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While You Were Sleeping: Sex Tape For Sale

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 08 May 2009 15:20:00 GMT

We were beginning to think he might actually get away with it: Drew Peterson was arrested yesterday and charged with the murder of his third wife.

John Mayer is playing a series of intimate concerts, featuring only his new material, for his staff.

Gotta love this guy: A bar owner lit up a cigarette at the Ohio health department as a protest over the bar smoking ban. Of course, to top it off, he threatened to have the department fined for allowing him to smoke.

Next on the block for porn parodies: 30 Rock!

Memo to hideous-looking billionaire divorcing Stephanie Seymour: it's all uphill from here.

Believe it or not, kids, pictured above is the cast of The Goonies. And yes, Chunk is the little bald man in back-- at least, that's what everyone says.

Rich Berliners complained about a local brothel, so judges "expected" it and found it to be "discreet." We're not making this up.

Kiefer Sutherland's California probation could be revoked because of his misdemeanor arrest in New York.

Dude, you were making a lot of money off of the Body World thing-- why did you have to go and show two dead people having sex?

And an ex-boyfriend of Deanna Hummel, the woman alleged to have had an affair with Jon Gosselin from the reality show we'd never heard of and think is desperate for some publicity, has released a sex tape of a woman he claims is Hummel. (Very NSFW link here.) At this point, we're guessing there was no affair and, even if there was, this sex tape looks fake.

Trailer Trash Tramp Takes Two Teens To... Paradise?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 14:49:00 GMT

Picture this: you live in a trailer in Houma, Lousiana. No, that's too horrible to imagine for most-- how about this instead:

Imagine a woman is living in a trailer in Louisiana. One night, she invites two thirteen-year-old boys and four boys of legal age to her place for a game of cards. After losing what we must assume was a very randy round of strip poke, she asks all six dudes to accompany her to the bedroom, where they took turns having sex with her while the others gawked, giggled, and most likely turned toward each other with "Dude, holy shit, dude!" looks on their faces.

Now, if you're the judge sentencing this woman-- remember, you're in the South-- how much jail time do you slap this woman with?

If you're Judge Timothy Ellender, the answer is NONE. Ellender is one of those rare judges who, instead of trying to win reelection by showing the media how unfairly tough on crime he can be, actually heeded the advice of the victim's family, who asked that Maureen Lirette receive zero jail time. They told the judge that the boys were not upset and, because Lirette has a young daughter, it would be best for everyone if Lirette received probation.

Thanks to state law allowing victims to weigh in on a criminal's punishment, the Judge was able to hear the family's recommendations. He listened, and now Lirette will serve five years of supervised probation and be placed in a registry of sex offenders. Among Judge Ellender's greatest hits, according to WWLTV:

“So this was a gang bang? Are you pleased with yourself? Can’t you get yourself a man?”
“There’s a double standard. Some people think you did a 13-year-old boy a favor. I certainly don’t.”

“I’m sorry if I embarrassed you. But you need to be embarrassed.”

Related:

We Wish They'd Shut Down American Idol Instead of Stripper Idol

Pregnant Woman, Tackled And Arrested While In Labor, To Get Her Day In Court

If You're Going to Give A BJ In Public...

Rebecca De Mornay on Probabtion for Drunk Driving

Emily Farris — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 17:02:00 GMT

Rebecca De Mornay was sentenced to three years probation on a drunk driving charge yesterday. She should have just taken the subway. Even if she was in L.A. Rebecca De Mornay plus the subway equals all good.