Scanner : polls

The Seven Deadly Sins, By the State

Colleen Kane — Thu, 07 May 2009 17:00:00 GMT

Today in highly dubious statistics, the blog chart porn (which, by the way, exists) linked to charts of the United States showing the distribution of each of the Seven Deadly Sins: lust, envy, greed, gluttony, wrath, sloth, and pride. The charts originally ran in a Las Vegas Sun article in March but have been going viral these past few days with headlines like "Highest STD Rates: The Bible Belt." So there's one fun "fact" you've learned already.

Another fun fact-ish item: which state occupied by at least one Scanner is one of the country's most sinful, showing red on five of the seven charts?

Louisiana is in the red on the charts for lust, envy, wrath, sloth, and pride.

But what makes these charts seem so dubious is the arbitrary ways the stats were gathered. From chart porn,

Greed was calculated by comparing average incomes with the total number of inhabitants living beneath the poverty line. Envy was calculated using the total number of thefts - robbery, burglary, larceny and stolen cars. Wrath was calculated by comparing the total number of violent crimes - murder, assault and rape - reported to the FBI per capita. Lust was calculated by compiling the number of sexually transmitted diseases - HIV, AIDS, syphilis, chlamydia and gonorrhea - reported per capita. Gluttony was calculated by counting the number of fast food restaurants per capita. Sloth was calculated by comparing expenditures on arts, entertainment and recreation with the rate of employment.

When we saw nearly the entire state of Louisiana was in the red for pride chart, we thought, surely they must be talking about LSU Tiger pride, in which case this chart is dead on. But pride was calculated by aggregating all of the other deadly sins. Huh?

Click here to see all of the charts.

Related:

The 14 Deadly Sins: How Guilty Are You Now?

Ask Scanner: Sexy Statistics

Our Neighbors to the North Get a Blue Ribbon for Sex Education While we FAIL

Even Christians Admit That Abstinence Pledges Don't Work

Just in Time for Valentimes: Smittens

Colleen Kane — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 21:16:00 GMT

So, a pattern exists to knit "Smittens," which enable couples to hold hands within one mitten--and it's a heart shape! Kind of the visual equivalent of smoochy baby talk, no?

How do we feel about Smittens?

Please cast your vote.

Same Sex Couples: Just as Happy as Everyone Else

Some Married Couples Actually Have Sex--But Only for the Book Deal

Should This Dead Man Reproduce?

Colleen Kane — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 16:49:00 GMT

Hunter Thompson's frozen sperm is likely pickled with Chivas Regal and laced with various illicit substances, not to mention the genetic blueprints for depression tendencies (he did off himself, remember).

That being said, Hunter's frozen sperm exists, and his widow is 36, still ready and willing to bear his children, as she recently indicated in an interview. But should she?

Cast your vote after the jump.

Should Hunter Thompson's widow make posthumous offspring with his frozen sperm?
( polls)

Thank You Science, for Teaching Us That Coca-Cola Explodes Sperm

Biologists Taking a Lesson from Sperm

Image: nymag.com

Is The GOP Over Yet? A New Poll Seems To Think So...

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 21:06:00 GMT

More than six in ten Americans have an unfavorable view of the Grand Old Party, according to a Gallup poll released today.

But that's not even the worst part of the survey, which should have Republicans scrambling faster than the Dems did after getting trounced in 2004...

One thing the party has largely avoided, to much unity and success, is a clear image, set of goals, and ideology. Not so anymore, according to CNN's reading of the Gallup numbers:

As the debate rages within GOP ranks over where to take the party, the poll might offer some guidance.

Most Republicans — 59 percent — want the party to become more conservative, according to the poll. Another 28 percent want it to remain about the same ideologically, while only 12 percent would prefer to see the Republican Party become less conservative.

Independents are split on whether the party should track left or right: 35 percent of independent voters say the GOP should become more conservative, and 35 percent say less conservative.

Not only are independents evenly divided on what it would take to rope them into the fold, the party itself isn't holding it together either: while the country and the newest generation of voters want the country moving to the left on Iraq, gay marriage, healthcare, and so on, Republicans want to-- forgive the expression-- cling to guns and religion. (And making abortion a top issue, which won't go over well with us youth types, either...)

What do you think? Can the GOP bounce back? Will a faltering economy doom Democrats in 2010 and bring back a Republican movement?

Via CNN.

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Who Will Be Time's Person of the Year?

The Election Is Over... And Now The Truth Comes Out

While You Were Sleeping: Jennifer Aniston's Big News

Let's Take A Look-See At The Ol' Electoral Map...

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 13:45:00 GMT

While it's still possible that the McCain-Obama race could end in an electoral college tie, it's much more likely that the race will go solidly for one ticket or the other. However, as Andy Sullivan puts it at Reuters:

If McCain wins Virginia, New Hampshire, Florida and Ohio but loses Pennsylvania, Colorado, New Mexico and Iowa to Obama, both candidates could end up with 269 electoral votes.

When put that way, it seems much more realistic that the election won't be decided by voters. (He's winning in Florida, Virginia, and Ohio in most polls, and New Hampshire is very close, and he'll likely lose all four of those states the scenario requires him to lose.) But before you get all freaked out about Dick Cheney or Nancy Pelosi becoming President-By-Default or something, here's what it really looks like is gonna happen... if the election were today...

From Politico:

On "Fox News Sunday," President Bush's former top political adviser, Karl Rove, said he now projects Obama would win 273 electoral votes–enough to take the White House—and has a chance at 102 more. Just two weeks ago, Rove had the two campaigns virtually tied. [Politico]

From Electoral Vote:

Obama 329 McCain 194 Ties 15 [obviously, this is bad for McCain, but in almost all swing states, the race could presumably swing McCain's way over the next 28 days]

Even worse for McCain is this somewhat curious site 270towin, which says that Obama only needs to pick up 10 more electoral votes to be unbeatable, while McCain-Palin need:

107 [and consider the following states "must win"] FL,OH,NC,VA,IN,MO,CO

To further confuse you, here's what many consider the definitive polling map these days, via Real Clear Politics:

Obama/Biden 264
192 Solid 72 Leaning
McCain/Palin 163
158 Solid 5 Leaning
Toss Up 111

Obviously, we're not going to give McCain all 111 of those votes just for the sake of argument... since nothing short of a gay sex scandal can send them careening the Republican's way that fast...

Looks like it's time for McCain to unleash the hounds... or something brilliant and similar soon... as in, yesterday.

Any ideas for what McCain should do now?

Related:

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While You Were Sleeping: Don't Drink The Drinking Water, People

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 13:26:00 GMT

Poor Anne Hathaway, and we don't mean that in a mocking way: she had to hand over all the lovely jewels her ex gave her... because they were allegedly purchased with stolen funds. (We hate it when that happens.) Meanwhile, the suave gangster paramour of hers faces at least five years in prison and is still in jail, pending a million dollars' bond, and rumored to be working on a plea deal.

If you're a poll kind of person (we're kind of not), here are 19 new ones on the Presidential race. Quickly: McCain leads in Alabama, Georgia, Idaho, and Wyoming; Obama leads in Colorado, Michigan, and Pennsylvania; and they're tied in Nevada, North Carolina, and Ohio.

And who will be the surprise special guest during Michael Phelps' hosting of SNL this weekend?

According to People, Sen. Barack Obama will appear on Saturday Night Live this weekend. Olympic gold medalist Michael Phelps will be guest hosting the show.

Said an Obama spokesman: "The details of the sketch are still being worked out."

We hope it's funnier than the last one, which was super obvious and involved Halloween masks and his "surprise" appearance. Lame.

We're absolutely amazed that someone gave Mariah Carey another movie. Not that we don't like her or anything-- we're just stating the truth.

We still can't get over this story from yesterday's Sloppy Seconds (click here): Lauren Conrad has landed a book deal. Oh my God, what's next, a clothing line?!

And the scariest headline of the morning: Trace drugs found in water could affect 46 million

Headline that sounds scary but thankfully isn't: 9-Year-Old Girl Delivers Baby Brother

Related:

While You Were Sleeping: The Nightmare on Elm Street Remake

While You Were Sleeping: Jessica Alba's Bondage Ad

Sloppy Seconds: Kanye West's Arrest

Hey Rev. Jeremiah Wright: Your Sex Scandal Is Not Helping

While You Were Sleeping: Which TV Female Character Do You Wanna Be?

Scanner Roundtable: What Did We Think About The DNC & Obama's Speech?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 20:01:00 GMT

According to the Huffington Post, Nielsen says that, in addition to the 80,000 people who saw the speech in person, 38 million people watched Obama the nomination last night on television, "more... than watched the Olympics opening ceremony in Beijing, the final American Idol or the Academy Awards this year."

Well, John McCain's nap could beat the Academy Awards any day, but the real question is: what did we think of the speech?

Early reports are glowing-- at least from the media. But they don't know a damn thing about the public, as evidenced by every story about the election up until Iowa, their wrong guesses on what Obama would say last night, etc. etc.

If you're like us and think the Democratic leadership is generally made up of whimps who have to play nice with a guy who doesn't play nice back, check out this relatively amusing (although pretty thin) John McCain Honorable Attack Generator.

Image via Code Pink.

Barack Obama Takes It to the Hole in a Pair of Very Short Shorts

Into The Wild: The Last of the Democratic Delegates

Classy Hillary Clinton Nominates Obama To The Tearful Strains Of Her Supporters' Hand Claps

What Do We Think Of The New York Times And Their Love Of Shorts?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 14:29:00 GMT

Yesterday, the New York Times, continuing to run stories just to fill corners of its 800 ad-filled pages, ran a story on the Shorts Comeback...

Personally, we feel that men's shorts are not meant to be fashionable... they are for things like lounging, yard work, and making fun of other people for wearing. But the Times feels it has a major scoop on its hands-- the acceptance, and even fashionable use, of the male* pair of shorts.

Now it appears that, after some stops and starts in recent seasons, the men of the white collar work force are marching into the office in shorts.
It was no more than a moment ago, in the sartorial long view, that a guy who came to work wearing short pants would have been shown the door — or anyway, given the address for human resources at U.P.S. All that appears to be changing.
“Why go to work and be hot?” [Sean Avery, the hockey player] asked last week, adding that there was no compelling business reason to look modest and dull on the job. “You can look good and not have that boring-type look,” said Mr. Avery, who signed with the Dallas Stars this summer after several seasons with the Rangers. “Why are women allowed to do it and not men?”

Because we look dreadful in them, judging by the above photos and available mirrors. If you know something, we don't, please vote below:

*By the way, ladies are strongly encouraged to wear shorts-- they almost always work for us.

Via the New York Times.

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If The Election Were Today... Round One

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 12:55:00 GMT

This will be the first in a series of periodic updates on the electoral college, the only "polls" that matter. (Don't listen to any idiot media person who says "Obama is leading by ###" because it's totally irrelevant and a blatant lie most of the time, since those numbers usually come from a survey of "registered, likely voters" across the nation, which is different from the electoral college. Got it?)

Anyway, let's look at who's really ahead right now...

Dick Morris, ex-Clinton kingmaker and now right-wing operative and FoxNews buffoon, is the country's most consistent pollmaster. Here's what he has to say about the race, as it stands today. (By the way, you don't have to read all this; just scan and jump to the bottom if you'd like.)

