Scanner : purity

Purity Boot Camp

Colleen Kane — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 16:43:00 GMT

Yep, it's Purity Booty Camp. We're not talking about the "you must stay a virgin until married aka procreation time" brand of purity; this purity camp attempts to correct to another way homo sapiens are bad for being sexual: porn addiction.

A Minnesota ministry called "Every Man's Battle for Sexual Purity" is an event now drawing 300 "soldiers," where parishoners dress in camoflauge and dog tags, to emphasize discipline in a free-for-all age. Church organziers say based on surveying the men 16 weeks after they swear off pornography, the program is 92 percent effective, and they report an increase in marital satisfaction.

The program uses scripture and real-life testimonials from men who have struggled with sex addiction, including Pastor Dr. Irv Woolf, director of the National Coalition for Purity.

At the end of the event, after confessing his sins, each man has to plant a "white flag of surrender" at the foot of the cross on purity hill.

Wheee! Who wants to sign up?

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Topless Coffee Shop Opens In Maine, Not Without Controversy, Bottoms

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 21:37:00 GMT

We only wish the baristas resembled this 80's lady, but I'm sure they're not quite so "vintage," shall we say...

After months of controversy and protests, the simple coffee shop was finally allowed to open its doors this week in Vassalboro, Maine. The two-item* establishment features topless male and female servers, who are charming and bubbly and refuse to let us photograph them for this blog.

Nonetheless, we find that we can get behind the gimmicky joint...

Despite the fact that this place is nothing more than a meat market at discount prices (as opposed to other meat markets, such as strip clubs and brothels, which would pay the staff a living wage) can be overlooked for one indisputable reason: they are worth supporting because the Puritans are against it.

They aren't against it because people are fornicating in the alleys behind the store and that the property values are going down because of all the drug sales inside. There haven't been and aren't likely to be any of that kind of behavior. This is basically a Hooters with coffee and doughnuts instead of wings and celery sticks; topless waitresses instead of tight t-shirts that leave nothing to the imagination anyway. But check out the quotes a local paper was able to round up from the naysayers:

"I definitely think it's not a good idea. I've lived in town my whole life and we've never had anything like this," Furbush said.
"I don't believe it's going to pan out, not in a small community like this," Breton said. "People move to these small towns because they don't want to deal with bars and adult video stores and a topless coffee shop. It's important for towns to have an ordinance written so things like this can't happen." [Maine Today]

Ms. Furbush-- so, you're against New England Coffee because it represents a change in style from the other establishments in town? Then why do we get the feeling you wouldn't be against a Wal-Mart coming into town? Just saying.

Ms. Breton-- first of all, if you're betting against nudity, we'll take that bet... for any amount of money you're willing to waste. Also, last time we checked (the US Census) people are generally moving away from small towns, for cities more accepting of their liberal/open-minded values. Not everyone thinks God hates their bodies, Breton.

*not those two, silly. And yes, unlike most "topless" coffeehouses in the United States, these women are actually bare-breasted.

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While You Were Sleeping: Another American Cheater Unveiled

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 14:08:00 GMT

Bill Gates wants rich people to feel the pain, so he unleashed mosquitoes on them. Really.

"The Impaler," a self-described "Vampyre" who ran for Governor of Minnesota in '06 as the Vampyres, Witches and Pagans party (wha?) candidate, has been arrested for harassing his 16-year-old "vampyre hunter" ex-girlfriend.

Female bloggers in Sweden are fending off a company that's trying to bribe them with "beauty treatments." We'll take some!

Fuck Ticketmaster. Nobody can get Springsteen tickets, and now they want to form a monopoly?

Apparently, New York magazine has great success with linking its readers with its own hooker ads.

There's a new President, the world is constantly moving forward, but as usual, Georgia wants to crawl back into America's Puritan womb.

Kids are hanging themselves in school.

Michael Phelps may end up getting charged with drug possession or some other bong-incident-related offense.

And we always knew Barry Bonds was a cheater, but now we can prove it.

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The 15 Most Promiscuous Countries

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 15:18:00 GMT

USA! USA! USA!

Not this time... and that's a welcome change. After all, aren't you beyond bored with the perennial sex surveys that trash our Puritan nation's filthy, condom-buying pervs? Not this time: suck it, Australia, Germany, and the rest!

But not literally, of course, since we're prudes compared to you guys...

Here are the Top 15, according to research published in this week's New Scientist by a professor at Bradley University:

1. United Kingdom

2. Germany

3. Netherlands

4. Czech Republic

5. Australia

6. USA

7. France

8. Turkey

9. Mexico

10. Canada

11. Italy

12. Poland

13. Spain

14. Greece

15. Portugal

The survey queried 14,000 people in 48 countries on their life's worth of sex partners and one night stands, plus a respondent's general attitude toward casual sex and getting it on in general. Particularly interesting is this excerpt from a story about this story in the Times:

The high scores in many Baltic and eastern European states might be linked, Schmitt said, to the fact that women outnumber men and so are under more pressure to conform to what men want in order to find a mate. In Asian countries, by contrast, men tend to outnumber women slightly, so it is men who have to conform.

That doesn't sound very scientific to us, but we'll take it...

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Scanner Roundtable: Purity Rings

Emily Farris — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 19:25:00 GMT

Have you heard of purity rings? Neither had we until this morning, after all the hullabaloo about them at the VMAs last night, but apparently they're what all the cool kids are wearing these days (think Jonas Brothers and American Idol Jordin Sparks). They're like chastity belts, except they're rings. More like a symbol of your chastity, or your marriage to God. And technically, you could even wear a purity ring while fucking. Hell, you could finger someone with the very finger that the purity ring is on. But you won't, of course, because a purity ring stands for something. Take this testimonial from purityrings.com, for example:

I cannot thank PurityRings.com enough. Your company is truly amazing. I bought a purity ring for my daughter - it is stunning. It came to the house within a few days packaged in very nice gift box. Along with the ring there was a beautifully done Purity Certificate (which my daughter signed, we framed and hung on her bedroom wall) and a Prayer and Pledge card. I was a little nervous about how to give her the purity ring, and the people on the telephone at purityrings.com were very helpful with some special ideas and suggestions. I know with God's strength and my daughter's passion to trust Him - she is going to do great in her quest to stay pure and live a Godly life. Thank you - thank you!

Yeah, that girl will have her pants around her ankles in the back of a Chevy Suburban in no time.

When we were 13 we said we were waiting until we got married to have sex. We're 26 and unmarried. That is all.

So yeah, purity rings. What do you think? Completely ineffectual or sweet for the time being?

Previously: