Scanner : presidential candidates

Top 10 Feminist Icons... From A Male (Part One)

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 20:10:00 GMT

This is Scanner Brian-- and Scanner Brian alone-- with a list that needed to be done. Males have something against admitting they are feminists, perhaps because they mistakenly believe the term applies only to women.

Today, I decided to set out to right that wrong-- much as these women (and one man) did over the course of their very interesting lives. The result is pure history-filled entertainment and not meant to be definitive by any means. For one thing, Gloria Steinem, Virginia Woolf, and Sylvia Plath should be on a list of the great feminists, to be sure, but I found that so much has been written about them already and decided it was best to spare you my half-assed attempts to say something original about them. (By the way, we excluded Susan B. Anthony from this list because of her staunch anti-abortion stance-- these ten, in no particular order, were the ones we personally appreciate the most...)

Karen Silkwood. In her lifetime, nuclear plant whistleblower Karen Silkwood was not known as a feminist, but that doesn't matter to us. She stood up to those (men) who tried to put her in her place, who told her she couldn't have a romantic relationship with another woman. They told her she should keep quiet about being contaminated by plutonium at the plant where she worked, even though incompetent management had caused the exposures. But she didn't listen, even when there were numerous threats on her life. As you may already know, Silkwood was killed in one of the great unsolved murder cases in American history. Of course, everyone knows she was run off the road by agents of Kerr-McGee and/or the US Government-- although she crashed into a guardrail en route to deliver documents to a New York Times reporter, documents that were missing from the wreckage, damage was also found to her rear bumper, suggesting she was actually hit from behind. Nora Ephron scripted and Mike Nichols film of Silkwood, which was nominated for several Academy Awards in 1984.

Louise Brooks. Brooks was a dancer and movie actress who told the studios to stuff it when they wanted to force her to perform in lame "sound pictures." She ignored the "You'll never work in this town again" threats and decided she didn't need those control freak men in Hollywood. Instead, she moved to Germany and starred in the first film to ever feature a lesbian character, Pandora's Box, now regarded as a classic. Her sexually-charged performances in German cinema were all censored or remained unreleased for years. "By her own admission, she was a sexually liberated woman, not afraid to experiment, even posing fully nude for "art" photography, and her liaisons with many film people were legendary, although much of it is speculation."

Crystal Lee Sutton. A sadly overlooked feminist icon if there ever was one, Sutton is known as "the real Norma Rae." In the early 1970s, Sutton worked at a textile plant in South Carolina, making $2.65 folding towels. She soon got union fever and stood up to harassment and sexism to become the spiritual leader of the entire labor movement in this country. Of course, a few years later, Sally Field starred as a character based on Sutton's early work with the ACTWU.

Kate Chopin. Missouri native Chopin wrote the Awakening at the turn of the 20th century, and it couldn't have been better timed-- from the perspective of history. In 1899, it couldn't have been met with more of an out-of-touch backlash. Chopin's novel about a woman's struggle with societal standards, motherhood vs. self, and "the woman as property" norm took America by storm, with the outcry so great that her publisher delete the book before most members of the public were able to purchase it. Nonetheless, its "unwholesome" attitude toward sex was one of the key factors in sparking the century's feminist movement.

Shirley Chisholm. What didn't this feminist superhero accomplish in her life? (We didn't want you to actually answer that, but if you're looking for a torch-bearer, see Bella Abzug, below.) Chisholm, who would be my Congresswoman were she still alive to represent my district, was the first African-American woman of Congress, the first on a major-party ballot for President and the first woman on the Democratic ticket. Chisholm went on to receive more than 150 votes for President at the 1972 DNC. (The best anecdote about her is one unrelated to her feminism. When racist Governor George Wallace was shot and very nearly assassinated during that same Presidential campaign, Chisholm caused a huge uproar for visiting him in the hospital.)

Continue reading in Part Two.