STATE	VOTE	00, 04 RESULT	'08 PREDICTION
ALABAMA	EV 9	B,B	LEAN MCCAIN
ALASKA	EV 9	B,B	MCCAIN
ARIZONA	EV 10	B,B	MCCAIN
ARKANSAS	EV 6	B,B	LEAN MCCAIN
CALIFORNIA	EV 55	G,K	OBAMA
COLORADO	EV 9	B,B	TOSS UP
CONNECTICUT	EV 7	G,K	OBAMA
DELAWARE	EV 3	G,K	OBAMA
D.C.	EV 3	G,K	OBAMA
FLORIDA	EV 27	B,B	TOSS UP
GEORGIA	EV 15	B,B	LEAN MCCAIN
HAWAII	EV 4	G,B	LEAN OBAMA
IDAHO	EV 4	B,B	MCCAIN
ILLINOIS	EV 21	G,K	OBAMA
INDIANA	EV 11	B,B	MCCAIN
INDIANA	EV 11	B,B	MCCAIN
IOWA	EV 7	G,B	LEAN OBAMA
KANSAS	EV 6	B,B	MCCAIN
KENTUCKY	EV 8	B,B	MCCAIN
LOUISIANA	EV 9	B,B	MCCAIN
MAINE	EV 4	G,K	OBAMA
MARYLAND	EV 10	G,K	OBAMA
MASSACHUSETTS	EV 12	G,K	OBAMA
MICHIGAN	EV 17	G,K	LEAN OBAMA
MINNESOTA	EV 10	G,K	LEAN OBAMA
MISSISSIPPI	EV 6	B,B	LEAN MCCAIN
MISSOURI	EV 11	B,B	TOSS UP
MONTANA	EV 3	B,B	MCCAIN
NEBRASKA	EV 5	B,B	MCCAIN
NEVADA	EV 5	B,B	LEAN OBAMA
NEW HAMPSHIRE	EV 4	B,K	LEAN OBAMA
NEW JERSEY	EV 15	G,B	OBAMA
NEW MEXICO	EV 5	G,B	LEAN OBAMA
NEW YORK	EV 31	G,B	OBAMA
NORTH CAROLINA	EV 15	B,B	LEAN MCCAIN
NORTH DAKOTA	EV 3	B,B	MCCAIN
OHIO	EV 20	B,B	TOSS UP
OKLAHOMA	EV 7	B,B	MCCAIN
OREGON	EV 7	G,K	OBAMA
PENNSYLVANIA	EV 21	G,K	LEAN OBAMA
RHODE ISLAND	EV 4	G,K	OBAMA
SOUTH CAROLINA	EV 8	B,B	LEAN MCCAIN
SOUTH DAKOTA	EV 3	B,B	MCCAIN
TENNESSEE	EV 11	B,B	MCCAIN
TEXAS	EV 30	B,B	MCCAIN
UTAH	EV 5	B,B	MCCAIN
VERMONT	EV 3	G,K	OBAMA
VIRGINIA	EV 13	B,B	LEAN MCCAIN
WASHINGTON	EV 11	G,K	OBAMA
WEST VIRGINIA	EV 5	B,B	MCCAIN
WISCONSIN	EV 10	G,K	LEAN OBAMA
WYOMING	EV 3	B,B	MCCAIN

McCain Total = 202

LEAN MCAIN    = 72
MCCAIN          = 130

Obama Total = 269

OBAMA           = 186
LEAN OBAMA   = 83

TOSS UP      = 67

To make this easier, let's look at his "Toss Ups" and make some educated guesses to get our final tally.

COLORADO: Colorado is hosting the Democratic National Convention, which could both hurt and boost Obama's chances (for example, we recall a lot of Bush Republicans hating their candidate after their New York neighborhoods were turned upside down four years ago.) Nonetheless, let's give this one to Obama, since the state is moving toward the Democratic column in general. Obama +9.

FLORIDA: This one's easy, especially if McCain picks Governor Charlie Crist, as is our prediction. We give it to him anyway. McCain +27.

MISSOURI: McCain should win this one in a squeaker, although we'd love to see a competitive race in Missouri, which would give the state some much-needed financial attention. If the race were held today, we'd say: McCain +11.

OHIO: As in 2004, it's going to come down to Ohio. Obama and McCain both know this-- but how well do their campaigns? Kerry could've called in the UN Fraud Inspec-- nah, he wouldn't have the guts to do that, and it might've backfired. Anyway, we would put our money on Obama this time-- there is no Republican in power in the state that could send broken or insufficient numbers of voting machines to black (i.e. Democratic) neighborhoods to doom the Dem candidate. It's a popular Governor on the Blue Team this time around, and he'll make sure this fight is fair. That means Obama +20.

By this rationale:

MCCAIN WINS 240 ELECTORAL VOTES

OBAMA WINS 294 ELECTORAL VOTES

And if Ohio goes to McCain:

McCain wins 260 Electoral Votes

Obama wins 274 Electoral Votes

Wait, you're saying, I just contradicted myself. In a way, no-- as I said, it will come down to Ohio. Obama must win Ohio because he will most likely lose in at least one of the states we have given him. It's just too early in the race and he's coming off a huge bump in polling, following Hillary's withdrawal. In other words, bad news for McCain, although he knows that it's easier to pull ahead than to stay on top for four more months.

Via Dick Morris.

Poll: Who's The Penis in "Sex and the City"?

Bryan Christian — Fri, 16 May 2008 20:57:00 GMT

Word today that there's a full monty lurking around somewhere in the new Sex and the City movie. Which makes us ask: whose could it be?

