah Michelle Gellar return to television? For HBO?!

You thought it made sense for that woman to sleep with a cop to get out of a speeding ticket? This guy would have to have marry the cop to get out of his two million bucks in parking tickets.

Some gas station owner in Michigan dropped prices and made up the difference selling T-shirts.

JP Morgan will buy Washington Mutual.

Planned Parenthood doesn't quite understand how, but it's getting thousands of donations in Sarah Palin's name. It wouldn't be so weird if, um, Sarah Palin supported anything PP stood for.

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New Planned Parenthood PSAs Have A Little Too Much Moustache

Nicole Pasulka — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 15:12:00 GMT

These new Planned Parenthood PSAs on the awkwardly named site Take Care Down There are causing a stir presumably for their candor and openness. We agree that telling your friends you're going to stay in tonight and "strum the banjo" is pretty candid. But we're bent out of shape over a slightly different detail about these videos, and, as you'll see after the jump, it lives on the face of one chubby middle-aged man.

Dude. That moustache has got to GO! No better way to terrify people away from sex than with a giant face rodent and a perky attitude. Clever one Planned Parenthood.

Send Flowers to Your Abortion Doctor

Emily Farris — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 15:37:00 GMT

No, really, it's National Abortion Provider Appreciation Day.

March 10 marks the anniversary of the first assassination on an abortion doctor, who was shot three times by a man who "prayed for his soul" in 1993.

So Planned Parenthood, along with other national organizations, marked this day to show your appreciation for the people who make abortion safe and accessible. So send flowers, write a thank you note, or at least send positive vibes to the people who put their lives at risk to make sure women have the kind of reproductive health care they need.

Also, Scanner Emily encourages you to throw tomatoes or eggs at people who don't. Just don't get shot.

[PlannedParenthood.org]

[Previously on Scanner: Roe v. Wade 35 Years Later]

Image via mccullagh.org

Sloppy Seconds: Is Valentine's Day Over Yet?

Emily Farris — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 21:51:00 GMT

Still haven't quite found the closure you needed from that last break-up? How about writing an obituary for the relationship?

Planned Parenthood reminds us that condoms are an essential part of any Valentine's Day love making with the most unsexy video ever.

~~Fashion victim~~ actress Bai Ling was arrested at LAX for shoplifiting celebrity magazines and batteries.

Has Amy Winehouse sobered up enough to take a lover while her hubby "Blake Incarcerated" is, uh, incarcerated?

We have such a girl crush on Michelle Williams (and no, not just because her ex-BF died; we've been stalking her for years).