David Sedaris On Undecided Voters: Chicken or Sh*t?

Emily Farris — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 20:44:00 GMT

In this week's New Yorker the always hilarious David Sedaris gives us a little analogy to help us all understand where America's undecided voters are coming from.

"I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. 'Can I interest you in the chicken?' she asks. 'Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?' To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked."

Amen, David. Amen!

[The New Yorker via Jezebel]

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Republican To Steal Election For Obama By Running Against Him

Caption This: Todd Palin's Baby Mama

Emily Farris — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 16:16:00 GMT

[Image]

In This Particular Case, We Don't Wish Kristen Wiig Well

Emily Farris — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 19:49:00 GMT

We like Kristen Wiig. Nay, we love her. But there's a lil' part of us that hopes she'll be out of a job come November 4. And here's why.

You see, Tina Fey does a great job playing Sarah Palin on "Saturday Night Live." But she already has a job, and if the Republicans win next month, SNL will need someone to play the beauty queen turned Alaska governor turned Vice President for at least four years. And who better to play that than Tina Fey? No one. Who better to play it should Tina Fey be tied up with "30 Rock?" Well, Kristen Wiig, that's who.

Straight from the mouth of the ~~Lord~~ Lorne:

'[Fey]’s gone' after the election, said Michaels. 'She has a full-time job' as the creator and star of the NBC comedy '30 Rock,' which returns Oct. 30. Michaels added that “SNL” cast member Kristin [sic] Wiig would likely play the Alaska governor should the need arise past Nov. 4."

You know, with a blonde wig she'd also make a lovely Jill Biden.

[Defamer: Should Sarah Palin Win, 'SNL' Has a Non-Tina Fey Plan B]

Related:

Hysterical Regis Philbin Tampon Commercial Buried In Otherwise Crummy SNL Sketch

If Only Tina Fey Would Play Sarah Palin in the Forthcoming Porno

**Sarah Palin Thinks Global Warming Is Polar Bear Sh*t**

**"Vote in the Box" Not Nearly as Funny as "D*ck in a Box" But Still Warms Our Hearts**

The Sarah Palin Porno... Revealed

Hayden Panettiere: "Don't F*ck With My Presidential Candidate"

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 13:13:00 GMT

Hayden Panettiere, our Greatest Love Of All*, made a video for one of our favorite websites talking about how much she loves cigarettes and her Presidential candidate...

You might be surprised who she supports... and at how dirty her mouth is. Yowza! [Warning: NSFW dialogue!]

This is the kind of video that if a) Obama wasn't going to win anyway or b) all of her fans were not middle age ex-cons banned from voting in their respective states, it might be a game changing October surprise. (Actually, an October surprise would be a Penthouse shoot featuring Hayden clad only in temporary Save the Whales and Vote Democrat tattoos. Let's make it happen, people!)

*you know the running gag about me being in love with her is just that-- a gag-- right? Although we don't deny she has her hot moments...see above photo for more on this...

Related:

I Hate Myself for Loving You: Hayden Paniettiere

Why Hayden And I Broke Up: A Scanner Confession

Multi-Hayden-ed Photoshopped Beach Shot Makes Scanner Brian's Gonads Explode

McCain Sabotages His Own Attempt To Save The Nation

Wake-Up Call: Hayden Panettiere's A Singer?

While You Were Sleeping: Amy Winehouse's Scientology Cure

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 13:59:00 GMT

Today in CNN discoveries: thrift stores get a lot of business from the middle class... and hipsters.

Paris Bennett, who has something to do with American Idol, gave birth in the United States to a daughter she calls Egypt.

Even Willem Dafoe is feeling the housing crunch...

Willem Dafoe is having trouble selling his house in upstate Accord for $850,000. "It is clad in neoprene, the stuff they make wetsuits out of," says his neighbor, author Bruce Littlefield [NY Post]

Barack Obama leads John McCain... in Halloween sales.