We're going with D. We're not casting any aspersions on the SATC gals, you understand; it's just that there ain't no way they'd let themselves be upstaged by anyone else's peter-o-toole.

Clinton & McCain To Battle in the Thunderdome?

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 15:13:00 GMT

How badly will the Democrats screw themselves if they nominate Hillary Clinton for President? Well, recent poll numbers should be a clear wakeup call to choose somebody, anybody, but the ex-First Lady... before it's too late (i.e. today, if possible.)

Real Clear Politics has Senator McCain leading by four points in an average of several recent national polls. Now is actually the time when these are worth reading-- unlike for the last year, when all anyone wanted to talk about was "Black Man vs. White Woman" and John Edwards was actually leading in Iowa, the only state where polling mattered. It's inarguable that the Democrats in Congress will continue to slip in the public standing and the tidal wave that was 2006 will only recede to reveal, once again, a sharply divided electorate. McCain's four-point lead, while basically nominal, is emblematic of the trend reversal to come.

It's also worth noting that John McCain has often received the highest national approval ratings of any politician in the country, and may be doing even better now that his profile has been raised again. On the other hand, they have faced off once before, with Hillary reportedly the upset victor: in a battle-to-the-death vodka-drinking contest in Estonia.

[Photo: AFP/Getty Images]

"Age-old images about sexual behavior continue to prevail in New Jersey."

Emily Farris — Wed, 02 Jan 2008 17:02:00 GMT

Men in New Jersey say they're getting it on more often than the women in the Garden State:

"Age-old images about sexual behavior continue to prevail in New Jersey," said Patrick Murray, director of the Monmouth University Polling Institute. "But the results on gender-based differences in sexual activity do raise an interesting question: If men are indeed having sex more often than women in New Jersey, are they going out of state to do it?"

That or they're doing each other. Seriously, age-old images about sexual behavior must also be prevailing in Mr. Murray's mind. Or maybe, like Iran, there are no homosexuals in New Jersey.

Newsday: Poll finds N.J. men claim to have more sex than women

Scanner : polls

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The 14 Deadly Sins: How Guilty Are You Now?

Our Neighbors to the North Get a Blue Ribbon for Sex Education While we FAIL

Even Christians Admit That Abstinence Pledges Don't Work

Just in Time for Valentimes: Smittens

Some Married Couples Actually Have Sex--But Only for the Book Deal

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The Greatest Dive Bars: The White Horse Tavern

Thank You Science, for Teaching Us That Coca-Cola Explodes Sperm

Biologists Taking a Lesson from Sperm

Is The GOP Over Yet? A New Poll Seems To Think So...

Who Will Be Time's Person of the Year?

The Election Is Over... And Now The Truth Comes Out

While You Were Sleeping: Jennifer Aniston's Big News

Let's Take A Look-See At The Ol' Electoral Map...

The Veep Deba(cle): Why Everybody Loses

Scanner Contest: Name The Celebrity Packages

HIV Outbreaks Started Much Earlier Than Previously Thought

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While You Were Sleeping: Don't Drink The Drinking Water, People

While You Were Sleeping: The Nightmare on Elm Street Remake

While You Were Sleeping: Jessica Alba's Bondage Ad

Sloppy Seconds: Kanye West's Arrest

Hey Rev. Jeremiah Wright: Your Sex Scandal Is Not Helping

While You Were Sleeping: Which TV Female Character Do You Wanna Be?

Scanner Roundtable: What Did We Think About The DNC & Obama's Speech?

BREAKING: John McCain Picks Embattled Alaskan Gov. Sarah Palin For VP

Barack Obama Takes It to the Hole in a Pair of Very Short Shorts

Into The Wild: The Last of the Democratic Delegates

Classy Hillary Clinton Nominates Obama To The Tearful Strains Of Her Supporters' Hand Claps

What Do We Think Of The New York Times And Their Love Of Shorts?

Vanity Fair's Best Dressed List: Perfect or Pathetic?

Top 10 Celebrity Moms Who Could Be Hookers

Devil Wears Prada, But His Minions Wear Comme des Garcons!

If The Election Were Today... Round One

Poll: Who's The Penis in "Sex and the City"?

Clinton & McCain To Battle in the Thunderdome?

"Age-old images about sexual behavior continue to prevail in New Jersey."