Nonetheless, he shouldn't get cocky and listen to Michael Dukakis.

Drew Barrymore weighs in.

And Amy Winehouse is rumored to be seriously considering a Scientology-run detox program:

One of Amy’s inner circle tells me: “She had a call from the celebrity branch of the Church Of Scientology. She thinks they got her number through one of the American music producers who worked on her Back to Black album. They told her they wanted to help her beat drugs and could tailor-make a programme so she wouldn’t have to go to a residential centre. She liked that idea because her husband Blake is out of prison soon and wouldn’t want to be away from him when he’s finally freed.” [Mirror]

Today in WTF: Endorsed By...

Because It's Never Too Early to Start Thinking About Slutty Halloween Costumes

LiLo Snubbed by Obama

Emily Farris — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 20:04:00 GMT

Lindsay Lohan has ben an outspoken critic of Republican vice-presidential nominee, Sarah Palin. She's also a big fan of Barack Obama. Unfortunately, the Obama camp doesn't share Lohan's sentiments.

After reaching out to the Democracts and offering her to help out the Obama-Biden ticket by hosting a series of parties to support the Democratic duo, a campaign staffer said Lohan ''is not exactly the kind of high-profile star who would be a positive for us.''

Ouch.

[SunTimes: Barack Obama campaign nixes Lindsay Lohan]

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Lindsay Lohan Takes Time Out of Her Busy Day to Remind Us It's 9/11

Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson Would Like You to Know What They Think of Sarah Palin

Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson: "A Lovely Couple"

Samantha Ronson and Her Trusty Fingers Take Care of Lindsay Lohan

Everyone Attacks: Obama and Hillary

Sloppy Seconds: Barack Obama's Hip Hop Cameo

Scanner Highs and Lows: Even Sarah Palin's Breasts Want You to Vote for Barack Obama

Video of the Day: Matt Damon Compares Palin's Candidacy to "A Really Bad Disney Movie"

Emily Farris — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 21:01:00 GMT

We've never been big fans of Matt Damon. Not that there's anything wrong with him, he just doesn't do anything for us. However, we find his commentary on Sarah Palin ridiculously hilarious.

[via Jossip]

Which Presidential Candidate Is Related to Wild Bill Hickok?

Nicole Pasulka — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 18:01:00 GMT

Clue: The one who wasn't actually alive when the West was still wild.

Yup. Besides brimming with youth, brilliance and good looks, Barack Obama is distantly related to gunslinger Wild Bill Hickok.

According to Chris Child, a genealogist with the New England Historic Genealogical Society.

Hickok is sixth cousin to Obama's fourth great-grandfather, Jacob Dunham, Child said. Their common ancestor is Thomas Blossom, who arrived with the Pilgrims. The society earlier found other notable links to Obama, including Brad Pitt, of Springfield; and Vice President Dick Cheney.

Those of you who've seen Deadwood understand the significance of this discovery.

(via YesButNoButYes)

The John Edwards Affair And Love Child Scandal: The Sequel

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 12:50:00 GMT

John Edwards, two-time Presidential candidate and John Kerry's Vice-Presidential pick in 2004, has been dogging a sex scandal for months, since December 2007, in fact. Now, as polls continue to show the former Senator as the most effective running mate for Obama (in terms of which states he helps pick up), his chances at a second nomination for VP is in serious jeopardy following these latest allegations...

According to the National Enquirer-- wait, stop. This is a serious story, being picked up by mainstream media, that comes from the National Enquirer? Well, it's not exactly trustworthy until you find out they're claiming they did their own reporting on this, following Edwards around and even attempting to corner him in a bathroom for a photo.

A team of ENQUIRER reporters caught the married ex-senator visiting his mistress and secret love child late Monday night at the Beverly Hilton hotel in Los Angeles hotel.

...Edwards got out of the passenger side, walked around the front of the car and went in a side entrance near the swimming pool. [A friend of both Edwards and his alleged mistress rented two rooms and, the Enquirer claims, stayed in one of the rooms alone so the couple could spend time alone.]
Edwards' advisers are "spitting mad and furious" that his late-night escapades have made international headlines because it could derail his chances of becoming Barack Obama's running mate. Edwards has not explained his whereabouts to any members of other news media outlets who have been trying to follow up on the story.

His mistress, blonde divorcee Rielle, meanwhile... is "in despair" that Edwards might cut off contact with her because their latest rendezvous has been exposed in the media.

You may recall that this story came and went during the run-up to the Iowa caucuses. First, the love child allegations surfaced; soon after, they were "buried" when a close (married) friend of Edwards' came forward to say, "Hey, wait a minute. It was actually me." The story quickly vanished from even the conservative blogosphere, although no one seemed to believe it. We all acted like the detective does when a death row inmate takes a rap for somebody else-- he may have his suspicions but he's happy just to close the case and move on.

Word on the blogs is that, by the time you're reading this, most major media will cover it-- at least with reservations similar to the ones we voiced in the second paragraph of this post. We'll have more later on...

Via the National Enquirer.

Nevada Governor Sex Scandals, Part 226

Obama VP List Down To Top 20

Top 5 Things Obama Should Do Now

Obama Turns Hillary Down

The Media Thinks It's Finally Figured Out Why Hillary Lost (Hint: It's Not The Media)

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 14:56:00 GMT

It isn't because of this t-shirt.

It isn't because of the Bosnia thing or Obamania or sexism. It isn't because of Geraldine Ferraro or Bill Clinton's dong. It isn't even because she chose a Celine Dion song to bring us into the next four years...

Gail Sheehy's devastating attack on the Hillary Clinton campaign (more so than on Hillary herself-- the article is mostly about how infighting led eventually to the sinking of the ship) in this month's Vanity Fair rehashes many of the rough memories from the primary. For the first time, however, we were ready to read the why's and how's without punching ourselves in the face over the idiocy of Howard Wolfson and Mark Penn, et al...

Sheehy's Reasons Why Hillary Lost (with our notes):

1) Hillary surrounded herself with "brilliant, egocentric, hypercompetitive men." These men were in their 50's and 60's, whereas Obama's staff was younger and were internet-driven-- that is, they were more in touch with the movement.

2) Sheehy comments: "Perversely, in my view, Hillary's chief strategist proved to be an old-fashioned sexist. Penn did not appreciate the strength of her character as a woman." She goes on to note that they tried to make her tough (an attempt to appeal to right-wing-leaning folks who saw her as a liberal do-nothing), then violated a cardinal rule by using her as "her own attack dog, never an appealing role, and one that Senator Obama's surrogates played for him." Plus, "Hillary's loyalists repeatedly challenged Obama's manhood, openly proclaiming to reporters that she was the only candidate with the testicular fortitude to be president."

3) Penn advised Hillary to be "as likable as possible." Somehow, she went from being the most popular person in the party, maybe even more so than her husband, to a symbol of the old, tired guard, willing to attack members of her own party without mercy if it meant winning. "'Now the fun part starts,' she said nonchalantly in December '07, referring to the chance to attack Obama's character. It was a 'cringe moment' for her later pollster, Geoff Garin."

4) Bill Clinton's inability to stay in the background and let the Senator run her own campaign did not help, especially when he veered off message and/or said things that were offensive to black people. Once again, it was men that helped doom Hillary.

5) Sheehy points out Hillary's 20-point lead in October, yet fails to blame that kind of media hype for Hillary's loss. Most supporters agree that the whole "inevitability" angle, pounded into our heads by pundits in the months prior to Iowa, made her loss there a more stunning blow. Had it been presented as a neck-and-neck race, Obama's victory in the first caucus state would have been seen as a squeaker and he may have received a smaller national bounce from it, thus allowing Hillary to snatch up some of the states he eventually did. But maybe not.

6) "Such was the hubris of Hillary's team that they discounted Obama as a passing pop star to non-voters." They also apparently forgot that people still want to read news about Britney Spears, of all people, more than a decade after she first came onto the scene. Think about it.

7) Her campaign spent too much money in Iowa. It "cost Clinton almost $25 million. After that, the Clintons were gun-shy to caucuses." As Joe Trippi points out, this lead to "Obama's entire delegate advantage... [which] is from the caucus states that she didn't contest."

So, just to be clear: Hillary Clinton lost because she picked the wrong team and ran on their wishes, wishes that she run on experience and come off as more hard-line than her opponents, that she appear inevitable, tried and true. It's her fault for not forcing a change in direction and it's their fault for not convincing her it was needed.

They'll be arguing this one for the ages, but if Hillary wants another shot at this, she best look at her own (hiring) decisions and keep these mistakes in mind for the next four years...

Barack Obama's Manbag Could Make the Bad Dressers Bitter

Emily Farris — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 15:37:00 GMT

Donatella Versace has designed her new men's line with one man in mind: Barack Obama. But some people worry the manbag and pastels might turn off blue collar voters. What do you think?

In Which We Salute Hillary Clinton...

Emily Farris — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 15:14:00 GMT

While it's no surprise that we here at Scanner were a rowdy bunch of Obama supporters, some of us also had soft spots in our hearts for Hillary Clinton. Maybe it was only those of us with vaginas, and maybe that's because we know what she's done for those of us with female parts.

We may not agree with her policies, her politicking or the fact that she may or may not be as self-made as we'd have liked her to be, but we have to thank her.

Because whether or not she's delusional or narcissistic, we now live in a world where five, six, twelve-year-old girls haven't grown up thinking it's out of the ordinary for a woman to run for president (and get damn close to winning!).

And that's something to be proud of.

Marvel Universe Residents: Be Sure to Vote Colbert '08

Bryan Christian — Fri, 02 May 2008 16:28:00 GMT

Hey, remember when Stephen Colbert was dropped from the ballot in South Carolina, causing him to formally withdraw from a presidential campaign that was barely actual enough to begin with? Yeah, well, Marvel Comics never got the memo; Colbert is still a'running for the C.I.C. slot in the Marvel version of the U.S., where campaign billboards and bumper stickers -- and occasionally the candidate himself -- have been turning up with some regularity. "And So Can You"? Great slogan, but unfortunately: no, we can't. Ah well; yet another reason to wish were actually bloggers for the Daily Bugle.

Click through for the full reveal of the image above, which comes from The Incredible Hercules (it used to be Incredible Hulk, but, well, that's a long story) and which is actually way funnier and way more awesome with the humongous gold robot in the background.

John Edwards' Love Child: Never Meant to Be

Emily Farris — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 17:09:00 GMT

The Enquirer is reporting that Rielle Hunter, a woman who was linked to Democratic hopeful John Edwards in a cheating scandal earlier this year, is six months preggers with his love child.

Edwards has denied an affair with Hunter and now a political operative close to Edwards' campaign is claiming to be the father. But this guy is also married with children of his own. Is he protecting Edwards? Was she sleeping with them both? Enquiring minds want to know!

Now, we know this is the Enquirer we're talking about here, but they've scooped scandals and been right in the past, so we're keeping an open mind.

[The National Enquirer via The Drudge Report]

Leftovers for Breakfast: Presidential Candidate F*uckability

Emily Farris — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 14:01:00 GMT

Yesterday Wonkette, the D.C. gossip blog, ran a two-part video series on presidential candidate fuckability. It leaves us kind-of wanting to put together one of our own.

Candidate Fuckability Quotient Part I

Candidate Fuckability Quotient Part II (quite possibly a little more insightful than Part I)

Related: Reuters, Likeability is key in presidential race